Dumper girl is jealous ?

[Don Ho]

My case I think we switched polarities IE she became in control of the relationship famous line is : He who cares less controls the relationship. I treat it like I became the woman in the relationship and therefore she was the man thus she lost attraction I know how to remain the man now but I don't know how to get back into the relationship as the man because as the man I can not chase her she has to chase me but because where we left off I was the woman that's how she sees me now. I am doing NC and it drives her nuts she has always initiated contact but when I acted on signs it put me back into NC part 2.

 

Where did you hear that: "He who cares least controls the relationship!" LOL. You have it EXACTLY right Billie, over time you changed roles; she became the man and you became the woman. That always spells the guy getting dumped. You see the dilemma, now that you have changed, she won't know. You're right, you cannot chase her. The woman should always chase the man. If NC drives her nuts, I think she'll be in contact. That will give you an opportunity to show her your re-found manhood. Keep us posted.

[Billie The Puppet]

Hey billie thanks for your reply, I know what your saying and I know we wont get first crack of the whip again I'd imagine. How long is it since you broke up ? In my situation I do actually see tho things from her point of view she is 23 and has not been single since she was 15, Im 27 and I have been single since I was 21 until her she always used to say she envy'd how I was free for so long ! Were you pushy in you relationship? My ex told me I was the easiest guy to be with as I dont really get jealous maybe she wanted me to but I really aint the jealous type !

 

DON where are you

 

End on July we broke up no contact restarted sat as we were doing limited contact and I made a premature move thinking she was showing signs she wanted to reconcile. I'm 25 and she is 26. I know what you mean that some girls want their men to show some signs of jealousy but you have to be able to read when like a push/pull factor. Though over all jealousy is a relationship killer ( I wasn't until the end which it may be my relationship killer) also I wasn't pushy either but think perhaps that's why we were let go. I let her be free to do what she wanted but perhaps sometimes she wanted to be pushed also has this ever happened to you?

 

Gf: what do you want todo tonight?

 

Bf: I don't know what do you want todo?

 

If so that's an attraction killer and I can admit it happened alot with my relationship but now I can spit out answers like a snap of a finger.

Edited September 7, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[fabio10]

Hey hey Don , yes I think I'am starting to get it man its amazing what afew weeks can do to you I was like a horse with blinkers on but once the raw emotions start to subside you become way more relaxed about things ! Man I wish I was like this when we first broke up think its because its the first time ever my ass has been kicked to the sidewalk.

 

Oh Im out having fun dont worry and many pics on my facebook to prove it , ya Im not holding out for her but hey Im starting to view it as a life experiance and challenge now to see if I can win her over by playing the game ! Now the whole time apart has done me good but once college comes we are in all the same classes all day everyday my friends are getting a great laugh out of this situation Im in,but Im starting to view it as a good thing she has not seen me in the flesh for 2months so surely it will rise afew emotions in her too.

 

Do you think Don I've entered the game too late ? Im going to be pure relaxed, Id say she has the feeling I wont be able to control myself like her previous ex's and they all ended up in the FRIEND ZONE now I might be a pussy but that zone is a no go even tho we were best mates before but at the same time I have to be civil as we have to go to college together. Plus her birthday is coming up even when we were mates I'd always get her a card and a voucher should I follow the same pattern as when we were friends ?

 

Billie I know what your saying my man, ya few times that situation happened with me too, but her hours at work were shocking so I could not really plan anything and would only get few hours notice when she would be free !

[Don Ho]

Do you think Don I've entered the game too late ? Im going to be pure relaxed, Id say she has the feeling I wont be able to control myself like her previous ex's and they all ended up in the FRIEND ZONE now I might be a pussy but that zone is a no go even tho we were best mates before but at the same time I have to be civil as we have to go to college together. Plus her birthday is coming up even when we were mates I'd always get her a card and a voucher should I follow the same pattern as when we were friends?

 

I don't think you sound like a pussy anymore, you sound like a MAN. Good job Bro. I think you've "gotten it" and you know what to do. It's good that you now think of it as a game that you can master and win. That is the confident attitude you want. Yep, you will be unlike her other Ex pussies, and you will control yourself and your emotions like a MAN. Good thinking.

 

Keep up with how you're thinking, act like a MAN around her and even if she DOESN'T come back around or you don't "win" the game, you will have your DIGNITY and know that you no longer acted like a pussy!!

 

PS, no do not do anything for her B-Day. Better to apologize later if she is pissed or asks then to do the wrong thing.

[fabio10]

Yes Don Im doing my mental push-ups and ready to play , essentially do you think its never to late to start to play ! ? As I know I've not been playing to my real potential till now thanks mainly to your advice to my stubborn ears

 

Ya think i'l leave the birthday thing all together, defo feel my balls growing day by day and as you say and I completely agree even if I dont win her back at least I'l win my manhood back and boy that feels good.

 

The way I see it now, its a project and if Im ever in a situation like it again I'l be ready so in a way I want to use her to gauge how well I can play if I win I get her and if I lose I'l have learned a good lesson for my future female victims

 

Reastically as a man of experiance how would you rate my chances, I do know for a FACT I'l be coming on here before I ever make a play in future

[Don Ho]

Bro, I think you need to be careful. I'm pleased you're becoming a man again, however, do not hold out nor have the expectation that you can win her back. Notice how you keep asking in your posts about your "chances"? That concerns me. You may be full of confidence now, but she could shoot you down and if you have false confidence, you could take a hard fall and be back at square one. Don't over estimate your confidence and the effect she can have on your emotions if you actually see her and have contact.

 

You need to do all of this for YOU, which is what you have been doing. It may be too late no matter how you behave. You have to understand and accept that. IF she comes around great, and, if not, then you're in a much better position to find another and you'll know how to not make the same mistakes wit her. Keep us posted.

[Billie The Puppet]

I was fully confident as well and I indeed got shot down, today is day 3 of no contact round 2 however I warned her of the no contact in an email so I have failed the game. It sucks I know what to do but when it comes to play I fail. Round 1 was limited contact because I answered her contacts. This time I'll ignore either all or most of her contact this time I plan todo it for atleast a month. Now I believe she may have a rebound lined up but as far as I know she hasn't acted on it. Thing is I've been with her nearly 3 years and she is not a girl most guys will settle for, she has no education, jumps from job to job, has a temper and family issues, she is one that always needs to be right and she isn't the most attractive girl either, now myself listing all these may sound like I am settling for less but I assure you guys I am not because I'm honestly only a few paces above her in status by that I mean I have a college education currently I am apprenticing so I'm in same income bracket but have 2 job opportunities that will put me in a higher income bracket and have very little family issues. I'm only lacking a drivers license as is she. So I think she is searching for someone that has that I mean it does impact the relationship but I'm working on that at the moment for the second time in life. First time expired. I even helped pay for hers learners as well. Thing is we both are huge flirters and the new job I helped place her in is a warehouse job full of other males. I'll be honest the reason we got together in the first place was the flirting. It grew into much more than that until feb of this year but stupid me I thought it would blow over and it ended just over a month ago even after we discussed engagement brought up by her btw. Physical attractiveness most people would so I am the better looking one of the used to be couple. So I really should be considered a catch for her with the exception I realized I lost my manly self. I know how to get it back the drivers license is a start and to always have an answer to what do you want to eat or do etc because women want to be followers not make the decisions I just don't know how to show her my new self. Honestly though I still pussy out with my emotions when alone. I can't stop thinking of her even when exercising etc. I'm strong enough for limited contact by that I don't contact her and am going to work on ignoring her contact which I admit is down to once a week but may just be done after telling her to stop. I've gotten so many mixed signals from her as she has been recently switched from I feel bad about breaking your heart to a more angry tone but anger is still an emotion not indifference. My new belief is there is no such thing as signals she will chase and make it clear she wants me back if it's the case. Thing is she only has a few years left at no rent thanks to her mother. Then if she has not found someone she will have to rent and let me tell you this thus girl has no concept of money and or saving and she really has a spending and vacation habit so in one way I feel saved from headache but in the other I feel she could have benefitted from myself.

[Billie The Puppet]

Billie I know what your saying my man, ya few times that situation happened with me too, but her hours at work were shocking so I could not really plan anything and would only get few hours notice when she would be free !

 

Same boat my friend, only you have to look at it for what it is. An excuse look you don't need prep time for any answer will do. It show her leadership an initiative to do something. Say anything is better than I don't know what do you want to do.

 

Here are some quick replies:

 

Lets go have a chat over some (bonus points if you name her favorite latte ) coffee

 

I was just thinking you and I go for a romantic walk around the park

 

How about some ice-cream in the market?

 

I was thinking I could pop some popcorn and we can settle in for a movie

 

Well you look like your strained from work how about I give you a massage and we can talk.

 

Now here is a rundown of my NC attempt

 

 

 

I fear all is lost in my situation

 

here is a rundown of my contacts whilst under no contact (IE I failed NC the first time miserably)

 

 

First run of No Contact: (Limited Contact) I see my failures now that I typed it out I am hoping round 2 will work out for the better: I'm afraid I'll miss the reconciliation call I guess but I guess if they want it they will make it known.

Since the break up it started with daily contact for about a week. Then I headed off on vacation to clear my mind (Didn't help but I didn't let her know that) I contacted her to say Happy Birthday and didn't talk about the relationship and she thanked me for a gift but I was stupid and sad well that was 1 of the 3 I could give you. I msn'd her the next day and it was the following day I decided I'd do the No Contact from myself . One Saturday while away she facebook chats with me and it lead to a phone call in which neither of us would hang up again a big mistake. The following thursday she calls and same thing. She asks me to text her when I land back home. I decided I wouldn't just to see if I'd get a reaction. I get back from that vacay on a Saturday and just chilled at home that weekend. She msn's me on sunday and asks about my flight. I respond good thanks(mistake again). I met an old friend on the plane ironically who is going through the same thing so we decide to make a coffee date on monday. This girl posts on my wall thanks for a good night it was great to catch up. (Her and I always liked each other but never got into a relationship because one of us was always in one) I know sounds too perfect especially the timing but at this time I couldn't act on it plus she is moving to another country. My ex's statuses changed from happy to negative moods. A week passes by and I have plans with her sister and her sister fiancé in which she was invited but it was too soon too see me in her words which I agreed too ( I guess it may be a first right I did ) . The night before she facebook chats me all angry because I was hanging with her sister I guess but I took this as a sign for some stupid reason I guess because it wasn't indifference. Well the night of me hanging with her family she facebook chats me about the same hockey game tickets I purchased telling me she purchased the same things and she ended it with Ill talk to you soon. She has ended everything that way. Forward to a thursday She contacts me on msn but for some reason my replies do not get to her but all hers are coming to me and she seems upset that I am not answering her. I email her my responses and texted them (big mistakes) I swear we need to have a live chat on here so we can confirm with others before we do ****. The biggest mistake now comes on Saturday (Notice a pattern Sats and Thurs) I call her breaking my part of NC as all others were initiated by her and she is mad so I say sorry now sounds like I bad time I'll email you instead and she gets on MSN where then and there I acted on signals that really were not there and failed so I sent her off an email saying do not contact me at this time blah blah blah so I warned her of no contact urg another big mistake.

 

Sat, Sun, Mon, Today so far NC has been from both sides. I am hoping the above didn't damage the outcome I would like but I am pretty sure we are at 0% chance of reconciliation anyways. This NC round is mainly for me to work on myself but I have to find away to get rid of the emotions I still have for her. I mean I was ready to propose to her. Now on and off agains have worked for some so I really do not want to hear the she is not worth it to you even though that is all I have been hearing. I'm not doing the changes or NC to get her back I am doing them for myself but I still hold onto hope she will come through. Yet I also have lined up some dates for myself with other girls and if something sparks something sparks.

 

Now I noticed the contact from her slipped from everyday to 1x a week and from phone to online. I'm kind of hoping for a phone call for her next attempt so I am going to stay offline at the times she usually appears. I do plan to answer a phone call as follows:

 

Hello,

Ex"&^%$^%##"

Hey I'm actually on the other line can I call you back?

Ex"%^%&^%&^&^"

 

Then not call her back is that a good plan or not?

 

Also her mother is visiting her family in Florida in November and they have a package for me I was thinking of contacting her sister to get this back to me and not my ex. Her sister also plans to move out in the spring in which she asked for me to help her move out. I said yes because I have become a good friend to her sister and her sisters fiancé and by then if I do the road tests and pass I will have the license I need to make me more of a man (God damn 25 may be 26 by then an no ****ing license urg) So assuming those plans stay in tact I will cross paths with my ex while moving her sister out that is if my ex doesn't move out (chances are she wont unless she moves in with a new bf between now and then)

Edited September 7, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[fabio10]

Don't worry Don I will follow your advice to the letter no more mr.doormat for me trust me , and no more plays without refering to you my good man.I'l keep you updated !

 

Billie Im no expert hence Don is guiding me through my recovery but man I think you are thinking wayyyyyy too much about what to say and what might happen, take a total step back and completely ignore her!

 

Are you telling your friends how you feel ?

[Billie The Puppet]

Don't worry Don I will follow your advice to the letter no more mr.doormat for me trust me , and no more plays without refering to you my good man.I'l keep you updated !

 

Billie Im no expert hence Don is guiding me through my recovery but man I think you are thinking wayyyyyy too much about what to say and what might happen, take a total step back and completely ignore her!

 

Are you telling your friends how you feel ?

 

I repress it all, don't need info making it's way to her, though I did hang out with her sister and even she knows how I feel obviously but when we hung out I made it a point nit to talk about my ex. Online here I vent, my ex obviously knows I love her I mean we discussed engagement literally a week before even went for ring sizing etc. So a part of me feels it's cold feet but I did show some insecurities towards the end. Btw my ex hasn't been single since she was 14 but to me it's a bs excuse.

 

Also I don't expect anything to happen well not entirely true I expect her not to contact me because that is what I asked of her. Although I have asked for this a few time during limited contact I feel where we left of last she will actually shut me out of her life. As for think what to say it's only 2 lines 1 of which is hello the other of which is a line saying I show interest in talking to her (hot) but when I don't call (back) cold. It's a push/pull theory that also prioritize me over her.

Edited September 8, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[fabio10]

Ah man dont repress it talk to one of your own friends who aint going to say it to her, I know this is a great site but your friends can help too ! I can tell your hurting man like you were talking marriage thats light years from my situation totally ! But as for the not being single thing since she was young think about it, thats not just an excuse if you or I were in the position of our exs I think i would do the same thing or else we would have regrets in latter life do you not think ?

[Thorgs]

Billie, you should just start your own thread man.

[Billie The Puppet]

Sorry to hi-jack your thread our stories seem familiar and oddly enough my own started threads get no hits. (With the exception I am thinking marriage) So Don gives us both the info we need. My ex appears to be happy single but I am not sure if this is a fake front as we are not in contact, or if she really is single or not maybe she has already swung from branch to branch. Though this is round 2 of NC and trust me it is really hard a second go around. Repressing is actually better for me because the more I talk about it the sadder I get so I take my lonely moments at home alone to cry and think about her funny enough I can't bring myself to full blown tears unless someone else is around is that an attention thing or what? but I need to get my face back. People say I look down in public which is the last thing I want so I am now starting to think of the date I have lined up to put a smile on my face. I think I should hit a GYM too. (I have been dropping weight fast without exercise and I am eating but less and less and more and more healthy and healthier like I dropped junk food all together and replaced sodas and juices with just water. Started eating more vegetables and boiling most of my foods to remove the fat. I started P90X at home but that lasted one week and I am thinking of restarting it, I dropped it due to fatigue and a small back injury. Fatigue is due to my daily work and less intake of calories I suppose. Now I also took my promise ring I gave her back because she didn't uphold her end of the bargain she was really upset at this because she loved the ring but hey maybe she will get it back one day. I wear this around a chain not as a reminder of her though but as I reminder I can love again. Now most will say put that thing into hiding you have to remove and change everything that reminds you of your ex but I feel happier with it in my presence than without it I can't explain why though. I may make a step and put it into hiding too just to see how I can do without it. The chain it's attached to also bares a dragon symbol of my mothers lost love. Only hers love was lost due to an untimely death and she got through it so I see it as hey my Mom can make it through a death of a loved one I surely can make it through a loss of a relationship.

 

I've been told if we truly want a second chance with our ex's we must let go of our past and I mean let go start the slate clean but how can we approach our exes with a clean slate when the power is in their hands they have to chase us.

[Don Ho]

I was fully confident as well and I indeed got shot down, today is day 3 of no contact round 2 however I warned her of the no contact in an email so I have failed the game. It sucks I know what to do but when it comes to play I fail.

 

Don't be so tough on yourself Bro. We all fall off the wagon once in a while. The important part is that you have gotten up, learned and you're getting back on the horse. You are way over analyzing it. That's called trying to control a situation you can't control. Hang in there. Continue moving forward.

[Billie The Puppet]

I don't take pride in this but I feel happy being on this forum and following Fabio's progress as it sort of mirrors mine but for us both I wish we were not in this situation. It's sad knowing that others are going through the same thing yet somewhat comforting knowing I am not alone at being alone sort of thing {I was going to type pain instead of thing when a sudden rush of a happy feeling hit me where at this current moment I don't feel it as a pain}. I sort of feel relieved at the moment.

[fabio10]

Billie man you have to pick yourself up, I know it's easier said than done but think about it, right now are you the kind of person your ex girl or any girl would find appealing !!!? When you first met your ex I'd imagine you were happy go-lucky confident etc, well you need to find that guy again.

 

Get yourself back to the gym and eat healthy, women scientically are more attracted to healthy men because they give off a natural scent which indicates they will provide the female with good off-spring !

 

Stop thinking so much about it let go, and yes wipe the slate clean totally clean forgive and forget write down a list of ten things you always wanted to do before you met this girl and do them in the next few months or do something new like a skydive etc live life man you've only got one chance. There's plenty of people out there who would envy what you have Im sure, life aint all bad think about it

[fabio10]

Ex has texted the last 3 days talking about random things like 'how are you and your new car, how is your family I want to visit them soon pass on my regards, are you excited about college I hope you dont drop out and you'l be there I'm getting excited about it now, again as before she asked what my plans are for the weekend and again said without me asking or responding I don't want to be with any1 it's weird I feel like this,did anyone help you pick the fantastic gifts you got me'

 

I replied to her texts waiting 4/5 hours each time and talked general nothing about our rship and ignored her saying again without asking me 'I dont want to be with any1 right now'

 

Opinions appreciated please... Don come out of the Don cave and the rest of you LS crew too

[Don Ho]

Actually I just woke up from a nap! The gym was tough this morning! LOL. Sounds like you're doing well Fabio. Funny how it has all started to turn around .... lucky I guess, Captain Don Ho doesn't know what he's talking about! HaHa.

 

Keep doing what you're doing Bro. Don't always respond. Be vague. You're a busy guy, remember? DO NOT answer that one about "I don't want to be with any1". Stay away from that "bait". She's starting to chase so we want her at the point where she is just going crazy and HAS to see your or HAVE you back!!

[Billie The Puppet]

Actually I just woke up from a nap! The gym was tough this morning! LOL. Sounds like you're doing well Fabio. Funny how it has all started to turn around .... lucky I guess, Captain Don Ho doesn't know what he's talking about! HaHa.

 

Keep doing what you're doing Bro. Don't always respond. Be vague. You're a busy guy, remember? DO NOT answer that one about "I don't want to be with any1". Stay away from that "bait". She's starting to chase so we want her at the point where she is just going crazy and HAS to see your or HAVE you back!!

 

I don't know about starting to chase with that one line as my Ex has said the same thing numerous times, I don't want to be in a relationship right now, or I am not looking for anyone etc. However the rest of the text does seem a little more closer to chasing as in getting attached to family again. I agree about not responding to it though.

 

And Fab I have picked myself up as in I am eating healthier I lost 20 pounds I used to be 200 lbs and now I am 180 lbs.(Some of this is pre-break up) This is from exercise and diet not "not eating" but I do not have the appetite I use to have either. Though I should join a GYM but I am a stickler for not paying for something I have access to at home however the environment may be worth it plus I could meet possible "Dates". Been doing P90X at home but stopped for a bit I need to get back onto that. My days are weird before the Ex was always on my mind and triggered emotions all the time. Now emotions are triggered when I talk about it with others which is the only time real tears happen however I can control that by not talking about it. I can also think of her as a person in general and have no emotion its very weird however I still have some down times especially just before sleep and as I wake up. However I am sleeping full nights and only toss and turn about an hour before I get up.

[fabio10]

Oi oi Big Don you feeling the 'burn' my man what you got instore for the ladies this weekend ?? Ha you do know what you are talking about my man I saw that fool on another thread who just refused to listen to anyones advice, his 'sex appeal funeral' ... Ya it seems to be making a turn alright but I wont hold my breath or assume or expect anything not dreading college as much now at least

 

Bit childish the way she keeps placing that bait right in my face LOL if only she knew Don is driving the fabio bus now weird she keeps repeating that without me asking or mentioning it ha say its killing her I keep ignoring it, gona play it cool and not be a lovedrunk fool dont know if I'l feel comfortable if she wants to come visit my family !

 

Billie glad you are feeling better thats the spirit I hope you are going out this weekend my man ! ? Keep going with the flow.....

[Billie The Puppet]

Weekends are hard but yeah I am heading out this weekend, Why is it that I only get responses in this thread though! Glad you don't mind sharing it !

[Don Ho]

it seems to be making a turn alright but I wont hold my breath or assume or expect anything not dreading college as much now at least Bit childish the way she keeps placing that bait right in my face LOL if only she knew Don is driving the fabio bus now weird she keeps repeating that without me asking or mentioning it ha say its killing her I keep ignoring it, gona play it cool and not be a lovedrunk fool

 

You're lettin me drive the bus? Hell I'm drunk bro! LOL. No, it's not really childish on her part, that's what women do. Remember: women test men all the time. That's her way of testing you ... to see if you will say too much or spill the beans on what you're thinking about her and a relationship. That's what I mean by don't fall for that one. Keep with the program Bro, you're doing well.

[fabio10]

Hey guys just an update hope you all had a good weekend Im still recovering from mine alot of partying

 

Well its 7days untill college starts and we have to face each other for the first time in 2 months going to be weird wont lie and know I'l be nervous although I shall try my hardest to out on the poker face .

 

I didnt reply to her last text message last thursday as I felt she was being rather moody 'she was asking about coll and that and I just told her I wasnt looking forward to it too much and would much prefer to be traveliing and when she replied I didnt bother, Im sure she'l be contact before next Monday when the semester kicks off .