"People on LS glamorise affairs"

[Silly_Girl]

"There are a lot of people on LS who glamorise affairs" - read on a different LS board.

 

Is that true? I can't think of a single post that's done that. Perhaps I'm colouring it as I read, based on my own feelings. I can think of some posters who are extremely positive about what the affair brings in to their life, but they are mostly honest enough to admit that they want more, or are not comfortable with the cheating/lying aspect of their man.

 

Those posters are not at all equal in number to those who are unhappy, or hoping to change things, or attempting to get out.

 

Just wondering if I'm being naive and not noticing the posts the poster on Infidelity was referring to?

[edgeofdarkness]

yeah they do, but it doesnt mean they support it, here is the definition of glamourise

 

1. interpret romantically

2. make glamorous and attractive

 

so they interpret it as glamorous or make it sound as if it is but we all know having an affair is like taking a bitter pill wrapped in chocolate its a good initial flavour but it leaves a bitter taste, having an affair isnt all its cut out to be because although there is excitement there is also betrayal and if in a conventional relationship every good thing has a bad, its double the dose in an affair that is deceitful.

[Silly_Girl]

Nope. Not seen it happening.

 

Or to be more accurate, assertions such as you mention are then followed up, by the same poster, with negative aspects that counteract. I thought.

[edgeofdarkness]

where was the original comment about people glamorise affairs. it might help to see what that poster means and see the context.

[jennie-jennie]

I agree with your observations in the OP.

 

For me, I enjoy the relationship. I do not enjoy the extramarital part of the relationship. That is the negative part of our relationship, and the part I want to change.

 

I look at our relationship like any other relationship I have had, and I see the good and the bad. The affair part is the bad. It keeps me hidden, it keeps us from being able to sleep next to each other every night, it keeps us from being able to meet as often as we like. How could that be a positive?

[Silly_Girl]

where was the original comment about people glamorise affairs. it might help to see what that poster means and see the context.

 

It's in Spark's wonderful celebratory thread over on Infidelity. Not sure how to link to it as I'm using my phone right now. Sorry!! But to be honest there wasn't much of a context to it in any case, if I recall correctly.

[September]

It's in Spark's wonderful celebratory thread over on Infidelity.

 

Yep, Just had a read. Quite interesting!

[LucreziaBorgia]

I've seen a few people over the years outright glamorize affairs, and out of those I would say most of those were trolls posing as OW to simply stir things up in order to fan the flames to make OW look bad in general.

 

A few others were genuine, and one or two of those it was hard to tell what their affairs were *really* like when you'd see stuff they'd post on other places, but actual glamorizing is pretty rare. Most people here are simply honest about it, complete with ups and downs, heartbreak and happiness, and so on.

[White Flower]

LB is spot on in her post.

 

When I started my He Swept Me Away This Weekend there were some posters who felt I was glamorizing an affair. I wasn't glamorizing anything but merely pointing out how wonderful things had seemingly become after a horrible D-day. At the end of my OP I asked the question, Why do I feel hesitant in light of all this?. It was an honest question and I was looking for honest input.

 

Yet, two posters who did not even post on my thread started two other threads over in 'their safe' infidelity forum with the intention to bash my thread and me personally and charged me with 'glamorizing my A'. I never alerted Tony about it because they have the right to post their feelings, however misguided they were.

 

I posted and was defended on all three threads by BS and OP alike. One BS was given an infraction for defending me.

 

So it's all about perception really. If I am a BS and I report that the reconciliation is going well I'm sure I won't be blasted for glamorizing my M. But if I use the exact same words in the context of my affair R then somehow I am glamorizing the A in the eyes of some posters; usually BS and usually temperamental ones.

 

PS

My 37 page thread, though friendly and very respectful, was taken down and apparently not because anyone requested it be done.

[jennie-jennie]

So it's all about perception really. If I am a BS and I report that the reconciliation is going well I'm sure I won't be blasted for glamorizing my M. But if I use the exact same words in the context of my affair R then somehow I am glamorizing the A in the eyes of some posters; usually BS and usually temperamental ones.

 

So true. When a BS was posting and gloating about wild marriage sex, and I responded by telling of wild affair sex, I got an infraction and a warning!

[White Flower]

So true. When a BS was posting and gloating about wild marriage sex, and I responded by telling of wild affair sex, I got an infraction and a warning!

Why was your freedom of speech compromised but not his/hers? Of course that is a rhetorical question;)

[lilbunny]

I think for some people anything short of all round condemnation and scheduled stonings would be glamorising affairs.

I have had some wonderful moments, stuff dreams are made of, but we are no Brangelina- incidently do people now boycott their films because they glamorised affairs and oh no he married his OW!!).

Most of what I post about is all the heartache and stress and the posts I read are often from people having a hard time dealing with the similar issues. My life and my A is not at all glam and I wouldn't recommend it if it can be avoided, sorry to disappoint!

[jennie-jennie]

Hmm, it looks to me like there is a scheduled stoning of me at the end of every thread I start!

[wheelwright]

Hmm, it looks to me like there is a scheduled stoning of me at the end of every thread I start!

 

I'm sorry you feel this. But your post made me laugh! (Not at you I hasten to add - but at LS)

Edited August 28, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[lilbunny]

Hmm, it looks to me like there is a scheduled stoning of me at the end of every thread I start!

 

Me and my MM have great sex too.

oops that's me in the stoning queue as well, it'll be fine we can hold hands!

[White Flower]

Me and my MM have great sex too.

oops that's me in the stoning queue as well, it'll be fine we can hold hands!

Even if we can't see to reach for them as our eyes will be covered in cloaks.

[jj33]

Silly you have to take it with a grain of salt. If you were a BS you might not enjoy reading the posts either. Inconsistencies abound. If these peoples marriages were recovering and as repaired as they would like them to be, they wouldnt care and wouldnt still be reading the OW board (regardless of what they may say). They are hurting and its natural it seems to me that they have a different take on it. As painful as it is to be the AP sometimes, I can only imagine it is 100x more painful to be the BS if you love your spouse.

[BB07]

 

I think I have an unique look at that and I agree. In my situation with hs/ss I think her pain was greater than mine, because she was married to the man. When you are married it takes it to another completely different level of commitment and expectations and to find out that you've been betrayed by your spouse. It would be worse I would think.

 

We all perceive things through out own eyes, our own experiences and we all process things differently.

[Silly_Girl]

Completely agree with you, jj and BB. But it was more about whether posts on the LS boards promote affairs in some way. And whether I'm subconsciously filtering, because I would say the truth is far from that.

[Fallen Angel]

I have been accused of "glamorizing" affairs by talking about how i am happy and fulfilled in my relationship.

 

I am not doing any such thing. I am simply talking about one relationship, with one man. Mine.

 

And far from glamorizing, I am usually one of the first to tell a person who is considering involving themselves in an EMA to run the other way.

 

I would say that an affair relationship is probably one of the most difficult relationships to be in. (Excepting abusive relationships, and relationships with someone who is suffering from a mental disability)

 

It is certainly not for the faint at heart. It is trying, it is sometimes heartbreaking, it is often a lonely, sad, horrible place to be.

 

That being said, I am happy and fulfilled in MY relationship, which just happens to be an affair.

 

We have been through rough spots, and we weathered them together and have come out the other side. i am sure that there will be more and probably worse yet to come, but our plan is to hold on tight to each other and weather the stroms that come to pass.

 

I think that people (usually a person who is newly aware of their BS status) want to assume that affair relationships are dirty, back alley, back seat gropes akin to what takes place between a prostitute and her client. By believing that they are able to minimize the emotional impact that the affair relationship had on their WS. The new BS is able to accept the "it is all about the sex" theory, and therefore is able to attempt reconcilliation more easily based on the belief that their spouses heart never strayed, just their body.

 

I understand that train of thought. I was a BS for many, many years.

 

So when they come here, and read about the strong emotional bonding that often takes place in affair relationships, they say "glamorizing" as a way of protecting themselves from the reality of the situation.

 

Certainly not all BS are like this, but I think it is fairly typical of the attitude of many newly acknowledged BS.

 

Most of our regular posters however have moved far enough along the tracks of the healing process to accept that most (ceratinly not all) affair relationships involve a deep emotional connection between the affair partners. And accepting that, they are much less likely to accuse anyone of glamorizing.

 

But that is just my opinion. *shrug*

[White Flower]

I think I have an unique look at that and I agree. In my situation with hs/ss I think her pain was greater than mine, because she was married to the man. When you are married it takes it to another completely different level of commitment and expectations and to find out that you've been betrayed by your spouse. It would be worse I would think.

 

We all perceive things through our own eyes, our own experiences and we all process things differently.

 

I would agree that our pain depends on certain expectations, but I wouldn't agree that her pain was greater than yours.

 

For example, if he promised to leave her for me, and I had that expectaion and he failed, then why would my pain be any less heartfelt?

[White Flower]

I have been accused of "glamorizing" affairs by talking about how i am happy and fulfilled in my relationship.

 

I am not doing any such thing. I am simply talking about one relationship, with one man. Mine.

 

And far from glamorizing, I am usually one of the first to tell a person who is considering involving themselves in an EMA to run the other way.

 

I would say that an affair relationship is probably one of the most difficult relationships to be in. (Excepting abusive relationships, and relationships with someone who is suffering from a mental disability)

 

It is certainly not for the faint at heart. It is trying, it is sometimes heartbreaking, it is often a lonely, sad, horrible place to be.

 

That being said, I am happy and fulfilled in MY relationship, which just happens to be an affair.

 

We have been through rough spots, and we weathered them together and have come out the other side. i am sure that there will be more and probably worse yet to come, but our plan is to hold on tight to each other and weather the stroms that come to pass.

 

I think that people (usually a person who is newly aware of their BS status) want to assume that affair relationships are dirty, back alley, back seat gropes akin to what takes place between a prostitute and her client. By believing that they are able to minimize the emotional impact that the affair relationship had on their WS. The new BS is able to accept the "it is all about the sex" theory, and therefore is able to attempt reconcilliation more easily based on the belief that their spouses heart never strayed, just their body.

 

I understand that train of thought. I was a BS for many, many years.

 

So when they come here, and read about the strong emotional bonding that often takes place in affair relationships, they say "glamorizing" as a way of protecting themselves from the reality of the situation.

 

Certainly not all BS are like this, but I think it is fairly typical of the attitude of many newly acknowledged BS.

 

Most of our regular posters however have moved far enough along the tracks of the healing process to accept that most (ceratinly not all) affair relationships involve a deep emotional connection between the affair partners. And accepting that, they are much less likely to accuse anyone of glamorizing.

 

But that is just my opinion. *shrug*

What a great post and so true.

 

I think as long as we post that we are suffering, lonely, depressed, or along those lines our posts are acceptable. They then tell themselves they can reason with us on how to get out of it. Sometimes we are those things and sometimes they can reason with us.

 

BUT...

 

when we are satisfied they absolutely hate it. Thing is, if they don't accept our satisfaction with an affair, how can they understand why people become involved in them?

 

They can't. And they won't. And they like it that way.

[Brokenlady]

Yeah, outside of trolls I haven't seen much glamour either. Most of the OW here are in pain and looking for some sort of help. I'm not sure where one could reasonably form an idea of romance and glamour. Its just one festering ball of pain, it seems to me.

[Brokenlady]

I have had some wonderful moments, stuff dreams are made of, but we are no Brangelina- incidently do people now boycott their films because they glamorised affairs and oh no he married his OW!!).

 

It's been nearly 10 years since all the Brangelina crap broke and for the 50 millionth time last week I saw a magazine in the grocery story claiming "Jen's stealing Brad Back". Why on Earth does anyone care anymore? The general public can't seem to get over this because they hate the idea that AP's can go on to lasting and happy relationships. In fact, consider the recent story headline wher Eddie Cibrian supposedly cheated on LeeAnn Rimes with his exW. People are rooting for the xW, saying LeeAnn got her comeuppance, and other such crap. It's just something about how the American public is wired, to wish misery on the OW, and vindication for the BS with her WS and her back together, even when the A relationship has long since ended and become legit. The very idea that a MM will be happier with his former OW and that ending a M was the right thing to do just doesn't feel real to these people, because it scares the crap out of them.

Edited August 23, 2010 by Brokenlady

[BlackLovely]

As far as I can tell, all it takes is vindictive use of the Alert button. I also strongly suspect that there is bias when it comes to moderation. You can get an infraction for defending yourself here, even if the instigator was out of line.