"People on LS glamorise affairs"

[donnamaybe]

Those who think they are in a perfect marriage/common law.. just don't know (like my MMs' spouses) or it hasn't happened YET... (but it will)..

I'm sorry you know ONLY those kinds of people. So your daughter's or friend's husbands will cheat on them then I guess - or maybe they will cheat on their husbands. I hope it doesn't hurt them too terribly.

[NoIDidn't]

Most of the people that I know find it reprehensible to speak positively about affairs (and they are having them!!!!).

 

Calling the MP "My Sweetheart" is considered glamorizing it. Gloating about the time stolen from the MPs family is considered glamorizing the A. Saying things like the betrayed is lied to and mistreated while the OP is wined and dined is glamorizing the A.

 

Anyone that can't see that is definitely viewing those comments through a filter different from that of those that disagree with affairs - or just don't see them as a viable R option.

[jj33]

NID agree completely and I can understand why a BS would take that badly.

 

At the same time this forum is for OW/OM so whats written here is not intended to offend BSs and theres no reason why people looking for support on this forum should not be able to "glamorize" or share their happinesses.

 

I think people need to pay less attention to what is posted on the other forums.

 

Seems to me that if you read the OW/OM forum you have to expect to see people posting about their feelings and experiences (many of which are good) in the A.

 

If you read the Infidelity forum you would expect to read harsher posts about the triangulation and the actions and activities of the AP. I dont think its rocket science. (not directed at you NID just a general comment)

 

I may be wrong but Ive always assumed that part of the reason different forums exist is so that people with different sensibilities can post in a forum geared towards their situation and not have to read the stuff thats going to be salt in the wound.

[fooled once]

In my case, we are extremely careful.. I don't want to hurt anyone.. because I don't want them in MY life.

 

It is inevitable anyway.. to think that 2 people can stay together all their life without EVER having sex with others is just UNREALISTIC...

 

Those who think they are in a perfect marriage/common law.. just don't know (like my MMs' spouses) or it hasn't happened YET... (but it will)..

 

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

The bolded is hysterical.

 

Believe it or not Lizzie, some people DO have control over themselves and know right from wrong. NEVER ever would I cheat on my H. If for some reason we have difficulties, my thoughts turn to counseling or divorce, not an affair.

 

And no marriage is perfect, if it is, it is an imaginary marriage. All couples have ups and downs, but the answer isn't to go screw someone else.

 

I find it offensive you think other people lack self control just because that has been your experience. Don't presume to know me or my spouse. I will never, ever cheat on him. Maybe you just haven't found anyone worthy of you or you worthy enough to them to not have them cheat on you. That is actually sad. BUT if it works for you; go for it. It doesn't work for me and your implication that everyone is a cheater is hardly accurate.

[NoIDidn't]

NID agree completely and I can understand why a BS would take that badly.

 

At the same time this forum is for OW/OM so whats written here is not intended to offend BSs and theres no reason why people looking for support on this forum should not be able to "glamorize" or share their happinesses.

 

I think people need to pay less attention to what is posted on the other forums.

 

Seems to me that if you read the OW/OM forum you have to expect to see people posting about their feelings and experiences (many of which are good) in the A.

 

If you read the Infidelity forum you would expect to read harsher posts about the triangulation and the actions and activities of the AP. I dont think its rocket science. (not directed at you NID just a general comment)

 

I may be wrong but Ive always assumed that part of the reason different forums exist is so that people with different sensibilities can post in a forum geared towards their situation and not have to read the stuff thats going to be salt in the wound.

 

Oh the irony. A thread started because a poster read in another forum and didn't agree with what was written.

 

The OP, and many of the commenters that agreed with her, was reading in another forum and brought it back here to comment on. Pot/Kettle I guess.

 

I can't understand why some posters want to police the thoughts of others. So some people feel that posters here glamorize affairs? Nothing to comment on, IMO. So some people feel that posters are glamorizing their marriages? Who really cares? I don't.

 

I move freely between many forums in LS. I find it a waste to tell others where they should or shouldn't read - or that they should only read what they find agreeable.

 

I only posted to show why some might have the view that some here do glamorize their affairs. That they do or don't doesn't matter to me.

[Fallen Angel]

Most of the people that I know find it reprehensible to speak positively about affairs (and they are having them!!!!).

 

Calling the MP "My Sweetheart" is considered glamorizing it. Gloating about the time stolen from the MPs family is considered glamorizing the A. Saying things like the betrayed is lied to and mistreated while the OP is wined and dined is glamorizing the A.

 

Anyone that can't see that is definitely viewing those comments through a filter different from that of those that disagree with affairs - or just don't see them as a viable R option.

 

Since I am the one who refers to My Sweetheart as My Sweetheart, I am wondering how you see this as "glamorizing".

 

I refer to him as My Sweetheart because that is what he is to me. His maritial status does not define his relationship with me, what defines his relationship with me is the fact that he is my sweetheart. I could refer to him as my lover, but he is much more than that. I could refer to him as my boyfriend, but we are both a little long in the tooth for "boyfriend/girlfriend".

 

He and I are in a relationship. That relationship exists between the two of us, not between him and me and his wife. *shrug* So I do not see the need to refer to him as though it does.

 

If other people define their significant other by way of his/her maritial status, that is their choice. I define mine by his relationship with me.

[jj33]

NID I didnt mean to police or suggest that people should or shouldnt do anything. Apologies if I sounded like I was policing that wasnt my intent. I guess I dont understand what the fuss is about. Of course many people will be offended if they hear people glamorizing affairs.

[Silly_Girl]

Oh the irony. A thread started because a poster read in another forum and didn't agree with what was written.

 

The OP, and many of the commenters that agreed with her, was reading in another forum and brought it back here to comment on. Pot/Kettle I guess.

 

I can't understand why some posters want to police the thoughts of others. So some people feel that posters here glamorize affairs? Nothing to comment on, IMO. So some people feel that posters are glamorizing their marriages? Who really cares? I don't.

 

I move freely between many forums in LS. I find it a waste to tell others where they should or shouldn't read - or that they should only read what they find agreeable.

 

I only posted to show why some might have the view that some here do glamorize their affairs. That they do or don't doesn't matter to me.

 

I posted it. I started the thread from a personal awareness/growth point of view. I was curious as to whether there was lots of promotion and prettying up of EMA's and I was too blind or ignorant to notice. Wondered if I had blinkers on or was in a denial of some sort.

 

I did not address in the actual thread because that would have been threadjacking.

 

I brought it here, firstly, because this is my LS home so to speak and I'm familiar with many posters, and they me. Secondly because this is the board where (to my knowledge) there is the most posting (volume) from those who have been in, or are in, an affair. So I thought those folks were the ones to ask.

 

Wasn't trying to be a Thought Police at all and given that this is a discussion board, there seems to be a lot of posts lately weighing up whether this or that thread should even have been started in the first place. Don't like a thread? Move on, don't get stuck in then moan of its existence.

[NoIDidn't]

No worries, jj. I don't think you feel that way at all. I just find these threads interesting. I can get that the OP may have meant this thread for her own personal enlightenment and to keep herself from living under a willful delusion, but the others have used this thread to bash the poster that sparked this thread.

 

That's where the trouble comes in.

 

And its obvious that some here do glamorize affairs. A new thread just went up a bit ago talking about "the magic" - as if only affairs have it (not that I care, mind you).

 

So, yeah, some people do glamorize. And some take offense to it. To both camps in this situation, I can only advise them both not to take disagreement to their positions personally. Not everyone will believe all that they make their situations out to be. And no point in getting offended with something that doesn't concern you personally any way.

 

Off to moan...LOL

[White Flower]

Spinoff threads happen all the time. It is a way to start a new topic and not hijack the OP's topic. I don't know what the fuss is, people who seem to be complaining about it do it all the time. And if it isn't so personal to you, then why bother putting so much time and effort into typing it out?

[NoIDidn't]

Spinoff threads happen all the time. It is a way to start a new topic and not hijack the OP's topic. I don't know what the fuss is, people who seem to be complaining about it do it all the time. And if it isn't so personal to you, then why bother putting so much time and effort into typing it out?

 

I don't know why you keep responding to me that typing my opinion here actually takes "so much time and effort". Is this another "hit a nerve" comment? You're wasting your time. No fuss here, other than the one you are attempting to stir up.

 

Once again for those that obviously didn't read my first post in this thread: I don't care if posters do or don't glamorize their affairs. It will never change the reality of what they are, whatever that might be. I take no offense to the way that people are describing their time and feelings with someone else's spouse. Its not my problem as I know for certain that they are not seeing my H (its not personal).

 

Nothing wrong with spinoffs intended for discussion. But I think most people know the difference between discussion and derision. So many of the posts in this thread mocked the person quoted in the OP. That's so sad. But, human nature being what it is, I shouldn't be surprised.

[Susmay]

Spinoff threads happen all the time. It is a way to start a new topic and not hijack the OP's topic. I don't know what the fuss is, people who seem to be complaining about it do it all the time. And if it isn't so personal to you, then why bother putting so much time and effort into typing it out?

 

I don't think anyone is complaining about a spin-off to avoid a t/j. However there do seem to be an awful lot of threads on this board that either start or end up as being thinly disguised attacks on BWs.

 

Why feel the need to suggest that it is personal (when it may not be) as if that's some sort of criticism.

 

Some of us just like reading and occasionally put in some time and effort to respond.

[BlackLovely]

Hi everyone,

 

I want to comment on a pattern I have noticed in some discussions here on LoveShack.org, especially those pertaining to relationships that involve infidelity.

 

LoveShack.org is an open community dedicated to providing advice and support for people with interpersonal relationship problems. As such, the community welcomes all views that are offered with a sincere wish to help. People have different styles, and different ideas about a given situation. Sarcasm, constructive criticism, and even respectfully voiced disapproval can all be appropriate -- provided they are employed with the intent of being helpful by providing insight or a different perspective that will help the poster with his or her dilemma.

 

However I've noticed that frequently in some discussions members respond to a post in order to voice their own emotions about a similar issue that they are involved in, or to validate their own feelings and choices, or even in some cases to simply berate, mock, or derogate the poster.

 

This particular forum is focused on discussing the problems and experiences of those who are in relationships with people who already have commitments to other partners. It is certainly appropriate for people whose partners have been unfaithful to them to offer their insight to posters here; however, it is only appropriate if it's done in a respectful and helpful manner.

 

"Respectful and helpful" does not mean that you must condone or encourage a poster. It does not mean that you must agree with the poster. We cannot list every conceivable sentence, phrase, or word that a person could post, and declare whether or not it is acceptable. Our rules prohibit personal attacks (see our guidelines for a definition: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/guidelines), but you must also adhere to the larger philosophy of the site, which is to provide support and assistance. If your response is not posted in that spirit, chances are it will be deemed inappropriate.

 

Thanks for your cooperation. For those who want some more clarification about our overall philosophy regarding supportive posts, try this link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t453...hlight=posting

 

Happy New Year!

 

Best wishes,

midori

 

~~~~~~~

 

I hope that this helps with all the arguing.

[pureinheart]

I think for some people anything short of all round condemnation and scheduled stonings would be glamorising affairs.

I have had some wonderful moments, stuff dreams are made of, but we are no Brangelina- incidently do people now boycott their films because they glamorised affairs and oh no he married his OW!!).

Most of what I post about is all the heartache and stress and the posts I read are often from people having a hard time dealing with the similar issues. My life and my A is not at all glam and I wouldn't recommend it if it can be avoided, sorry to disappoint!

 

I realise this is like way late in the game with a quote from the first page although this classic.

[donnamaybe]

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

The bolded is hysterical.

 

Believe it or not Lizzie, some people DO have control over themselves and know right from wrong.

Well, as I pointed out, her theory means her daughter's and friend's husbands will then cheat on THEM or them on their H's but, predictably, I got no response.

[Dexter Morgan]

This particular forum is focused on discussing the problems and experiences of those who are in relationships with people who already have commitments to other partners. It is certainly appropriate for people whose partners have been unfaithful to them to offer their insight to posters here; however, it is only appropriate if it's done in a respectful and helpful manner.

 

there is the problem. the people don't seem to have a problem disrespecting and hurting people in real life, yet expect respect.

 

and in most cases the posts that receive the scorn of which you speak are to the people with their smug attitude and selfish desires while not giving a hoot about anyone but themselves.

[Dexter Morgan]

Well, as I pointed out, her theory means her daughter's and friend's husbands will then cheat on THEM or them on their H's but, predictably, I got no response.

 

and if/when it happens, then she can't get mad at the men that betray her daughter. she'll have to tell her daughter's what she tells everyone here.

[fooled once]

Hi everyone,

 

I want to comment on a pattern I have noticed in some discussions here on LoveShack.org, especially those pertaining to relationships that involve infidelity.

 

LoveShack.org is an open community dedicated to providing advice and support for people with interpersonal relationship problems. As such, the community welcomes all views that are offered with a sincere wish to help. People have different styles, and different ideas about a given situation. Sarcasm, constructive criticism, and even respectfully voiced disapproval can all be appropriate -- provided they are employed with the intent of being helpful by providing insight or a different perspective that will help the poster with his or her dilemma.

 

However I've noticed that frequently in some discussions members respond to a post in order to voice their own emotions about a similar issue that they are involved in, or to validate their own feelings and choices, or even in some cases to simply berate, mock, or derogate the poster.

 

This particular forum is focused on discussing the problems and experiences of those who are in relationships with people who already have commitments to other partners. It is certainly appropriate for people whose partners have been unfaithful to them to offer their insight to posters here; however, it is only appropriate if it's done in a respectful and helpful manner.

 

"Respectful and helpful" does not mean that you must condone or encourage a poster. It does not mean that you must agree with the poster. We cannot list every conceivable sentence, phrase, or word that a person could post, and declare whether or not it is acceptable. Our rules prohibit personal attacks (see our guidelines for a definition: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/guidelines), but you must also adhere to the larger philosophy of the site, which is to provide support and assistance. If your response is not posted in that spirit, chances are it will be deemed inappropriate.

 

Thanks for your cooperation. For those who want some more clarification about our overall philosophy regarding supportive posts, try this link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t453...hlight=posting

 

Happy New Year!

 

Best wishes,

midori

 

~~~~~~~

 

I hope that this helps with all the arguing.

 

good post!!!!

 

And NiD - I completely agree with you!!

[White Flower]

I don't think anyone is complaining about a spin-off to avoid a t/j. However there do seem to be an awful lot of threads on this board that either start or end up as being thinly disguised attacks on BWs.

 

Why feel the need to suggest that it is personal (when it may not be) as if that's some sort of criticism.

 

Some of us just like reading and occasionally put in some time and effort to respond.

Exactly! I agree with you.

 

But I do not feel that there is any intent on criticizing any BS.

[White Flower]

 

Nothing wrong with spinoffs intended for discussion. But I think most people know the difference between discussion and derision. So many of the posts in this thread mocked the person quoted in the OP. That's so sad. But, human nature being what it is, I shouldn't be surprised.

In all honesty I believe the OP had a genuine question. I don't even know the thread in which she quoted.

 

I'm all for discussion. I usually leave the derision for those who can't keep up.

[Summer Breeze]

and if/when it happens, then she can't get mad at the men that betray her daughter. she'll have to tell her daughter's what she tells everyone here.

 

I can count on one hand the people who are close to me who haven't been involved in infidelity in one way shape or form. It happens and it happens much more often than we like to admit. My friends 72 year old mother just found out her partner of 17 years is having an A. They are perfect together. She will remain because the perception of them is perfection. Her daughter will be the only person who knows about it. We can all be angry that someone betrayed us or the people we love. We all hope it won't happen to our daughters and sons and friends but odds are it will.

[OWoman]

there is the problem. the people don't seem to have a problem disrespecting and hurting people in real life, yet expect respect.

 

I've not seen anyone expecting anything of the sort! But we do expect other posters to abide by the TOS which they signed up to, and to conduct themselves appropriately. If not, any poster is free to report the post and have it (and the offender, if necessary) dealt with appropriately by the mod.

[OWoman]

Nothing wrong with spinoffs intended for discussion. But I think most people know the difference between discussion and derision. So many of the posts in this thread mocked the person quoted in the OP. That's so sad. But' date=' human nature being what it is, I shouldn't be surprised.[/quote']

 

I've no idea which posts allegedly "mocked" the person quoted in the OP. I didn't see the thread from which the quote was lifted, and have no idea who that poster was. My responses were based on what was posted here, as I'm sure were most people's. (Apart, perhaps, from this one, which seems to reference something outside of this thread).

 

I've no idea where the prevailing paranoia is stemming from, but it's becoming a little worrisome. It seems that no one can post any general comment anymore without someone obsessing that it's somehow dissing them (or their best LS friend). Keep taking the meds, peeps, keep taking the meds...

[Dexter Morgan]

We can all be angry that someone betrayed us or the people we love.

 

well sure...but there are some here that will simply be hypocrites when it happens to their children....especially the ones that think there is nothing wrong with what they are doing.

[Dexter Morgan]

I've not seen anyone expecting anything of the sort!

 

then you are reading enough. I've responded to just such a person last week...but because of their delicate sensibilities:rolleyes:, I won't say who.