"People on LS glamorise affairs"

[carhill]

I thought Tony always added "Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator" if he edited a post. Are you saying he missed adding that on some occasions?

 

VBulletin (the software) adds that verbiage if a mod or admin touches a post. A post can be deleted without any sign but editing always leaves a signature.

 

I don't read that any significant portion of the LS community finds affairs glamorous or glamorizes them generally. Some people promote their personal positive perspectives about their own affairs. I know my own certainly was anything but glamorous. Everyone's experiences are different. Those who ask questions or seek support hopefully find what they want.

[Trimmer]

I think the two sides of this argument are doomed to disagree on the definition of "glamorizing" - it will become strictly a semantic disagreement. If someone says something positive about an affair relationship, the "other side" will see that as glamorizing, and you won't convince them otherwise. On the other hand, as long as one acknowledges that an affair is not a perfect relationship, and has its problems as well (perhaps one being that it is extramarital...) then they have cover to claim they are not "glamorizing." Simple semantic stalemate. (and thats a lot of alliteration....)

 

Some people promote their personal positive perspectives....

Aw, you beat me with that one...

[jennie-jennie]

I am also feeling very left out if everyone else is apparently getting some from the mod, I didn't get asked!

 

:laugh:

 

One of the really great things with LS is that we are allowed to discuss what goes on here: our own interactions, our posting styles, and even the actions or non-actions of the moderator.

 

There are many forums where joking about the moderator would get you a serious reprimand. Yay for Tony!

[pureinheart]

"There are a lot of people on LS who glamorise affairs" - read on a different LS board.

 

Is that true? I can't think of a single post that's done that. Perhaps I'm colouring it as I read, based on my own feelings. I can think of some posters who are extremely positive about what the affair brings in to their life, but they are mostly honest enough to admit that they want more, or are not comfortable with the cheating/lying aspect of their man.

 

Those posters are not at all equal in number to those who are unhappy, or hoping to change things, or attempting to get out.

 

Just wondering if I'm being naive and not noticing the posts the poster on Infidelity was referring to?

 

I wouldn't say they are glamorized in any sense of the word, I would say experiences are communicated with emphasis on all sides of the good, the bad, and the ugly.

 

To the BS, I'm quite sure when the good is communicated it pulls out the hurt (past or present) as they begin to wonder if in their sitch was it good for the AP's. Usually hypersensitivity is involved also.

 

I think fear is the root, which manifests in all different directions. In all actuality, what is there to fear? This lying scum sucker is out of picture (this is how I felt), and I hoped that this individual would be different for the next person.

 

What I got tired of is these individuals taking me through the crap, only to have a good R with another (which this never has been the case, it was just my thinking [imaginations]).

 

I would suggest that all those operating in the level of hypersensitivity that causes some of the reactions to OM/OW on this forum (uncalled for reactions) not even frequent this forum or infidelity for that matter as the wound is too fresh and there is too much information being thrown at them.

[carhill]

Quote:

Originally Posted by carhill \

Some people promote their personal positive perspectives....

 

Aw, you beat me with that one...

This caused me to think of something I've heard often over the years when it was discovered a friend/family member, etc, was divorcing.... 'They were the perfect couple. Their marriage was the envy of everyone'. I personally heard from the partners glowing recitations (remember, I was single for decades) of their married life, which I, at the time, did envy. Were they 'glamorizing' their marriage when, indeed, it was a balance of positives and negatives? Were they rationalizing it to the wider audience? Why? Hard to know. In the case of a marriage, glamorizing can be tolerated because society deems marriage appropriate and valuable. With affairs, OTOH, society in general does not tolerate them well nor values them. So, if so, the same 'glamorizing' is seen with different eyes and heard with different ears.

 

BTW, a couple of the married women whom have approached me were/are widely known to have 'perfect' marriages when, in reality, they are anything but perfect and, yes, affairs (admitted) are a part of that (though not with me). Publicly, glamor rules and, because they're attractive and popular, society applauds. Life goes on

[woinlove]

Perhaps it's a bit like robbers talking about all the great things they are doing with stolen money. If the robbers are sharing some of that money with you, it may all seem like good fun. But the ones who were robbed, and their sympathizers, have more difficulty ignoring the crime (or the betrayal and deception involved.)

[OWoman]

Perhaps it's a bit like robbers talking about all the great things they are doing with stolen money. If the robbers are sharing some of that money with you, it may all seem like good fun. But the ones who were robbed, and their sympathizers, have more difficulty ignoring the crime (or the betrayal and deception involved.)

 

The difference is, the money didn't ask (or consent) to be stolen...

 

I think it's more like the kid that didn't get invited to the party getting grumpy when the other kids are talking about how great it was.

[woinlove]

The MM/MW isn't the "money". It's the unaccounted for time, love, affection, whatever, that the MM/MW is deceiving the family about.

 

I don't buy the idea of the AP stealing the MM/MW. It is the MM/MW, with the collusion of the AP, robbing his/her family from the opportunity of living a life based on reality. Remove the deception, as in an open M, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with having multiple partners/lovers.

[donnamaybe]

The MM/MW isn't the "money". It's the unaccounted for time, love, affection, whatever, that the MM/MW is deceiving the family about.

 

I don't buy the idea of the AP stealing the MM/MW. It is the MM/MW, with the collusion of the AP, robbing his/her family from the opportunity of living a life based on reality. Remove the deception, as in an open M, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with having multiple partners/lovers.

GREAT response!

 

Again, and let's reiterate this ONE - MORE - TIME... It's about the DISHONESTY!

 

Nope - nothing glamorous about being a sneaky liar.

[2sure]

For some people in affairs - the type of affairs in which they are getting less than they really want or are afraid to choose

 

The affair has to be glamorized &/or romanticized or else it has to be seen in black & white for what it is: cheating. Nothing special, nothing fancy, often base, and certainly not honest.

 

For those that do not use the terms romanticize or glamorize regarding the affair...they are just other words for justifications and excuses.

[jennie-jennie]

For some people in affairs - the type of affairs in which they are getting less than they really want or are afraid to choose

 

The affair has to be glamorized &/or romanticized or else it has to be seen in black & white for what it is: cheating. Nothing special, nothing fancy, often base, and certainly not honest.

 

For those that do not use the terms romanticize or glamorize regarding the affair...they are just other words for justifications and excuses.

 

For me, I am in a relationship, which happens to be an affair. Nothing more special about that than being in any relationship.

[Dexter Morgan]

That's not glamourising - that's telling it like it is!

 

And if its glamourous(to said person) and they tell it like it is....its glamourizing.

[bentnotbroken]

Why was your freedom of speech compromised but not his/hers? Of course that is a rhetorical question;)

 

 

Haven't we all had the same thing happen to us. I got one for saying....

[OWoman]

And if its glamourous(to said person) and they tell it like it is....its glamourizing.

 

No, you're wrong.

 

Glamourising means "making glamorous" (according to the Oxford English Dictionary, which is the ultimate authority on the meaning of words in the English language). It does not mean "describing the inherent glamour of".

 

As your senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan stated, "Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but they are not entitled to their own facts."

[Fallen Angel]

I just saw this on infidelity.....

 

I was being a more than a bit tongue-in-cheek!

 

I feel spunky tonight--what can I say?

 

I used the term "poetic license" on another thread recently--I didn't come up with the term but I was referring to the wild assumptions that are sometimes made when someone posts their situation.

 

Kind of like what I did here (in a completely joking manner) in response to Spark's OP. I was being completely facetious because I get tired of posters being told that they don't know their own situation and that others here know it better.

 

And I was wondering why this is considered true of BW but when an OW tells about her relationship it is called "glamorizing"? :confused:

 

Why is it so hard for everyone to take the reconciliation lovliness being posted about by a BW at face value, but not the relationship lovliness posted about by an OW?

[Fallen Angel]

I also wonder why all of the usual LS axioms are only applicable to MM who leave their W for the OW, or who plan on doing so?

 

ie:

 

"Once a cheater, always a cheater."

 

"He has already lied to you, so he is a proven liar and will lie to you again."

 

"He is gaslighting you to keep you there because he is a cake-eater."

 

Are these same "self-evident" truths not as applicable to a MM who claims to be reconciling with his wife, as they are for a MM who is moving towards a full-time relationship with his OW?

 

The double standards here abound!!

[OWoman]

The double standards here abound!!

 

If you're seriously attempting to catalogue the hipocrisy of the double-standard brigade on LS, you'll need a few spare life-times to get it all down... :lmao:

[Lizzie60]

Hello... I haven't been posting in a long while.. been extremely busy with my new house.. anyway...

 

I am one of those OWs who is very happy with the As... this is all I need.. I don't want them full time.. I get them under their best behaviours.. they're always nice, clean and smell good, they,re always happy to see me.. and make me feel like a million bucks..

 

In my case.. it is glamour..

[Distant78]

Who really cares? It's not a double standard. If you open your eyes a bit wider and read between the lines, it's usually the WS that most of the bitterness is directed to. Sure, it gets projected onto the AP upon discovery, but any sensible person sees that for what it is... denial. It's really strange that we have two different parties arguing the same points, regarding the same lying POS WS... but both camps are so delusional by this point that they can't even see the similarities in their situations. Seems like good ol' stupidity to me. You have some cake eating jerk trying to play two different women. Instead of seeing that they would both be better off by just walking away, it has to be turned into a war between the ones being screwed over by the cake eater. Which seres no purpose other than to bolster the ego of the WS.

 

Some of you people DO glamorize your affairs, just like some BS's try to downplay your affairs. We have members here who are admitted lifelong MM hunters, but once they manage to grab a hold of a decent one, they want to start talking about success stories regarding a relationship that hasn't even lasted as long as the marriage it broke up. Maybe the BS also thought their marriage was successful right up until the affair started. Maybe they already realized that the WS was a lying POS and they just really don't care, other than preserving their social standing. You people make these pie-in-the-sky assumptions and buy into the lies about how the marriage is sexless and the spouse has your poor lover "trapped"... but nine times out of ten, it's bull****, and if you want to keep swallowing their bull****, then fine... but don't expect everyone else to just follow you down that yellow brick road.

 

My responses are usually aimed at people who are obviously in pain and unsure of their next move. I really don't pay much attention to the ones who stick around to do nothing but gloat about their one-in-a-million situation.

 

Rant over, now hate me all you want... but just like your AP... I don't really give a ****.

 

Right on. Speak the truth.

[Distant78]

Hello... I haven't been posting in a long while.. been extremely busy with my new house.. anyway...

 

I am one of those OWs who is very happy with the As... this is all I need.. I don't want them full time.. I get them under their best behaviours.. they're always nice, clean and smell good, they,re always happy to see me.. and make me feel like a million bucks..

 

In my case.. it is glamour..

 

^^^

This is exactly why I said people on LS glamorize affairs.

[lilbunny]

^^^

This is exactly why I said people on LS glamorize affairs.

 

You've got one person there and to be fair I don't think she is glamorising anything, it just happens her life is glamorous. Good for her!

 

Lizzie, I'm sorry can you pretend your life is **** and you hate yourself to appease other people.

[Lizzie60]

^^^

This is exactly why I said people on LS glamorize affairs.

 

 

And...??? what is wrong with glamorizing affairs.. when, it is glamourizing?

[Distant78]

You've got one person there and to be fair I don't think she is glamorising anything, it just happens her life is glamorous. Good for her!

:lmao::lmao:

Uh excuse me, there are other people besides her who glamorize affairs so lets not BS ourselves.

 

Lizzie, I'm sorry can you pretend your life is **** and you hate yourself to appease other people.

 

Yea, okay.

[Distant78]

And...??? what is wrong with glamorizing affairs.. when, it is glamourizing?

 

What's wrong with glamorizing affairs?

[lilbunny]

I read glamorising as laying it on thick, exaggerating, making it sound rosy when it isn't. I took it as a criticism, that there was some sort of conspiracy to 'sell' the lifestyle to the world. Nothing I have read supports that at all.

 

So, if I accept that someone who writes about being happy and content, enjoying their A etc counts as glamorising then what indeed is wrong with that?