NC in a mixed signal situation caused me a whole lot of trouble!!

[VeveCakes]

Ugh, you are in denial bud. I'm sorry, but YES, girls WILL make it happen (or try) if they are interested. Either she has a bf, or is NOT INTERESTED!!! I can't even believe the amount of time you have already put into this girl, alng with these repetitive long winded posts. Doesn't it occur to you, that you are having to prove to everyone here that she may be interested, and we still all think you are wasting your time??? Get out of your bubble dude, she doesn't want to be with you.

[westrock]

just one question, why hand-written over an email?

 

If you feel more comfortable then send her an email.

 

The sooner you do it the sooner you can get on with your life either with her or without her.

 

If thr's nothing more to be said, then leave it be.

 

There's nothing more to be said.

[mythologymajor]

Ugh, you are in denial bud. I'm sorry, but YES, girls WILL make it happen (or try) if they are interested. Either she has a bf, or is NOT INTERESTED!!! I can't even believe the amount of time you have already put into this girl, alng with these repetitive long winded posts. Doesn't it occur to you, that you are having to prove to everyone here that she may be interested, and we still all think you are wasting your time??? Get out of your bubble dude, she doesn't want to be with you.

 

You want to tell me for sure, 100% backed by academic studies that ALL girls in ALL cultures in ALL the world acts like exactly like you? I am glad for you that u get to live in such a straighforward world. Good luck. Yeah, relationships would be so easy in your world.

 

And yes, i am done with having to repetitively proof anything to anyone. If it has to come to asking for proof instead of taking my word for it, please dun bother to try help me, just tune off. I came here asking some specific questions, if u dun have the answers u dun have to go to default mode and reach for the most convenient answer. Did u even think abt the MSN posts and why u think it's not relevant? That would have helped, but it's ok. Sorry if i wasted your time. But dun worry abt me. Thanks, ok.

Edited August 23, 2010 by mythologymajor

[Don Ho]

We were never official, never had sex. We were very close. One period, we met a few times a week.

 

Myth, it just sounds like you're just not hearing what YOU want to hear from other members. Obviously you're a very intelligent guy. Maybe that's part of the problem; you're too smart for your own good. You can intellectualize and rationalize all you want. You never had a relationship or sex with this woman and never will. You are living in a fantasy.

 

Go ahead, tell me you're going to tune me out like you do to the others that won't feed into your neurosis. Give it up with this woman on your own bro. Before she goes and gets a restraining order on you. BTW, you're asking others to prove their point when you can't even PROVE this woman wants anything to do with you.

 

I have a saying that I heard many years ago and maybe you should think about it:

 

"There are two types of people in the world. Ignorant and stupid. Know the difference? Ignorant people can be taught".

 

Get it? You're not stupid, so we're praying that you're ignorant and can learn from us on LS before you get thrown in jail for stalking.

[mythologymajor]

Myth, it just sounds like you're just not hearing what YOU want to hear from other members. Obviously you're a very intelligent guy. Maybe that's part of the problem; you're too smart for your own good. You can intellectualize and rationalize all you want. You never had a relationship or sex with this woman and never will. You are living in a fantasy.

 

Dude, love comes not from the crotch. Some of us dun have to have made out to be in love. But to each his own. Just don't shoot at the most convenient target and ignore the rest... I've been taking some time to read up a bit on this forum, and i get it when u guys say every single case is just the same as the one that went b4. That's fine to a certain level, but pls dun say every case is the same. I understand the need to focus on actions and not just words - u know what, i am tired of explaining my convictions. Thanks anyway.

 

Go ahead, tell me you're going to tune me out like you do to the others that won't feed into your neurosis. Give it up with this woman on your own bro. Before she goes and gets a restraining order on you. BTW, you're asking others to prove their point when you can't even PROVE this woman wants anything to do with you.

 

Get it? You're not stupid, so we're praying that you're ignorant and can learn from us on LS before you get thrown in jail for stalking.

 

If i can prove what u want me to prove, i won't be here, would i? And I was not asking for proof. Just to have ppl have a thought why it is so, and not just shoehorn the whole thing into something u are familiar with and forcefeed me my medicine. That's not what i'm here for. Like i said, this is the wrong place to have posted and i apologise. And you know what? An RO would be good - at least i will know for sure then. But i can assure you that's a remote possibility from my vantage point. Nothing anyone else can tell me here will make a difference to me becos i am experiencing this, not you. If the message was clear, i won't be asking for help to look at this. But no one really is, is there? Most are just focused on the treatment of the pain, of spotting those big red blatant warning signs as described in the guidebook. I am focused on trying to understand the mixed signals in my situation, which nobody has even ventured close, because that place is murky and unclear and full of grey areas which gets in the way of cut and dried diagnoses. And yes, i now know to try otherwise would just not make sense becos it'll just take too much time and effort. Nobody is getting paid for this, and that's near to the domain of professionals. Like i said, wrong place. My apologies again to have posted here.

[Don Ho]

DUDE, who said that 'love comes from the crotch'? Plain and simple, a woman becomes more intimate when she has intercourse with a man. She will not have intercourse (generally) with someone she's not attracted and will with someone she is attracted to or wishes to have a relationship with. She did not have intercourse with you because she didn't want to (unless you're both twelve years old). "Shoot at the most convenient target"? It is the MOST obvious target and you don't get it!

 

Now you say and say your "situation" is different. Of course it is different in the respect that you are you and she is she. That's basically it. You're just getting butt hurt because everyone sees this the same EXCEPT you and no one will give you the advice YOU want to hear. You can call it "shoehorning", but like it or not, you situation is very, very common and the advice would be the same from other members.

 

I am focused on trying to understand the mixed signals in my situation, which nobody has even ventured close, because that place is murky and unclear and full of grey areas which gets in the way of cut and dried diagnoses. And yes, i now know to try otherwise would just not make sense becos it'll just take too much time and effort. Nobody is getting paid for this, and that's near to the domain of professionals. Like i said, wrong place. My apologies again to have posted here.

 

WHAT mixed signals? You never had a relationship and she doesn't want anything to do with you. There are no mixed signals, just you trying to read into every little piece of information so it fits into your delusion that she wants you.

 

You are not trying to understand mixed signals and there are no murky, unclear or grey areas. She DOES NOT want to be with you. Correct, no one is getting paid for this. Thank you for apologizing. Now maybe you should visit the domain of a good psychiatrist UNLESS you're ready to listen to others on here and actually get some help in moving on. If that's what you want, we're here.

Edited August 23, 2010 by Don Ho

[mythologymajor]

DUDE, who said that 'love comes from the crotch'? Plain and simple, a woman becomes more intimate when she has intercourse with a man. She will not have intercourse (generally) with someone she's not attracted and will with someone she is attracted to or wishes to have a relationship with. She did not have intercourse with you because she didn't want to (unless you're both twelve years old). "Shoot at the most convenient target"? It is the MOST obvious target and you don't get it!

 

Now you say and say your "situation" is different. Of course it is different in the respect that you are you and she is she. That's basically it. You're just getting butt hurt because everyone sees this the same EXCEPT you and no one will give you the advice YOU want to hear. You can call it "shoehorning", but like it or not, you situation is very, very common and the advice would be the same from other members.

 

 

 

WHAT mixed signals? You never had a relationship and she doesn't want anything to do with you. There are no mixed signals, just you trying to read into every little piece of information so it fits into your delusion that she wants you.

 

You are not trying to understand mixed signals and there are no murky, unclear or grey areas. She DOES NOT want to be with you. Correct, no one is getting paid for this. Thank you for apologizing. Now maybe you should visit the domain of a good psychiatrist UNLESS you're ready to listen to others on here and actually get some help in moving on. If that's what you want, we're here.

 

 

Sigh, i am giving up with this forum. I am not going to dignify your statement abt intimacy by replying directly to it. Just to question how well u know us, and how much real thought you have put into it.

 

Just want to make this observation: this is not a democracy. A thousand ppl in the wrong does not make a right. It's obvious - ask the Eskimos up north what they think of the sun and they will say one thing. Go down south a bit and ask the Bedouins and u will get a different answer. Guess i asked in the wrong place. I guess this board is really just for moving on and those who post here just go into "MOVING ON" mode which precludes them from considering any other situation other than one in which the protagonist gets dumped, and has to move on.

 

I am walking away, what i am getting in return for my efforts just don't commensurate with what i'm putting in. B4 i go, just to share a fragment of a recent email from a mutual friend:

 

"Sometimes, I feel she is like me last time, really. She loves you but yet she wanna to put a stop in this relationship..."

 

Pls dun try to tell me u, who knows next to nothing abt me and my situation, who spent a few minutes barely digesting the fragment of facts i put up, can deem to know so much better than the ppl who are here in the situation, who really did take the time to listen and understand. Not everyone coming in here looking for help has their mind addled with lovesickness. Some are very rational. I've stayed longer here than i should. Let's just agree to disagree. Thanks for those who made an effort.

[westrock]

Myth,

 

In reading your various responses I am curious to know whether the way you are interacting here is similar to the communication style you had with this woman?

 

You are correct in that analysis of your situation is not a democracy, but one thing I notice consistently is that it seems that if anyone here writes anything that is different from or contrary to your viewpoint, you seem to have this need to defend yourself and then discount, belittle or argue with the other person. Maybe it's something to think about as your own communication style itself may give you some valuable insight as to why your situation is in its current state.

Edited August 24, 2010 by westrock

[mythologymajor]

Myth,

 

In reading your various responses I am curious to know whether the way you are interacting here is similar to the communication style you had with this woman?

 

You are correct in that analysis of your situation is not a democracy, but one thing I notice consistently is that it seems that if anyone here writes anything that is different from or contrary to your viewpoint, you seem to have this need to defend yourself and then discount, belittle or argue with the other person. Maybe it's something to think about as your own communication style itself may give you some valuable insight as to why your situation is in its current state.

 

west, i want you to know that i am posting when i did not intend to come back anymore, just becos it's frm you, one of the few who had the sense to think and talk with reason. In answer, no i never did that with her. Take a closer look and u will notice that the posts i did with harder edges are in response to those that i feel are just way off base. As for the belittling, i think u have read too much into that. Think of the battering i was getting, the mean, insensitive put-downs (however well-meant in some cases, in some cases just plain mean) abt something i know to be true. I spent all my time trying to correct misconceptions while the help i ask to study what i need help with have been just passed over. Anyway, i am moving on. From this thread/forum. Whether i have to move on with my current situation remains to be seen, but i just wanted to say i did not come here to get help moving on, so i do apologise for the misconception. It's my own fault. I shouldn't have gone to a dentist to get treatment for a heart problem.

[westrock]

Okay Myth, it's your choice whether to stay here or not.

 

I shouldn't have gone to a dentist to get treatment for a heart problem.

 

That is an interesting comment that you make and I don't know if you were saying that as an analogy that coming here was a waste of your time. But, before you make that conclusion, I want you to read the first few sentences of this article and maybe you'll rethink the meaning of your analogy:

 

http://www.wisegeek.com/how-are-dental-health-and-heart-disease-related.htm

 

Maybe subconsciously you appreciate all the comments here (harsh or not).

 

good luck.

[mythologymajor]

That is an interesting comment that you make and I don't know if you were saying that as an analogy that coming here was a waste of your time. But, before you make that conclusion, I want you to read the first few sentences of this article and maybe you'll rethink the meaning of your analogy:

 

http://www.wisegeek.com/how-are-dental-health-and-heart-disease-related.htm

 

Maybe subconsciously you appreciate all the comments here (harsh or not).

 

good luck.

 

Hahahahaha..... good one... the analogy wasn't abt wasting time, it was abt misdiagnosis. there's also the subtext abt terminating something going bad by pulling it out - just the right fit to describe moving on.

 

And no, i didnt enjoy those mean remarks especially those without basis. If they were true, i'd be the first to admit so and i hope u think i am objective and smart enuf to do so. but let's not spoil a good farewell by going into the past. bye.

[Fruitpunch]

he is here to find someone that will tell him that stalking this girl is a good idea.

Someone to give him a glimmer of hope, but no one has done that

All we have found out is that he has never even been out with this girl and he has spent 2 years stalking her.

And she is apparently "complicated" and we are ALL missing the point.

 

Please everyone reading take notes on this. Don't ever get in this situation.

Always look at things objectively and lsiten when people tell you something.

You can all see by reading this how hopeless this guys is, but he cant. Because he doesnt want to see it.

 

This guy will probably take another 5 years to learn this girl doesnt want him.

Meanwhile he could have got on with his life, all because he couldnt listen

[mythologymajor]

he is here to find someone that will tell him that stalking this girl is a good idea.

Someone to give him a glimmer of hope, but no one has done that

All we have found out is that he has never even been out with this girl and he has spent 2 years stalking her.

And she is apparently "complicated" and we are ALL missing the point.

 

Please everyone reading take notes on this. Don't ever get in this situation.

Always look at things objectively and lsiten when people tell you something.

You can all see by reading this how hopeless this guys is, but he cant. Because he doesnt want to see it.

 

This guy will probably take another 5 years to learn this girl doesnt want him.

Meanwhile he could have got on with his life, all because he couldnt listen

 

YOU JUST CAN'T THE F*** LEAVE ME ALONE CAN YOU?? I AM STILL BLOODY SUBSCRIBED TO THIS THREAD, AND WTF YOUR NAME COMES UP. YOU WANT TO PREACH DO IT IN YOUR OWN BLOODY THREAD. AND STOP THE F*** MISREPRESENTING MY SITUATION. I UNDERSTAND THE MOTIVE OF THIS BOARD AND I UNDERSTAND THAT WHAT I HAVE BEEN POSTULATING IS COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE TO WHAT YOU PPL WANT TO ACHIEVE HERE. FINE. I ALREADY APOLOGISED AND SAID IT WAS A MISTAKE POSTING HERE. MY SITUATION DOES NOT APPLY HERE, SO STOP TRYING TO TWIST IT TO FIT YOUR AGENDA. STOP THE F*** TALKING ABT MY SITUATION AS IF YOU KNOW MORE ABT IT THAN I DO. GO DO SOMETHING MORE HELPFUL TO YOUR OWN RECOVERY BY TELLING YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR ALL THESE STUFF ABT QUIT STALKING, MAN UP, DUN BE A WUSS, SHE'S OVER YOU ETC ETC.

 

btw, you sound much better when u r sober instead of high on punch, or emotion. good for you. but seriously, quit this. you are coming off like u are in some sort of cult where no external worldview is allowed to exist but your own. you dismiss any other possibilities other than what u know to be true, and u do it without studied reasoning. don't use the word objectivity so liberally when u can't practice it. it screams hypocrisy. u keep saying i've never been out with this girl. that just proves my point all along. you never bothered to read anything. you just take in all comers to this board and treat them to the same indoctrination, regardless of everything else and woe to those who try to resist. get this - i never challenged anything other than the gross misrepresentation of my situation. the more i tried to set u guys straight, the more intent you are on saying u know better than me. so fine. i agree to leave, but leave me the f*** alone. Let me go with my delusions, and i will let u go with yours. F**** it. if u wanna see the last of me, quit twisting my situation and leave it be.

[Don Ho]

I finally get it!! Myth is ALMOST as obsessed with this thread as he is with his "Ex". LOL. I knew he couldn't let LS go.

[mythologymajor]

Hi guys, i have finally found time to read back the whole thread since it got started. I want to say that everyone bar fruitpunch have been absolutely stellar with their posts. You have been well meaning, and if the responses i gave you were inappropriate, i apologise here and now. Having fruitpunch raising my hackles and keeping them up most of the thread might have been a factor in this, so yes, i am going to lay some blame on him.

 

I did get some good advice and insights that i can use in my attempts to fix my situation. I do not delude myself by insisting everything will work out, but i have to do it my way. I am sorry abt the cult rant - that was aimed at a very focused target and not at all at the rest, who have shown that they are people who care and when i read back, many of u actually did ask and clarify, and i appreciate that.

 

As for fruitpunch, i can see he did mean well, in parts. But his inability to show manners to someone who doesn't know him and his penchant for plucking fiction to suit his fancy just made me see red. I do not know if his repeated misrepresentation of my situation was deliberate or not. If he was deliberate, then all the stuff i said abt cult behaviour is spot on. If he did not do so deliberately, i just wonder.... i am glad i got to communicate with all of you, but i regret having the misfortune to bump into this guy.

 

As for Don Ho, haha. very funny...

 

GL to everyone and thanks!

Edited August 24, 2010 by mythologymajor

[Fruitpunch]

I said at the beginning of this thread that this was going to waste peoples time, and unfortunately it isn't just my time its wasted, its got everyone involved. Who have said the same thing as me time and time again

 

The only difference between what i have told you and what a few of them have said is they have said to "write a letter"

 

They know this is futile but are doing this for your benefit. You are a grown man and I see no point in doing that.

 

As i stated. I am no longer in this thread for your benefit.

Reading this thread will hopefully show people going through the same thing how crazy their behaviors are when trying to reclaim a lost relaionship.

 

I hope you find the help you need

[VeveCakes]

You know why no one cares about the MSN status's? Because they mean didlly squat. There is a reason they call it the universal language of love, because across cultures the same basics are true. When a man and woman BOTH want to be with eachother, they will do what they can to make it work. You want to fight with everyone because they are telling you something you don't wanna hear then fine. I have concluded you are an idiot. Post again when you get what you want, which I am banking on being...never.