NC in a mixed signal situation caused me a whole lot of trouble!!

[westrock]

telling me to stop or walk away won't work without proper reasoning behind why i should.

 

You should because what you are doing is not working.

[AlwaysConflicted]

I think in cases like this where things are mixed up or you believe that they are mixed up it requires a final conversation.

 

Is there any chance she would meet up with you in person? If not, I would write her email and explain how you feel without being too emotional.

 

You need some kind of closure one way or another. If she doesn't respond to the email that's your answer.

 

The best you can do is share your true feelings with someone. If they reciprocate then that's amazing, if not then you did what you could. It's a bummer, but you can't convince someone to love you. I've tried...and failed.

[mythologymajor]

I think in cases like this where things are mixed up or you believe that they are mixed up it requires a final conversation.

 

Is there any chance she would meet up with you in person? If not, I would write her email and explain how you feel without being too emotional.

 

You need some kind of closure one way or another. If she doesn't respond to the email that's your answer.

 

The best you can do is share your true feelings with someone. If they reciprocate then that's amazing, if not then you did what you could. It's a bummer, but you can't convince someone to love you. I've tried...and failed.

 

I've done the gentle email thing, and done the shared my true feelings bit... she responded with either love or heartbreak, depending on what i wrote, but always only on her MSN posts. she used to call me when i sent her stuff like these, but she'd talk abt trivial non-related subjects. i was too stupid to realise until it was too late that those were my chances to speak up and just went with the flow, answering her questions on totally unimportant and trivial stuff. and i failed to call back later. and left her alone for days and days. after a few times of this non-action from me, she stopped calling, stopped taking most of my calls, and started to ignore me... that's why i said NC got me into this mess...

 

i get the feeling it's not a final conversation she wants - she won't let go of me... sometimes when she gets too emotional, she'd post stuff abt learning to let go and learning to live with it, but a few days later, it'd be back to loving me... that's why i am so confused. i know some of what i am doing is working, but not all, i guess, bcos i am unable to get to that final breakthru... maybe it needs patience on my part, bcos i really hurt her bad... and for the moment, i don't think she is yet ready to talk to me directly, especially when i f**** up again last week for leaving her alone for 1 whole week... i just need to know where/how not to f*** it up again...

[Fruitpunch]

I take everything back. you are right. She is calling for attention.

You calling her, telling her you love her, texting her, emailing her that you love her, telling her you want to friends and then telling her you love her, its NOT enough.

She may have a boyfriend. She may have removed you from her life, told you to go away, never actually dated you, never had sex with you, NEVER call you, never text you, unblock you from MSN every now and again to check you arent outside her window, but all of this can only point to one thing.

She LOVES you. And she is telling you this through her msn statuses, because that is of course how people express their true selves.

 

I only hope one day i can be in such a loving committed relationship with someone who gives me subliminal messages through msn whilst ****ing another guy.

 

Dude, for ****s sake, look at what you are doing. these are not the actions of a sane person. You havent even been ****ing dumped, and im starting to think the story about you not being ready is a load of crap.

 

You NEVER had a relationship with this girl, she NEVER loved you, you are a stranger to her. A wierd, annoying stranger.

 

If you are certain she loves you then back the **** off, let her come to you.

 

Do you honestly think not giving her enough attention got you dumped?

If you gave her any more attention you would be outside her window right now, which you probably are.

 

LISTEN to what EVERYONE is telling you. WALK away

 

I got dumped 2 weeks ago after a 4 year relationship. I have been out tonight and met some hot women. Women who were attracted to me because i have my **** together.

 

Get YOUR **** together and be a ****ing man

OR hound her more, which is what you will do, because you dont listen to anything anyone tells you

[Fruitpunch]

 

1. offered to be a friend - nope, she doesn't want to be friends

2. string me along as a safety - nope, she not doing that

3. avoid me like the plague - 50/50, ambigious signals

 

Am i missing out anything?

 

Yes, a ****ing brain. She IS avoiding you like the plague. When she blocks you its because you are being wierd. She tells you she has a bf and you confess ur undying love, then she blocks you.

If she met you and told you that she never wanted to see you again you would be on here telling us that you are getting mixed signals

 

You are a delusional moron. Stop embarrassing mankin and grow some ****ing balls. Walk away, go meet some other girls, get something else in your life apart from her,

 

What part of ****ing blocking someone, not calling, not texting, never having sex with someone do you class as amibiguous?

 

People on here are being nice to you because you are a moron, i do not have the patience. Sooner you shape up the sooner you can enjoy your life.

[AlwaysConflicted]

I wouldn't blame NC because it seems like it was a combination of things.

 

It sounds like you two have both been to the edge of the earth and back again. You're both exhausted so it's not fun. Maybe you both need some time apart with 100 percent NC. Then after months and months of time maybe you can revisit the possibility.

[Sambo]

Hi Sambo, thank you for taking the time. First of all, i am not being emotional. Read thru my post in this thread. I was going for cold and analytical. If i was blinded by emotions, my diction would probably be suffering a bit

 

I am not wailing or crying. I am here to get help analysing my situation. You r probably saying i am being obsessive becos u think i am making all these up - that correct? the thing is, i swear to you, everything is as it is. i don't intend to lie to myself to get myself hurt even more.

 

 

 

No, if what u tell me makes sense to me, not only will i listen and accept, you will have my undying gratitude. I just want to get at the truth. Unfortunately, like i keep trying to tell my other friend here, my situation requires a little bit of careful reading, because the girl involved is a bit complicated, the whole thing is a bit complicated...

 

Can i ask you to share with me why you are convinced she is long gone? Why is she posting these MSN status aimed at me if she has moved on? Pls dun tell me it's not abt me - if u read my other thread (not speed read, hopefully) you will know why i know it's all abt me. There's not a single hint of the bf there. And i promise you, i am not making this up because i am delusional.

 

And yes, I understand that last bit abt leaving her alone. The thing is, i've done that. I actually overdid it. That's the cause of my problems, and what i am here trying to fix... pls understand that i am here posting not as an emotional response to my situation. I am in crystal clear condition in my head - i am here analysing this situation. I don't need canned cliches to raise my spirits. I need some help to understand why my girl is giving out all these mixed signals... thanks, bro...

 

I know you believe everything that you feel but do you think this woman is playing a sick mind game on you?

 

I highly doubt that.

 

This woman KNOWS how you feel, she's watched you beg and she has told you that she only wants to be friends. To be honest I don't even believe she has a bf I think she just wants to move on from your relationship and she is having a hard time doing it.

 

Whatever the case is you have to think about YOU and I know that's really hard to do when you love someone as much as you love her but it has to be done because if you keep going down the road your going she will lose all respect for you.

 

Women want Men not weak little boys.

 

Now get your power back and be a man by leaving her alone. Give her as much time as she needs to figure things out on her own.

 

Believe me when I tell you if and when she wants you back she will let you know with no mixed signals at all.

 

Your on a hard path my friend but that's what life is sometimes HARD.

[Fruitpunch]

Exactly right.

And the "my situation is different because" is translated to

"My situation is different because i am only looking at it from a way that means i can tell myself that my ex still wants me, and then pursue my current course of action."

 

All situations are pretty much the same. Men get dumped for being wusses, they then try and get the girl back by being even more wussy.

Girls know how u feel after you tell them, ONCE. Never tell them more than that.

Ever had an arguemt with someone that you cant actually remember what it is about? it started because you didnt like the person and whatever they told you , you are going to disagree with.

THAT is how she feels. Your pattern HAS to change , the pattern you are on is self destructive.

 

I hope for gods sake you listen to everyone and dont again tell us that we havent read your story properly, or dont believe you, or whatever else you are telling your brain so you dont have to accept its over.

 

it is OVER. I want to see you on here in 3 months with new lease of life, and not asking the same things.

you have spent 4 years doing this, its time to move on

[9Lives]

I don't agree with fruitcake..sorry fruitcake..no offense to you.

 

this girl is sending mixed signals and that's jacked up. first of all, you need to block her on MSN cause you are spying on her nad that is causing you confusion. she should be woman enough to talk to you about her love for you. now if you did neglect her emotionally, there is a chance she really don't trust you but you guys have had a lot of conversations so u should have been able to work that out.

 

all you can do is let her know how you feel. if she doesn't respond positively to you....TIME TO STOP THE CHARADE AND LET HER GO.

I can tell u are confused and that is what is keep you trying. the best thing to do is point blank ask what's up and take it from there.

 

DONT BE HER FRIEND AT ALL. Bad BAD MOVE. You can't be friends with someone you love. IMPOSSIBLE. cause you want to touch that person and be with that person.

 

so see what's up. block MSN cause you are obsessed with it and then your mind can start seeing clearly.

[Fruitpunch]

I don't agree with fruitcake..sorry fruitcake..no offense to you.

 

this girl is sending mixed signals and that's jacked up. first of all, you need to block her on MSN cause you are spying on her nad that is causing you confusion. she should be woman enough to talk to you about her love for you. now if you did neglect her emotionally, there is a chance she really don't trust you but you guys have had a lot of conversations so u should have been able to work that out.

 

all you can do is let her know how you feel. if she doesn't respond positively to you....TIME TO STOP THE CHARADE AND LET HER GO.

I can tell u are confused and that is what is keep you trying. the best thing to do is point blank ask what's up and take it from there.

 

DONT BE HER FRIEND AT ALL. Bad BAD MOVE. You can't be friends with someone you love. IMPOSSIBLE. cause you want to touch that person and be with that person.

 

so see what's up. block MSN cause you are obsessed with it and then your mind can start seeing clearly.

 

Do you not think he has made it ****ing clear enough how he feels.

"I love you so much that even if you have a boyfriend i will continue to stay in the background and be friends, because i will take anything you give me"

 

Yea, hes giving out real mixed signals here.

 

Dude, shoot the ****ing puppy. He is going to get nowhere living in cuckoo land. There is no point pussy footing around this and sparing his feelings, it is just going to make it worse for him.

Everything we say, he responds with , we dont know the situation. I have already told him in threads before, loads of people have.

He has asked if he should stick around if she has a bf, he got told NO.

So he ended that one. He isnt going to leave here until someone tells him that there is a glimmer of hope somewhere

 

there ISNT. And you telling him that is making it much worse for him

 

We are men, we need to act like it

[Iconoclast]

Ah, you poor thing. You're lovesick. Doing everything wrong.

 

So what's right? Leave her the hell alone! If she's interested, she'll contact you, and it won't be Sanskrit on MSN.

You want an objective opinion? I'm sorry, but here it is: Your behavior is weird and scary. I'm surprised you haven't gotten a call by the boyfriend or a restraining order.

 

Advice: When you find a new girl, don't talk about this at all. You will frighten them.

 

You tried. If failed. That's okay. Learn.

[AlwaysConflicted]

Every time I read a post from Fruitpunch I get all pumped up on life. I think he's right about this situation.

 

I'm almost 31. I've loved 2 women...dated about 7 women seriously and had several oddball relationships. I can say through my experience that women are looking for a man. Every time I lack confidence they totally back away. I guess the point I'm trying to make or reiterate is that you won't be considered attractive until you stop stalking her.

 

Half the sh*t I write on Loveshack is wussy and if any girl read it, I'd never get another date ever.

 

I think it's time to let this girl be and go get a new fish. Your love may have turned into obsession.

[9Lives]

Do you not think he has made it ****ing clear enough how he feels.

"I love you so much that even if you have a boyfriend i will continue to stay in the background and be friends, because i will take anything you give me"

 

Yea, hes giving out real mixed signals here.

 

Dude, shoot the ****ing puppy. He is going to get nowhere living in cuckoo land. There is no point pussy footing around this and sparing his feelings, it is just going to make it worse for him.

Everything we say, he responds with , we dont know the situation. I have already told him in threads before, loads of people have.

He has asked if he should stick around if she has a bf, he got told NO.

So he ended that one. He isnt going to leave here until someone tells him that there is a glimmer of hope somewhere

 

there ISNT. And you telling him that is making it much worse for him

 

We are men, we need to act like it

 

I'm a woman not a guy. lol

 

anyway, what has to happen is that he needs to hear that final no.

 

what he needs to do is block her msn and listen to the words coming out her mouth. 1000 people can tell him the same thing but until he is sure this rel is over, its not gonna matter. he needs to hear her say its over. THEN go on but her acting like a friend and telling him she loves him is where the confusion is coming from. he need her to say it. if he doesn't leave her alone then...she is crazy for real

[mythologymajor]

I wouldn't blame NC because it seems like it was a combination of things.

 

It sounds like you two have both been to the edge of the earth and back again. You're both exhausted so it's not fun. Maybe you both need some time apart with 100 percent NC. Then after months and months of time maybe you can revisit the possibility.

 

I know a time might come when i have to back off again. But nobody seems to have gotten my point that i have backed off lots of time, what i've been trying to say is that backing off had been what got me into this mess. But in understand what u r saying. and i cannot/ am not discounting the possibility of having to do it again.

[mythologymajor]

I know you believe everything that you feel but do you think this woman is playing a sick mind game on you?

 

I highly doubt that.

 

This woman KNOWS how you feel, she's watched you beg and she has told you that she only wants to be friends. To be honest I don't even believe she has a bf I think she just wants to move on from your relationship and she is having a hard time doing it.

 

Whatever the case is you have to think about YOU and I know that's really hard to do when you love someone as much as you love her but it has to be done because if you keep going down the road your going she will lose all respect for you.

 

Women want Men not weak little boys.

 

Now get your power back and be a man by leaving her alone. Give her as much time as she needs to figure things out on her own.

 

Believe me when I tell you if and when she wants you back she will let you know with no mixed signals at all.

 

Your on a hard path my friend but that's what life is sometimes HARD.

 

 

i never said she told me she only wants to be friends. it was the other way around, i offered friendship, but she didn't want that. anyway, i am tired of having to keep repeating myself to correct all your misassumptions. There are many things u guys are getting wrong, either becos my writing is not as good as i thot it is, or u guys just don't bother to slow down from your 2thousand words a minute scan thru a page to properly wrap your minds around a scenario more complicated than your typical dumper/dumpee story. Abt what u said abt women preferring strong men, i know that. i've gone thru all that, walked away and stayed away. but as i said, i've already written abt it. dun want to sound ungrateful, my friend, but i am getting a severe pounding from some ppl here, when all i was looking for was help to figure out my girl's action. I am not looking for motivational kick-ass pick-me-ups. but, thanks for taking the time and effort. i mean it

[mythologymajor]

I don't agree with fruitcake..sorry fruitcake..no offense to you.

 

this girl is sending mixed signals and that's jacked up. first of all, you need to block her on MSN cause you are spying on her nad that is causing you confusion. she should be woman enough to talk to you about her love for you. now if you did neglect her emotionally, there is a chance she really don't trust you but you guys have had a lot of conversations so u should have been able to work that out.

 

all you can do is let her know how you feel. if she doesn't respond positively to you....TIME TO STOP THE CHARADE AND LET HER GO.

I can tell u are confused and that is what is keep you trying. the best thing to do is point blank ask what's up and take it from there.

 

DONT BE HER FRIEND AT ALL. Bad BAD MOVE. You can't be friends with someone you love. IMPOSSIBLE. cause you want to touch that person and be with that person.

 

so see what's up. block MSN cause you are obsessed with it and then your mind can start seeing clearly.

 

I have done that b4.... left her alone for months... i focused on my work and i really did close her off, yes, even to the extent where i do not read her MSN posts. we always get back together eventually, even though it's not to the level fruitpunch feels qualifies as serious (not everybody has to f*** to be in a serious relationship, in my world, but apparently not his). One of my main points is that it has been my leaving her alone that's caused her to lose trust in me.

 

At the time i offered to be friends, i knew it would hurt, but i knew i was strong enuf to take it. i just wanted to be there for her. again, pls dun judge me by the standards you live by. if u are unable to love someone without possessing them, it's your life. I don't judge you. Sorry, that was not aimed at you, just at all the self-righteous macho men here who says that's pussy-territory. If you feel that, fine. Pls accept that not everybody lives the way you do, and pls dun shout and insult other ppl if the way they live and view their lives differ from yours. But i digress, sorry... i just felt that i owed it to her to be there for her as long as she needed me, and if it got too bad for me, i'd just tell her and then walk away. I had to do it that way. Again, pls don't judge me with the way you were brought up.

 

I am trying to work it out so that i can finally meet her to clear things up - that's why i am here - to get help to see if i can understand why she's been behaving this way so that when the time comes, i don't do the wrong things again. Why is that so hard to understand for all these guys who keep shouting at me?

[mythologymajor]

I'm a woman not a guy. lol

 

anyway, what has to happen is that he needs to hear that final no.

 

what he needs to do is block her msn and listen to the words coming out her mouth. 1000 people can tell him the same thing but until he is sure this rel is over, its not gonna matter. he needs to hear her say its over. THEN go on but her acting like a friend and telling him she loves him is where the confusion is coming from. he need her to say it. if he doesn't leave her alone then...she is crazy for real

 

finally someone who begins to understand... just one thing wrong - she is not acting like a friend. she is avoiding me, but at the same time saying she loves me. i just need her to make up her mind - i am trying to do it so that in the end, it favours me... i used to try get her to say goodbye. she didn't want that. if she really wanted me out of her life, it's easily done. She hasn't done that. but i truly feel i am wasting my time here, becos everyone here will just say that's what i want to think happened. If that's the way it's going to go, it's all a waste of everyone's time then... i guess this is too complicated to have a hope of resolution here.

[mythologymajor]

to fruitpunch - you have got everything wrong, it seems you just want to see my situation the way you want to. there are so many things u wrote that just aren't correct that i just can't be bothered with what u r saying anymore. u dun wanna waste ur time? neither do i. just understand that not everyone in this world fits in exactly to your worldview and how you expect them to live/function. anyway, if u can't be bothered to read up properly, pls don't make a ton of assumptions on what's happened and then shoot your mouth off based on that. i can see that there's only one response u r capable of when even remotely close to a situation that u r uncomfortable with. if my situation of not getting dumped (in your own words) rubs u the wrong way so godam*** much, go shout at someone else. not everyone in the world lives the way u do. dont make judgments and assumptions based on what you know alone, without reasoned questions to verify and confirm. translated - dun shoot ur fool mouth off if u dun know the whole story. there are so many holes in your rants that i dun feel i want to waste my time responding. i came here not to have a bloody quarrel wth an arse, go do that with ur little sister if u feel like u need a bit of therapy. when u have the clarity to answer in satisfactory fashion every single point i have raised, i will pay attention to you.

 

 

To all you guys, i want to say thank you for taking the time and effort. i just want to say that i know there will come a time when i need to back off, u dun have to use denigrating language (or is that motivational speak where u r from) to remind me of that. i know all that. i did not come here for that. i came here seeking help to understand why she is doing what she is doing the way she is doing it. there's only part of the story in what i have written, but these are the parts i've put up because i thought it would help you to help me think it thru. But when u guys dun even read that properly and jump to all kinds of misassumptions abt me being delusional and blinded, i am beginning to think i have posted in the wrong forum.

 

sometimes, there just is no simple view to a complex situation. if u guys insist on generalising the whole thing based on a few key sentences u pick up while u scan thru my texts, u are not helping one bit. talking and pontificating without addressing ALL the points i raised just make it so much noise. if you are so convinced u r right and i am wrong, address all the points i have made, offer counter views and stop glossing and skipping over parts u dun wish to consider and just jump on the easy parts where you get to shout and not have to engage higher brain functions. But i realise that'd be too much effort, and i understand if nobody is going to really take the trouble to absorb what i wrote properly b4 offering their views.

 

Every point i raised make up the whole situation. Just bashing at me based on what u wish to focus on without addressing the other points will just diminish your postings. i dun need motivational get-me-ups. i am not here looking for glimmers of hope. i need help deciphering her behaviour. if this is the wrong place to ask for that, if this place is just for ppl to get kicks up their backsides to 'man-up', then i am clearly in the wrong place. Sorry for the intrusion. my situation requires really understanding what i went thru, and u can only do that by reading what i wrote properly. nobody owes me anything, and nobody is obligated to read up, but if u can't do that, just please don't shoot blind. it doesn't help. thanks and forgive any words that might sound harsh. thanks for listening anyway.

[thrownaway]

I think that you need to write down your final farewell explaining your side of the mixup in the communication between you two and then walk away. If she gets it and she does love you... then she will show back up... though hopefully not because she does sound like a drama queen.

 

You can't keep doing this to yourself, it's damaging to your character.

[LosingitAll]

At some point u have to look at things like I did & its not going to be easy. First u can't make someone love u expecially if they don't know what they want. She maybe giving u mixed signals that indicates she doesn't know what she wants. Secondly is it worth how ur feeling right now? What's the upside? U've never had a relationship would u want one with someone who can't communicate their true feelings to u? Finally do u really love her or do u just want what u can't have?

 

I'm not trying to be mean just giving u something to thing about. Trust me when I say this everyone is giving u solid advice from their own experiences. The advice I've been given has helped me a lot in my short time on the forums. I see things so much clearly & feel better than I have in months.

 

I know this may sound cliche but if u love her let her go & see what happens. She does know how u feel there's no way she cant. Leave it in her hands for awhile & see how it goes. No use dwelling on it over & over trust me u'll end up sick.

[mythologymajor]

I think that you need to write down your final farewell explaining your side of the mixup in the communication between you two and then walk away. If she gets it and she does love you... then she will show back up... though hopefully not because she does sound like a drama queen.

 

You can't keep doing this to yourself, it's damaging to your character.

 

yeah man, i am gonna approach that soon if things dun get better... i know what needs to be done. i just need to know i've done all that i can b4 i get there. it's not fair saying she's a drama queen, i do know that i am responsible for the way she's been hurting and acting the last few months... i am not giving up becos i've been thinking it's been my actions that caused her all this hurt, and i should be responsible enuf to try to fix it and make it back up. if it's broken beyond repair, it'll be the biggest regret of my life. I dun want to look back and wonder if i did everything i could have. but i get you. i know. dun worry abt me. i stand strong. i just feel the need to fix it cos i broke it. if i win her back, i dun pretend it'll be all fairy tale ending happily ever after. it'll just give me the feeling of surmounting the odds and coming out on top. i seldom back down from anything, but that's just one aspect of why i am doing all this. Like i said, it's not simple.

[9Lives]

finally someone who begins to understand... just one thing wrong - she is not acting like a friend. she is avoiding me, but at the same time saying she loves me. i just need her to make up her mind - i am trying to do it so that in the end, it favours me... i used to try get her to say goodbye. she didn't want that. if she really wanted me out of her life, it's easily done. She hasn't done that. but i truly feel i am wasting my time here, becos everyone here will just say that's what i want to think happened. If that's the way it's going to go, it's all a waste of everyone's time then... i guess this is too complicated to have a hope of resolution here.

 

see this happened as a result of two things. one is using NC incorrectly and two ..trying to be friends with someone you love and want to BE with ok.

 

now the damage is done on both sides of the coin.

 

all I can say is block msn and listen to the words coming out her mouth. my ex told me we are not getting back but he didn't always act like it. it drove me unhappy and moody. I decided its enough and completely let go. not because I wanted to hurt him but because my life was jacked up trying to have this rel and make it work. so trust me, I know all too well about being in this situation. 3 years experience.

 

you need to get answers from her and go with the flow. I think she is playing some games too. so drop msn...talk to her..and then take control. you can't keep living like this. it is mentally damaging. get answers and accept the answer.

[mythologymajor]

At some point u have to look at things like I did & its not going to be easy. First u can't make someone love u expecially if they don't know what they want. She maybe giving u mixed signals that indicates she doesn't know what she wants. Secondly is it worth how ur feeling right now? What's the upside? U've never had a relationship would u want one with someone who can't communicate their true feelings to u? Finally do u really love her or do u just want what u can't have?

 

I am not making or trying to make her love me. i asked for none of that. She was the one who brought it up - posting stuff abt her feelings when i asked to say goodbye. if she didn't let on her feelings to me, even if for whatever reason she can't do it directly, if she never posted she loves me and a lot of other stuff, including that she's hurt bad by me, i wouldn't be going down this road. i just feel like i gotta give it all i could to build something with this girl, whatever happens down the line is for another day...

 

I'm not trying to be mean just giving u something to thing about. Trust me when I say this everyone is giving u solid advice from their own experiences. The advice I've been given has helped me a lot in my short time on the forums. I see things so much clearly & feel better than I have in months.

 

Thank you for that. Unfortunately, i am not sure these experiences are relevant to this specific situation i am in. this is not a typical dumper/ dumpee case, and all everybody is trying to force down on me is to get up and leave, without looking properly at what's happened. I am not hurting bcos i've been dumped and need to get motivated to quit. this is more a mixed signal case where i need help to look at what's happened and figure it out... sorry if i chose the wrong board, i really am...

 

and trust me when i say i am seeing things pretty clear, but i guess u won't anyway... and some of the ppl here are still wrapped up in the emotions of their own situations and transferring it to my own. that guy shouting and spouting and venting can hardly be called objective. Someone rendering an opinion in cold analytical condition does not cuss and curse his way thru a posting. he gets so worked up that he even fails to grasp the content of what i wrote and often comes up with stuff that's nonsense to me, but i guess works for those who need therapy like that.

 

I know this may sound cliche but if u love her let her go & see what happens. She does know how u feel there's no way she cant. Leave it in her hands for awhile & see how it goes. No use dwelling on it over & over trust me u'll end up sick.

 

i know. thanks, man...

[mythologymajor]

see this happened as a result of two things. one is using NC incorrectly and two ..trying to be friends with someone you love and want to BE with ok.

 

now the damage is done on both sides of the coin.

 

all I can say is block msn and listen to the words coming out her mouth. my ex told me we are not getting back but he didn't always act like it. it drove me unhappy and moody. I decided its enough and completely let go. not because I wanted to hurt him but because my life was jacked up trying to have this rel and make it work. so trust me, I know all too well about being in this situation. 3 years experience.

 

you need to get answers from her and go with the flow. I think she is playing some games too. so drop msn...talk to her..and then take control. you can't keep living like this. it is mentally damaging. get answers and accept the answer.

 

i dunno what kind of game she's playing then... u just don't make urself miserable playing at these kinda emotional games... it exhausting, but just to share with you, since i learned not to ask for goodbye or ask to be friends, she's been more relaxed and calm - she stopped posting abt hurting and letting go. She just posted abt love and missing me... by last week, i was so sure of myself that i sent her flowers and chocolates... i didn't have a note with that, but later that night i sent her an email. I just blew that all up by proceeding to leave her alone for one whole week without contact. When i got back, she promptly blocked me, and wouldn't take my call.

 

so yeah, i am working my way towards a meeting. that's the hard part at the moment becos i kinda think i might have been doing it all wrong every step of the way. That's why i am so frustrated on this board, i am trying to get real help on how to achieve that, but all these ppl are shouting at me to walk away without bothering to understand what it's all abt... i can't just walk away. i think i've hurt her too much for her to so easily open up to me again. i just hope i get to fix this. at least i can tell myself i've done all i could. So for all those walk-away guys, i am not where u r yet. i am not done yet.

[Fruitpunch]

So you have Finally got someone to give you some kind of an answer that means you can continue pursuing someone that has shown no interest in you.

So you send her a letter?

She doesnt reply. What then? you will be back on here asking why she has a new msn name that could in some way relate to the letter.

Here is how someone tells someone else they are interested.

I love you, i miss you, come see me, lets hang out etc

 

You want my situation , here it is.

A gf of 4 years dumped me 2 weeks ago. Did i get clarity? NO

We arranged to meet up , she cancelled and blanked my calls.

I sent two texts asking what was up, got no response so i MOVED ON

 

I am now at a great point in my life. A point that is going to take you years to get to unless you start listening to what she is telling you, and other people are telling you.

I didnt get a reason why she wanted to break up, i didnt get a goodbye, and you know what. who gives a ****?

There is no difference between someone sitting you down and explaining why they dont want to be with you, someone "apparently" giving you smoke signals on msn, or someone blanking a call and moving on.

 

THAT PERSON HAS MOVED ON. THEY OWE YOU NOTHING

 

Now be a man, move on, go meet other women and start enjoying your life. Whether you get to the point im at in a weeks time or a years time, you are going to have a eureka moment at some point and get there.

Do it while you still have a trace of dignity left