Money Issues, etc.

[akazid]

Primarily interested in opinions on what would you do.

 

Background:

 

My family is mostly an immigrant family. I was born in a foreign country, came here when I was 9, went through college, etc. Due to my family being immigrants my parents needed money and used cradit cards, etc. They *had* about 55-65k in credit card debt.

 

Now, I went to college, finsihed in 4 years with a Masters/Bachelors and have, so far, helped them to the sum of 35k from my job since graduation (I've been emplyed for about 3 years and 2.5 months or so.). They should have between 15-25k of CC debt left on their CC's (This doesn't include CarA, CarB, and 401k loans they took out). Nonetheless, they should be done with a car payment, and another car should be payed off soon (2-3 years).

 

I am a workaholic - and I enjoy being one and sort of like stress (Forces me to get stuff done - I always put out fires before they begin, that's just who I am.). I will be able to give the 25k in about 4-5 months. My questions is: Should I help with that sum or let them try to pay it off on their own?

 

That is, I don't really see them ever paying back the money so it's mostly charity work - I don't expect it back. Basically, spending 4 years of my own life to help out someone financially who, incidentally, might be unable to support themselves financially. Should I just not drop that 25k on them or help out this one last time and not do this anymore (I believe helping this one time - even though I don't know their financial situation EXACTLY would be very helpful on setting a correct path). Basically, paying them this money within the next 4-5 months I will have saved them 25k cash (due to how interest works) with a cost of 60k to me.

 

That is, with 60k i could have bought a home with a nice downpayment. With 25k in my savings account I wouldn't need a security blanket at night ...

 

Advice? Suggestions?

[akazid]

So I remembered about this site after 2 years or so.

 

I'll just give and update on what I've decided to do:

 

In 2008: I gave my parents 13,000

In 2009: I gave my parents 22,000

In 2010: I gave my parents 20,000

In 2011: I gave my parents 06,500

 

In 2009 I also gave them about ~3,000 extra

In 2010 I also gave them about ~4,000 extra

 

That's a total of about ~68,500 I have given (That means I don't expect it back other than through 'support') my parents since graduating college in 2007. They're pretty much debt free and their attitudes have changed. They are less stressed and in general, I think, this is way better than it has been in the past. Yes, the last 2 years have been 'hell' for me but I think it was well worth it.

 

Furthermore, I've also made the decision that if they get in any debt it isn't my responsibility anymore. I've paid it off once and I don't plan on doing it twice. The time is now for me.

 

I have about ~3k CC debt (Should be paid off in 8/2011) and about a 20k loan @ 3%. All my studnet loans I've managed to pay off (About ~30,000 in student loans was paid off. I received a Bachelor's and a Master's Degree in 4 years ... workaholic ... yup, that's me ... ).

 

So basically, I'm 27 (The birthday is tomorrow), single, have parents who are happy, and my debt prospects look good.

 

What will be my next goal? It's a combination of finishing off my debt (~23k or the 3k or both), getting certain promotions at work within the next 2.5 years, studying for LSAT for law school (for about 2 years of the 2.5), and -hopefully- meeting that someone special.

 

In any case, I just wanted to say 'Wow, I think I've made the right decision in paying off the debt'. I'm actually very happy about it because now:

 

1) I won't feel guilty if they get more debt. It's their responsibility now.

2) 68,500 @ 28% / year == 19,180$ or about 1,598 saved a month. That's HUGE. It's money now that stays in the family and doesn't go to the bank.

3) I can now officially be a bit more selfish and start doing what is healthy for me. That involves looking around for that someone special, going back to school (LSAT / Paramedic [i think I want to do Paramedic training ... we'll see]), volunteering, and just take care of my needs.

 

 

P.S. If you have comments/suggestions please post. I'll be looking around this site for some time and I'd be nice to read people's opinions/suggestions.

[akazid]

So I remembered about this site after 2 years or so.

I'll just give and update on what I've decided to do:

In 2008: I gave my parents 13,000

In 2009: I gave my parents 22,000

In 2010: I gave my parents 20,000

In 2011: I gave my parents 06,500

In 2009 I also gave them about ~3,000 extra

In 2010 I also gave them about ~4,000 extra

Ok, status update:

0 CC debt (All paid off, woohooO!) ... took me about 6 months to do ... had issues with expenses coming up and being more than I budgeted/made.

 

My side:

19,000$ in 401k loans

00,000$ in student loans (They're all paid off! Yea!)

 

Parent's side:

10,000$ in 401k loans

02,000$ in CC debt

04,000$ misc stuff I expect to arise

 

Brother's side:

(Not my problem ... )

 

Total to pay off: 35,000

Earliest Reasonable Goal date: 12/12

 

What will I do then? Celebrate like hell. I'll dance like crazy. Jump up and down on a bed and possibly break it. I'll celebrate my deshackling. I should be 28.5 then. I started this goal at around 23 ... 5.5 years of stress, getting my parents to open up regrading their debt, etc etc.

 

Total paid off around 12/12: 35,000+68,500 = 103,500

 

Yup, I'm going to be really happy about that #.

 

 

Also, I've decided to move back in with my parents and sign up for the telework program at work. I'll be able to work 250 miles away from work, be near family, AND save a ton of money that way as nothing specific is tying me down to my current area. I might even move somewhere like Wisconsin where with my salary is more than enough.

 

Finally, in the last few years I've done this I've seen HUGE improvements in my parent's attitudes. They aren't as pessimistic as they have been in the past. Nonetheless, my dad could use a bit of an attitude change (He's basically sitting home a lot due to a slow business ... limo driver ... getting 'sad' becuase there isn't 'work' ... will need to talk to him at the end of this year regarding on what he wants to do, etc ... )

 

But yea, in many ways I'm happy I've done this so far and paid off the debt. Debt == VERY evil. Also, I don't really expect my parents to repay this money to me. I do, though, expect them to be financially responsible as otherwise I'll be upset, move out, and possibly break contact. Harsh but ... umm ... they can't say I never helpded and was irresponsible. That's off my chest and on theirs.

 

Edit: On a side note I used to weigh about 180 lbs and be athletic/fit around 23. I did balloon up to 235 lbs around 9/2010 and I'm currently at 205 and on my way to what I was when I was 23. Stress does odd things.

Edited December 29, 2011 by akazid

[FitChick]

Well done. Why don't you get power of attorney and take charge of all of their money, giving them an allowance? Otherwise, their debt could snowball again. Get them to listen to Dave Ramsey on the radio for inspiration.

[akazid]

Well done. Why don't you get power of attorney and take charge of all of their money, giving them an allowance? Otherwise, their debt could snowball again. Get them to listen to Dave Ramsey on the radio for inspiration.

 

Their debt definitely could snowball again. Based on discussions with them they are being reasonable, etc, so I don't think it will happen. Also, most of their purchases are with cash and they don't call 'asking for money' and haven't done that in basically 1 year. If they do borrow they return it within 1 week. A year ago every 2-3 months they'd ask for 1k-1.5k from me and about 300 or so a month from my brother (He's moved out to be with his GF and they also don't ask him anymore).

 

Also, beginning of this year they paid off a car (800/mo), paid off most CC's and put on 401k's, etc. Basically, about 625 / mo from CC's and 800 / mo from car payment was retired and they've been more 'stable' since then. That's about 1,425 / mo. Add that to the other balances and in the last 4.5 years and their 'interest/debt' payments per month has decreased to 0 from 2,000+. Meaning comparing now to 5 years ago there's at least 2,000 / mo less in expenses that could be classified as just interest payments.

 

They are 56/54 years of age and sane. Getting power of attorney would be next to impossible and would likely cause more issues.

 

After 12/12 I'll know I've done what I could have to help them and did help them. I'll have a talk with them and from there decide my move.

 

But yes, in the future their needs won't be coming first and any financial issues that may arise with huge amounts of debt will result in broken contact / etc. At 28 it will be my priorities over theirs. If breaking contact would be only way to save my sanity then be it.

 

Oh yea, if they make a big purchase (i.e., mortgage) like a house it's a huge *BYE* *BYE* from me. It's not something they need.

Edited December 29, 2011 by akazid

[akazid]

Original: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/242587-money-issues-etc

(Can't post under it as, apparently, there's a 60 day post timer?)

 

Well the debt is basically almost paid off. Yes, the original thread was started in 8/2010 with me starting the repayment in 2008. fml. I don't know whether this was a mistake or not but I know that in the future my parent's debt is their debt, not mine. I will not get them out of a bundle again.

 

Some things to consider that have happened:

1) I haven't really dated since 2008. Went from 24 to 28 without much interaction with women. Nonetheless, I think I've grown extremely as a person mentally and physically (I actually lifted a ton during this period of stress ...)

2) I worked for the Federal Government in VA. Now I work the same job from NJ by teleworking. Saving money as I live with family now.

3) I will probably be attending law school part time starting in 2013 while working full time.

 

In general I would say that people's debt are their own responsibility. Do not look at your kids as if they owe you something because you've raised them. They do not owe you anything. My parents did not look at it as if I owe them anything (with the lump sums) but do look at me if I owe them some montlhy money (I do live with them and make more than enough ... but I've already given way more than rent would cost. Touchy subject.). Also, to the 'children' you own nothing to your parents. Their finances are their resposibility and a result of their decisions. You may know the whole story but you may also not know it at the same time.

 

Anyway, I don't regret making the decision I made but I am a bit annoyed by how much I've dated since I made the decision. Nonetheless, I'm actually extremely happy I've worked to improve myself. Reflecting back on that I'm coming to the conclusion that many relationships (hopefully not marriage, etc) come and go but the investments I make in myself will probably stay with me.

 

Oddly, I sort of enjoy coming to this thread and reading it from time to time to see exactly what has happened and what I've gone through. Some of the details (like financial #'s) are hard to remember as right now they are unimportant but interesting to see.