BradAdams Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 I still love my girlfriend, but she wants to be alone, and she said she just fell out of love with me. We live together under a lease, and after trying, we cant break it or afford to live alone somewhere else. There are three months left on our lease. I want to respect her wishes. You cannot make someone love you, but its killing me because i still love her. I know i am going to get sick when i see her getting ready to go out at night, other guys calling, etc. We were dating for a year and a half and she told me that she began to feel this way a month ago, but kept it to herself because she wanted it to work. I am trying SO HARD to not show her that i want her back, or give any indication thereof, because i know that will spell disaster. I have no idea what to do.... I need some advice Thanks, Brad Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 You probably are not going to get back together, and you should start looking for a new girl, but because you have to live with her, sit down with her and set some rules, like niether of you have new people spend the night or that kind of stuff, are you sharing a bed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BradAdams Posted February 17, 2004 Author Share Posted February 17, 2004 not any more. i decided to take the couch, its a one bedroom. what makes you say we probably wont get back together? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 Because she fell out of love with you. That's pretty much a bullethole in the head of a relationship, man, once that happens, there's rarely any going back. You or her will have to find a place to live eventually, because it will be HELL otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BradAdams Posted February 17, 2004 Author Share Posted February 17, 2004 I really have nowhere to go. I absoulutely cant afford paying any more than i can, and she just landed a new job at 30k, so she cant afford anything either. All of my friends have roommates, and i just have too much stuff to ask them to crash. The hardest part about this, other than feeling rejected, is that she is showing no emotions whatsoever, she just has a smile on her face and talks to me like i was never her boyfriend. This is tearing me up, man. I guess she's trying to make things work with us living together and all, but the lack of (i guess caring) of our relationship and how i feel really sucks. I'm guessing she detached a long time ago, so i figure thats why she's done this "light switch" on me with her feelings..... Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 sounds like she is trying to convince herself of something. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 Where do you live where she can't live on her own making $30k a year? Link to post Share on other sites
greyskies Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 Originally posted by UCFKevin Where do you live where she can't live on her own making $30k a year? Ypu crack me up so much when I read your responces to people. You are very funny. Yeah 30k would get me what I needed like in the middle of nowhere for sure. Hell with that mch I could put a down payment on one of those ocean front properties in washington that Eric Estrada is selling on tv at 3 and 4 in the morning. :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 Hey, if it's Ponch, it's gold! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BradAdams Posted February 18, 2004 Author Share Posted February 18, 2004 Originally posted by lost_in_chgo sounds like she is trying to convince herself of something. What do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Pretteangel Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 I feel the best way to handle this one is to respect her wishes and completely let go. When someone doesen't want to be there, the worst thing you can do is manipulate it in any way and you will do that. It is human nature unfortunately. I am sure you in a lot of pain now and I am sorry however you in charge of you and you decide to hurt or not. That is not her responsibility. In a way it is better to know now than later when you two may be married. Maybe after some time, you two can talk and you can find out the real reason for what is going on. There may be someone else in the picture that you not aware of. Something is definately wrong in your relationship because speaking as the woman I am, we don't just leave or fall out of love for no reason. Take this time to take care of you. The biggest mistake you will make is if you are forcing anything, this will only drive her away 100%. Get some literature on LETTING GO. It will help you. You know the old saying, if you love someone than set them free, and if they don't come back they were never meant to be yours"? Well it is true! Tell her you love her and you respect her wishes and that you will leave the door open but you will go on with your life. Do not show her that you are sad and moping around, BIG MISTAKE! Who wants to be around someone sad and depressed? Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Honestly Brad....I wouldn't stay in the same place with someone who no longer loved me regardless of funds. I couldn't take it. One of you two should put an ad in the paper for another roommate....and the other one should move. If she is making more money than you and broke off the relationship....I would ask her to move. 30K is MORE than sufficient to find an alternate place to live. Maybe you think by her staying there.....there is more of a chance of you guys getting back together. That's probably not true...not at THIS time. You may be holding your feelings in check now....but anything could happen and your emotions will blow! Things will end up being said which will only drive the wedge deeper between you. If you don't get back together....and it sounds like that isn't going to happen soon...three months is a long time for neither of you do go out or date other people or do any number of things which will cause a confrontational situation. This is only my personal opinion though. I'm sorry you are going thru so much turmoil. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BradAdams Posted February 19, 2004 Author Share Posted February 19, 2004 Thanks for the advice. My situation is getting wierd, it seems as if she is getting her cake and eating it too. She has me there as a friend, someone to talk to, someone to be there when she gets home, fix it guy, and its not fair. The way she is acting I cant get over, its like she is perfectly comfortable with our situation. I honestly have not said or done anything to imply that I was depressed, jealous, or wanting her back. I have been constantly monitoring my behavior to benefit solely the normality that must be maintained in the apartment. After reveiwing the lease it seems we cannot make changes to tenants or sublease, otherwise we will lose the 3K we saved for the course of our lease. (spoke with management) We have three months, and I dont know how long I can keep up this lie of being "perfect" around her. Apparently I am doing such a good job with it, I can see sometimes she is questioning in her mind how normal I'm reacting! I'm doing everything you guys and my friends suggested, (other than living somewhere else--$$) and it is working so far. (getting along living together-etc.) No pressure, no phone calls, no asking her to talk, no asking her out to eat or whatever, and no "looks" everyonce in a while. Im on my best behavior. I'm going out this weekend and maybe meet someone to ease this pain and take my mind off of it. The apartment has a den, and weve explored setting it up as a bedroom, but i know inside that its only a temporary fix. -Brad Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted February 19, 2004 Share Posted February 19, 2004 I think you are are stuck on "there seems to be no reason" for her not to love you. Can you sit down and have a conversation about your relationship? Here's what I'm going to try... Honestly, no games or manipulation, but truthfully say, I love you and miss you, and would like to work this out. If you feel the same, please let me know. If not, okay. I don't believe there are many people that would want a relationship with someone that doesn't love them. That wouldn't even feel good. I think you still aren't clear, or perhaps feel there is a misunderstanding? Once you get your head wrapped around what she is feeling, I'm sure you will know what to do. If she says she doesn't love you, then put her a$$ on the couch and you take the bed. Find a new roommate and tell her she's got 30 days to find a new place. Get the landlord to change the lease. Get a second job if you have to. Hey, they say 70% or more people find somebody where they work. That increases your odds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BradAdams Posted February 24, 2004 Author Share Posted February 24, 2004 Well- The situation here seems to have changed. She has been seeing a therapist for about three weeks now, and in a nutshell she has asked her why she doesnt have feelings anymore. Her therapist said she cannot give her an answer, but gave her a homework assignment that my ex wants to include me in. She wants me to make a list of what i think a relationship should have- requriments, needs and wants. My ex says she is keeping an open mind about us, but wants to compare what she and I have written down to see if we are compatible on the most basic level. What should i do? In the beginning she claimed she fell out of love with me a month before we broke up, however in the heat of our last fight (when we broke up) it seems now that she may have secont thoughts, but she has told me that she is so afraid of hurting me again so she wants some kind of indication that this relationship has a possible future. What do you all think? Link to post Share on other sites
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