Lost

[jude007]

Hi,

 

Ive posted on this site before, but I guess im at the coping point now.

 

To cut a long story short.

 

I met this amazing girl 7 years ago, I was in love for the first time - I loved her so much, she split, as she said she wasn ready. I then left her to it for a year, never spoke with her - she came back after a failed relationship and we got back. Ever since then we have been on and off.

 

Last year we go engaged - moved in and ended up not discussing arguments (which had always been the case) and we split up. I loved her, but she was had a strong, no nonsense - she was always right approach.

 

The thing is the split has been the toughest time for me its now over 6 months since we split, I have seen her about 8 times in that peroid.

 

She has in my opinion befriended all my mates wives, and now attends parties that I will be at, or even more annoying im not there.

 

its a small town we live in, she has said she is moving away - but she hasnt. She has said she has moved house but she hasnt.

 

Since we have broke it looks like - the first few months, it was - ill show you - from both of us - she has hit the gym - lost alot of weight stopped smoking - and is out all the time in bars I always went too. She looks great.

 

I havent handled things that well - in fact I have been a wreck - especially watching my freinds get married when all i thought it should be us. Ive drunk heavily - Ive pulled alot of girls, it hasnt made me feel better at all. Ive argued with all her friends.

 

Recently we met and had a nice lunch - she is back to being the ice queen that she can be and I cant get in.

 

I txt her when her sister kid was born, she sent me a picture. we emailed for a few days it all stopped. She txt me back saying she knows she has made the right decision now - she hasnt moved on tho as far as Im aware.

 

I go to bed late, and cant sleep, I sit in most nights myself thinking about her.

 

I just feel im stuck in a rut and do not know what to do.

 

I was good to her, we were good to each other - but the splits I never wanted to happen none of them, we always worked it out - but now I know this time - with the engagement - etc - its pretty final - if someone doesnt want to be with you - you cant make them.

 

I guess im looking for help, thoughts, and inspiration - as I am close to seeing the doc - for anti depressants - and wondering if therapy does work? I feel so angry sometimes at all of this - and that isnt me - I just feel like I want to explode.

 

I cant get away the fact she will always be my mates wifes best friends, her friends live about 1/2 mile from me, and next to my good friend, so likely to bump into her, or her parents.

 

I have tried moving away years ago after a heartbreak - and ended up lonely, in that city - and met no one really, until I met this girl - and moved back home to be with her! and she dumped me at that time.

 

Help people. is there light? im 32 now - she is 30.