ycswid Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 I've just stumbled on to this forum while looking for help with my relationship. Last Thursday evening (at midnight) my mate decided to share that he wants to sell our home and get out of this relationship. We are not *married* although he called me his wife and I called him my husband. We've been together for 9 years and purchased our home almost 6 years ago. He was injured in a work accident 2 1/2 years ago and is just now to maximum medical recovery and started retraining. We definitely need to work on our relationship however it has been on a back burner since his accident. My thoughts have always been that there would come a time when his injury would not be at the forfront of our lives, he is now into retraining and that means we could work on us as a priority and blam... He says he is no longer in love with me. We have no children together (he has 2 - 18f 15m that live with their mother, I have 2 - 26m on his own 23f still here with us : she had planned to move out but because of the accident stayed to help us out - 6 weeks ago she said that she was planning to move out for July 1st now that things seemed on track) He wants to have the house sold for July when my daughter was planning to move out. And since we cannot afford other options financially we would stay together in this house til then. Yes we still sleep in the same bed. We have lived the last couple of years really has roommates not partners and I guess he thought it would be easy to remain that way until July. He didn't think I would have any objections since he felt that I no longer love him. I do still very much love him however I realize that I have not shown him that for far too long. I have spent the last 5 days feeling like my guts have been ripped out. I've talked with him however I'm walking on eggshells worried that I'll upset him more with pressure. At first he said no to counselling then yesterday agreed to see if a counsellor could show him something. I know that this is going to take time. I've made a call to my therapist (appt tomorrow) however I would really like some advice and what to do with the time we are together now. How much do I try to be loving? (he makes a face if I try to give him a kiss) What can I do in the immediate future to show him that he is still the most important thing to me. Still hopeful Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Go read <URL removed> and work your BUTT off. You might redeem this; the fact that he's willing to see a counsellor is good news - but you better get invested in this relationship and never again allow yourself to slack off. Relationships simply do not survive being taken for granted or being put on the 'back burner'. Let this be a lesson to you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 I think ANY couple, legally married or not, who have been toegther for 'x' amount of years, can find themselves falling into a rut. They get overly comfortable and forget to do the little things which can keep the flame alive. Probably due to his work related accident, he was stuggling with self esteem due to not being able to work and you got busy holding all together and didn't notice. Now that you have though, Moimeme is right, you guys can work on it together and build that ember back up to a roaring fire......with love and communication. Once he sees how much you care about him and 'both of you as a couple'.....maybe he'll feel more like his old self and less like the one who he feels perhaps disappointed you due to a long illness. Men really take situations like that hard. It's difficult for them when they don't feel up to original capacity. Good luck ycswid.....we are all rooting for you. Please keep us posted!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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