Cheating Wife's BF

[Gfkr2]

Several months ago, I discovered my W was cheating in our marriage. We are in the process of ending our marriage by divorce. I discovered she cheated muliple times in the 25 years we spent together. Her best friend also knows of her wicked ways and therein is the rub in the entire mess.

 

Her husband also cheated on her with another woman. She and I are developing a strong emotional connection as betrayed spouses who have known eachother for years, but didn't talk about our painful secrets. Both of us have been 100% faithful (and stupid) to spouses that took advantage of being trustworthy and decent individuals. I found we connect on many

different levels and we enjoy talking and seeing eachother for support. We've done nothing to hide our friendship until now,

 

BUT

 

I know the friendship between us will definately change if we keep our present

direction. I have little doubt where this is likely to go, yet I have NO guilt or shame whatsoever. My heart was broken and I deserve to at last think about what makes ME happy after giving my all to a failed marriage and getting screwed. Yes, I am motivated somewhat by revenge and the pain caused by my wife, and she by her husband's infidelity. That she is my Stbx best friend...all the better. I have no reservations about enjoying her company or concerns about this becoming a physical relationship. I consider that to be the

icing on the cake we are both entitled to after years of suffering.

 

Thoughts?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Both of you should divorce, and have an out in the open relationship - finding happiness with each other, putting the past behind yourselves and not looking back is the best revenge you could have.

[phineas]

Just finalize the divorce's then have at it.

No guilt then.

A fling while seperated is ok.

 

But think about it, do you really want to look back a yr from now & say "we started dateing while we were still married?"

 

You will be thankful you waited & took things slow.

[Chrome Barracuda]

...I see where this is heading. I've been in a similar situation. And i didnt go through with it. Stupid me.

 

Look at least let her file for divorce because it's becoming an EA for both of you. Surely you can see that, have respect for this woman's marriage.

[Gfkr2]

...I see where this is heading. I've been in a similar situation. And i didnt go through with it. Stupid me.

 

Look at least let her file for divorce because it's becoming an EA for both of you. Surely you can see that, have respect for this woman's marriage.

 

 

I have NO doubt where this emotional bond is heading, if it is left to run its course. She could be more interested in a fling/PA so to speak to "even the playing field" with her cheating husband. I can't see her leaving her marriage....It's not her. I also know this is the typical pattern for long term infidelity, so I am sensitive to what could happen between us.

 

That being said. I am weakened state caused by my wife's mind imploding betrayal. She continues to cheat and flaunt her new MM to her family and friends as we are on the path to certain divorce. I recently discoverd, as part of my looking into the current A with my Friend, WW had yet another instance of infidelity that was unknown to me 5 years ago. It was purely a sex affair and these nasty buggers are tough even for the most intuitive betrayed spouse to catch onto.

 

The bottom line is I am vulnerable. My friend opened a door to me that otherwise I would have NEVER known about. I appreciate her honestly beyond words....and yes, I know it strenghtens the emotional bond between us even more. I owe this kind women beyond words for confiding in me and doing the right thing, even where she was throwing her best friend and my StbxW under the bus. It was certainly a courageous decision on her part and I appreciate her thinking of me during this difficult time.

 

I am weighing my options. I am in no hurry to move the R along too fast, although the thought of having a physcial affair soon without too much emotional attachment remains is very, very intriguing to me. :D

Edited August 23, 2010 by Gfkr2

[phineas]

You should just call it what is.

 

Banging your cheating wifes Best Friend for revenge.

 

I could do one better & call up my STBXW's EX-BF & now mortal enemy & she would bang me silly just so she could rub it in my STBXW face.

 

But, she's allready bent that i'm seeing other women & that would probably send her over the edge. LOL!

[ladydesigner]

Gfkr2 if your friend is M then you would become the OM, are you willing to become exactly the person you despise in regards to your wife? I totally get you. I had a revenge A after discovering my H's infidelities and became the MOW to an OM who was attached, he had a girlfriend. Well what I thought would only be revenge, and it was, turned into me falling for him and he ended up hurting me in the end. It took me 2 years to get over it and my H and I are finally reconciling. While the revenge helped me get over my H's affair it also helped me loose my integrity and that is a hard lesson to learn. Not something you can really get back you know?

[Chrome Barracuda]

I know, and thats what im pointing out.

 

Your doing to her husband what your wife is doing to you. its not right man. You can find a single woman.

 

You can ignore what the stbxw is doing.

 

u can move on with your life,and live honestly.

 

And that's why i didnt sleep with my exe's friend. because even though i could have it was wrong. deep down inside i knew it was wrong.

[LoveLace]

Once you are both divorced, free to do whatever you want.

[Gfkr2]

Once you are both divorced, free to do whatever you want.

 

Right now, we feel like dinosaurs...the only ones in our group of friends who remained faithful for 20+ years. Everyone else, including our spouses, jumped ship for the forbidden fruit. The pull on both of us "just do it" is great right now.

 

We are both strong individuals not usually given to temptation..revenge is a strong influence that we talk about.

[2sunny]

Right now, we feel like dinosaurs...the only ones in our group of friends who remained faithful for 20+ years. Everyone else, including our spouses, jumped ship for the forbidden fruit. The pull on both of us "just do it" is great right now.

 

We are both strong individuals not usually given to temptation..revenge is a strong influence that we talk about.

 

since you indicate that she has no intention of divorcing now - is it obvious that IF you both do this then SHE (your potential married OW) is no better than the woman you married?

 

let me ask you - did this gal KNOW of your wife's cheating through the years and remain her friend anyway?

[Darth Vader]

since you indicate that she has no intention of divorcing now - is it obvious that IF you both do this then SHE (your potential married OW) is no better than the woman you married?

 

let me ask you - did this gal KNOW of your wife's cheating through the years and remain her friend anyway?

 

 

Was the husband of this girl screwing your wife? You both need to lose the loser spouses you both have, then get married and screw each other like rabbits!

[David.]

Your doing to her husband what your wife is doing to you. its not right man. You can find a single woman.

 

You can ignore what the stbxw is doing.

 

u can move on with your life,and live honestly.

 

And that's why i didnt sleep with my exe's friend.

 

Agreed.

Perfect sense here.

 

So keep your head down; don't be distracted by these novel and intriguing ideas. The two of you will celebrate your shared integrity a year from now, and thereafter.

[Gfkr2]

since you indicate that she has no intention of divorcing now - is it obvious that IF you both do this then SHE (your potential married OW) is no better than the woman you married?

 

let me ask you - did this gal KNOW of your wife's cheating through the years and remain her friend anyway?

 

Yes, my WW told her of an EA. She told my WW it was wrong then took steps to distance herself from the friendship.

 

I told her it would have been much preferred that she told me of the A.

[angie44]

Hi All,

After reading your posts, I felt I had to have a say too

 

personally, I think you should end this friendship with this woman immediately and deal with your break -up and your wife's infidelity. Take time to get over it so that you dont act on impulse to seek revenge and be on the rebound. What you are going to be doing (if this relationship heads in the direction you have stated) is exactly what your wife did to you, so how could you honestly feel the injured party and hate what your wife has done. Seems hypocritical to me.

As for this woman, your wife's best friend...well, she is no better than her husband either!

It's a bad situation that has been complicated even more, and sure enough its going to get messy at some point unless one of you takes the step and does the decent thing for everyone's sake.

 

Sorry to sound harsh, and its only ,my opinion, you will do what you choose to do and suffer the consequences if the case may be.

[Gfkr2]

Hi All,

After reading your posts, I felt I had to have a say too

 

personally, I think you should end this friendship with this woman immediately and deal with your break -up and your wife's infidelity. Take time to get over it so that you dont act on impulse to seek revenge and be on the rebound. What you are going to be doing (if this relationship heads in the direction you have stated) is exactly what your wife did to you, so how could you honestly feel the injured party and hate what your wife has done. Seems hypocritical to me.

As for this woman, your wife's best friend...well, she is no better than her husband either!

It's a bad situation that has been complicated even more, and sure enough its going to get messy at some point unless one of you takes the step and does the decent thing for everyone's sake.

 

Sorry to sound harsh, and its only ,my opinion, you will do what you choose to do and suffer the consequences if the case may be.

 

Nothing has happened to this point;). We are close friends who share much in common and have both been greatly affected by spousal infidelity. My M did not survive my StbxW cheating. Her M? She would like to even the score with her H as I see it. There is a close emotional bond, and yes, it has potential to go further IF we BOTH want it to. It's not like we are ready to run off and have at it:love: today.

[2sunny]

Gfkr2;2961050Nothing has happened to this point;).

 

this is good... except you have an emotional tie that is unhealthy for a married woman. she should either get D and see you then or stay M and stop seeing you - leaving her to rebuild that attachment to her H.

 

We are close friends who share much in common and have both been greatly affected by spousal infidelity.

 

so? you want to build a relationship on negative thoughts and feelings? nothing positive comes from that.

 

My M did not survive my StbxW cheating.

 

you had a boundary and acted upon it to D. SHE hasn't decided on her boundary yet - and hasn't acted upon what to do or not do about her failing M. she can complain all she wants - but until she actually DOES something about it - she's still married.

 

Her M? She would like to even the score with her H as I see it.

 

just more negativity you both would be stepping into. i notice you don't indicate that she states SHE wants to D... and is willing to do anything to get divorced. she is vindictive and willing to use you for selfish means. are you willing to let her do this? i hope you want more for your future than that...

 

There is a close emotional bond, and yes, it has potential to go further IF we BOTH want it to.

 

well - remember - she IS married. YOU will get hurt if you decide to go this route.

 

It's not like we are ready to run off and have at it:love: today.

 

ya, remember that... you can never take it back once you do... and the likelihood of you being friends for the long term become less as you get more physically involved. it could get really ugly for you = lots of pain.

 

good luck with it all. since YOU are divorced - go find an available gal to get close to and consider dating.

[vipo]

I'm not forcing you to think about my opinion, but, do you really chose you partner, or just picking him up ?

If you are with someone, that would means you have already know how hi is, how much you can trust him, and how you'll have to interract with him, no ?

if this person seems not to be meriting you, WHY GIVE HIM INITIALLY A CHANCE TO ENTER YOUR LIFE ??

I'm just not native English so sorry if any fault, an d sorry if I wasn't able to share my opinion with you, but this is my limits of the language, hope you can personally develop the idea and think about it more deeply, then wich you a good luck for what is comming after