Wildchildnsc2 Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 [color=darkred][/color] Okay, so here's where things really get difficult for me. I've been friends with this guy, Jason, for 5 years and we've always been "just friends". He even used to have a crush on my best friend, who is no longer a friend at all. Well, last December, about a week after my birthday, I went to visit him in Virginia where he works, and stayed a couple of days up there. Jason and I ended up sleeping together the first night I was there. After that we didn't talk at all until recently. I've felt like he has been ignoring me and wanting nothing to do with me. Well, I'm working on an article right now for a magazine about Love and Romance in 2004. I have been asking my friends to take a survey about love and romance to help with the research. Well, I asked Jason if he would take the survey and he said yes. There was a question about having relations with friends. "I'm at a point in my life where I don't want anything serious. I travel all the time, so friends with benefits is what I'm looking for." That's what he said as his answer. He wasn't talking directly about me, but I know he was trying to throw me a hint as to why things haven't worked out with us. I don't know if I can handle just being friends with benefits. Plus, it's hard to know if he even cares about me. Will someone who has been in this situation before please help me clear up this mess? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 Well...does the fact that he's in VA and you're in SC dissuade you at all? That's certainly not a very appealing aspect, that's for sure. But, he's probably telling the truth. Should've told you before you slept together, though. There's no way around it. If you hound him into wanting more, that'll push him away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wildchildnsc2 Posted February 17, 2004 Author Share Posted February 17, 2004 But that's where I get confused. He has been telling me lately that he can't wait to see me when he gets here. He'll be here in about a week. He doesn't live in VA though, he lives here in SC, he just works in VA. He tells me how much he cares and so forth. I haven't been hounding him either. I've just been letting things take their natural course. I really care about this guy and I want more. He has even asked me to come work with him. Now what? Link to post Share on other sites
SweetLou22 Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 If you read my thread "So Confused..." you'll see that I'm in a similar situation. I think my romantic interest (friend for the past 6 years) is looking for a "friend with benefits." Agghh it just makes me sick to think about. I could never have done the things I did with her without having strong feelings for her and then I found out that she's doesn't know how she feels. So I understand your situation - I think. If you find a solution please share it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wildchildnsc2 Posted February 19, 2004 Author Share Posted February 19, 2004 Believe me SweetLou, if I knew how to get myself out of this situation I would. Everytime I try to get away from the whole thing, I just miss him even more. It sucks, doesn't it? I don't want friends with benefits, I want a relationship. ARRRGGGHHH! LoL Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 19, 2004 Share Posted February 19, 2004 HAHA WildChild....maybe he's a sailor?????? "I'm at a point in my life where I don't want anything serious. I travel all the time, so friends with benefits is what I'm looking for." posted by WildChild. You slept with him inside of this ageement. It's ALL you have to hold him to. Now, if you are wise.....you can play the game a little and get him back. It'll take some work though....... Giving sex casually when you really want a relationship usually NEVER works...not easily!!! It's all in the head game and time frame.... Consider it a lesson learned....or learn how to make it work for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Benedict Posted February 19, 2004 Share Posted February 19, 2004 Hi Wild, I am guessing that he is telling you that he can't wait to see you when he gets there because he thinks you are that friend with benefits. Again, just a guess, but if you didn't tell him in no uncertain terms that you are unwilling to be a FWB, he is probably figuring that you are OK with it. After all, as humans we want to believe what we want to believe. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 Originally posted by Wildchildnsc2 [color=darkred][/color] ...Will someone who has been in this situation before please help me clear up this mess? I have been in this situation. You want a relationship with this person. You care for this person. The person however only wants non committal flings (read: sex). If you get physically close to this person your feelings will crush you, as the person only wants the sex. I recommend finding someone else who can provide the emotional stability and support you need. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 Originally posted by Wildchildnsc2 But that's where I get confused. He has been telling me lately that he can't wait to see me when he gets here. He'll be here in about a week. He doesn't live in VA though, he lives here in SC, he just works in VA. He tells me how much he cares and so forth. I haven't been hounding him either. I've just been letting things take their natural course. I really care about this guy and I want more. He has even asked me to come work with him. Now what? He tells you that he misses you and can't wait to see you -- In this situation, that usually means, 'I can't wait to see you so I can hit it and then send you on your way'. I speak for myself. Maybe, he's different, I don't know. Have you told him how you felt? Maybe, he likes you and thinks that all you want is a homey - lover - friend! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
Cpunch75 Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 Don't kid yourself....FWB is not something i recommend, as I just got out of a FWB relationship thinking things would progress, but they didn't, she went back to her bf, and im crushed. the more you sleep with him, the more you will start attaching. Dont do it! Link to post Share on other sites
July Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 I agree with cpunch 75, FWB is a dangerous thing to get involved with, only if you are equipped to handle the ramifications. In my experience and those of other people I know, it may seem like a good idea for the moment, everyone gets what they want, but usually, in the end the strong emotional feelings get tangled up in the mix. It's very difficult for some men/women(in particular) to separate and be okay with the just sex thing. In general, men seem to be better at looking at sex as just sex with no strings, but women are a little different. WE GET ATTACHED. It's crappy and unfair but its a good chance that you may become attached emotionally to your friend, and even though he cares about you he may not feel the same way. And in the end you may be disappointed and not feel so good. So, I guess you have to weigh all things, can u handle what MAY happen, or do you even want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 It only works if BOTH people involved 'play by the rules'. If it's being used as a way to get the other person to have a relationship with you.....it's gonna end up messy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wildchildnsc2 Posted February 26, 2004 Author Share Posted February 26, 2004 Thank you all for your help. I'm really grateful for your help. Arabess has my answer though. Arabess, please explain to me more what you mean about playing the same game. Link to post Share on other sites
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