Could he want more..?

[Josie2910]

I would be grateful for your comments regarding a co-worker and I. I work for a very large company and started in a new department about a year ago with roughly 40 employees. Since March of this year I have been regularly invited to office get togethers involving a group of people who have known each other for a few years. I had a great time and found out I had a lot in common with ‘Jo’ who was also at the function and works in the office. Prior to this I had spoken briefly to him about work issues, but nothing much. However, since these nights out we’ve found out that we’ve got the same sense of humour. Back in work we’ve maintained the same ‘banterous’ relationship, lots of teasing and jokey emails between us. He always asks if I’m going to work functions that are on and seems genuinely pleased when I say I am. On one occasion when I arrived he made sure he was sitting near me and away from his other male colleagues. When I had to leave early last week due to a domestic issue, he emailed me and said that he had been worried about me as it was unlike me to leave early.

 

Whilst in work he is always staring at me and there has been loads of eye contact between us. I also receive random emails throughout the day such as if I’m in late he’ll send one saying ‘Didn’t know you were on half-day today, stop watching daytime TV!’. Also, if he leaves before me, he’ll stand by my desk and start looking at this watch and say things such as ‘this must be wrong, I’m leaving before ‘Sue’ for a change’.

]More recently he has asked for my personal email address so he could send some photos of a concert he had been to. This has sparked up communication between us outside of work which has been very jokey and of a teasing nature (he makes jokes about the lack of work I do etc.)

 

What has got me wondering whether this is more than a friendly relationship is this. I had identified to Senior Management that the job I was doing independently required an additional person due to the work volume. An internal job advert was placed to attract other employees outside of the immediate section. Around this time I had to attend a meeting in another location which meant an overnight stay. The day I was travelling ‘Jo’ came over to me and asked what I would be doing socially whilst over there (it is common practice to go out for a meal and drinks with the other associates) I said that I didn’t know and had made no plans. He seemed pleased about this. On my return from the trip the boss came over and said that ‘Jo’ had expressed an interest in the job and how did I feel about that. I must admit I was a bit shocked as he already had a good one. Later that day ‘Jo’ emailed me and asked what I thought. I said fine and this opened up another batch of jokey emails between us.

 

Now, I don’t want to appear naive, but do you think he has an ulterior motive to working with me. I am always jokey and I thought he just liked being around me due to my sense of humour. We will be working together for a minimum of 2 years which will require us to travel together on occasions. We are both married though he never talks about this. I do talk about my husband, though he never wants to focus on him when I refer to him.

 

Grateful for your opinions

Edited August 23, 2010 by Josie2910

[PegNosePete]

It definitely sounds to me like he wants to start something, but he is playing it safe, waiting to see if you're open to the idea, or just waiting for an opportunity.

[2sure]

Hard to say, but you are a big girl and probably already know the answer. Are you attracted to him? Do you feel like your friendship with him may eventually lead to something that could threaten your own marriage?

If the answer to either of those is yes...then you have to reconsider working/traveling with him.

 

If the answer is no - then now is the time to tell the guy right up front that you do enjoy this friendly working relationship but want to point out that its success depends on the ability of you both to keep this a professional working relationship and not a personal one. See how he reacts to that.