We were broken up, But we slept together..Does this mean were back together?

[situationsmend]

Do you think it wrong of me to try and Ask my ex-girl If She wants a relationship with me or Not?

 

 

We were together, solid, in love for 4 years but broke up two months ago. She just developed a

desire for self-independence and

wanted to see what it would be like to be on her own. But she was freaking out about it and has

still been scared and freaked because she says she loves me so much and feels like she's making a

mistake, that she should be with me me, because she feels it inside but has to try it out. I was good to her. Always looked

after HER needs as well as my own. I was always very supportive, but she just became unhappy

with herself after a while i guess, And as we all know, If you're not happy with yourself, You can't

be happy with anyone else. But i let her go and supported her, even though it killed me and broke

my heart. I was ready to ask her to marry me up until this happened. She's 23, I'm 27

 

So far it's been a month since she moved out. We still hang out every once in a while and everytime we

talk on the phone she's always "I miss you" or "I'm sorry I'm stupid, i'm miserable without you". Just recently

we spent the day together and at the end of the night ended up kissing and it led to us making love

and having sex, which had been a while since we had because of our break up and her being distant from me

prior to the break-up. It was beautiful and she would cry and tell me she missed me and was so happy and

was exactly where she wanted to be. But I'm afraid to ask if we can be together again. I don't want to pressure her

but I just don't get why she would let us go to that place, but not bring up the possiblties of us getting back together...

 

 

What do you think I should do, Should I just talk to her? I'm just trying to take things slow and I don't want to ruin

anything in develeopment, if anything is happening again between us, By asking about it. I just want to

live for the moment, take it day by day and see what happened. I pretty much wish she would come to me and tell me,

But i'm not sure if she's ready.

 

Should I bring it up? or just let things grow on their own?

[Girlie]

If I were you, I'd talk with her about it. She's really giving you mixed signals and that's not fair to you. It'd be nice if you could just live for the moment, but you care about this person far too much to just be able to sleep with her and then act like it doesn't matter. I wouldn't be super demanding about it or anything, but just ask her what's going on between the two of you. I'm guessing she has no clue what she wants, but I think it's better for you to communicate what you're feeling rather than just sit back and take things.

[situationsmend]

You're right, And i wasn't sure if I had made that clear before, But yeah, She hasn't really mentioned it.

I'm supposed to see her tonite for dinner for 3 hours then she has to work. I've been wanting to bring it up,

but haven't yet, simply because I don't want to pressure her or drive her away. It's been difficult for both of

us but mainly me. She's also been hinting that she hates where she lives and is just unhappy and keeps

thinking about me and missing me. But i always choke and never ask "So where are we with things?"

 

Thanks for the advice

[UCFKevin]

YES, you should talk to her.

 

NO, sex doesn't mean you're back together.

[situationsmend]

I know it doesn't mean we're REALLY back together...Just a figure of speech.

 

 

Yeah, I'll talk to her. I'll bring it up in a nice subtle way, tonite. It isn't fair to sleep

together and have sex with each other and not have an established relationship.

 

 

Thanks guys.

[situationsmend]

Yep, Still the same. She doesn't know what she wants still. I asked her about US last night and

she's still uncertain about us, Yet she can sleep with me and let us have sex. It's frustrating as hell

and I'm mad at myself for letting it go there. I just love this girl so much and I really felt like she was turing

around this weekend. But now she seems like she's back peddling. She claims she loves me and sees me in her

future together, just right now, she wants to be free and be able to do whatever she wants and be young

and just have fun with no ties. Yet other days she's telling me she's miserable and that this sucks and that

she misses me and wants to see me.

 

I'm really hurt that we made love and she acted like it didn't happen the next day. This woman has just hurt me too

much during all of this and I keep getting let down. I want to help her because she seems depressed so I feel like

i should drive her down to see a cousellor because I care and love her so much and want her to be well, since she

can't seem to make any decisions. But then I keep thinking she's got to do that for herself.

 

Thanks for reading guys, It feels good to write about it. I don't know what I'm going to do. The girl of my dreams

took a left turn on me somewhere. She swore she wanted to be with me for a long long time. Now this.

[glasshammer]

Not going to get anything resolved if you're still having sex but she doesn't know what she wants.

[Arabess]

I think one of the hardest thing a person ever has to do is to come to a point of saying....this relationship, or lack of one, is no longer working for me. It's driving me insane and I need to distance myself from it.

 

Your heart can't take all the back and forth stress. It's just too much. Holding onto the little bit you've got going with her in hopes of her changing her mind....isn't worth what it's doing to you.

 

Personally, I'd tell her you no longer want to be involved in her life or have sex until she is clear as to what she wants from the relationship. It's either in or out.....not a revolving door.

 

You won't quit loving her....but it WILL give you some control over the situation.

 

If she wants to 'date around unattached'....well...let her do so. Just remind her you MAY or MAY NOT be available after she's decided she is done playing the field. That way....the ball is in YOUR court...instead of her goofing with your heart all the time.

 

Please keep posting to let us know how you are doing and what is happening.

 

Arabess

[Pretteangel]

Just because you sleep together does not mean you back together!

 

A lot of times that is one of the biggest mistakes one can make to have sex with an ex.

 

Simply ASK! Don't run around guessing, what a toture for you!!