Is reconciliation possible?

[Ajay]

An old boyfriend, ex-husband, lover, boyfriend from college 20 years ago, etc. Is it possible to reconcile a relationship? I've always thought once things go bad, that's it...

 

It seems like all the old crap is still there plus all the new crap that accumulated during the "separation". I would like to believe two people can grow, learn to communicate better, and put it back together -- in time. But it seems when things don't work out the first, second, third or tenth time, you might as well forget it.

 

Your insight would be appreciated...

[Tony T]

I think it is irrational for people to go back for a second crack at a realtionship thinking all the good from the relationship will still be there but most of the bad will be gone.

 

It probably depends on the nature of the problems that existed to cause the first break up. But if there were overwhelming problems that could not be solved the first go 'round, it is very unlikely those problems can be overcome at a future date.

 

Now, after 20 years, people change so dramatically and so much has happened it is very doubtful there would be much interest on either person's part to start something over again. It is even doubtful there would be a physical attraction since our likes change so dramatically over time.

 

Albert Einstein defined insanity as repeating the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. I'm not sure that applies here but it comes close.

 

There is no good reason to return repeatedly to try to repair a sorry relationship when there are so many good ones that can be created with other people who may be far more compatible.

 

To answer your question, yes it is possible to reconcile, but the chances of it lasting are not good. Usually the same dymnamics still exist that ended the relationship before.

 

I totally agree with your idea that the same old crap is still there, plus more. Yes, I agree with your entire theory on this subject. I always think it is better to live life forward and not return to repeat lessons we should have well learned already.

 

Since you have it right on, I am assuming you are not planning on trying to pull off one of these useless escapades.

[billy the kid]

well seeing as how you two couldn't forgive and forget the first time around myabe you two can't now..what do you think? maybe in the past only one of you were willing to work at it, so now if you both are willing it might work.. I have seen relationships work after a break if they are both willing to work.. if just one is well it's doomed..

I think it is irrational for people to go back for a second crack at a realtionship thinking all the good from the relationship will still be there but most of the bad will be gone. It probably depends on the nature of the problems that existed to cause the first break up. But if there were overwhelming problems that could not be solved the first go 'round, it is very unlikely those problems can be overcome at a future date. Now, after 20 years, people change so dramatically and so much has happened it is very doubtful there would be much interest on either person's part to start something over again. It is even doubtful there would be a physical attraction since our likes change so dramatically over time. Albert Einstein defined insanity as repeating the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. I'm not sure that applies here but it comes close. There is no good reason to return repeatedly to try to repair a sorry relationship when there are so many good ones that can be created with other people who may be far more compatible. To answer your question, yes it is possible to reconcile, but the chances of it lasting are not good. Usually the same dymnamics still exist that ended the relationship before. I totally agree with your idea that the same old crap is still there, plus more. Yes, I agree with your entire theory on this subject. I always think it is better to live life forward and not return to repeat lessons we should have well learned already. Since you have it right on, I am assuming you are not planning on trying to pull off one of these useless escapades.

[ma]

Ajay,

 

are you referring to the man that you used to post about, is everything okay?

An old boyfriend, ex-husband, lover, boyfriend from college 20 years ago, etc. Is it possible to reconcile a relationship? I've always thought once things go bad, that's it... It seems like all the old crap is still there plus all the new crap that accumulated during the "separation". I would like to believe two people can grow, learn to communicate better, and put it back together -- in time. But it seems when things don't work out the first, second, third or tenth time, you might as well forget it. Your insight would be appreciated...