Saw the OW for the first time

[SidLyon]

Thanks for adding a new word to my dictionary-busk-which I've looked up. Yes, I agree, he busked on D-day.

 

To "busk" here means a public street performance in the hope that passers-by, give money.

 

Does it have another meaning of telling lies? Or is it just used to mean the person has put on a convincing performance?

[turnstone]

A showy performance or appeal is probably the definition used here. Its tenuous though.

[White Flower]

To "busk" here means a public street performance in the hope that passers-by, give money.

 

Does it have another meaning of telling lies? Or is it just used to mean the person has put on a convincing performance?

Busk-a stiffening device, usually a strip of wood, steel, or whalebone used to stiffen the front of a corset.

 

IOW, he stiffened up on D-day to look proper and orderly, compliant and respectful.

[Summer Breeze]

What a great thing to say. Yes, there is an 'aha!' moment and I can see from your posts that you did indeed reach it long ago. I think I did too simply because I chose not to have my exH in my life anymore and therefore knowing he had cheated was enough information.

 

 

 

Yes, it seems that this part is often ignored by the OW.

 

 

Quite often it's ignored because the MM's back in days looking to start things up again. Sorry, but my xH admitted his A when I confronted him and he begged to stay. He was out that night but for months after he was coming back trying to sort things out and talking about the family splitting up etc. In my eyes, heart and head it was done the moment he admitted it. There was nothing left to save. After that came the months of trying so hard to reconcile all the while quietly hedging his bets with his OW. On the last night we spoke all he!! broke out and we had a huge row. In the anger was more truth than he's spoken. He loved her more than me and he wanted to be with her but he didn't want to lose his child and he couldn't afford to make up what he'd lose from a divorce in a financial sense. It boiled down to the OW being his love and the situation being his priority.

 

I pretty much knew this anyway so the slap in the face it was wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. The moral of the story kids-quite often dday isn't about love but about familiarity and comfort. Not always but from a few friends of mine (men who have had As) that's quite often it. It's easier to stay than to go.

 

As far as the other persons AP it doesn't matter. The heart wants what it wants. As are more about emotion and feeling than physical attributes. That's the mistake people make. They assume it's the perky blonde secretary from 70s movies and it isn't. It's the kind considerate workmate who offers a shoulder and a kind word. My xHs OW was short and frumpy and older than me by 10 years. She made him happier than he was with me so her looks meant nothing. Many years later they're still together.

[White Flower]

Quite often it's ignored because the MM's back in days looking to start things up again. Sorry, but my xH admitted his A when I confronted him and he begged to stay. He was out that night but for months after he was coming back trying to sort things out and talking about the family splitting up etc. In my eyes, heart and head it was done the moment he admitted it. There was nothing left to save. After that came the months of trying so hard to reconcile all the while quietly hedging his bets with his OW. On the last night we spoke all he!! broke out and we had a huge row. In the anger was more truth than he's spoken. He loved her more than me and he wanted to be with her but he didn't want to lose his child and he couldn't afford to make up what he'd lose from a divorce in a financial sense. It boiled down to the OW being his love and the situation being his priority.

 

I pretty much knew this anyway so the slap in the face it was wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. The moral of the story kids-quite often dday isn't about love but about familiarity and comfort. Not always but from a few friends of mine (men who have had As) that's quite often it. It's easier to stay than to go.

 

As far as the other persons AP it doesn't matter. The heart wants what it wants. As are more about emotion and feeling than physical attributes. That's the mistake people make. They assume it's the perky blonde secretary from 70s movies and it isn't. It's the kind considerate workmate who offers a shoulder and a kind word. My xHs OW was short and frumpy and older than me by 10 years. She made him happier than he was with me so her looks meant nothing. Many years later they're still together.

Summer Breeze you post with such wisdom.

 

I ran into my math professor at the gym, such a beautiful woman nearly 60 years of age. Drop dead gorgeous to this day, legs like a Barbie doll and lips like Bridgitte Bardot.

 

After 19 years of M a woman knocks on her door, it was the OW. Shocked, OW told my math prof that her H had been seeing both of them 20 years ago and he decided to marry the teacher but he kept the other girlfriend as OW the whole time. The OW was frumpy and nothing much to look at. My teacher said to me, 'It doesn't matter how pretty they are; it only matters how they make him feel'.

[turnstone]

Quite often it's ignored because the MM's back in days looking to start things up again. Sorry, but my xH admitted his A when I confronted him and he begged to stay. He was out that night but for months after he was coming back trying to sort things out and talking about the family splitting up etc. In my eyes, heart and head it was done the moment he admitted it. There was nothing left to save. After that came the months of trying so hard to reconcile all the while quietly hedging his bets with his OW. On the last night we spoke all he!! broke out and we had a huge row. In the anger was more truth than he's spoken. He loved her more than me and he wanted to be with her but he didn't want to lose his child and he couldn't afford to make up what he'd lose from a divorce in a financial sense. It boiled down to the OW being his love and the situation being his priority.

And I don't deny that this happens, although I wonder why on earth any sane woman would want a man like this - BS or OW.

 

I also, can only speak from my own experience. I left the country in order to prevent my exH from continuing to beg and plead me to take him back. And as it seems relevant - we don't have children together.

 

But this is a derailment and I agree that looks aren't necessarily the deciding factor in a man choosing to have an affair with a particular person, but it is a factor in the way that herenow describes.

 

I think it says much about the way that women compete with one another that we at times, can get hung up about looks. Or maybe its more about the way that men value us, putting looks high on the priority list for a partner even though that initial physical attraction is never enough on its own to sustain a relationship.

[Summer Breeze]

And I don't deny that this happens, although I wonder why on earth any sane woman would want a man like this - BS or OW.

 

I also, can only speak from my own experience. I left the country in order to prevent my exH from continuing to beg and plead me to take him back. And as it seems relevant - we don't have children together.

 

But this is a derailment and I agree that looks aren't necessarily the deciding factor in a man choosing to have an affair with a particular person, but it is a factor in the way that herenow describes.

 

I think it says much about the way that women compete with one another that we at times, can get hung up about looks. Or maybe its more about the way that men value us, putting looks high on the priority list for a partner even though that initial physical attraction is never enough on its own to sustain a relationship.

 

Couldn't agree more with you in the whole paragraph but particularly the bolded part. We primp and preen and it's part of the animalistic courting so we figure that must be what we're up against. I also think if we can find ways to make ourselves 'superior' to someone who is often a completely unknown it comforts us to a degree.

 

As to your response to the beginning, I wouldn't do it either hence the divorce. It wasn't real and even if we'd gotten back together I could never have spun it so it was.

 

Love your posts Doll!

[turnstone]

Couldn't agree more with you in the whole paragraph but particularly the bolded part. We primp and preen and it's part of the animalistic courting so we figure that must be what we're up against. I also think if we can find ways to make ourselves 'superior' to someone who is often a completely unknown it comforts us to a degree.

Absolutely, its human nature. Although I like to think the more we mature, the less it matters - to both men and women. I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin now than I did even a year ago and maybe that's why Herenow doesn't have an issue with the 'attractiveness' of the OW.

 

As to your response to the beginning, I wouldn't do it either hence the divorce. It wasn't real and even if we'd gotten back together I could never have spun it so it was.

 

Yes. It makes me wonder if its a little like the chicken and the egg - which came first?

[Silly_Girl]

As a race we are pre-programmer to make judgements on someone's appearance (friend or foe at the most basic level). This continues as we evolve else why would tall men earn more, in studies, than short men (as an example).

 

We live this way and it only becomes shallow or naive if appearance is the ONLY clue we make use of to make important decisions.

 

Of course I want to feel I'm sexier than my 'romantic competition', but it doesn't stop there... I'd like to be able to think I'm more intelligent, funnier, kinder... it's a long list :)