My ex's father passed away. What do I do?

[cutesy]

Hi everyone.

I have been an avid reader of all the posts at LS and I have to say that you guys have no idea how you have helped me cope with my recent breakup.

My ex dumped me 2 weeks ago out of the blues. Everything was going great btw us and after a very trivial argument, he went NC on me for days and after I pleaded with him to speak to me, he sent me a text saying it was over. I was shocked at his behavior. Not even a chance to talk things over. I was devastated bc I truly loved him and he made me believe I was the one. After listening to family and friends and realizing the warning signs I had missed, plus that we had only dated for 2 months, I pulled myself together and went NC as well and we haven't spoken since then.

However, I was snooping around his brother's facebook page ( i deleted him) and found out that his father had passed away. I know he'll be devastated bc they were pretty close and I knew his father although we weren't that close.

What do I do now as I wasn't even supposed to know? When I think of how he dumped me so disrespectfully and the fact that he hasn't called me since then, I want to say "Who cares? Deal with it".

But I do care about him, moreso now, bc I know he doesn't have friends. Besides, he has been so stressed out lately with work and school that I know this might tip him over. And I wonder if his father's illness had anything to do with his dumping me so harshly. Also, I am scared that I might get a rebuff and hurt even more. I am not looking to get us back together bc my head tells me I can't trust him again. But I feel that pretending I don't know makes me a jerk.

What do u guys think? Any one ever been in a similar situation?

[quankanne]

him breaking up with you doesn't preclude good manners, and my thought is to go into "friend mode" – send him a card letting him know that you're sorry for his loss, and that he and his family are in your thoughts/prayers/both. It's an act of sincere good will, but not overly intrusive, IMO.

 

am sorry to hear about his loss – even though you expect to lose your parents, it's never an easy thing to face.

 

hugs,

q

[mmk1]

Your ex indicated that it was over and he went NC. It is sad that his father died, but you are looking for a reason to break the NC that you should be doing. I would not intrude in this private moment since he made it clear that he was done and you only dated two months. Hope this helps.

[cutesy]

Thanks mmk1 and quankanne.

I was not planning to contact him anytime soon. My plan was to send an email a few weeks from now. I forgot to mention that growing up, our families were friends although our parents have lost contact with each other. And although I was not close to his father in recent times, he was fond of me as a child.

Again, I know he'll wonder how I heard since we don't talk and are not friends on fb. And there's no way my family would have heard anytime soon bc they're not in touch with his.

mmk1, I am not really looking for an excuse to break the NC. Like I said, I have been NC for 2 weeks and I have been doing great. I was even beginning to get over him and I am still pissed at what he did to me. I just feel pity for him bc I know he'll be feeling crappy now and will appreciate support from someone who knew his father.

[skydiveaddict]

I would not contact him. Death is part of life. Don't set yourself up for more pain, He knows you feel bad for him. But dont spoil your own healing because of his loss.

[carhill]

My ex's father passed away. What do I do?

 

I would certainly send my ex a sympathy card, and likely flowers to the service, if her mother died, but we were married for ten years. Dating a couple months? Fugetaboutit, unless she was a good friend before dating started, which it doesn't sound like.

 

Indeed, death is a part of life. Time to get on with it; living, that is