Am I too sensitive?

[Just another woman]

My boyfriend and I have a very intense passionate relationship. He tells me all the time how beautiful he thinks I am and how I'm the standard by which he measures women. He picks apart every detail of my face and body and is constantly making comments. I'm not used to anyone spending that much time and effort discussing my physical attributes and while it does feel good to be with someone who thinks I'm nice looking, sometimes it makes me a little uncomfortable that my appearance is so important. The real issue though is that he studies other women with that same intensity. The other day he "guessed" my bra size. I asked him how he was able to do that and he openly admitted that he's a "breast man" and he's constantly looking at women's breasts, that is when he's not looking at the rest of their bodies and that he knows how to judge size. I don't consider myself to be a jealous type person, but I was so upset after he told me that. We've always been able to talk about anything, but I've been reluctant to bring this up to him because maybe it's me with the problem. Maybe I'm too sensitive or maybe even insecure, but this issue has made me question if I want to be with a man like this. I could really use an outside opinion. Thanks!

[Dover]

Dear Too Sensitive, You are NOT too sensitive! If a guy constantly complimented my physical attributes, it would give me cause for worry. Remember, beauty fades ... where would he go then ... Maybe to those other women he studies and guesses at their bra size as he is a "breast man".

 

Sweetie, this dude is shallow with a capital "S". When I was younger, I used to go steady with a guy who even tried to tell me how to wear my make up, one day even wanting to apply it for me. I finally told him, "You don't love me! You love what you feel you can make me into!" I was refering to physically and personality AND I was proven correct.

 

I would NEVER go steady with any man who made such a huge deal out of my physical appearance. What if, God forbid, something happened like an accident and that which he adored so much in me was no longer there. He would leave me in a New York Heart Beat. And so will this dude!

 

Also, from the sounds of it, since he measures others to you as you are the perfect standard, tell me what happens when another woman comes along that is more "perfect" in his eyes than you are? This guy is totally superficial and I would have nothing to do with him.

 

Try an intellectual discussion with him and watch the look of a confused puppy come across his face.

 

Dump the jerk!

 

Best of luck. Dover

[Tony T]

Your boyfriend's obsession with intense analysis and commentary on your physical attributes and those of others is not normal. You, within the context of the relationship, will have to be the one to decide if it is just too much. I am assuming this is not a topic of conversation on a highly frequent (several times a day) basis.

 

The problems with the physical part of human beings come when they get a bit older, heavier, and wrinkles start appearing. Have your boyfriend analyze a 40 or 50 year old woman for you for a preview of his commentary in years go come. While older women are still attractive, a highly techical analysis would not come up with the same results that a very attract lady in her teens or 20's might get from your dude.

 

Does he every tell you he admires your kindness, intelligence, generosity, consideration, thoughtfullness, or does he consider all of that to be contained in your boobs?

 

Most women reading your post would think he is a real boob!!!

[LT]

Sometime...ask your boyfriend: "If I was in a bad car accident and lost the use of my legs and had to be in wheelchair for the rest of my life...would you stick by me and still love me?"

 

Real love isn't conditional or dependent on the other "being" this or that or any particular way. Sometimes it's not even dependent on the other one loving you back! I have used the test above a few times in my own mind to judge how I felt about someone and I think it works pretty well. Try it yourself and see if you'd take of this schmuck if he was crippled (not as good as a Darwin award but close enough).

 

If he doesn't stop with the comparisons, be a real stinker. Next time you make love, start comparing HIS physique and technique to other lovers. When he complains (and trust me HE WILL), strike a deal with him. But only after you say: "Hey, you know how I just made YOU feel?? That's how you've been making ME feel everytime you do one of your little up-to-snuff's." Sometimes you have to force your shoes on the other person's feet.

 

Personally, tho...I'd dump his ass.

 

LT

My boyfriend and I have a very intense passionate relationship. He tells me all the time how beautiful he thinks I am and how I'm the standard by which he measures women. He picks apart every detail of my face and body and is constantly making comments. I'm not used to anyone spending that much time and effort discussing my physical attributes and while it does feel good to be with someone who thinks I'm nice looking, sometimes it makes me a little uncomfortable that my appearance is so important. The real issue though is that he studies other women with that same intensity. The other day he "guessed" my bra size. I asked him how he was able to do that and he openly admitted that he's a "breast man" and he's constantly looking at women's breasts, that is when he's not looking at the rest of their bodies and that he knows how to judge size. I don't consider myself to be a jealous type person, but I was so upset after he told me that. We've always been able to talk about anything, but I've been reluctant to bring this up to him because maybe it's me with the problem. Maybe I'm too sensitive or maybe even insecure, but this issue has made me question if I want to be with a man like this. I could really use an outside opinion. Thanks!

[Lucille]

It's up to you and your gut feeling what to do about your relationship but I can tell you you're not being too sensitive.

 

My last boyfriend used to tell me how beautiful I was all the time, until I realised he never complimented me on my personality, or virtues. It was nice to be complimented on my looks all the time, but not at the expense of all your other great qualities. I DEFINITELY would be suspicious of a guy who a) checks out other girl's bodies and b)can guess bra sizes ( even I can't do that! - that must take a lot of expertise). In fact I wouldn't stand for it long, but that's me.

 

Good luck.