dyermaker Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Perhaps chaos is a bad word. I'm in a relationship that we both consider healthy and rewarding. We both draw an extreme amount of happiness from it, it doesn't yield self-fueling drama, but more of a loving knowledge. Whatever, I'm happy with it. My question is, is it wrong/unhealthy to look forward to some sort of conflict? Right now I'd describe the relationship as perfect, but neither of us seek perfection, we communicate and work at things, and we've avoided trouble. But I feel if we actually had some sort of conflict to work through, it would sort of condescend things to reality. Even though things wouldn't be perfect, they'd feel more real--does this make any sense? I'd never create conflict where there is none, and neither would she, but I'm not delusional enough to think that it'll never happen--should I be dreading it? Link to post Share on other sites
silk_sword Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 no, but u r wondering about it. that is healthy. i think u just want to be prepared. r u worried about it? i don't see that what u r thinking is in anyway unhealthy. do u just want to see how u both will make it through a problem so u can determine how u both will whether other storms in life? it seems that way, well from my perspective. i think it shows that u r serious about this relationship. it shows that u want to give it all u got and work through all life has to throw at u. many people fear problems and do all they can to avoid them. u seem willing to fight them and appear ready and confident that what u both have will prevail. i think it's a very uplifting attitude. it doesn't seem like u want it for the wrong reasons. if u r bored and looking for trouble though then that is an obvious sign of an unhealthy desire. but, u don't strike me as this type. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Not all conflicts are DREAD. Sometimes......a conflict can come from the deepest part of your soul. The part that you aren't even sure of.......as far as it making it YOU. So, when this surfaces......it gives the person you love a chance to address a part of you.......which you maybe never shared before. Some conflicts are goofy stuff. Other's are BIG.......like I said......represent the deepest part of you. I wouldn't dread those if I was confident in the love which would encompass and protect them. There is nothing more meaninful than someone who loves you.....who says...."So THIS is the REAL YOU!!"......"HOW F*CKING INCREDIBLE!!!!!"...................... And they even love you more. Link to post Share on other sites
silk_sword Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 beautifully put arabess! Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 I agree Dyer. You thinking about this is healthy, but don't worry , because the conflict WILL happen naturally! And you and your girl I am sure will handle it, and grow even stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyermaker Posted February 18, 2004 Author Share Posted February 18, 2004 I'm not worried about it, I'm just anticipating it. It's so incredibly easy to Love someone when there's nothing wrong, nothing to weather. Not that being over a hundred miles isn't difficult in and of itself, but between us, there's nothing wrong. I'm not worried about it, I just look forward to it. A part of me justifies that by wanting something solid, some sort of assurance that this isn't some illusion that's providing ideal solace right now, but rather a foundation for a lifelong relationship. The other part of me thinks that I'm being a dumbass, for wanting to see such a great thing under fire. I'm not bored and looking for trouble. I'm maybe a bit impatient, I haven't talked to her in like a day and I can't stop thinking about her, but I don't really remember her off of my mind when we were talking. I know we're strong enough, I have emotional evidence--I'm just wondering if the desire for empirical evidence is unhealthy. Link to post Share on other sites
silk_sword Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 i don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyermaker Posted February 18, 2004 Author Share Posted February 18, 2004 Well thanks. I miss her though, I think I need to go to bed. Link to post Share on other sites
bellatina Posted February 19, 2004 Share Posted February 19, 2004 " work at things, and we've avoided trouble" You said...um.... I been married 6 years only one conflict.... I like getting alone well. We don't "avoid" trouble, we don't look for it either.... fights are associated with passion, but trust me .. true love is confortable and peaceful Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 19, 2004 Share Posted February 19, 2004 Conflict is somewhat important to a relationship, so waiting for it is normal. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted February 19, 2004 Share Posted February 19, 2004 Perhaps the relationship in its current state seems to surreal; too perfect and unscathed. To live is to struggle, and sharing part of life with someone sadly enough does not seem solid or real unless there are some small bumps in the road. I have had many moments where things seemed too perfect, and I eagerly anticipated something to make it more tangible. I did not wish for an end, or something horrible, but anything to make what I had seem more tangible and full. In fact how you described it makes perfect sense to me. Trials and tribulations shall come. These to me are what define a true bond. Good luck when they are placed before you Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyermaker Posted February 19, 2004 Author Share Posted February 19, 2004 That's exactly what I'm talking about, thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
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