Hyper-Parenting--Too Much of a Good Thing?

[candymoon]

Interesting how you highlighted this portion but neglected to respond to the balance of my post.

 

Anyways, I wish the best for the little girl. If she's blooming with these activities, then she's going to have some advantages in life. If these activities are too much for her, then I hope her parent(s) cut back so she's not feeling overpressured. The child's welfare is tantamount.

 

 

And you didn't to mine--as in the extremists and the larger sociological impact such parenting can have on a society over time. Let's get above and beyond individual family cases and delve into where this is leading us as a society in the long term.

[threebyfate]

 

And you didn't to mine--as in the extremists and the larger sociological impact such parenting can have on a society over time. Let's get above and beyond individual family cases and delve into where this is leading us as a society in the long term.

Straight up. Don't hold your children back for selfish reasons. Do what's best for them.

[sb129]

Am I or have I been a good parent?

 

I think most conscientious parents ask themselves this regularly, and its a good thing. Parenting requires you to evolve as your child grows.

 

I don't feel threatened at all, yet of course I ask myself this.

I think it helps make me a better parent. I don't question my parenting compared to other parents I question whether my parenting is the best thing for my daughter.

Assuming you are automatically a good parent may mean you aren't flexible enough to change with your childs needs.

 

Why do my children need more than I had, after all, I'm okay aren't I?

 

It goes without saying that my daughter will need more than I had simply to survive in the world she will live in. She will have a mobile phone, laptop, computer skills and other knowledge long before I did as a child.

 

But needs aren't just about stuff and extracurricular activities.

I DIDN'T have enough family time as a child, and I would rather my daughter had more of that than expensive lessons that she may or may not use as an adult.

 

Am I being a competitive parent where if the Smiths have done more, since I can't afford the money and/or time to do the same, I need to judge their actions as detrimental?

 

Right now, we can't afford extra money to send our daughter to swimming lessons or music classes, nor can we afford to buy all the latest and greatest educational gadgets and toys, as we are setting up a new business.

 

I honestly believe that our daughter will not be disadvantaged by this in the slightest. We take her swimming ourselves, we do music at home. We spend time with her teaching her things and playing with her.

 

Fair play to people who can give their children the world- I don't judge them per se.

 

However its hard not to judge if they appear to be trying to compensate for lack of time, or they themselves think that their way is the only or "best" way, and they in turn judge you.

 

I know a family where the child has a bedroom, a playroom and his own bathroom. All three are crammed to the brim with every kind of toy on the market, they are decorated with commissioned murals.

He goes to music, swimming, jumping beans, and a few other classes.

He wants for nothing- EXCEPT, his mother is a neurotic worrywort who has wrapped the child in cotton wool and won't let him be a kid unless it conforms to what her parenting books say.

His workaholic father is never home- he maybe sees his son for a few hours in the weekend.

 

This family have pots more money than we do, I wouldn't trade places with them for a second.

I don't look down on them- I feel SORRY for them.

But they look down on US as parents, for not worrying about being up to date with the latest and greatest parenting fads and trends.

 

They are the hyper parents we are talking about in this thread.

 

You are a new parent TBF. Do you ever doubt your parenting skills? Do you ever worry about the future for your son?

Do you judge other parents for not being like you?

 

I felt a little judged by your posts to be perfectly honest.

 

At the end of the day, each to their own, and we all do what we think is best for our kids and we try to prepare them for the world as best we can.

Edited September 1, 2010 by sb129

[sb129]

 

And you didn't to mine--as in the extremists and the larger sociological impact such parenting can have on a society over time. Let's get above and beyond individual family cases and delve into where this is leading us as a society in the long term.

 

Thats what I thought we were discussing in this thread.

I have used my own limited experience as a parent to draw from however observation is a powerful tool for a topic like this, and I have observed plenty of examples others have used.

 

We weren't discussing the benefits of stimulating activities for children- although that could have its own separate thread, and everyone acknowledges that some children benefit from some activities.

 

I think that in some instances, hyper parenting can have a negative impact on the child and ultimately society.

[Dooda]

You are one kind of child. There are many others. Some do well with a lot of stimulation, others don't do so well.

 

It's assumptive to state that because of what you went through, it's a bad thing for everyone.

 

It's also assumptive to state that hyperparenting is bad for all or even most children. There are more factors at work than stimulation when it comes to parenting. Supportive parents who encourage their children to excel are awesome, as long as their children are the type who can handle a lot of stimulation.

 

Understand?

 

There's no need to talk to me as though I'm a mentally disabled child. I am an adult, and I understand perfectly fine, and I also understand that what you are saying is your own point of view, and that there is no need to shove your own POV down other people's throats.

 

I was simply stating my own life as an example. The school I went to was not one to 'stimulate' children. It was an abusive school and system that depended on the students' 100% compliance. 99% compliance = scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush. That kind of school.

[Dooda]

Thanks Dooda. You get my point.

 

As a matter of fact, my own parents were of the "money = I care" camp. So I get it from the kid's perspective! No my parents did not send me to camps and such during summer, but there was a 'must succeed' attitude with everything. And not JUST succeed, but to excel three-fold.

 

That lifestyle--so much pressure to succeed! I thought I was bad, with stressing over every single play in a game, scrambling over every point on a test score... there were kids who were total basketcases, like crying in the bathrooms because they got a 98 on a test...it wasnt 100, whose parents were earlier versions of these "hyper-parents".

 

These are the parents I'm talking about (extremists)--I mean, is it really important that a 5-year-old know how to count change by the time she starts 1st grade? Most can't even count to 100 at that age!

 

Perhaps hyper-parenting creates not only anxious people, but driven individuals who strive to succeed at all costs, with no thought to much of the human element of things. Success = money. A zillion classes does not equal the warmth and comfort and self esteem caused by a mother's hug and kiss before bed. Or a dad's sitting down and reading to his child for storytime. Those things build true character and self-esteem, even after career burnout has set in 30 years later.

 

IMHO, *some* of these parents are not in-tune with their kids at all.

 

Exactly, that's how I feel all the time. Like I have to "succeed", and if I'm not succeeding, then I'm failing.

These types of parents set their children up for failure, because in life there will be failure, but, through failure, we have to see the grey areas. By being constantly pushed to success, these children will only see black and white, I failed or I succeeded.

 

"Perhaps hyper-parenting creates not only anxious people, but driven individuals who strive to succeed at all costs, with no thought to much of the human element of things."

 

Exactly. Before talking to my psychiatrist, I thought I was a failure because I hadn't gotten my life on 'track' and I still wasn't sure of what my *career* would be. I was believing my parents...

 

He gave me a wake up call and told me that there is a lot more to life than that, and that sometimes just being happy with what you have is the most important thing. I never realised, until then, and I still kind of don't, that life isn't only about career/money/success.

 

What happened to just being content? We always want what we can't have, but then when we get what we can't have, we realize it's not as great as we thought it would be.

[Green]

Even if this is "hyper-parenting" you really have no control over the way other people raise there kids. From my perspective going to a bunch of camps IS NOT work as you put it.