Contact Long Lost Son

[Argentina]

My husband has not seen his son for 20 years. He had some contact with him as a baby and provided financial support for over 10 years until moving overseas. I honestly have never understood how my husband could just walk away, but he has his reasons and feels that it was very complicated and made difficult for him to have access. We have no idea what his son has been told about his natural father.

 

We have done some research over the years and have gathered some factual information which has now led my husband to find his son on Facebook. He has a pretty comprehensive profile online and all the facts fit, together with the fact that he looks just like my husband.

 

Its been quite overwhelming for my husband and he really doesn't know what to do for the best. He has no desire to interfere in his sons life or cause any upset to him or his family. But on the other hand, what if his son does want to know about his natural father. The son is now 21. It is such an emotional issue and we both think it is best to be thinking about what his son would want. My husband walked away, so really does not expect anything in return.

 

I know for myself that I would want to know about my natural parents, but I imagine some children do not and understandably may feel very bitter about it.

 

I would be interested to hear others thoughts on this.

 

Thanks

[2sure]

Your H should open the door to his son. With no expectations and no excuses. Just open the door and see what his son wants from there. He may not respond. If that is the case, send some contact information and other information such as medical history, genetic facts that may be important to him in the future. Tell him no response is necessary. If there is still no response...simply keep that door open by saying hello, thinking of you once a year. He will probably make contact when he has children of his own.

 

If he is immediately open to contact...go real real real slow. Ask for nothing, expect nothing. Remember, he is still a kid.

[quankanne]

ditto 2sure, and be sure that once you've put the information out there, let the boy have the opportunity to make contact. You'll have done your part by reaching out, and my guess is that once he has a family of his own, he's going to want more information from/about his dad, and he'll have the assurance of access to your husband because of husband's initial contact.

 

I can only imagine what a heart-breaking decision it is, but just by giving the boy the opportunity to contact his dad when he feels comfortable doing so is a HUGE step toward future/possible reconciliation that he doesn't have right now.

 

best of luck to you

[TaraMaiden]

Through personal experience, your H will kick himself until the day he dies, if he doesn't at least try.

If he does try, and it doesn't work out, at least he made the effort. if he never tries - he will never know.

 

Someone I know merely sent the person he thought he was related to, this message....

"I think you might be my *gender/offspring*... could I be your dad? Call or text me on this number if you'd like to broach the subject. Don't write me off, just think about it...."

 

Less than 10 minutes later, said person contacted him.

Now reunited, he wondered what the hell took him so long. Apart from fear of rejection, that is.

But then, not being accepted - what would that change?

 

Not ever knowing....? now, that's the bugbear.....