Is how you treat your pets, how you might one day treat your children?

[Al]

My boyfriend and I have had discussions about getting a dog. I had one with my ex but left her b/c she was better off living in the country with him that in the city with me. Anyhow, we have totally different views on how to raise a pet. Their family dog eats off their plates, walks on the counter when they are eating and typically does and goes wherever he wants. Now granted they have a little **** zu and I had a german shepherd but I don't think that's how it should be with a pet. My dog was well trained, we NEVER fed her human food and was no where near you when you ate. She knew who her boss was. These discussions have led me to believe that getting a dog will not be a fun, loving experience for us but one that just causes more disagreements and fights. What do you think? I've always been told that if you think you can handle children, get a dog first and see if you can handle the responsibility. Well if pets are a lost cause for us, could you imagine what would happen if we had kids?!

[Tony T]

Many people treat their pets and take better care of them than themselves and their relatives. However, I don't think how a person cares for a pet is relevant to how they would handle children. Having and caring for offspring is an inherently instinctual thing and most people, unless they are somehow unbalanced, will do their best to raise their children properly...or as well as they can.

[Errol]

First, no-- how you are with a pet is not necessarily how you will be with a child. There are different restrictions and responsibilities. My dogs get away with a LOT more than my kids!

 

How you handle conflict with each other -- having a pet would be a good learning experience for you both, because parenting anyone (pet or human) means compromise and a joint effort. However, it doesn't sound like it would be good for the dog. Dogs need consistency more than anything and you HAVE to consider the dogs feelings.

 

Mine get people food, they beg at the table (or couch where we usually eat) and will snatch a bite of food if they think they can get away with it. They do not walk on the table or counter to get food and will sit on the floor to beg.

 

They use the furniture the same as we do (& I have some big dogs, including a german shepherd) and are generally spoiled and very happy about it. My dogs can climb all over the sofa and they do get it dirty, but my kids have to take their shoes off when they come inside and they are not allowed to climb all over the furniture or put their feet up, etc. And I'll yell at the kids for dragging mud in the house but the dogs do it all the time and I just wipe up after them.

 

Go figure!

 

 

In any case, you need to consider what is best for the pet or person and put that first in your parenting decisions.

[brashgal]

A little experience here - I think my ex was actually more lenient and loving toward his animals (dogs and cats) than toward his kids. Not to suggest that he is abusive, he just takes it to extremes with his animals and their comfort. Much more strict with the kids, expects them to follow rules, always consequences for their actions.

[corythosaurus]

I disagree with Tony.

 

I think how a person treats/raises/loves a pet, especially a dog, is indicative of the way a person handles responsibility and rearing. Now, I understand that dogs and children are obviously different, however they both require love, compassion, understanding, teaching, and establishing limits.

 

I don't think rearing children is instictual. I believe, for the most part, you are conditioned/taught by how you were raised yourself.

 

My family has always had dogs, and the dogs had limits and rules and boundries in their behavior, similar to my parents established limits, rules, and boundries for my siblings and my behavior.

 

But, keep in mind that this is his "family's" dog, not necessarily his dog.

[Al]

I guess I'm just worried that's all. I wanted a dog my whole life and I can't wait to get another one. Well let's just say I couldn't wait to get another and now I'm not so sure. I want having a pet to be a happy experience not one that will give us more to fight about in the future. I am completely disgusted going to his parent's house with the way they treat their dog. I don't want to share my plate with an animal and don't care to have it crawling all over the counter while I'm eating or just trying to have a conversation with someone. My old dog put her paw on your leg to get someone's attention and I had friends that found that annoying. I guess I don't want this to be one of those things where I am disciplining the dog for something like not to eat human food and he's feeding her behind my back. He views their way as not doing anything wrong so I know that compromise is out of the question at this point. Does wanting a dog mean getting a new guy as well?

[moimeme]

most people, unless they are somehow unbalanced, will do their best to raise their children properly...or as well as they can.

 

My ex was a teacher. He saw a fair number of parents who may not have actually been 'unbalanced' but were certainly no great shakes at parenting. I think parenting is no more instinctual than is the ability to conduct a marriage or to be a great partner in bed. We have some vestigial instincts to produce offspring, pair off, and have sex but ability does not confer skill.

 

As for taking care of animals, certainly if a person is abusive to an animal, there's a good likelihood that the person may be abusive to people, too. There's a known correlation between the two.

 

He views their way as not doing anything wrong so I know that compromise is out of the question at this point

 

These discussions have led me to believe that getting a dog will not be a fun, loving experience for us but one that just causes more disagreements and fights

 

It sounds as though this relationship already has its fair share of issues. If you fight a lot and aren't able to compromise or work as a team, is there much point to the relationship? I'd worry more about that than about getting a dog at this point, if I were you.

[Errol]

Compromise should not be out of the question at all. You see his way as being 'wrong' but is it? It is wrong for you, but that does not mean it is wrong period. Discuss this with him. Don't be confrontational and don't put down the way his family treats their dog. Just explain to him your feelings and views and ask him to discuss it with you so that you can both decide on a way to care for and love the dog together. There is no right or wrong here. You may compromise on the dog getting table scraps - if the scraps are limited and not fed to the dog during the meal, but afterward.

 

Discussing getting a dog and how to raise the dog is already a good step in communicating your feelings, opinions, etc. and learning how to compromise on joint decisions and joint responsibilities. You have to respect each others feelings and when you do agree on a course of action - or training, then you both must stick to it. That is vital to the training of dogs or kids! Positive reinforcement must be consistent as well as discipline.

[Arabess]

When your children become teenagers....you will like your pets better! LOL!

 

I've never thought about it before, but it probably is a good idea to raise a pet together before having children. It gives you a chance to not only see how the other person feels about certain things....but to find a way to compromise thru it. It sounds like a great learning experience.

 

I don't know if people who are permissive with their pets are equally as so with their children. I'm much stricter on the pets.