olderntwiser Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 you were kind enough to reply to me when i felt i had lost all the happiness and creativity i had before my break up. it was excellent advice and i have been following it faithfully. time really is begining to heal those wounds and lifes "colors" are becoming more vivid. flashes of creativity are coming more often and i think soon i will be able to capture some on canvas. the reason for my steady recovery was your advising me to go no contact and let time take care of the rest. it really does work and my wish to you dear friend is that you start nc as soon as possible, i think that is the missing link in your healing. you keep posting and i will keep reading you have a wonderful way with words:) best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gdunkman Posted October 21, 2010 Author Share Posted October 21, 2010 Wow! Thank you olderntwiser! I didn't know my posts could help someone, I'm glad you are getting better, so do I. Do you know why I came to LS this time? I was surfing the web reading the news and humor stuff, on the other website there was a banner advertising the art gallery, which is located around 200 feet from the apartment where my ex lives now. It is around 800 miles away from me, it looks like they have nothing else to advertise! It made my hair stand on end, so I went to LS to get calm Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gdunkman Posted October 27, 2010 Author Share Posted October 27, 2010 I want to update my thread, as I want to keep contact with you my LS friends, truth to say this post won't have any news about my last love story. I'm all in my personal projects these days, I'm taking a night train tonight to the city where my uni is, I study by correspondence, but I have to visit uni time to time. I'm going to my new friend's place on Friday to fix the curtain rod she has broken recently. This girl is actually a fwb. She knows I'm leaving the country in three months, so we don't plan long term relations. I have plans for a weekend with my friends. Yes, I still think about my ex, and I still miss the time we had together, but I don't miss her, because I know who she is. I had a thought today I want to share. My best friend, whose parents are a happy family, dates a girl, whose parents are a happy family too. They are together for 8 years. My other friend is in the same situation, but they are together for 4 years as for now, and they will have a baby soon. My ex's parents are divorced, my parents are divorced as well. Do you see a pattern here? I really want a happy family, but is it possible that divorced parents' children just follow their parents path, and are mentally programmed to get divorced or to break up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gdunkman Posted October 28, 2010 Author Share Posted October 28, 2010 Oh God, I wasn't ready for this trip. Last ten times I was going somewhere alone were to meet her or going home from her. This time I did it for me and I feel so lonely. I want to take a flight to her city from here, as her mum invited me to come visit them, then we can go to my city with my ex, as she wanted to visit my city and stay at my place. I just want to call her, tell her how bad I feel. Forgive her for everything she did, forget the men she could have during the last five months and slowly start to rebuild our relations. I didn't love anyone for many years before her, I'm afraid I won't love anyone if it's not her. My self control is at zero level at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
olderntwiser Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 no my friend i dont think you will have unhappy relationships because your parents did. choosing a happy,trustworthy,compassionate partner is the key to success in a relationship. of course sharing common goals and intrest help as well. i am hoping you overcome your fear and lonliness and enjoy that nice weekend that you planned with your fwb. you have such exciting plans coming up, moving to a new country! i think you mentioned canada? i want you too know that i am still nc and i really belive that because i have no new information or memories i am moving on...pluse a few glasses of wine, but i think if i started talking to him i would be pulled back into a relationship that i know will not bring me the happiness i want.it would only be a temporary fix. you are so young my friend there is a whole world of beautiful women Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gdunkman Posted November 3, 2010 Author Share Posted November 3, 2010 As you already know, my ex moved from my place and my country in May, and gave me many hopes during the following two months, when I wasted a lot of energy and money and moved to her city, where I found a great job. She told me she liked another guy, and one more guy became her close friend, she met them both in the middle of July, and as I wasn't an object of her interest anymore we broke up on July 20th and I saw her last time in the end of July. I kept NC in general, but because of her stuff at my place discussions and some moments of weakness on my side we had about five phone calls or skype chats during the last three months. She proposed me friendship and I rejected it of course. During all this time she was pissed off when I asked whether she is with someone. She told me she was alone and enjoyed her freedom, when I asked about the guy who became her close friend, she told me she never saw him one on one, only in a group of friends, she lived and slept with him for 6 weeks when she told me that. Three days ago I discovered that my ex moved to the new guy's place two weeks after our break up, in August, that was the guy who was her "close friend". In one of the phone calls she told me she didn't have sex after me, and tried to blame me that perhaps I did have sex, because of messages from dif girls on my fb wall. "I'm sure you f***** at least one of them, you moved on after me so quickly, I can't believe it!!!.... Who me? No I didn't have sex after you". Situation was the opposite, she lived with the other guy two weeks after break up, and already calls him "My family" in her livejournal. I contacted my ex after I got those news and she finally confirmed that was the truth, and she lied me not to hurt me. I asked her not to tell me lies many times before. So, her slutty behaviour - not choosing much, catch just any guy, living together after less then a month after they met and her lies drove me crazy. I acted really violently this weekend. I told her a lot of rude words. I still didn't send her her snowboard, clothes, footwear and books, so I told her I burned it down, and she believed it. Then I did something I can't describe here, but it blacken her reputation at work and can lead to termination of her employment contract. She called my friends begging to stop me. I did bad things, and I do feel guilty, but I feel relief as well. Не laughs best who laughs last. She showed me she doesn't give a f*** how my life will go, so I showed her I don't give a f*** about her as well. Now we are officially enemies and I'm not going to contact her ever again, it won't be hard, I had 5 weeks of nc with no problem before. I have an escape way if I want to be friends with her someday, I can confess her stuff is still here at my palce, but I will never use this option. I feel pain these days, but it is not that intense as after the breakup, I will cope with it. No more strings = no more bad news. I talked to my uncle today, he is divorced, her ex wife dumped him and he still has to see her because of a child and they still have fights. He still have to give her money, she can spend on their child OR on her! They were together for ten years before. Am I in a bad situation compared to my uncle? No! My situation is a small point compared to his horror. I will move on, I feel I am moving on. Everything's gonna be alright. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gdunkman Posted November 8, 2010 Author Share Posted November 8, 2010 How can I be happy and forget her if she appears in my life about once a week? First friendship offer, then news she lives with a guy for three months, moved to him after less than a month after she met him, and calls them "happy family", all her lies about being single and enjoying single life these days. I became a devil incarnate after those news, told her I burned down her stuff, sent a provocative letter to her employer. She came to my place on Friday, 800 miles from her present place of living to pick up her stuff. Luckily we didn't meet and I had no idea she was here, she sent me a message after she left. Another point she mentioned was that she was fired on Thursday due to my letter, it can be bunch of lies again, as most part of information I receive from her is BS. I can verify it easily by calling to her office and asking to call her to the phone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gdunkman Posted November 10, 2010 Author Share Posted November 10, 2010 I practised meditation yesterday which appeared to be powerful and profound. I tried not to have any thoughts during it, I had some but they didn't disturb me. Later on the tutor told me that was ok if I had some thoughts and they didn't break my composure. The ideas I had were very simple, I'm sure I had them many times during the last few months, I was told about it by my friends and by LSers, they are: Do not overanalyze the past. The present and the future are the things that really metter. The life is about me. People come and go. I stay. I am the most important person for myself. Second one is sort of self-centred, but I think it can be believed in during the healing process. I found these points important and took them as the truth. Perhaps I had to clean my mind with meditation to find some free space for simple things? Can I call it an initial form of enlightenment? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gdunkman Posted November 17, 2010 Author Share Posted November 17, 2010 I really enjoy my emotional state during the last week. I've never known that indiifference is an emotion that can be so much appreciated. When we broke up, someone told me that it takes about half time you knew the person to move on, it had to be seven months of healing for me, and actually it took much less, at the moment I have overall positive attitude to my life. It was first LTR, first living together, we were engaged and planned a wedding this summer, that's how it was for me: May - she moved to her country, needed space, wasn't sure she loved me June - my desperate attempts to save our relations July - I moved to her city, found job, she told me she liked another guy, we broke up August - crazy month, was thinking of her 24/7, emotional roller coaster, denial September - mostly the same + I started NC, but we broke it several times October - NC, acceptance, emotional roller coaster less intense, indifference November - first week: anger of her lies, several contacts, she came to my place to pick up her stuff, but we didn't see each other, my revenge... NC, indifference Link to post Share on other sites
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