*Revised* Come ON Guys, Girls Need advice TOO!

[ldybg51]

[font=arial][/font][color=green][/color]

 

okay, Reading all these post was not easy. All the advice was very good but definitely depended on the person and situation. I am happy for you guys that have your girls coming back and will try to follow your examples. But...since you are guys and Im a girl I need to tell my situation and get advice from you all.

 

My guy just broke up with me. This is not the first time. The first go he told me that he wasnt sure how he felt and that there wasnt any trust. (he didnt trust me yet because he had some wierd idea that I was still in love with my ex- who i left for him) He also said that he wasnt sure if he was still attracted to me. Third he said that he just didnt see the relationship lasting in the long run because of how we didnt do anything anymore and just seemed to be "bored" with each other.

 

I couldnt move out for 2 wks and during this time, although he wasnt attracted to me we were intimate a few more times. Before I moved out I met someone else and began doing things with him but truly only as friends. We never kissed or anything of the sort, I didnt even want to. Well ex found out and got mad. He said that I was a dissapointment and that i could have waited a little longer. I told him it was just friendship and he said that didnt matter. I told him that it wasnt his perrogative anyway.

 

After about 1 month he called me mad at me because I had gone out with some mutual friends bowling, some of who I met through him. Anyway we ended up talking and I told him that he shouldnt care that for someone who wasnt in love with me he sure did act very jealous. Well we ended up talking and All things said we gave it another try.

 

Things were great for awhile. He was depressed because of his current job but mostly we had fun. Watching movies, playing around goofing off... He would sometimes act lousy because of his job but when i mentioned it he would apologize. He so acted happy with me and went so far as to mention the future several times. Also I had a vacation about 2 weeks ago and he asked me to stay the night each day.

 

Then about 7 days ago he became really introspective and acted like things were bothering him. Then on v-day he called and when I said I love you he didnt reply. I said you do love me right. He said yes I just dont know to what extent. I told him we should just call it quits. He said Well I didnt want that I just wanted to see what could happen. I said no that I didnt want to fall more in love and then break up anyway. He said he understood.

I think he only said no was because he felt bad because it was v-day.

 

He also said that another problem was that we didnt talk anymore. We didnt "share the same interest and couldnt talk for two hours about things that interested us both". This is not really true, he just didnt try while he was depressed and I didnt want to push him. He said also that we didnt seem to have fun together without some kind of "median" I told him that he hadnt been easy to have great fun with and didnt ever seem to want to go anywhere and he said that may be because he wasnt in love with me anymore.

 

For a little previous history, when we were first dating He was going to break up with me because The 'butterflies" were gone and he didnt instantly think of bedroom antics when he saw me . I explained to him that was a stage of lust and then when love happens you become closer and more meaningful to each other. When you are not together you think about them and want to be. That was early in the relationship and we stayed together.

 

This time I questioned him again asking if he missed me when I wasnt there (although we havent really been apart long enough 1 1/2 days at most to determine that. He said not as much as he thought he should. He said he believed something was just missing that seemed like it should be there but he couldnt exactly say what.

 

I found out today that he was asking his brother and another guy he works with about it and His brother stupidly replied "no man, I dont really have to make my relationship work" OMG How blind. I felt so sorry for his wife and can only assume she is doing all the work. I felt like he was my soulmate but I cant pine forever. If hes not I know I should move on, but if hes just going through a hard time, displacing his depression or something....I really dont know if he does love me and just doesnt realize what true love is instead of 'new love'

Sorry so long ...Help guys.

 

we dated about 1 year, I am 23 he is 21. And no for the people who think he is a player type and just doesnt want a girlfriend. Hes the farthest from that you can get without actually being gay.

 

Now It looks to me after reading even more that most of you were dumped for bad behavior or something of the sort. Well help a girl out who was dumped and was being great...Yes I said Great! as explained above

[moimeme]

Just because YOU think you're great does not mean that the person you're with shares your opinion. If he thought you were so great, he'd not want to lose you. Sorry to be so harsh, but we have to realize that what we are may not be what someone wants, no matter how wonderful we might think we are.

 

Your guy has tried to break up with you more than once. He suffers from depressive episodes and moodiness. He's inconsistent in his feelings and actions toward you. Do you really want to continue this way?

 

I really dont know if he does love me and just doesnt realize what true love is instead of 'new love'

 

It doesn't matter because he doesn't seem to like whatever it is that he's got now. Bottom line - shut the door behind him and wish him well - then go find yourself someone who's better able to conduct a relationship.

[Arabess]

No matter what you do for someone....you can't make them fall in love with you. They can 'love' you and appreciate you....but they can't even make themselves fall in love with you. Love has a mind of it's own.

 

Early on, I think the hint was there that he did not feel as deeply about the relationship as you did. He tried it and it didn't work. I know it's hard to accept when you care about someone, but love doesn't automatically reciprocate.

 

The past you shared with him is now irrelevant. He avoided telling you he loved you on Valentines Day....because he doesn't feel it. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you or him....it's just a relationship which isn't meant to be at this time.

 

Maybe down the road you guys will try again. For now though, I think it's safe to assume that you can move on and not drive yourself nuts trying to figure out how to repair it.

 

It'll be tough for awhile....but eventually, all hearts heal.

 

I'm sorry....cause I know how you feel. Just hang in there.......

[ldybg51]

[font=century gothic][/font][color=olive][/color]

Just thought I would update.

 

My ex kept getting jealous about things so I told him that we would either be friends or we wouldnt. I said you cannot be my friend, tell me you have no feelings for me like that and then let your pride make you mad at me. So I told him two days ago not to contact me at all, do not write, call email or anything for any reason whatsoever. I wasnt mean about it I just told him that his jealous pride was leading me on and I could not get over him if he refused to stop acting that way.

 

I feel better about telling him no contact. I feel like I can finally move on.

[danielle1987]

well i totally think what you are doing by not letting him contact you is a wise descion. I also hope you stick to your guns by keeping this promise. Trust me it will get better ..but it will get worse first...move on..you'll find a guy who can be the one for you and remember you are only 23 years old....com'on give your self a break and have fun! Also do something for your self that will make you feel better accomplish your goals that you have set! You only get to be young once do something with it!