Need to write this!

[worlybear]

Please bear with me. I am soooo close to posting this email and I decided to write it here as it will achieve zilch:

Dear C

Here we are at the end of the school summer holidays and you STILL have made no real effort to contact your daughter- half-arsed vague suggestions as to whether she would like a day out with you (on a postcard for f***** sake!) is not a response to her carefully worded and painfully written letter to you asking for answers!

You really are the lowest form of life. Would it have cost you so much to contact her DIRECTLY on the phone ? You have our house AND mobile number. You refuse to give yours. What d'you think we're going to do...come round un-invited ?(in your dreams loser!)

My blood boils when OUR daughter comments that she no longer has a Dad because he has chosen to live with another family-OW and her ugly, spotty, dim daughter- HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HER!!!!!

A decent human being would've made the effort to keep regular contact- you just tried to completely walk away- Viva the CSA- at least you have to contribute financially now.

Wonder what your new teaching colleagues would think if they knew that you had left your wife and family without money and yet chosen to support your mistress and her daughter instead? Perhaps it might be worth letting the school know what a shallow,insincere creep you really are!

I know our daughter is better off without you in the long run and I hope one day you realise what a wonderful person she is and regret how casually you discarded her.... it will ALWAYS be too late.

I wish you nothing but misery in your life.

[Dooda]

Don't send that....

You'll just be giving him what he wants if you do that. He's left you and now he's making you feel emotionally blackmailed? Don't let that happen.

I know how it feels, my father was a respected man in his job, but he was also the most abusive and deranged father ever.

Has your daughter ever seen her father?

Delete that message and calm down, I know it hurts inside, but you don't need to feed it.

What he did was his choice. You just have to do your best to support your daughter and make her know that it wasn't her fault, so she's not bruised by this later.

 

If it helps, calm down, and write a list of points that you think he did wrong. After that, e-mail them to him, using point by point, and being as objective as you can be. Tell him that he was wrong, and that you will not stand for it.

Tell him he abandoned his daughter, but say it in the right way, so you know that you, at least, did your part.

[TaraMaiden]

Wow.

 

I sooooo want you to send that.

And I sooooo don't want you to.

 

 

I feel for you, and I really do feel for your daughter.

Tell you what:

 

My partner has just met up with his daughter after 9 years of separation from her, largely engineered by his ex- wife.

His daughter sees that, knows that, and understands that.

They just spent the whole day together catching up - as far as was possible - and have both vowed to keep it going. My partner has vowed he will never go away again, but in the beginning, (and she's 18 now) life was less balanced in favour of the dad than it is now..... And frankly, dare I say it, some women can be complete bitches, here in the UK.

 

Make sure that your daughter knows every step of the way that you will never block her from seeing him, nor block him from seeing her.

Then, in a few years time, when he tries to re-connect (if indeed, he ever does) she can honestly look him in the eye, tell him he is a complete and utter arsewipe, and let him know she knows this is all his doing.

Try to never badmouth him, as far as is possible, to her.

She will be doing that on her own, all too soon, I fear.

 

His loss.

Oh god definitely so much, his loss.

[Stung]

I can totally understand the impulse to send that letter, worlybear. Your ex is an ass and you're hurt and angry, rightfully so. It must be terribly painful to watch your daughter go through this. I agree though that it's best that you didn't send it, as it would probably ensure that a weak man would stay away. I'm glad you had a place to vent here, I hope it helped let off a little pressure. I also hope you are pursuing your ex through the court system, to make sure he is at least taking care of his daughter financially.

 

Good luck.

[anne1707]

(((Hugs))) Worly

 

I can only echo what others have already said.

 

Come here and vent but don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he can get to you. The man is a complete sh&t for ignoring his daughter like that. As hard as it is, rise above it and don't bad mouth him in front of her - she will make her own mind up in time and see who really does care for her and love her as a parent should.

 

Though as you have hinted at, it is sicknening that this is the attitude of a teacher (has he got a headteacher position again? ) who is supposed to care about the well being and healthy development of children.

[worlybear]

No, I didn't send it but it was such a relief to write it down! I hate seeing my daughter upset and it is hard to answer civilly the questions- "why isn't he bothered about me and why does he like the other family instead?"

Yes, he is teaching again in a different county not too far away from where we live- not a headteacher's job but covering a maternity leave (and hoping to continue if lady doesn't return). He thought he would be able to walk away from financial responsibilities but the CSA have made sure that he is paying... so that's something.

And my daughter is lucky that she has older brothers (and a sister) who love to take her out for trips, so she is aware that her family love her.

I just can't believe he's such a moron!

[BlackLovely]

Please bear with me. I am soooo close to posting this email and I decided to write it here as it will achieve zilch:

Dear C

Here we are at the end of the school summer holidays and you STILL have made no real effort to contact your daughter- half-arsed vague suggestions as to whether she would like a day out with you (on a postcard for f***** sake!) is not a response to her carefully worded and painfully written letter to you asking for answers!

You really are the lowest form of life. Would it have cost you so much to contact her DIRECTLY on the phone ? You have our house AND mobile number. You refuse to give yours. What d'you think we're going to do...come round un-invited ?(in your dreams loser!)

My blood boils when OUR daughter comments that she no longer has a Dad because he has chosen to live with another family-OW and her ugly, spotty, dim daughter- HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HER!!!!!

A decent human being would've made the effort to keep regular contact- you just tried to completely walk away- Viva the CSA- at least you have to contribute financially now.

Wonder what your new teaching colleagues would think if they knew that you had left your wife and family without money and yet chosen to support your mistress and her daughter instead? Perhaps it might be worth letting the school know what a shallow,insincere creep you really are!

I know our daughter is better off without you in the long run and I hope one day you realise what a wonderful person she is and regret how casually you discarded her.... it will ALWAYS be too late.

I wish you nothing but misery in your life.

This is why I could NEVER EVER be an OW. I could not live with myself if I did this to a child.

 

Good on you for answering questions civilly. You are being considerate of your daughter's emotional state during this trying time.

 

My mother repeatedly played the tape of my father and his OW talking on the phone~sound bites I could have done without. I can still hear it when I pause to listen to my soul crying from the trauma. I can also hear the glass breaking, when my mom got that call at 3AM~the woman's hubby called us. That night, my faith in marriage and men was irrevocably damaged.

 

You, on the other hand, are a paragon of class and good parenting. Don't worry mama-your ex and his homewrecker will get theirs in the end.