guest Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 can someone explain what a mysoginist is? I know basically its someone who hates women, but I also know its more than that. My husband and I are having problems and he finally told me that he is a mysoginist and thats why we should split up. I'm scared because of the context he told me and because of his behavior and the problems we have in the bedroom. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Really, the definition of misogyny isn't much help - you already have it. Misogyny can be part of many other disorders, and his behaviour would result from whatever disorder he has, not just from the misogyny. However, if his behaviour and the context he made his revelation in frighten you, that should be plenty reason to exit the relationship. He may or may not tell you more about his condition, but it's really immaterial, given the situation. Believe him and go. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 I looked up the word, but didn't find much other than a definition. How long have you been together? Has he always had this problem? Is it real or in his head? It's so odd that someone you are married to just comes out and says that. I'm with Moimeme.....I think I'd get out of the relationship and check it all out from a distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Midnite Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 My ex is a misogynist, but would never admit it. I learned much about it in Susan Forward's book, "Men Who Hate Women and The Women Who Love Them." It helped "free me" from the blame and gave me understanding of his tactics after reading it. They can be so wonderful around people outside of the home that you begin to think you are going crazy. Blame, punishment, and rage are the misogynist's standard tactics whenever his partner doesn't go along with his wishes. They must be in control and they do not want to communicate..they want things their way. The misogynist can switch from charm to rage with no warning. I've read the book a couple times as I learn more things each time. My ex had been married before and his first wife told me after we divorced that her Mom had read the book and said it described our ex. The last half of the book tells you some things you might can change in how you deal with him and how to change your response to him...a lot more, "I want..." verses always apologizing for things he shouts about. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 By telling you he's a misogynist he's giving himself a label that avoids him having to take any responsibility for his actions. It's also a handy disclaimer for anything he may inflict on you in the future. I agree with moimeme - believe him and get out Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 he's giving himself a label that avoids him having to take any responsibility for his actions Well, no. Naming a condition gives one an idea of what's wrong and what may be done to fix it. There is nothing wrong with a person understanding the nature of his condition and knowing its name. In fact, that is the first step to solving the problem because you can't fix something if you don't understand what you're trying to fix. That this guy has chosen not to do anything about being a misogynist is his own failure to seek resolution for a problem but that's not because he knows what his problem is; it's that he's too lazy/stubborn/whatever to get it fixed. Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Point taken, but it still has a flavour of "this is me, take it or leave it", precisely because all he has done is named it rather than being willing to use that knowledge in a constructive way Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 it still has a flavour of "this is me, take it or leave it", precisely because all he has done is named it rather than being willing to use that knowledge in a constructive way Agreed, but that's the flaw of the man. Some people demand 'unconditional love' meaning no matter how bad their issues are (and how fixable they might be) you are supposed to accept the whole package. I flee from those types. Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 I think you misunderstood what I was saying the first time. I wasn't saying that naming and understanding what is wrong with you is a bad thing. On the contrary, I think it helps enormously - once people have a name for something they can go about trying to fix it and it also helps to feel that your problem has been experienced by others.I was commenting in this individual case, where the naming seems to be a way of avoiding taking any responsibility. I don't actually think that there is much of a disagreement here. Link to post Share on other sites
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