Socially isolated - but reached out to guy at gym, HAS he rejected it?

[Leigh 87]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]:(Hi all! I am new. I have joined this online community, because I want to connect with intelligent, decent people, after circumstances in my life, have led to me being socially isolated.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]My my name is Leigh, I am a 23 yr old female, I am enrolled to study food science and nutrition at Newcastle UNI next year. I am about 166 – 167cm, weigh 54 – 55 kilos, and have a flat stomach, with 10 DD boobs, and I have a nice butt.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Yet I am completely and utterly socially isolated, due to my past. I had an eating disorder for the past 4 years. I did talk with people, and got along well enough socially to get a few people who I could see and ring occasionally. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Now, I have moved states (from Hobart to Gosford, Central Coast), and for the first time in 4 years I want not only friends, but a sex life. I am not a model, but I am not hideous. I have gained to a healthy weight for my body type, and have my life together; I have hobbies, interests, I like who I am, and know what direction I am heading career wise. I am pursuing a career in the area I am passionate about[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]At age 23, I am going ou and trying to make friends, for the first time in a while. I am sick of having no friends. The rest of my life is in order though – I am totally happy with my life, and I am at the point where if I got friends, and anything happened to them, that I would be totally happy being able to rely on my own life for fulfilment. I do not need to depend on others to complete me.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]A sexual partner (although not life partner) would also be nice - to have a guy who likes, respects me, and who I am attracted to, to just keep me company now and again. To watch DVD’S with and to hug me.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I guess I am not only eager to get friends, but I also want some sexual fun, ( but not one night stands, it has to be with a guy that likes, respects, and values me as a person).[/sIZE][/FONT]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Here is a question: There is a trainer at my gym that I had a session with. It is part of joining my gym – a pt puts a program together for you. He is 20, very good looking, both in his face and body – because the gym is his life. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Initially, I did not think of him in that way at all. I hate to be depressing, but don’t good looking men with extremely hot bodies ( as in, a 9 or 10 out of 10), tend to be attracted to better looking girls? [/sIZE][/FONT]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] I explained to him how I had just gained weight from being underweight, and that I was struggling to accept my body. He said that he was an honest person, and that he thought I had a HOT body. We discussed problem areas of my body, seeing as I was explaining my goals to him, and he had a look at my butt and said I had a hot butt, too.....[/FONT][/sIZE]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I thought nothing of it, as he is just an honest person, who told me what he thought. Then, a little later, he asked if I was single or something along those lines... We got along well enough and he appeared to think I was nice.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I am very awkward and funny about my body, and I am not used to being around people; I told him that, and he said “ I can tell”. So he knows I am new to town and trying to make friends and stuff, and knows I am a little different.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Yet, even after learning about my awkwardness, he still seamed rather nice to me and wrote down some songs on U – tube to listen to ( he asked what music I liked, and I said anything really, and then asked him for any suggestions to listen to, cos I am open to all music).[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]So when I came back to the gym later that night, I asked him about the songs, and he was happy enough talking to me, and did not act like he disliked giving me his time. I saw him the night after, and although I was still my awkward self, he still sounded like he didn’t HATE my company.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]For some reason, he said he would call me Friday. Perhaps it was regarding my training program – maybe he wanted to use that as a way to get to know me better. I did not read in to it too much. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]So, given that I am socially isolated and longing for some company, AND have been sexless for um... YEARS ( and I do NOT own sex toys).... I decided to reach out to him, and I wrote him a letter. Just a casual one – I am a nice girl, and wanted him to know.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I just wanted him to know a little about me, I thought if he thought I was nice and liked me as a person, he would be more inclined to get to know me faster. The letter was a way for him to want to get to know me.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Unfortunately, he did not call Friday, and it is Saturday evening now. He never made a set arrangement though, and he the one who mentioned calling me. Furthermore, I gave the letter to the staff to put in his pidgeon hole. Perhaps he has not even checked and has therefore not even read the letter?[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I am worried the letter put him off. I have been crying all day, cos my first attempt to reach out to a person, to get to know them better, feels like it will end in embarrassment; that he is freaked out, and will ignore me.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I am so worried about what will happen when I c him next; if he IS the nice person I thought he was, then NICE people would handle this situation without making me feel bad. Or, even if he IS nice, is there a chance that he will try to avoid me if he is freaked out my the letter?[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I am just so worried that I put him off, and he will stop talking to me. How embarrassing.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]What do you all think? If he got the letter, read it, and liked it and had a positive response, then being a guy, he would call if he liked me. He hasn’t. So I am hoping he did not have a severely bad reaction.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Part of my eating disorder, is that I use losing weight and not eating, as a way to deal with unpleasant feelings, mostly rejection,....... [/FONT][/sIZE]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]And yes, I know the best thing to do is to just go about my life, keep nice and fit, and keep doing the best things for me. It just SUCKS that this letter could have been a very bad idea![/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Help! So nervous that he is turned off:([/sIZE][/FONT]

[Leigh 87]

Sorry, apparently microsoft word, on which I copy and pasted my post from, has decideed to be an @sshole and print my message all funny. Sorry. I DO hope at least SOME people can get through it, and read it, cos I am seriosuly depressed at my potential humilliation with this gym guy......

 

I know it is negative, but I assumed that like attracted like: if he is so hot and nice and etc, wouldn't he prefer a more slender model, with a small up turned nose? Not a curvy 54 kilos, 166cm girl. I may have nice curves but still no model.

[streetsmart]

You've come to the right place. I've been reading this board for many many years and it's full of some long term members who offer sincere advice.

 

You sound very lonely & isolated, so much so that you are fixating on things that you wouldn't if your life were sufficiently filled otherwise. You also still sound very focussed on your weight & appearance which is worrying considering your background - though I'm happy to hear you are a healthy size now. I've been there too, so I know how it is. Lately I've put on the pounds after getting way way too thin and a part of myself is tempted to hurt myself again, but another part thinks I just need to stop wallowing in my own brain & get out to the gym! So good for you for maintaining that!

 

My question is this: what did your letter say?

[lso802]

Try typing it in notepad or copy/pasting into notepad first and then put it here.

[Leigh 87]

I have also re cently gained the weight, although I was not severley under weight, only mildly. I am also tempted to hurt myself again at times.

 

By the way - my life IS fulfilled in every way, bar the social interaction. I HAVe spent the last 4 years re building my life, and getting it into a state where everything is where I want it to be. I am completely fulfilled in my own company, and if I get friends, I will be perfectly fine if they dissapeard.

 

I have my own life to fall back on if my friends suddenly v anished, so I AM fulfilled in all other areas of life. I am not needy or desperate or looking for people to fill areas that I need to build up myself.

 

I am socially isolated due to circumstances in my life, which I am resolving, weith the help of a professional.

 

The part of my life I need to work on now, is getting and maintaining relationships with people. I am fine talking with people, and am personalble and affable and I can be quiet good at interacting with people.

 

However, as good as my life is, the last step I need to take to get thingsd more balanced, is to just get a group of ppl, not necessarily long lasting friends, but just people that I can " hang out" with.

 

The LETTER to the guy was just general, I was bored, like writing, and thought it was a good idea at the time. Thje guy seamed interested to get to know me better, and he is also a hot personal trainer, so obviously I got over excited, and wanted to speed up the process through the letter, instead of waiting for him to call and gtet to know me.

 

UPDATE THOUGH: He DID end up calling Monday ( he got letter Friday), anmd he said " got the letter, it was nice" and he offered me a free PT session.

 

So the letter was sort of over looked - I just told him " oh, I was not planning to come in to the gym cos I have not been eating properley ( which is TRUE omg), and just did not have good energy for working out, SO, I gave u a letter instead, seeing as I was gunna takle a break from the gym".

 

He reacted normally and didn't think anything of it. In fact, before I said anything about the letter ( which I only mentioned briefly), was " you look hot in a singlet".

 

I was weraring a sports bra. yuck. ew. They r nto flattering .

 

And he did say I looked " gorgeous" at one point. And no, not in an arrogant way, we just have a thing wear we r both honest with each other, he is not the player type; he sel;dom has relationships, actually.

 

So, I sent him a msg afterwards saying I was bored and stuff, and to call if he gets bored. He said we should " hang next week, as he is a bit snotty and does not want to give his cold to me".

 

At thwe nd of our session, I also talked about how while I want the benifits and nice things out of a relationship, that I am not looking to get serious; but that I do not do one night stands either.

 

He was like " yes, just a friendf to.. fool around with../ that sounds good"

 

We wer ejust talking in general terms, like to people who were just discussing a topic. And out of our convo, we seamed to have a bti inc ommon, and we seam to be on the same wave length at least.

 

So I will just c what happens. I do not need a person to make my life for me. I am fulfilled in all other areas; but I do WANT some nice company.

 

The BEST outcome, is that we have a connection, he liukes and respects me and likes being with me and likes talking to me, and we become ffriends at least.

 

Even better, would obviously be if we connect and have chemistry, and the attraction, and we cal even have " fun" together.

 

In the same way of a relationship; the closeness, the benifits, the connection, the caring abotu each other; btu without strings attatched.

 

Although I have never done this before. In fact, I have nto needed or wanted a guy for years.; I have spent these past few years getti8ng my own life in order, and have not been in a state to be with a guy. or even around people in general.

 

WISH me luck! I rcently got a job that I REALLy wanted, and so I will focus on that. I start UNI next year, am doing food science, and for now I am just wanting a nromal, college type job.,

 

The job is for royal dolton, it is an tradditional , expensive home wares place, lovely to work in, and only one women in charge of me; just us two.,

 

So it beats working in a cafe of unpleasant job.

 

hopefully getting and being able to KEEP a job, will be good fgor me, to h elp me have a more normal, balancded life, where I do not feel the need to starve myself.

 

It really do want the guy to call me to hang out. He did seam to like my and have an attraction physically, or why would he have said I was gorgeous and stuff? He is ntot he type to do say that, as he never approaches girls himself. He is not like that.