HONESTLY: What sized girls do guys prefer?

[BS76]

@ BS76

I don’t mean any disrespect, but this really isn’t constructive for someone who has an ED. Yes, I know she probably shouldn’t be posting on this board to begin with, but understand that comments like these are unbelievably triggering and undervaluing. My point is, despite ‘human nature’ supposedly dictating otherwise, all she does – indeed this is applicable to women and men alike – must be for herself primarily. For someone with an ED, who’s been (and still is) preoccupied with others’ conceptions of her, it needs to be reaffirmed over and over that so long as she embraces a healthy lifestyle (unprocessed foods and moderate gym/dance sessions coupled with increased socialisation sound great) it is of no consequence where her body goes. So unless you want to secure her fate and contribute to another relapse, please reassess the suitability of your comments. I’m all for free speech, and if this is what you believe then you’re entitled to post in usual circumstances. But in this instance, please have some compassion and realise that comments such as these exacerbate her predicament. As I said before, this thread shouldn’t exist to begin with, but now that it does, let’s all try to exercise some forethought.

 

Not buying it. I stand by what I said before. And if you have a problem with it then go back and actually read the whole post, because I'm betting you overlooked the part at the end, otherwise you wouldn't have said the above.

[azhure]

@BS76

 

 

I really don’t want to get into a he said she said exchange, but I did indeed read your entire post. The end section reads ‘your body isn't your problem. At your height and weight you'll see better returns on improving other aspects of yourself’. This implies that you believe she ought to focus upon her personality/social skills, as her body (given her ‘height and weight’) is perfectly fine. The mere mention of ‘height and weight’ suggests that you’ve considered her stats, and deemed them acceptable and in conformity with a supposed ideal. This isn’t only applicable to you though – the entire thread reeks of this (to be fair though, many many posters have questioned the suitability of this discussion).

 

The premise of my argument is that, particularly in her case (where the ED is likely being sustained by peoples’ comments), it is entirely inappropriate to refer to validation through other means and self-acceptance irrespective of size as ‘politically correct fantasies’. Although she’s now not medically compromised, given her history, and the fact that ED’s are psychologically perpetuating disorders, she still needs to be assured that discussions such as these are counter-intuitive and potentially destructive. Although she is listening to her hunger cues and living a healthy life so it seems, the ED still has the potential of rearing its head.

 

I have friends at a weight considered ‘overweight’ according to the BMI chart. Their bodies have naturally settled at such a weight. The live healthy lifestyles – exercise regularly, eat in accordance with dietary stipulations, steer clear of bingeing episodes, their bloodwork and medical specifications are stellar, yet societal standards would dictate that they are overweight. Do such persons need to embrace ‘technology to help reshape the human body to be more attractive’? I would argue that no, this is completely unnecessary. It’s unfortunate that ‘fat’ heralds such negative connotations. Just because someone is ‘fat’ doesn’t mean they’re ‘ugly’ or ‘lazy’. Attitudes such as these only perpetuate the misconception. According to you, and your belief that ‘looks get the man’, such persons would likely experience greater difficulty in entering into a relationship. They are each in loving, committed relationships, and have been for many years. In any event, even if they were single, and were supposedly doomed to perpetual singledom, I would argue that it is far preferable to have a secure sense of self as opposed to compromising one’s psychological and physical state merely to ‘get a man’. Motivating such persons to immerse themselves in the technology and ‘knowledge available to get into shape’ suggests that there is something intrinsically wrong with them as they are, as they exist naturally. Such a perspective is one which fosters insecurity and obsession, effectively nurturing body image issues and EDs

 

Note that I’m not advocating an unhealthy lifestyle. Were someone to ‘sit on the couch for 8 hours a day’, then this is undoubtedly destructive behaviour. I would motivate this person though to embrace a healthier lifestyle not in the hopes of securing a date, but for herself. She needs to be encouraged to respect herself and love herself enough to strive towards her best self. It is only when we’re physically, psychologically and spiritually healthy that we derive the most fulfillment from life.

 

That is what I meant by my comment to you, which, as I said, is generally applicable to the entire thread. As the OP has reiterated though, she merely wanted to gauge guys’ perspectives out of interest. Although I think this is highly questionable, I respect her assertion and wish her well. And sincerely hope, even if I doubt the suitability of this discussion, that she takes one constructive thing from this thread – that personal preference is exceedingly subjective. Most significantly though, that she realise that so long as she is healthy, then the personal preferences articulated on this forum are inconsequential, and not anything to strive towards. So long as she is well-grounded, self-aware, and healthy in every respect, she is perfect as she is.

[Leigh 87]

AZ - thanks for your fantastic post. In spite of the fact that I am dealing with self esteem issues, even I would tell a guy to get stuffed if they told me that they would find me more desirable if I lost weight.

 

it is great to feel hot and attractive, but it is NOt okay to be told " actually, my ideal of the perfect body is thinner or diffferent to your body the way it is now, so although I find you attractive now, I prefer it is you lost 3 lbs, or if you got a boob job, or etc....

 

And AZ - My genuine intent of this post should not be questionable; I just want the chance to have a discussion about something that I am interested in hearing more about, from different male perspective.

 

I have enough common sense to already KNOW that diff guys gave siff tastes, it is my desire to simply hear the RANGE of women that differnt guys like. for my own interest. NOT with any thought of conforming to ANTY particular ideal.

 

I may be over comming an eating disorder, but I am not engaging in any unhealthy behaviours at this point. Although I am sure I will have my tough moments.

 

THANKS for trying to promote ah ealthy dialogue though, in consideration for my predicament. While it may sound insensitive if guys came on here telling me that they only like stick thin girls, I am still interested to hear the diff range of women men like. Providing they state their opinions in a respectful way of course:)

[azhure]

@ Leigh 87

 

I’m really glad you’re not engaging in other unhelpful behaviours, and you sound really level-headed and aware of your vulnerabilities and existent body image issues.

 

Please don’t interpret my comments as questioning your motives – it’s not a direct attack. I’m just all-too aware, as I’m positive you are, that the ED adopts a number of personas, and seeks refuge behind diverse facades. I’m sure you’re aware that physical health doesn’t equate to psychological health. In this sense, your continued healthy habits cannot be assured, and trust me, they definitely have the capacity of derailing with the right trigger. When I came across your thread (actually a friend who frequents the board sent me your link and I joined up especially to post), my heart leapt for you, as I was concerned that you were seeking validation. As it has now become clear, I trust that you’re not, and I’m very much relieved. As I mentioned though, never become complacent, because the ED often masquerades as ‘good intentions’.

 

I wish you all the best.

[azhure]

@ Leigh 87

 

eek ... I meant to say 'self esteem' issues in the first bit - sorry. It's midnight and I tend to become increasingly nonsensical as the day progresses. I'd best get some sleep.

 

Take care.

[BS76]

The mere mention of ‘height and weight’ suggests that you’ve considered her stats, and deemed them acceptable and in conformity with a supposed ideal.

 

"Supposed ideal"? Talk about your weasel words. It's a scientific fact what body mass is appropriate for a given height. Dancing around the fact to protect someone's ego is foolishness I don't tolerate. In the case of the OP she's already at a good place and all her fretting is just wasted energy and could be better placed improving herself in other ways. First thing she needs to do is examine her life and lifestyle and see what doesn't meet her personal development goals, as well as ensuring those goals are medically sound.

[DavidWhite]

Curves, but small waist.

[Knittress]

"Supposed ideal"? Talk about your weasel words. It's a scientific fact what body mass is appropriate for a given height. Dancing around the fact to protect someone's ego is foolishness I don't tolerate.

 

Uh....

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=106268439

You may not appreciate dancing, but you sure do love debate.

[azhure]

@ BS 76

 

1. As I’ve articulated, the BMI is not an exact science

2. It’s not ego-protecting to assure someone of their health when they are, in reality, quite healthy (irrespective of BMI conformity)

3. It’s also not ego-protecting to assure an ED sufferer (who still has self esteem issues, and who will likely be battling negative thoughts and inclinations for years to come) that she is worthy of love regardless of size. As ED sufferers begin to feel worthy and validated, their bodies naturally settle.

 

I would reiterate my other points, but you’ve clearly overlooked all else I’ve said, so it’d be a futile endeavour. I was trying to foster a sense of community and mutual understanding given her ED history. When I was ensnared within the depths of my ED, all I wanted was for someone to articulate my innermost fears and desires. I truly do believe I’ve elucidated the pertinent issues well given that the OP is in recovery from an ED. You clearly have no conception of eating disorders, or the perpetuating, convoluted, devious nature of EDs otherwise you’d understand that healthy weight isn’t equivalent to a healthy mind/psyche.

 

I really believe you could benefit from re-reading my posts (don’t worry, I harbour no delusions – I know you won’t do so as you’re quite set in your ways), and from researching EDs to gauge the reality. It’s so very unfortunate that mental illness is such a highly stigmatised domain, and I truly believe that by dissecting the facts, and by drawing upon personal experience, the taboo may be discarded. Narrow-mindedness and insistence despite lack of insight is even more unfortunate.

 

Hmm … I really have nothing else to say, and really haven’t the inclination to reiterate my points copious times. As I said to the OP last night, I joined LS specifically to post on this thread. I’m satisfied that I’ve achieved what I’ve set out to do, and am happy that she’s feeling optimistic and secure psychologically. Besides, I have around 12 hours of environ law lectures to get through today, so I’d best leave it at that.

 

 

@ Knittress

 

Thanks for posting the link. I came across this article last year, and I didn’t even think to share the link. The recovery centre at which I volunteer uses BMI to set an initial goal for sufferers to strive towards. This serves an important function, as sufferers are usually petrified of gaining ‘too much’, and need some sort of an end-point. Once the minimum is reached though (20 at most places here), your body is allowed to do whatever comes naturally.

[meerkat stew]

The premise of my argument is that, particularly in her case (where the ED is likely being sustained by peoples’ comments), it is entirely inappropriate to refer to validation through other means and self-acceptance irrespective of size as ‘politically correct fantasies’.

 

She came here to ask dating opinions, not get therapy, and claiming that posters are being insensitive to her eating disorder by posting their honest opinions rings hollow.

 

It is obvious by her posts that she needs to seek professional help if she hasn't already, but is that also insensitive to suggest? She seems to have a fine head on her shoulders, so is likely well capable of discounting things anonymous people say here who are neither therapists, nutritionists nor MDs, just nosy busybodies who like to dig in other folks' stuff (self included)

[Leigh 87]

AZ - It was nice of you to join here just to share your own experience with me, and to help me in any way that you could. You did help me, so thanks for doing that:)

 

I am seeing a therapist. I have only seen her twice, but it will be on going. I also have an appointment with an ED clinic, regarding out patient therapy and treatment. I hope to get into it and recieve the help I deserve.

 

I have been interested in the differeing tastes of the men on here. I am learning that I may not be stunning to every one, but I can be attractive to others. Again, how i feel and who I am beyond my looks is what will really cause attraction from men.

 

Although, I do not have any ugly or unnapealing traits that most men would find annapealing at least. So I THINK I have enough going look wise, to feel lucky. Not a model, but attractive enough to enough people lol.

 

I should feel lucky for what I have, and just try to improve that, rather than get upset that there r better looking ppl. At least I have enough physically to have fun with men ( I think).

 

I think the reason I have not really gotten any real life opinions, or even had any contact with males, is in part because I have not even been around many PEOPLE, let alone men.

 

When I was really thin, men did not pay me much attention. My face is thin so perhaps gaining weight has given me a fuller face, which is more appealing.

 

Thanks for the imput every one, I honestly do not care if guys come on here and say they like skinny girls only, it is nothing to me, because all I can do is work on getting mty best body, not what some one else has that guys prefer over my own body.

[Green]

It seems to be a crime on this website (loveshack) to say you like skinny girls (normal). I find it really funny to see how personaly they all take it when I say something like 115 lb women who are 5'7 look good. Obviously its all about the looks so if a 140 5'7 women had the wieght in all the right places she could look good too. Currently I date a girl who is 5'7 and weighs 115lbs or less and she looks great and healthy and she doesn't starve herself or eat a salad only diet. She doesn't eat meat or chicken... but she does eat fish and eggs... For the most part 140 lbs on a 5'7 frame is most likely going to look fat to me. 115 lbs on a 5'7 frame will probably look fine. at 120lbs you might look fine to me it all depends how the weight is distributed.

[Leigh 87]

GREEN - I do not see it as a crime, if you like thin girls lol. I ASKED for peoples opinions... I do not get offended if people prefer thick girls, so it is no different to saying u like skinny girls....

 

But 5 ' 7 and 115 lbs points to a small body type, not a DD breast body type.

 

I don't know about body types/builds and male attraction. Does having small wrists appeal to guys? My wrists and hands r my fave body part ( we ALL have to have SOMETHING about our body we love!).

 

I love my hands cos they r long and thin, and my wrists r small. But I have large breats in spite of having a small wrists/ and small build.

[BentSpine]

What sized girls do guys prefer?

There is an answer to this question AND it can be found! Each man has his own preferences but the typical preferred size can be found out by... watching porn from the 70's. I'm dead serious. The reason is this: Back in the days when men had to pay for porn, the producers employed the women who would attract the biggest group of men. Obviously those women won't attract all men since once again, each man has his own preferences. But porn producers most certainly tinkered, observed and later chose the women to maximise the number of issues sold. And they found that more men paid for the porn when they portrayed the type of women that porn would usually employ. Very big women and very thin women will still have men lusting after them, but those men will be far fewer than the men whose preference are closer to the Norma Jean Baker-type. (Can't remember her more famous name). The above is true for straight men. Gay men on the other hand, naturally prefer women who resemble boys. And the catwalk and it's business is heavily influenced by gay men such as Karl Lagerfeldt. So if you want to be attractive (which after affirmation leads to confidence) to gay men, by all means keep thinking that the thinner the better. I myself am a straight man with an eye for eternal aestethics and I think that you should probably never weigh less than 130 pounds, 58 kg or so. Keep eating, and spread the word. Good luck.

[Green]

There is an answer to this question AND it can be found! Each man has his own preferences but the typical preferred size can be found out by... watching porn from the 70's. I'm dead serious. The reason is this: Back in the days when men had to pay for porn, the producers employed the women who would attract the biggest group of men. Obviously those women won't attract all men since once again, each man has his own preferences. But porn producers most certainly tinkered, observed and later chose the women to maximise the number of issues sold. And they found that more men paid for the porn when they portrayed the type of women that porn would usually employ. Very big women and very thin women will still have men lusting after them, but those men will be far fewer than the men whose preference are closer to the Norma Jean Baker-type. (Can't remember her more famous name). The above is true for straight men. Gay men on the other hand, naturally prefer women who resemble boys. And the catwalk and it's business is heavily influenced by gay men such as Karl Lagerfeldt. So if you want to be attractive (which after affirmation leads to confidence) to gay men, by all means keep thinking that the thinner the better. I myself am a straight man with an eye for eternal aestethics and I think that you should probably never weigh less than 130 pounds, 58 kg or so. Keep eating, and spread the word. Good luck.

 

hahaha silly porn watching homophobic advice. The truth is eating is the best way to be skinny. Fat people often eat 3 or less meals a day as opposed to the 4 or more healthier people do. Do you know what drives the fashion industry even more then GAY MEN as you put it... WOMEN themselves and what they find pretty.

[sartrelazyeye]

It seems to be a crime on this website (loveshack) to say you like skinny girls (normal). I find it really funny to see how personaly they all take it when I say something like 115 lb women who are 5'7 look good. Obviously its all about the looks so if a 140 5'7 women had the wieght in all the right places she could look good too. Currently I date a girl who is 5'7 and weighs 115lbs or less and she looks great and healthy and she doesn't starve herself or eat a salad only diet. She doesn't eat meat or chicken... but she does eat fish and eggs... For the most part 140 lbs on a 5'7 frame is most likely going to look fat to me. 115 lbs on a 5'7 frame will probably look fine. at 120lbs you might look fine to me it all depends how the weight is distributed.

 

I call total bull**** on that! My psychiatrist says that the ideal weight for a woman my height (5'3") is 115-120 lbs. I currently am 105 lbs (which is only 10 pounds fewer than your girlfriend yet 4 inches shorter) and I have a 23 inch waist and usually wear XS clothing. I mean, I understand that there is some variation due to body structure, but 5'7" and 115 lbs seems a bit drastic. She's either emaciated or not 115 lbs.

[Surrealist]

Hmm haven't seen this post yet.

 

To answer OP's question.

 

HONESTLY I prefer women with a bit of flesh on them. So that would be size 12 to 14 here in Australia. Nothing like a nice round ass, some firm legs and titties to match. Yum!!!

[that girl]

I call total bull**** on that! My psychiatrist says that the ideal weight for a woman my height (5'3") is 115-120 lbs. I currently am 105 lbs (which is only 10 pounds fewer than your girlfriend yet 4 inches shorter) and I have a 23 inch waist and usually wear XS clothing. I mean, I understand that there is some variation due to body structure, but 5'7" and 115 lbs seems a bit drastic. She's either emaciated or not 115 lbs.

You're right. 5'7"/115 is medically underweight and being medically underweight actually carries slightly more risks than being slightly overweight. Most of the time, if someone is medically underweight, they are not eating enough nutrious food.

 

Some women are naturally underweight and in those cases it is healthy. But it shouldn't be put out there as an ideal.

 

It seems to be a crime on this website (loveshack) to say you like skinny girls (normal). I find it really funny to see how personaly they all take it when I say something like 115 lb women who are 5'7 look good.

It is fine to like very slim women. What isn't fine is insisting everyone should have the build that you prefer and if they don't they must be lazy and unhealthy.

 

She came here to ask dating opinions, not get therapy, and claiming that posters are being insensitive to her eating disorder by posting their honest opinions rings hollow.

 

It is obvious by her posts that she needs to seek professional help if she hasn't already, but is that also insensitive to suggest? She seems to have a fine head on her shoulders, so is likely well capable of discounting things anonymous people say here who are neither therapists, nutritionists nor MDs, just nosy busybodies who like to dig in other folks' stuff (self included)

This isn't healthy. There is no way her therapist would be cool with this.

 

And it isn't just the posters suffering from ED that people should be conscious of. Many of these comments are rude and insulting.

[ascendotum]

I call total bull**** on that! My psychiatrist says that the ideal weight for a woman my height (5'3") is 115-120 lbs. I currently am 105 lbs (which is only 10 pounds fewer than your girlfriend yet 4 inches shorter) and I have a 23 inch waist and usually wear XS clothing. I mean, I understand that there is some variation due to body structure, but 5'7" and 115 lbs seems a bit drastic. She's either emaciated or not 115 lbs.

 

I also call BS. My sister used to have those stats..just like Green's GF, and she was not emaciated. Height is not the penultimate factor for determing a healthy weight. There is body type/frame that needs to be taken into consideration. My sister was small boned. A person with a slender ectomorph body shape can weigh less that their equivalent endomorph or mesomorph and be just as healthy. There are other factors as well that need to get taken into account when it comes to weight. Muscle weighs more then equivalent mass of fat.

 

 

Leigh, congratulations on over coming your ED. I personally don't understand though why at your current weight you are not getting validation from the greater attention from the guys that you encounter in your day to day life. Australia is something like the 3rd or 2nd fattest country now. You could easily put on a bit more weight and be a hit with so many guys.

 

That Girl - IMO you got it wrong calling Meerkat's levelheaded post unhealthy. If you think what he said was bad, then your best advice to Leigh should be to spend less time on the internet, and avoid reading trashy celebrity magazines.

[Knittress]

Penultimate means 'next to last' - people misuse it left and right and it always bugs me. Not that I'm judging. I can't hardly type a sentence nowadays without forgetting an entire word.

[ascendotum]

Penultimate means 'next to last' - people misuse it left and right and it always bugs me. Not that I'm judging. I can't hardly type a sentence nowadays without forgetting an entire word.

 

Sorry, yes...should have used 'ultimate'. It does get misused a lot, and because of that it tends to mislead others into continuing to misuse it in the wrong context.

[Green]

I call total bull**** on that! My psychiatrist says that the ideal weight for a woman my height (5'3") is 115-120 lbs. I currently am 105 lbs (which is only 10 pounds fewer than your girlfriend yet 4 inches shorter) and I have a 23 inch waist and usually wear XS clothing. I mean, I understand that there is some variation due to body structure, but 5'7" and 115 lbs seems a bit drastic. She's either emaciated or not 115 lbs.

 

She's 115 and she is not emaciated.

 

You're right. 5'7"/115 is medically underweight and being medically underweight actually carries slightly more risks than being slightly overweight. Most of the time, if someone is medically underweight, they are not eating enough nutrious food.

 

Some women are naturally underweight and in those cases it is healthy. But it shouldn't be put out there as an ideal.

 

 

It is fine to like very slim women. What isn't fine is insisting everyone should have the build that you prefer and if they don't they must be lazy and unhealthy.

 

 

This isn't healthy. There is no way her therapist would be cool with this.

 

And it isn't just the posters suffering from ED that people should be conscious of. Many of these comments are rude and insulting.

 

I think its obviouse the Slim women SELL things through SEX. It's all swell to argue that NO this isn't true... but JUST OPEN ANY MAGAZINE money speaks through its actions and the advertisements don't lie.(don't lie in the sense of this is the image they want to portray... obviously the pictures themselves might not be real)

 

I also call BS. My sister used to have those stats..just like Green's GF, and she was not emaciated. Height is not the penultimate factor for determing a healthy weight. There is body type/frame that needs to be taken into consideration. My sister was small boned. A person with a slender ectomorph body shape can weigh less that their equivalent endomorph or mesomorph and be just as healthy. There are other factors as well that need to get taken into account when it comes to weight. Muscle weighs more then equivalent mass of fat.

 

 

The entire if you weigh that much u are emaciated is ridic. My gf is very healthy. Also I know women who are 5'3 and 105 and they are also very healthy. My friend has a gf who is 5'3 and vietnamese and she only ways 105 and she looks 105 but she is also very healthy looking not at all emaciated. I think people have gotten so used to seeing chunky people they've lost proper reference

[Fouts]

I think people have gotten so used to seeing chunky people they've lost proper reference

 

I agree with this, the big guy look and the booty girl look have gotten so much politically correct, social acceptance, that overweight has become the norm in America.

 

I prefer thin, toned, in-shape women to answer the OP's original question. Overweight is overweight, no matter how you want to gloss it over.

[Leigh 87]

I agree that not all women look emaciated at low weights. Personally, I " look" healthy at 112 - 115 lbs. 110 is my LOWEST I go without looking " too thin". I am almost the height of greens g/f, and I look healthy at 115 or slightly less.

 

 

What annoys me, is that there are HOT guys that like women of my dimensions ( 5 ' 5 and 117 lbs or the same frame size); women who WEIGH THE SAME OR MORE than I do, get attractive men who work out and have hot bodies, to desire them and approach them daily!.

 

 

I am not THAT stunning, but I am not UGLY or anything. And a hot guy liked playing with my body recently. So I am not hideous.

 

On the other hand, it make sme hopefully to know that women of me height and weight OR HEAVIER, get hot guys that desire them and approach them in public places.

 

So if I get my act together in my life and become a more approachable person, perhaps guys will notice me.

 

 

The fact that I work out consistently is what I have going, visually; I am not that pretty and I am not an ectomorth, skinny body type... but I DO eat clean and execise every single day, cos I need to to feel healthy.

 

And I have an unusual look l hopefully guys like " different". I will post a pic soon!

[Fouts]

It's all about the total package. Face, body, personality, intelligence and mindset. What you're doing, and where you're going with your life. How you carry and present yourself.

 

Different and quirky can definitely be appealing, I guess we'll wait for your pic