amerikajin, no date!

[monkey00]

ok, i called her...at first i asked if she knew who i was, then she said yea. apparently she mistakened me for another dude...grr, she said "i tried calling you before, blah blah, but you probably saw it was me on the cell phone and didnt pick up." "i go uh...i dont think i gave you my #."

i go..."uh hm...are you sure u know who i am, then she goes oh it's you (name)"

 

sed, "you busy tomorrow, answered yea, 4 sec silence... then i said what about monday? then she said i got class on monday." well duh! i was gonna ask her to go out and eat at night! but she probably thought i meant non-night hours. then i go "ok i call you back some other time then." hung up.

 

it's possible that guy is her bf, or maybe a friend? i dont know!!

what does this mean!!?? im s tarting to bet she's uninterested.

 

btw, me, her and 2 other ppl went out to eat and catch a movie the night of valentines day...so unless her bf is outta state, she's gotta be single right?

 

you guys think she's interested or no?

should i have checked when her schedule was free before i hung up?? and what should i say next time i call? did i sound desperate?

[Kat]

use the PM function for petes sake

[monkey00]

hey, anyone can answer this post if they'd like

[amerikajin]

I'm not sure who the other guy is, but your bottom line is that she's probably not interested. It's generally not a good sign when she confuses you with someone else, but it happens and that doesn't necessarily mean anything. The real indication she's probably not interested is that you she didn't offer you another time to call back. I get the sense that the whole phone call was a bit awkward, too.

 

Yes, she's probably hooking up with other guys (maybe more than one), and like you, I used to make the same mistake you did in assuming that because a woman is silent that she's on the inactive list - not so. You see, a woman doesn't have to be outgoing, she just has to be attractive; it's the guy who has to be outgoing and cool enough to put the woman at ease. We choose the individual customers we want to sell ourselves to, but the women decide whether to buy.

 

Okay, let's look at the video tape:

 

>>>ok, i called her...at first i asked if she knew who i was<<<

 

Don't ever do this. Don't ever ask the "Do you know who I am?" game. Just tell her "This is Monkey." Exchange a few pleasantries and get right down to it.

 

>>>sed, "you busy tomorrow, answered yea, 4 sec silence... then i said what about monday?<<<

 

I've made this mistake before myself (recently, in fact). It's a big one, too: don't ever ask a girl out for the next day. Remember the 4-7 rule? You broke it. Give her at least four days to anticipate, but no more than 7.

 

>>> then she said i got class on monday." well duh! i was gonna ask her to go out and eat at night! but she probably thought i meant non-night hours.<<<

 

You have to be a little more specific with timing, especially for the first encounter. This makes you look organized and in charge. Honestly, I think she knew what you wanted, but she was probably throwing up a roadblock to get her out of saying "I'm not interested." Like I said, a girl who's interested will usually give you some help.

 

>>>then i go "ok i call you back some other time then." hung up. <<<

 

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if the other goofs didn't seal your fate, this one might have. You appeared lacking in confidence, and that's not usually gonna win a girl over.

 

>>>it's possible that guy is her bf, or maybe a friend? i dont know!! what does this mean!!?? im s tarting to bet she's uninterested. <<<

 

I can't say this with 100 percent certainty, but I'm starting to bet you're right. It doesn't matter if the other guy is or isn't her boyfriend.

 

>>>btw, me, her and 2 other ppl went out to eat and catch a movie the night of valentines day...so unless her bf is outta state, she's gotta be single right? <<<

 

Probably single then, but you mean to tell me that you've already had another encounter with her since the first one you posted about? What happened on that particular occasion? Good conversation, or more silence?

 

>>>should i have checked when her schedule was free before i hung up??<<<

 

There's a simple way to go about the big question. You give her two or three different days. You ask her out for the one that you'd like to take her out on first, then offer her the two others kinda matter of factly "Well, I'm free on this day and this day if you'd like to get together". If she's "busy" and doesn't counteroffer, you're out. It's that simple. A girl who wants to get to know you better doesn't throw up roadblocks. She may play a little coy once in a while, but the last thing a girl who likes you wants to do is chase you off.

 

Your bottom line is that you're out. Move on. But the next time you see her, act as if nothing happened (try to anyway). Be nice to her. Smile. Have a good time in everyone else's presence. Your pride shouldn't be wounded. Rejection happens to everybody. Who knows, I've been in a situation or two where a girl has given me the cold shoulder at first, only to warm up to me later. It's not common, but it happens.

[yes]

i don't think you can judge her interest level based on her response to your awkward phone call.

 

here's a smoother version:

"hi X, it's Y, are you busy right now?" (make sure she has a minute to talk to u!)

some chat: "how're you?" "how's school?"

then...

"i had a good time at Y on Sat, and i was wondering if u'd like to meet up again" (now Listen!)

if sounds positive...

"hm, how's next thursday for you? wanna go for a drink/dinner around 7?"

if she's busy that day, let her suggest another day - talk until u find a common free time and say

"ok, then i'll call u on (the day before the date) to let you know the details, does that work for you?"

...

"great, talk to you soon then, bye"

 

that's it...

-yes

[monkey00]

well, it's possible she was actually busy when i asked about the following day.

 

yea i think i made a mistake in lagging the purpose of the call. i didnt get straight to the point.

i did get a bit nervous before i called and during the call. i guess i wasnt my normal self when i was talking to her, my nervousness took over. but i tried to be as confident as i could be.

 

i guess iwas a little too anxious to expect her to go out the following day, but i didnt feel like waiting over a week to get her on a date w/me.

 

you said a girl's that interested will usually give me some help...well what about a reserved one?

 

--Probably single then, but you mean to tell me that you've already had another encounter with her since the first one you posted about? What happened on that particular occasion? Good conversation, or more silence? ---

 

nope ugott it all wrong dude, the encounter i spoke of last time was of valentine's day. all the same day.

uh...well u could say decent conversation, but mostly silence since she usually keeps to herself. she rarely even talks to her friend at all (her and my friend, which is female)

 

i dont know if i should next her just yet, when i asked her availability on monday, she said "i have school"

that kind of indicates that there might be a chance she's still interested.

 

i read from somewhere online that if you ask a girl out by asking if she's busy that day...then yea it's an easy "yes" reply for them. but if you get specific saying "i'd like to take you out to eat thursday night" "unless if you're busy" then it'll be harder for them to reject your invitation.

 

look she may or may not be interested in me, but im not giving up that easily. im planning to give her another call 1 week 3 days later. and change the way i ask her out....gonna try not to be nervous.

 

but the next time, if she says she cant for that day...do i suggest another, or find outwhen she's free to suit my schedule?

 

thanks yes, that's a good script to follow when asking someone out, as long as i keep my confidence up i should have no probleems whatsoever.

 

if the next time i ask and she just keeps saying she's busy, then ill just forget about her.

 

but damn when someone shoots you down for asking for a date, it really punches you in the self-esteem.

i felt so down after the phone call yesterday. and even today im kinda feeling a little depressed about life itself.

school is boring, no on interesting in class to talk to, classes are tedious and boring. school-work school -work routine...it just had me thinking today.

[Arabess]

GENERALLY....if you call to ask a girl out and she is busy on the particular day you asked about....IF she is really interested....she will either change her plans, offer an alternate day or ask for your number for a call back. If none of the above happened....you can try calling her one more time.

 

After that, I'm with Amer...let it go and find someone else.

 

Dating is tough. I'm single and HATE IT. The closest I really come to it is agreeing to meet someone for a beer. That way....I can leave at any time. In the future....you may even want to try just asking someone to meet you for a drink or a cup of coffee. Then...you can both decide if you want to be stuck with the other person for HOURS on a real date. HAHA!

[monkey00]

do girls that play hard to get do this also?? im pretty sure the one that play this game also do this...but hey as i said im giving it one more try.

 

since her friend is also my friend...do you think i should ask questions about the chick to her??

to get info whether or not she is interested?? such as how does she act when im not around compared to when i am...etc.

 

or not a good idea?? my friend's also female. cause she might tell her...

 

under these circumstances which you guys might have experienced....is it always a good idea to ask a friend or no? and what happened when you did?

[amerikajin]

>>>yea i think i made a mistake in lagging the purpose of the call. i didnt get straight to the point.

i did get a bit nervous before i called and during the call. i guess i wasnt my normal self when i was talking to her, my nervousness took over. but i tried to be as confident as i could be. <<<

 

Nobody's their normal self when talking to a chick they like and putting their pride on the line. It's okay to be nervous, dude. What's not okay is when you let it get to the point that you can't even finish what you started. That's why you always make it short and sweet, and the best out in any situation is just to make her believe that you're too busy to talk for long. Deep down, both of you probably know the little game you're playing. No harm, no foul. Dating's a series of steps. It's a little awkward at first in all but a few situations. That's why you try not to put too much pressure on yourself at first. You make a short phone call to set up a short coffee date. You use the coffee date to set up the real date. You use the real date to set up the next one, and so on. That way, you don't go in with the attitude that everything's riding on your every word. It's not necessarily the case, though you are evaluated strongly on the overall first impression you give.

 

Another thing is, you can't just have one girl you're dating. You've got to have more than one prospect. Now granted, once you've figured out which one you want to build a relationship with, then it's time to tell the others to hit the road. But until then, go out and get not one date, but three or four. Figure out first not which ones you do want, but which ones you don't want. Tell them to hit the road and pick up some replacements. Don't be a womanizer, but just get some good dating practice in - that's all. You'll actually remove the anxiety of dating and turn it into what it should be: a fun opportunity to meet new and exciting people so you can see who meets your criteria of the right woman.

 

Monkey, my gut tells me that you're out with this woman, but you know what? Go ahead and ask her any way. She could be 50/50 in terms of her interest in you, and who knows...maybe if you polish your delivery a little more she'll accept.