streetsmart Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 Hi all. A friend & new business partner & I crossed the line about 2 weeks ago. Both of us were incredibly surprised - I hadn't considered him in that way at all until the moment it happened, when I opened my mouth & out fell "Let's make a baby" & "I think I'm falling in love with you". WTF?!?!?! I'm not an idiot, but how can this happen to a grown woman with children? We live in separate countries & I've been setting up to take over his operations in this country & it's the best opportunity I've ever had! So what's my problem? 1. Since it happened, I've developed serious feelings for him but he's begging me to just be a good friend bc he 'doesn't want to mess up the business', 'he's too busy building the business', and 'good friends are really hard tofind, so much better than a messed up attempt at a long distance realtionship'. So I said I couldn't work with him as 'just friends'. We were talking all day everyday via emails/etc about work, laugh before, really sparking off of each other in developing our work, but now, I've cut it off - saying I'll have to quit. But I don't want to quit! I want him to change his mind!!! He's texted & been in touch online but I've tried to not respond & the time I did, it was cool & professional & didnt' acknowledge any personal questions he asked. I get the feeling he hates that too? 2. He's a supergeek, but worldly wise & well travelled, so though I can tell that the enormity of how our feelings just exploded like that scared him to death, he's also suave enough to play it like it's no big deal. I think this may be because he's been very badly burned in the past, from his stories prior to our messing up and having sex. Is this affecting his judgement? Or when a guy says "I just want to be friends" you just listen only to that despite your intuition & find someone who does care? Or did I scare the hell out of him by saying what I did & pressuring him by saying "I can't work with you if we're just friends, so what's it going to be?" 3. We got completely carried away in the moment and had unprotected sex right when I'm ovulating!!? I am a total idiot, I know & so is he! What were we thinking? We found some emergency contraception tablets, but I have this sneaking suspicion I may end up with a bigger issue on my hands... What do I do then? Do I need to tell him? His past hurt related to his partner sneaking off and having an abortion late on when they'd already painted the nursery! 4. I really don't want to pass up the professional opportunity! It's amazing & we're perfectly suited intellectually to conquer the world in our industry with our combined contacts & skillsets. But is it too late? I thought I knew myself, was professional and responsible and a great parent. Now I just feel like a foolish, stupid slut. Please help me with your comments & keep me company if I need to just leave him alone! Link to post Share on other sites
Author streetsmart Posted August 28, 2010 Author Share Posted August 28, 2010 Sorry guys, I hope someone has a read & a few suggestions... I'm alone in my thoughts and going a bit loopy! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 So, what do *you* want? You had sex and apparently made a baby. As fully formed adults, you should be able to talk about that. If he wants only a purely professional arrangement, and you want more and can't resolve your feelings, the same LS advice we give men applies: Don't be a 'friend'. In the case of a professional association, even more so, don't fraternize in any way for as long as you have romantic feelings or an emotional attachment. Something has to give. Apparently, IMO, it is the professional association. Once your feelings have resolved, or if he has a change of heart, then reconsideration can occur. Your other, separate, choice is how to handle your pregnancy, if extant. Plenty of information and perspective on that. We've had two very long threads on the subject in the past couple months, each with a different choice being made, if you are looking for any input on that dynamic. Best wishes and welcome Link to post Share on other sites
Author streetsmart Posted August 29, 2010 Author Share Posted August 29, 2010 Ok. I read your replies alot and trust very much what you say, so thank you very much. I thought I'd made the right decision, but your mind begins to trick you and say "It's okay, you can just be associates & you'll be okay & you won't get hurt". I've been throught the ringer before with that one, so I should know better. So...how long do you think it might reasonably take before he will'/won't change his mind? Not so that I'm waiting with bated breath, I don't expect miracles, but so that I can let other business partners know, cut all crossover of work etc. It's already in motion and I'm reticent to chop it out too quickly - not least because I'll look foolish & odd in my industry... Also (and no, I'm not trying to spin gold from wool) is it possible that I brought this subject up WAY too early in our dealings & possibly scared him to death? Someone I know said "You did well to keep him pinned down" (hahaha - but not laughing now) with regard to what I said prior to having sex! Not to mention laying it all out on the line 4 days later. C'est la vie. Yes, I'd like to see advice on the subject of pregnancy and choices... I never thought I (might) be in this position and the wait is killing me! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 Here's a couple of threads to read: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t220739/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t239615/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t239868/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t241749/ The last three are from the same member. Differing circumstances to your own, but the perspectives shared during the discussions might offer insight to assist you. I would base my decision on the clear words I heard, especially if actions back them up. What I'm hearing is business is first and that a romance/relationship with you is inconvenient at this time. If that is correct, that's clarity. Further, should you indeed be pregnant, whichever choice you make will affect you, and your perceptions of him, for a good long while. In most aspects of living, including business, such things happen. You aren't the first and won't be the last. You can 'handle' disclosure of your dynamic in a way which benefits your career and personal situation. It's kind of like my ex and I saying (IRL) we have 'irreconcilable differences' and 'the marriage just didn't work out' instead of slinging mud about it. Your colleagues will likely understand, perhaps better than you now give them credit for. Chin up, eyes front. Face it head on and do what you know is the right choice for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author streetsmart Posted August 29, 2010 Author Share Posted August 29, 2010 Thank you so much for the advice & for digging out those threads! Something to read! It's very late here, so it should send me to sleep nicely Many thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author streetsmart Posted August 29, 2010 Author Share Posted August 29, 2010 I just got a text asking "You didn't say I couldn't text. Do you really have to sever all ties?" & a response to an email I sent about putting a colleague (barrier) in between us & he replied "I can't do it without you - I'm not interested in doing it without you". Now I know that's no 'action' but aren't these situations so interesting and curious? Link to post Share on other sites
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