2 family problems family leech and aloof inlaws

[SarahRose]

Situation number one

Here is the situation. I have a SIL who writes to me each month with news and asks me questions. I write her back but she never writes back. So a month later, I get another random email mostly about what they are doing and then nothing

 

Should I just ignore her and not write back since it seems she has no real interest in a 2 way relationship with us? We lost everyone's phone number a month ago and I asked for phone numbers and no response to that either.

 

2nd situation

I have a sister who is a total narcissistic leech. She has bled our mother dry of every dime of her savings and my mother is now in 30k credit card debt because mother keeps giving her money. She will call up with some sob story and my mother will give her money.

 

At one point my mother was asking me for money saying she needed it for utlities in the winter so I gave her more than 1500.

 

My mother is in her 80s and lives on SS and a very small pension. She can't afford to support the leech sister but she keeps sending her money. She has gotten several large inheritances from her husband's family and they blew through that money in a matter of months. Their house is about to be forelosed on and they go out and buy a swmming pool.

 

Anyway I found out that the money I had given to my mother supposedly for her utlities, she actually gave part of it to the leech sister. I told my mother I didn't appreciate being lied to and I would never give her another cent. So now she emails me telling me she is 30k in debt but swears it isn;t because of the leech sister but I know she is lying as she tired to get the money from my kids and she told them it was because of the leech. She wants 1500 from me to file bankruptcy.

 

I don't want to give her the money. I am a bit resentful towards her as she as always catered to coddled and favored the leech sister and has done mean sneaky things to me. What should I tell her? I thought about telling the leech sister off but it wouldn't do any good.

[TaraMaiden]

Situation number one

Here is the situation. I have a SIL who writes to me each month with news and asks me questions. I write her back but she never writes back. So a month later, I get another random email mostly about what they are doing and then nothing

 

Should I just ignore her and not write back since it seems she has no real interest in a 2 way relationship with us? We lost everyone's phone number a month ago and I asked for phone numbers and no response to that either.

 

Ignore her, go NC.

 

2nd situation

I have a sister who is a total narcissistic leech. She has bled our mother dry of every dime of her savings and my mother is now in 30k credit card debt because mother keeps giving her money. She will call up with some sob story and my mother will give her money.

 

At one point my mother was asking me for money saying she needed it for utlities in the winter so I gave her more than 1500.

 

My mother is in her 80s and lives on SS and a very small pension. She can't afford to support the leech sister but she keeps sending her money. She has gotten several large inheritances from her husband's family and they blew through that money in a matter of months. Their house is about to be forelosed on and they go out and buy a swmming pool.

 

Anyway I found out that the money I had given to my mother supposedly for her utlities, she actually gave part of it to the leech sister. I told my mother I didn't appreciate being lied to and I would never give her another cent. So now she emails me telling me she is 30k in debt but swears it isn;t because of the leech sister but I know she is lying as she tired to get the money from my kids and she told them it was because of the leech. She wants 1500 from me to file bankruptcy.

 

I don't want to give her the money. I am a bit resentful towards her as she as always catered to coddled and favored the leech sister and has done mean sneaky things to me. What should I tell her? I thought about telling the leech sister off but it wouldn't do any good.

 

Ignore them, go NC.

 

Well that was easy!!

[SarahRose]

Ignore her, go NC.

 

 

 

Ignore them, go NC.

 

Well that was easy!!

 

That was very easy lol

Should I delete the inlaws off my facebook?

[TaraMaiden]

if you want my honest opinion, I'd delete FaceBook, full stop.

being on FB causes more fights, stress, problems and anxiety than anything else.

 

Look, I know they say "You can choose your friends but not your family" but really, if you will forgive me saying so, it sounds as if you're surrounded by toxic people without minds of their own. Your mother has practised what we call "Idiot Compassion". She's tried to help out, but just made matters a million times worse.

 

They may be your relatives, but they are not your problem.

 

Tell them you'd be happy to keep in touch, but you don't want to talk or hear about money, debts and financial issues. They were grown ups who got themselves into this mess: they can get themselves out of it. And tell them the word 'no' is really easy to say, when they try hard enough.

you're happy to keep in touch, but anything touching on financial discussion is completely off limits.

 

And stick with it.

Leave the contacting to them. We'll soon see how much they think of you, if they know they can't tap you for a dollar......

[SarahRose]

if you want my honest opinion, I'd delete FaceBook, full stop.

being on FB causes more fights, stress, problems and anxiety than anything else.

 

Look, I know they say "You can choose your friends but not your family" but really, if you will forgive me saying so, it sounds as if you're surrounded by toxic people without minds of their own. Your mother has practised what we call "Idiot Compassion". She's tried to help out, but just made matters a million times worse.

 

They may be your relatives, but they are not your problem.

 

Tell them you'd be happy to keep in touch, but you don't want to talk or hear about money, debts and financial issues. They were grown ups who got themselves into this mess: they can get themselves out of it. And tell them the word 'no' is really easy to say, when they try hard enough.

you're happy to keep in touch, but anything touching on financial discussion is completely off limits.

 

And stick with it.

Leave the contacting to them. We'll soon see how much they think of you, if they know they can't tap you for a dollar......

 

the facebook is for the games i play on it and to keep in touch with my kids.

 

Yeah she did get herself into the mess.

 

As for them contacting me, I moved to another country and in the years I have been here, the only person who has ever called me is my son.

 

My mother never calls anyone but gets pissed off if you don't call her. She is mad at the grandkids for not calling her but she never calls them.

 

My kids seldom call or contact me. It is all up to me. I haven't received a card or gift from anyone in my family since I have moved here but I am expected to buy my mother flowers and the kids expect gifts.

[TaraMaiden]

Then cut your losses and see my first post!!

[SarahRose]

Then cut your losses and see my first post!!

 

nc = less suffering

[TaraMaiden]

NC = no suffering at all.

Pain is standard.

Suffering is optional.