Do I leave or stay?

[tantus]

I'm currently living with my aunt and uncle, who I don't know. The last 5 years my immediate family and my aunt and uncle along with their 2 sons would get together for thanksgiving and christmas dinner, other than that Idk them. As of last Jan. my dad kicked me out for being a mother to my younger brothers 24/7. So Then, I lived with my boyfriend and everyone kept telling me if I'm not married I can't live with him.

Thats when My aunt and uncle said I could come live with them. The agreement is live with them for a year(until may 2011). I have been living with them for a month, b/c I said I would try it.October I turn 18 and my dad has gruadianship of me but doesnt want anything to do with me. mom isn't in the pic.

 

Last night they told me im not spending enough time here at their house everyday. they want me to be here 80% of the time and get to be part of a family that I never had. Also, they would like me not to handle everything on my own, but I have been doing that for as long as I can remember. Their cerfew is 10pm and i have never had a cerfew. And they want me to share everything with them. Like when I do leave them who I'm going with and where. Also, when i will be back. When I get back they want to know how it went, did I have a good day, Bad day?

 

Now as of last night I feel they ask to much of me(their expections are too high). Living with them allows me to work on myself and improve. But, for a place to live I feel I will be bending my back way to far and be unhappy meeting all their expections.

I feel that being here 80% time is too much in doing this I would not have time to spend with my 3 younger brothers 3day out of they week. I would lose my boyfriend by not spending any time with him. Also, not have time to go to church on weds and sundays. I dont even think I will be able to spend 1night a week with my mentor.

Through my life I have been thru alot and Im spilt in many directions. I already have a lot of expections on me. For me to continue to live with my aunt and uncle I would being giving up the expections I have now and begin with new ones. The people Im around and counselor has said that they see me as 35yrs old with what I have dealt with and what im currenly dealing with. I always look on the postive side of things. They told me i need to be a kid and enjoy life more.

 

Trying to be apart of a family that really isnt mine, b/c they arent my immediate family is asking alot. I think I will feel that I have let down my brothers and That living here would be like jail b/c i wouldnt get to do anything else but study, learn, talking. Pretty much no outside world for a year.

 

If I leave...i have lots of other options like going back to live with my boyfriend, or moving into one of my friends houses. Would it be worth it to live here 1 yr before going to college? Is it time for me to move again?

[PBO]

Write up a schedule of the things in your life that you are unwilling to give up ie. Your boyfriend , your brothers, your mentor, church.. don't forget fun free time for yourself! Then tell them you will be open with them about where you're at but it's not out of line to tell them those are your needs and you're willing to give them some time too but they need to be respectful to your life that's already in process. You have had to do a lot of growing up and maturing and they should respect that you are not an average kid with average lifeskills you need more activity to stay sane!

btw stay out of trouble the moment you break trust it's all over LOL

[turnera]

Just talk to them, as suggested, show them your schedule. They likely have no idea what you do with your time; they probably assume you're like typical teenagers who just goof off all the time (no offense to the teenagers, lol). Just talk to them and show them. THEN, ask them to sit down with you and work out a schedule they're ok with.

 

fwiw, in a normal situation, I have no problem with what they asked of you. I'm pretty sure they feel like they would be helping you by showing you what a stable mother/father household looks like, and they're doing it for the best of reasons. None of what they asked is any different from what I expected of my daughter when she was home - which is basically to know generally where you are in case of emergencies, and to have some sort of idea what you do with your time so that, as her moral guardian, I can make sure she's not getting into trouble. I can tell you wouldn't do that, but they had two boys. I can only imagine how much they had to deal with, so they're probably worried you may cause the same kind of, or amount of, trouble.

 

Just talk to them.

[Eve]

OP, what did you decide?

 

I think there is something in what has been said to you regarding handling things on your own. It does seem as though you have been in a caring role for a while.

 

I would say that it would not be wise to make too much of a radical change to this because it is a huge part of who you are but do look at how you spend time with yourself.

 

I do hope that the people who you mentioned can come to where you are staying. It is good to have people visit YOU sometimes..

 

I do not know the history between yourself and your Dad but feel really sad that he does not want anything to do with you. I would strongly advise that you find an appropriate person to discuss this with, even if you feel that things are pretty clear cut.

 

As suggested by others here, be open and talk about how you are feeling with your Aunt and Uncle.

 

Look after yourself..

 

Take care and God keep you safe,

Eve XX

Edited September 1, 2010 by Eve

[tantus]

I moved back to my boyfriend's house. I need to keep my mind on College. I spend time in all different directions, but always there for my brothers. I have lots to figure out. Lots of thinking and decieding.

[Eve]

Whatever you do, try not to burn any bridges.

 

Hope it all works out.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[tantus]

Things are always changing and I just feel if I get to college I'll be headed in the right direction. As of this moment I'm still feeling a bit lost and unsure of what to do. I used to have lots of organization and goals, and schedules. Living at my boyfriends I have very little organization goals or schedule and not sure where to start to make them.

 

I feel I'm behind b/c I am a month into school, midterms are here, and still felling at step one.

[turnera]

Things are always changing and I just feel if I get to college I'll be headed in the right direction. As of this moment I'm still feeling a bit lost and unsure of what to do. I used to have lots of organization and goals, and schedules. Living at my boyfriends I have very little organization goals or schedule and not sure where to start to make them.

 

I feel I'm behind b/c I am a month into school, midterms are here, and still felling at step one.

First thing, go talk to someone at your school and get help for keeping up. They'll help you with schedules, tutoring, whatever you need - they want you to stay there!

 

On a personal level, just step back and analyze what needs to happen, at the most basic level - shelter, food, income - set up time you need for those. Then start adding layers of other 'have to' things - transportation, school, etc. - set up time you need for those, to fit in with the first level. Then start adding layers of 'need to' things - time to study, a night off once a week, etc. - and set up times for those things.

 

Write it out so you can see what you need to do and when. Planners are great for that.

[tantus]

My survival needs are being met. I go to school. I spend time with my brothers. Now I am signed up to take the act in dec. I have talked to colleges and plan to go visit them in nov and in jan. All college applications have to be in by feb.

I have a few mentors and can't wait til I turn 18 in oct. That when I can go to a counselor to help with dealing with things and organization.

I love to write, I could write and write but organization there yet.

Time management for me needs to get under control.

Im still juggling a lot on my plate but haven't missed a day of school this year. Even when just last week my brother and my dad got into a fight and for me it was hard to handle and figure out how I could best help my brother. I did go to the counselor at school and say I need a break and sat in there 2hrs thinking of ways how I could help my brother.

I am running a fine line between being a mother and a sister to my 3 younger brothers without living with them.

I finding it hard to keep focused on me when I'm worrying about them and trying to make sure they are okay.

It gets tough but I'm trying to be strong the best I can.

I am still a positive or optimistic person.

[turnera]

Have you tried going to social services to get help for your family?

[LoveAintEverything]

I would not move out, but I would tell your A/U exactly what you told us, you have a bunch of things to do and cannot come home for 80% of the time because it is impossible. I tell them that and say I will move out and then see what they say