Sonolumino Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I am troubled, because I don't know if I believe in love the same way I did before this horrible situation. Love to me before this was completely sharing yourself with another person on the most intimate of levels, and having that person do the same. It was caring, being attentive, and all the constellation of emotions that comes with it. It was supposed to be what gave you the will to get through the hard times. But now, I just feel empty, miserable, and like I will never be happy again. Maybe love isn't all it's hyped up to be. How can I ever put myself out there again to be hurt like this? Does anybody else feel this way or understand? Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 no I dont think I want all the love stuff again either. Im damaged goods. I jut dont trust that it will last. I dont want to get my heart broken again. This time was terrible. I dont think i can do it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I am troubled, because I don't know if I believe in love the same way I did before this horrible situation. Love to me before this was completely sharing yourself with another person on the most intimate of levels, and having that person do the same. It was caring, being attentive, and all the constellation of emotions that comes with it. It was supposed to be what gave you the will to get through the hard times. But now, I just feel empty, miserable, and like I will never be happy again. Maybe love isn't all it's hyped up to be. How can I ever put myself out there again to be hurt like this? Does anybody else feel this way or understand? I TOTALLY understand. I never want to put myself out there again after what I've been through. Giving myself unconditionally to someone for 8 years and then getting dumped for a 20 year old. It blows. I'm miserable as well. I never want to feel this pain again. It's been almost 4 months since we broke up and I'm still struggling. It almost sounds more appealing to be single for the rest of my life. That way I won't ever get my heart ripped out and stomped on ever again. I won't cry myself to sleep and feel worthless. Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 no I dont think I want all the love stuff again either. Im damaged goods. I jut dont trust that it will last. I dont want to get my heart broken again. This time was terrible. I dont think i can do it anymore. Yep, I agree with this completely. No more heartache for this girl! I'm done. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I agree with all of you. Love is not worth it and I will never do it again To love you must trust and trusting someone is the worse thing you can do Link to post Share on other sites
Thorgs Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 I agree that the aftermath of a relationship will cause us all to think this way. When we are recovered and feeling a lot better we will try again because in all honesty, feeling love from another is the best feeling in the world and we will have it again...but this time we will be prepared. Expect the worst and hope for the best! Link to post Share on other sites
LostInTurn Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 I don't have any love to give. I am not interested in encountering this type of situation again. I just want to be left alone. I understand. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 I suppose if you can all conjour up happiness in yourself, then that is admirable. Nevertheless, I hope you dont all come to view this bitter period as having been a waste of time. Sure, it hurts to get rejected and crushed, but it also felt great while it was working, didn't it? In life, we have to take the good with the bad. I'm still at the point of not sleeping more than four hours a day, not eating more than a single meal. I've never loved anyone in my life other than the woman who just left me, one week after saying that she was considering marrying me -- and even I plan to go searching for more love. I want to have someone to share memories with, even if someday it winds up being another ex. I wish you all the luck in the world and I am on your side. But as for me , my mind and soul are made up up. Never again. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 So, how will you spend your time? I'm not harassing here, I'm interested in knowing incase my efforts fail. Vacations alone? Online gaming? The bottle? 1. First my military obligation (one more tour in Afghanistan) 2. If I get back in one piece concentrate on my job. 3. Skydive. 4. Live my life the best I can and help whoever I can along the way 5. Motorcycle trips Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 I can see it now, a whole bunch of LSers forming a biker gang and scouring across the Southwest. LOL No I live in the rocky mountains. But it doesnt sound like a bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
supersub Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 I am troubled, because I don't know if I believe in love the same way I did before this horrible situation. Love to me before this was completely sharing yourself with another person on the most intimate of levels, and having that person do the same. It was caring, being attentive, and all the constellation of emotions that comes with it. It was supposed to be what gave you the will to get through the hard times. But now, I just feel empty, miserable, and like I will never be happy again. Maybe love isn't all it's hyped up to be. How can I ever put myself out there again to be hurt like this? Does anybody else feel this way or understand? This is an interesting post. I was in my relationship for two years, and it has really made me question every aspect of what love really is. It is soul destroying when the person you thought was in the relationship with you for the right reasons is not the person you thought. It destroys trust, and it makes you look at potential future relationships in a more negative light if you are not careful. To a certain extent people say experience with relationships help, but if you are a person who has had a couple of relationships fail, and you really cared about those relationships, don't you just end up feeling jaded? Its a difficult one. I remember that line from that Editors song 'Munich'.. "People are fragile things, you should know by now Be careful what you put them through." I guess we have a choice, we can move on with a smile, or walk sheepishly with a frown. Guess I'm learning to walk on with a smile.. Not easy though, and nothing worthwhile ever is.. Sup. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelygurl Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 You are not alone in feeling this way. I was with my husband 18 years. I left him and had a few flings and then met my now X-fiancé. After just over 7 years he left. He and I had a lot of emotional problems, depression. But I gave everything I had to give and loved him more than I ever loved my XH. I will never date again. I can't even look at men without feeling repulsed. I just can't go through all the building up to stay together forever and have it blow up. I would rather be on my own now. I am re-returning to college/university and will get a career (something I've never had). By the time I'm done school my kids will be 18 and 16, which gives me time to work. I still miss my X terribly and likely always will. But no other man will have my heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sonolumino Posted September 1, 2010 Author Share Posted September 1, 2010 lonelygurl, I sympathize with your situation. I can't pretend to understand fully what you're going through, but obviously it has taken its toll. I am trying to find some good in this whole thing, or at least a lesson to be learned. What have you learned? (I mean that question in the most non-pretentious way possible, please don't take it the wrong way) And I guess the reason I posted this was that this truly shook me to the core. For the first time in my life, I loved something more than I loved myself. I thought that the love that we both had would be enough to get through whatever problem or whatever hardship we would go through, because it would be worth it to preserve the love. In short, I thought the love was worth protecting and cherishing. Having my relationship end the way it did, and having her act the way she did, really destroyed my fundamental perceptions about affection, attachment, love, and women. It shocks me that I could be so wrong, invest so much, and end up with this. It shocks me that I could give so much and have this happen. I know life is unfair, but I was always one who thought that with enough effort, time, and analysis, you would get what you deserve, at least in some form. I guess the new way of thinking is "People don't get what they deserve, they just get what they get". It's sad that such a cynical view is actually a pragmatic one. I am trying to look for deeper truth in this somehow, but I honestly don't believe I'll ever share love again. Maybe a few flings, but I think my heart will always belong to her. What hurts worse is I don't think she deserves it. Link to post Share on other sites
LostInTurn Posted September 1, 2010 Share Posted September 1, 2010 The idea of the motorcycle gang is awesome! I'd join! No more love for me. Its not even in my vocabulary anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
flyguy23 Posted September 1, 2010 Share Posted September 1, 2010 I don't think I will ever trust another girl again, I loved her with all my heart and would of done anything for her. I doubt I ever fully give myself to someone again. Link to post Share on other sites
newdawn Posted September 1, 2010 Share Posted September 1, 2010 I know, and I agree, the damage is so bad, it's not worth it --- But Sometimes we don't get to choose who we love, or when we love them Link to post Share on other sites
NewToLS Posted September 2, 2010 Share Posted September 2, 2010 Oh, I understand everyone here....why try? Who bother? Tired of hurting. Tired of trying to understand men. I'm not man-bashing, really... just haven't understood any of them I've been connected to.... I wish there was a way to meet real like-minded adults. No lovey-dovey stuff. Just companionship. Laughs. Good conversation. A fine glass of wine. Or Heck.... any ol' glass of wine. An LS motorcycle club/sky-diving club/walk-the-dog club/Watch a Movie club....sounds pretty good. I've hurt too much to try romance again. I feel like I'd only be eaten up and spit out again. Is all the fun worth all the pain? Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted September 2, 2010 Share Posted September 2, 2010 Very true. They always say love with occur when you least expect it to. I hope that at some point I can meet someone who touches me half as much as my ex. Why take the risk, you're just going to get burned again Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 2, 2010 Share Posted September 2, 2010 Romantic love is a dying concept in our society. Link to post Share on other sites
hurt and devastated Posted September 2, 2010 Share Posted September 2, 2010 I agree with Thorgs. I will be able to love someone again, and yes, I would like to be married again. HOWEVER....my eyes are going to be a lot more open this time around. I realise that I played my part in my marriage failing, and I am working on my personal issues that contributed to that. Why should she be able to fall in love again and not me? F*ck that. I deserve to have the ability to love again as much as that soulless demon. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted September 2, 2010 Share Posted September 2, 2010 IWhy should she be able to fall in love again and not me? F*ck that. I deserve to have the ability to love again as much as that soulless demon. Certainly you deserve it. But what makes you think it will ever happen again? Link to post Share on other sites
luvnpain Posted September 2, 2010 Share Posted September 2, 2010 Aww. I can definitely relate. After I had to break off my engagement, I felt this way and took about 2 years to even be open to dating again. I have not lost belief in love. I think for someone to feel this deeply means they HAD to have loved deeply, and just the fact that so many have responded to having known real love means that it does exist. We were all unfortunately put into a position of loving someone who did not recognize or value having real love. Believing in love is not the real problem as I see it. It's believing that someone could actually accept the real you. The real flawed, often times broken, you. I don't regret it, and have reached a place where there are more smiles than tears when a memory surfaces about my ex, but I do still long for the love I feel I gave out to be returned. It wasn't perfect, but was sincere. I can only hope that eventually most of you who posted will find someone who affects you and will heal the wounds that others inflicted. I am determined not to become that which I hate, and so I cannot do things that have been done to me. So I will continue to be real, and sharpen my sensors to quickly weed out those who aren't good for me. JMO Link to post Share on other sites
hurt and devastated Posted September 2, 2010 Share Posted September 2, 2010 Certainly you deserve it. But what makes you think it will ever happen again? I'm certainly not in the emotional state for it to happen again for quite a while, but I'm not going to shut myself out from it happening. You're taking a big risk by giving someone your heart, and I can't say the fear of rejection won't be there. However, there were a lot of signs that she wasn't right for me in retrospect. I chose to ignore them, because I convinced myself she was "the one". I compromised a lot of things, and I'll never do that again. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted September 2, 2010 Share Posted September 2, 2010 For me if I find love again, I will fall into it, not search for it. I've always been naturally a 'loner' - I like my own company. Love found me, I didn't find it, and I'll never be the type to search for it; it will come again or it wont. I've never known what I believe about love. I don't really think love exists - not in the way I wanted it too; the all-consuming Romeo and Juliet kind of way. The reality of love is that it is lust and magic at first and then a routine with flashes of lust and love that we must constantly fight for. In my head and heart I am a very romantic and sensitive person and I find relationships that don't suit *my* ideal as disappointing and so I would rather be alone. I find more fulfilment at this point from friendships and family; the pure love I feel for them as well as my pets and people I can help. To me that love lasts longer than any relationships based on sex and romantic love. I don't think romantic love is meant to last and really, I never have. I only think it can when 2 people have been through so much together in life or shared something amazingly unique, and how many can say that has happened to them? Love is hard; you have to find someone you are attracted to, who you like and who gets you, who you feel 'that way for', who you share goals with, who you trust, AND who feels the same. Its just not odds on. If it were gambling, it would be a stupid bet. And most people I know that are together are together for the sake of it anyway. This isn't meant to be negative about love. I know and I believe that many find love and are happy, but I don't think its as 'common' as we believe it to be. Love can be found but is usually lost. The real love is not in romantic relationships but in the other ways we learn to love people. At least this is my belief and is how I will live from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted September 2, 2010 Share Posted September 2, 2010 Romantic love is a dying concept in our society. I personally feel romantic love is never meant to be contained. I'm not against marriage whatsoever, though I know its not for me, but I think marriage is a way of containing romantic love which ironically takes all the romance out of it. Romance is always fleeting anyway, love is lasting, but it changes - the flame can not be sustained, at least not permanently. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts