GooseChaser Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 (edited) Hi everyone! I would like to ask for advice, and would appreciate any opinions! Thanks in advance! As I said in my title, I am a 21-year-old community college student who is currently living at home. I will probably be here for one more year. There are a few issues that I am trying to work through involving my parents. First, I need tips on how to become more independent from my parents. They really care, but I think they have me depend on them too much. My best friend, for example, told me that I'm one of the most dependent people on parents that she knows of our age. What can I do to work on this and distance myself a bit so I make sure I can take care of myself? I do my own laundry, I get my own food, I keep a planner for time management, I have a purse of stuff I need that I take everywhere, I keep my backpack prepared for each day, and I am working on soon having access to my own transportation to places (bike, bus), which I think will make a huge difference in my level of mobility and freedom. I'm working hard at school. I have places I like to go to exercise or relax. I will also be working on finding a job for pay so I can save up more money. (For now I just volunteer to spend time, help out a good organization, and add something to my resume). I'm getting better at problem-solving, which is also important. Just a few days ago I went to the bank and ordered some checks and a debit card, so I will be able to start to handle financial issues as well! Those are the things I can think of off the top of my head. I think I've definitely made progress from a few years ago, and things get easier and easier as time goes on. I would appreciate any more tips! This one relates more to my parents. They constantly nag me about things I need to do. I'm grateful that they care, but I am well aware of these things and don't need them reminding me so much. I have things under control, and the nagging isn't necessary! Sometimes they're just impatient when I take a while to get things done, but you know, everything gets done in its own time! I wish they would relax. Should I talk to them about that? Thank you for your time! Edited August 30, 2010 by GooseChaser Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 My best friend, for example, told me that I'm one of the most dependent people on parents that she knows of our age. You can seriously tell her to go to hell. Don't let that crap bother you. From what you're saying, it seems you're doing everything right given your current situation. Keep it up. Younger folks in this generation are living with their parents a bit longer than before in order to save up money to smooth the transition to independence. It doesn't make you any less of a person to depend on your parents for certain things while you get your life together. You're obviously working hard now so that you will be able to make it on your own when you graduate. This one relates more to my parents. They constantly nag me about things I need to do. I'm grateful that they care, but I am well aware of these things and don't need them reminding me so much. I have things under control, and the nagging isn't necessary! Sometimes they're just impatient when I take a while to get things done, but you know, everything gets done in their own time! I wish they would relax. Should I talk to them about that? You're living under their roof, so just deal with it...but if you want to talk to them about it, which I certainly would recommend you do, you need to be prepared to show that you don't need constant reminders to do things...take the initiative to complete tasks before they even have a chance to nag you...it will show them that you are responsible and can take care of your own affairs... Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 You can seriously tell her to go to hell. Don't let that crap bother you. From what you're saying, it seems you're doing everything right given your current situation. Keep it up. Younger folks in this generation are living with their parents a bit longer than before in order to save up money to smooth the transition to independence. It doesn't make you any less of a person to depend on your parents for certain things while you get your life together. You're obviously working hard now so that you will be able to make it on your own when you graduate. You're living under their roof, so just deal with it...but if you want to talk to them about it, which I certainly would recommend you do, you need to be prepared to show that you don't need constant reminders to do things...take the initiative to complete tasks before they even have a chance to nag you...it will show them that you are responsible and can take care of your own affairs... Wow, thanks for the positive thoughts and the vote of confidence! I'm glad I'm doing okay! I'll be sure to keep it up! Maybe it does make me seem more dependent just by living at home. Even so, I'm doing well, and I feel good about things. It is true that when I live under their roof, I have to live by their rules, and make an effort to coexist peacefully, hehe. Maybe I will talk to them about maybe nagging less and trusting that I know what I'm doing, but it is also a great idea to just get things done so they can see clearly that I can handle things even if they don't pester me about them. I'll keep working to become more independent over time! Link to post Share on other sites
candymoon Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 In what way did your friend mean dependent? Was she talking emotionally? I think the only difference when I was 21 was that I had my own set of wheels... well that and I was paying for my junior college myself... but still. I know some that are still at home and completely dependent. Your friend sucks. You're doing it right! Maybe she is a little jealous? Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted August 31, 2010 Author Share Posted August 31, 2010 In what way did your friend mean dependent? Was she talking emotionally? I think the only difference when I was 21 was that I had my own set of wheels... well that and I was paying for my junior college myself... but still. I know some that are still at home and completely dependent. Your friend sucks. You're doing it right! Maybe she is a little jealous? My parents are just as attached to me as I am to them. They would have just as hard of a time letting go as I would. I don't think I'm overly emotionally dependent on them, but normal in that way. We're family, and we care about each other. I think by dependent she meant that I don't make enough decisions for myself, always leaning on my parents to help me. As an example, I've often been asking them to help me choose classes to take. Her point is, I should make an effort to make more of these decisions for myself, be able to solve my own problems by finding the answers and help when needed, and generally do more things on my own. Hehe, jealous! Well, I don't know what she'd be jealous of, but who knows. Oh, here's something I forgot to mention. Most of the time, when I want to go somewhere I have to get permission first. What has made that more effective in my case has been my iiregular access to a car. Again, I have to ask to use one of the family cars, and I rarely get that permission at this point; as a result, they then have to give approval of my activities, naturally, because they are the ones transporting me to them. This is why I am excited to get a bus pass. I will have better access to local places, such as libraries and stores, will be able to go when I want, and I will be able to go on my own without an escort. I think that will be really good for me. Link to post Share on other sites
candymoon Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 My parents are just as attached to me as I am to them. They would have just as hard of a time letting go as I would. I don't think I'm overly emotionally dependent on them, but normal in that way. We're family, and we care about each other. Hehe, jealous! Well, I don't know what she'd be jealous of, but who knows. Bless your heart, you sound like such a positive person... But I bet you she is probably jealous. Maybe doesnt have a close relationship with her folks and therefore doesnt understand that, yes, some people do trust and love their parents enough (even as a young adult) to ask them their advice---and actually take it! Wow! Unheard of in some circles! lol. I had a friend like you and I was always jealous of her relationship with her mom, which was similar to you and yours. I despised my family (for good reason). Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted August 31, 2010 Author Share Posted August 31, 2010 Bless your heart, you sound like such a positive person... But I bet you she is probably jealous. Maybe doesnt have a close relationship with her folks and therefore doesnt understand that, yes, some people do trust and love their parents enough (even as a young adult) to ask them their advice---and actually take it! Wow! Unheard of in some circles! lol. I had a friend like you and I was always jealous of her relationship with her mom, which was similar to you and yours. I despised my family (for good reason). Aw, thanks! I try to be positive! It's just makes things happier. You have a point, my friend has mentioned having some conflicts in the family.... Well, I definitely feel lucky for our good relationship, and I will try to keep it going strong and maintain that. My mom in particular always says that she wants me to feel comfortable with coming to her with problems and things. She's very supportive. They both are. Link to post Share on other sites
jamesum Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 I dont understand why American (especially white) parents are so eager to kick their kids out of the house. As long as the kids are going to school and having a job, I fail to see a reason why they should be kicked out unless they want to move out. Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 I dont understand why American (especially white) parents are so eager to kick their kids out of the house. As long as the kids are going to school and having a job, I fail to see a reason why they should be kicked out unless they want to move out. No, it used to be the kids couldn't wait to get out of the house at 18 to have their own place and do their own thing. It was embarrassing to live at home after the age of 18 and peers thought something was wrong with you. Now days you can't get the lazy sods out until they are 35. You don't see baby birds hanging around in the nest for years and years do you? Humans are supposed to grow up and leave the nest too. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 The OP sounds to be doing fine. There is a big transition within moving out and it would be good to put things in place within the next year as a means of preparation.Yeah, do your part but understand that this is a joint transition leading up to the point where your parents will have to hug you and leave you in a place of your own. I did this last year with my daughter and we all cried like babies. I would not listen too closely to your friend. Make plans and raise topics respectfully to your parents. It sounds to me as though having a car of your own is the next thing to work towards. ... but no, I would be proud of you if you were my child. Take care, Eve xx Link to post Share on other sites
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