havehope31 Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 Originally posted by Mollyanna Vivid: Thank You. I know I need to leave him alone but it is SOOOO difficult. I just spent the last 3 months (1 as a friend and 2 as a girlfriend) talking to him EVERY SINGLE DAY, 3-4 times a day when I wasn't in town because of work - and the remainder of the time WITH him in person. This was my first weekend without him. I couldn't handle it. schatzi: I was starting to feel a little bit better today until I read your post. How is this my fault? I have been blaming myself for days and yesterday finally came to understand that it isn't my fault. Today you blame me. Now I am second guessing everything again... Please don't blame yourself as that is what I am doing. We don't have the power to change how others feel. The greatest feeling in the world is knowing that someone else WANTS to be with you and they will either want to or not. If my dad wouldn't have been heartbroken, he never would have met my mom and I wouldn't be here. That's how to look at it. I promise the pain will go away. Link to post Share on other sites
havehope31 Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 Originally posted by Mollyanna Last night my friend calls me and tells me that she wants me to come up the bar we all hang out in. I refused. I am not ready to face the world yet. She then tells me that he is there. I got upset all over again. I mean how can he go out and have fun with our mutual friends while I am sitting here in agony? We should have been there together. I am really upset and cry and cry on the phone to my friend. She is angry at him for hurting me and says so many times. This morning she calls and says she talked to him last night and was so drunk that she doesn't remember what she said. I had to do damage control (or it was just an excuse to contact him, I don't know...) I paged him. He called back a few minutes later. She didnt really say anything wrong according to him. Then we talked for an hour! At the end of the conversation, I found out the following: I can get through a conversation with him without crying. I can laugh with him and enjoy his company. And then I got some hope... He said it was the fight with his ex that set off all these emotions. He thought he was ready until that fight. He realizes he still has a long way to go. This week, after he broke up with me, he tried to get her to agree to meet with him for coffee sometime so they could talk about what went wrong. (it was such a whirlwind thing that happened so fast). He needs closure. She has been hesistant to give it to him in the past, but now he is really pushing it. It is time. And he is going to go back to the divorce counselor that he used to see also. And Res.Dog - you were right about him forcing this with me. He was trying to pretend nothing was wrong. He admitted that to me today. He was trying to force this when he just wasn't ready. I told him I wish that I had met him a year from now.. and he piped up right away and said - "well, you never know what might happen.." I am not sure how to take that. I want to take it that he hasn't closed the door on us yet. So I asked him, when he was ready to date again, maybe could we try again? And he said that is possible. I am scared to wait this out though. I waited on a guy for 2 years one time. (someone I worked with who i was forbidden to see because he was my supervisor). I waited for him to switch departments for 2 years. In the meantime, we flirted and talked on the phone and email and got together only twice.) In the end, when I finally switched departments - he chose someone else - another girl we worked with. And he didn't care if anyone knew about it. She quit her job to be with him. I put myself through hell in those 2 years waiting for him. Can I do it again - even if it is just for 6 months or so? I feel a little bit better today - have only cried twice so far... Thank You! This is helping so much. All my friends are doing is trying to make me go out and get out of this house. I'm just not ready. Today I got from the bedroom to the living room. Babysteps... Don't settle for anything less than what you want. You have to want to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You have to want to feel better and you have to know that you did all that you could to try and get what you want. That alone should comfort you. You should have no regrets because of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mollyanna Posted February 22, 2004 Author Share Posted February 22, 2004 Right now this is extremely difficult to not be with him. Sundays were always our best days. I always went to his volleyball games and watched him play. Then we would go out to eat and then we would head to "our bar" for darts and karaoke. We would flirt and be playful all day. After we got home that night, we would ALWAYS have the most amazing sex - each time was better and better. But today I sit here by myself and think that he is out there playing volleyball now and I wish he would call. The one time that I couldn't go before - he called me 3 times between games just to chat and to tell me he wished I was there. Tonight he will be out with all our mutual friends and a few people who will ask him tonight where I am and he will have to tell them we are broken up. I had to do that on Friday and that was not fun. As soon as I was asked where he was, I teared up. Tonight I will be travelling to Chicago for work and will be there until Thursday night. On my trips, I would always call him when I made it there. We would email during my lunch hours and breaks. At night we would talk again. And I would always spend time finding him just the perfect souvenoir. How am I going to take this trip "without" him? Another thought, when I was there the other night, I noticed the valentine balloon I had bought him was still floating in the living room. The valentine gift bag was still sitting in his room in plain view. All my toiletries are still where I left them. Does that mean anything? Now Schatzi has me all freaked out and now I feel this sudden urge to call my guy and ask him if there was anything I did that he didn't like - if he really meant that he needed this space or he was just trying to make it easier on me because he doesn't like me anymore - if he only spent time with me the other day because he felt guilty... Here I go with all the analysis again... Link to post Share on other sites
havehope31 Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 First, Don't get freaked out by what others are saying right now. We all deal with things differently, you must find your way, I guess that is why you are on this website. I know it is hard to not read into this, to feel what you are feeling. You have no control over what he is doing and if you didn't miss the little things, it probably wasn't worth it in the first place. Second, please just live your life. There are so many possibilities out there. Maybe there is another one with him, but you can't think about it. Just let the normal happenings of life take their routes. You are on a new road without him and it does feel lonely right now, give the new road a chance...you may find someone else on this new road that you wouldn't have ever met. Think back to when you first met this person, how it happened and all of those things relating. It can and will happen again. Do not be like me. I have been recently dumped on Valentine's day and I went from loving her dearly to not even want to be thinking about her. And it has only been a week. I don't know if it is healthy or not, i'm guessing it isn't. You have to make the days brighter for yourself. There is nothing wrong with missing the good times, but you also have to have hope that there will be more. Don't waste away these precious days, and do not be vengeful or say things you will regret. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mollyanna Posted February 22, 2004 Author Share Posted February 22, 2004 Actually HaveHope31 - I wish I could do what you did. I wish I could just not think about him. But I dream good dreams about him and I wake up happy and first thing think about him and then realize again what happened and then I am sad again. I told him the other day that I wish he was a jerk and then I could hate him. Hate is so much easier than Sadness... And I have never been jealous of his coming and goings much. But now I am second guessing this exgirlfriend of his who he remained friends with. She would call sometimes and he would talk to her for a few minutes in front of me. So he never tried to hide it. But now because of all my second guessing and analyzing, suddenly I am wondering about her and what role she had in this - if any. I am also wondering about a couple of his "confirmed bachelor" guy friends. Did they nudge him along to this decision? Was anyone in my corner? What did his brother say? What did his parents say? What did his ex-wife's daughter say? I am going crazy with unanswered questions. And I am also doubting everything he told me now. Maybe he did dump me just because he was just tired of me. Even though - All logic points to the fact that he was the one always making plans with me though... even the night before he broke up with me. All logic points to the fact that until he had this huge fight with his ex-wife, he was happy being with me too. But suddenly I am thinking I am just not good enough for him... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mollyanna Posted February 24, 2004 Author Share Posted February 24, 2004 He is calling me in a couple of hours. I told him today that I had some stuff to ask him about us. God, I am so nervous that I am sick to my stomach. I am actually having to write my questions down now so I won't freeze up and forget. Because I promised myself that this would be the last emotional conversation with him until he can tell me he is ready for me. Please someone out there - please give me some strength. Link to post Share on other sites
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