My boyfriend won't tell his female friend that he is dating someone!

[D-Lish]

WRONG!

 

He never said that he couldn't tell his female friend about his SO, he said it's didn't come up. I've been in this guy's situation many times. In Guy World, talking about our girlfriends and our relationships is not a priority. When I get together with my male or female friends, it is very, very common for us to never talk about who we're dating. It's just not important. Fantasy football is important; work is important; what our mutual friends are doing is important; what we watched on TV last night is important. Girlfriends are not.

 

The only time I ever talk about my girlfriend is if we run out of absolutely anything else to talk about.

 

SO, your dating a girl for 6 months, and her name never comes up with your buddies? That's pretty sad.

 

But I think all you did is re-iterate that she's not impotant enough to talk about... That in itself says something. Amongst my male friends-they talk about girls as much as real football.

[robdrm32]

WRONG!

 

He never said that he couldn't tell his female friend about his SO, he said it's didn't come up. I've been in this guy's situation many times. In Guy World, talking about our girlfriends and our relationships is not a priority. When I get together with my male or female friends, it is very, very common for us to never talk about who we're dating. It's just not important. Fantasy football is important; work is important; what our mutual friends are doing is important; what we watched on TV last night is important. Girlfriends are not.

 

The only time I ever talk about my girlfriend is if we run out of absolutely anything else to talk about.

 

Girlfriends are not important... so you would be comfortable with your girl hanging out at another guy's house for 2-3 hours "drinking coffee" and never bothering to mention to this single guy that you and her are together?

 

wtf?

[abeja_reina_1989]

That is seriously messed up! Why does he have to hide you?? I say, tell him he needs to quit it and then leave if he won't. He should be proud to have you!

[welikeincrowds]

Man, I'm tired about hearing about these ******* "guys" who have no respect. Men don't behave this way. There is only time I won't mention a girlfriend to a friend: when they already know about her, and things are going well as usual, because I don't like to brag. Carhill is on the money, you need to BBQ that mother****er. And if it's in NYC, invite me so I can watch.

 

Yeah, I mad.

[Krytie TV]

The only time I ever talk about my girlfriend is if we run out of absolutely anything else to talk about.

 

All this proves is that you're likely the same kind of guy that the OP is dating, not that anyone else is wrong. Substantial friends would actually want to know how your gf is doing and vice versa.

 

OP, all he has done so far (according to him) is not mention you in a conversation. That in itself is not evidence of cheating. What I WOULD be worried about is your bf going over to a female friend's house that you have never met for three hours for coffee. Seriously, only old women who play bridge go over to someone's house for "coffee".

 

He is highly likely either: 1) Seriously laying the groundwork to cheat, 2) Gauging her interest before dumping you, or 3) keeping her interested in case you two break up. All three scenarios paint you as the jackass. Do you have any desire to remedy that situation?

[gdes65]

Ok so we've been living together for 8 months now (we got over the Coffee visit) so there is another girl that he calls a really good friend, he worked with her and everyone thought they had something going on between them but he insists that they didn't . She is half his age! He has a daughter her age.

Anyway he has been texting and talking to her on facebook and chat (whenever he gets the chance) ever since we've been together (over a year now) I thought that she knew about us because he said that he told her.

I took him on a trip with me and we attended a concert, the first thing he did was buy this girl a keychain because she collects them. We bought a motorcycle together and he emailed her a picture of it on the first day we had it etc.

Anyhow, I added her as a friend on Facebook last week and told her that I was his girlfriend and I'd love to meet to seeings that they aere such good friends. She was very surprised to hear that he had a girlfriend but told me that she was very happy for him and that he deserved to be happy!

When I confronted him he got very agry with me and said that he assumed that she knew about us! I told him that I felt like he was keeping his options open with her and acting single with her and couple with me!

He didn't appologize for doing it and he deflected blame on me and said that he would leave if I didn't keep bringing up this girl.

Meanwhile I have given him my heart, soul and bank account number!

Is there any hope that he is a good guy? I really want to believe that he's telling the truth but this is 2 times that I've caught him omitting our relationship with single female friends!

[thatone]

he gave you your answer. unless you have something to hide from two people, there's no reason to get mad about the two of them talking to each other.

[Memphis Raines]

Last night he went to a female friends house who he hasn't seen since we've been together and stayed there for 2-3 hours drinking coffee.

 

2 to 3 hours. drinking coffee?

ya, uh huh.

 

 

I asked him if he told her about me and he said "No it never came up"

 

it never came up because he doesn't want her to know, that way he can see where it leads. he was alone with her, 2 to 3 hours, drinking coffee:rolleyes:, and the topic of you NEVER came up, because he didn't bring it up.

 

he can't explore his options as efficiently if he lets the girls know he already has a girlfriend.

 

red flag, and I wouldn't get to serious with a guy that likes to hang out alone with other girls and neglect to tell him he is in a committed relationship.

 

you think he'd like you at another guy's apartment for hours and not letting him know you have a bf? doubt it.

 

 

 

Should I be worried?

 

no, you shouldn't sit at home while he is making time with other girls alone.

 

move on. there are more worthy guys out there.

 

He didn't appologize for doing it and he deflected blame on me and said that he would leave if I didn't keep bringing up this girl.

 

thats cuz he is guilty as sin. let his triflin' ass leave. you can do better.

[Scorpio6913]

Ok so we've been living together for 8 months now (we got over the Coffee visit) so there is another girl that he calls a really good friend, he worked with her and everyone thought they had something going on between them but he insists that they didn't . She is half his age! He has a daughter her age.

Anyway he has been texting and talking to her on facebook and chat (whenever he gets the chance) ever since we've been together (over a year now) I thought that she knew about us because he said that he told her.

I took him on a trip with me and we attended a concert, the first thing he did was buy this girl a keychain because she collects them. We bought a motorcycle together and he emailed her a picture of it on the first day we had it etc.

Anyhow, I added her as a friend on Facebook last week and told her that I was his girlfriend and I'd love to meet to seeings that they aere such good friends. She was very surprised to hear that he had a girlfriend but told me that she was very happy for him and that he deserved to be happy!

When I confronted him he got very agry with me and said that he assumed that she knew about us! I told him that I felt like he was keeping his options open with her and acting single with her and couple with me!

He didn't appologize for doing it and he deflected blame on me and said that he would leave if I didn't keep bringing up this girl.

Meanwhile I have given him my heart, soul and bank account number!

Is there any hope that he is a good guy? I really want to believe that he's telling the truth but this is 2 times that I've caught him omitting our relationship with single female friends!

 

Hi gdes,

I'm so sorry you are going through this!

I watched a friend of mine do something similar to his now "Ex wife", he put her through hell as far as I'm concerned.

My ex told me that no one knew about her seeing me but her sister. She also referred to me as a "Friend" when telling me about talking to one of her so called guy friends. In the end, I weighed everything she was doing with me and as much as it hurt, I dumped her..

I'm sorry to say, IMO, I think you should do the same & dump this guy before he hurts you more & then dumps you. What he is doing is completely disrespecting you & you most certainly deserve better!

I wish you the best!!

[carhill]

I wouldn't want you, or anyone else, to go away. Diversity and differing viewpoints are what make any forum interesting.

 

I didn't attack or characterize you or your credibility. Green said your advice was horrible, and I (and quite a few other people apparently) agree. That is quite different from saying that you are horrible. You seem to be attacking the person, not the content of the post, and taking the thread off-topic. For someone with 17,000 posts on an interpersonal relationship site, I am quite surprised at that!

Late to this.

 

In my world, understand this. Address your opinions to the OP. That is the person who is seeking your advice. I do not seek your advice, nor want your advice, nor will take your advice. I'll push back at anyone who sticks a stick in my face, no matter what it's waving at. You'll note I never characterize anyone's advice/opinion as 'horrible', 'silly', 'stupid', or 'ignorant'. That's because I bloodied more than a few bullies faces as a younger man and I know what it's like to be bullied in that way.

 

If you disagree, disagree. You can do it in a civilized manner without any name-calling. The alacrity with which you call names does not phase me. I know your kind.

[OldOnTheInside]

Carhill doesn't have time for this sh*t.

 

Getting off-topic.

[carhill]

LOL, looks like she should have had the BBQ

[vsmini]

HUGE RED FLAG!

The ex that turned into a total nightmare did the exact same thing. Eventually his female friends found out and then he started denying when he was spending time with me and telling them he did "something else" on saturday night when he was really with me.

 

Get rid of him. He wants to keep his options open. My ex told me that he wanted to be looked at as an individual and not as part of a couple.

BS.

[Woman In Blue]

Gdes65, you posted almost ONE year ago and got 2 full pages of replies. You didn't even come back and participate in your own thread, nor did you thank anyone for the time and effort they spent replying to YOUR request for advice.

 

Even though you don't acknowledge anything anyone takes the time and effort to write to you, I've got a few minutes to waste, so what the hell..I'll bite.

 

I think more than a few people thought you both were very young based on your first post about him keeping a stable of single ladies as 'coffee friends' that he made sure you didn't meet. In your 2nd post almost a year later, you mention the latest girl that he's acting creepy about is half his age - the age of his daughter. So I'll assume this guy is in his late 40's or early 50's.

 

When you say, "we got over the coffee visit," I'm going to assume that means YOU had to accept it and YOU had to get over it. I'd be willing to bet this schmuck did SQUAT about any of your concerns and you just had to suck it up and shut up, didn't you? And now he's acting the fool again, this time over some young girl the age of his daughter. Rumors at work don't start over coworkers who take smoke breaks together or have coffee breaks together - they start when office 'friendships' appear to be inappropriate to everyone else. No doubt, enough people saw his 'friendship' with a woman half his age as inappropriate, and rightly so. Watching a guy act like that around a young girl screams, "creepy Uncle." No wonder there were rumors all over the place. Where there's smoke, there's usually fire.

 

What more do you NEED to see what a user and a creep this guy is? You friended his little Lolita 'gal pal' on Facebook and - BIG, HUGE SURPRISE - she had NO INKLING that you even exist! Just like ALL the other women before her. You don't move in with a creep like this and you certainly don't 'buy' a motorcycle together (I'm willing to bet that this motorcycle you bought 'together' has YOUR name only on the loan - or you had to co-sign for him because he has crap credit and couldn't get it WITHOUT your financial assistance). THAT, I'd be willing to bet the farm on.

 

Do you really need a so-called 'man' THIS bad that you're willing to sell your integrity and pride right down the river? You mention that he has YOUR bank account information, but you SURE didn't mention that you have his. Let me guess - the schmuck doesn't have a dime to his name and he has bad credit to boot, right? Thus, necessitating a motorcycle that you "bought together." Do you realize how cliche this whole mess is? He's happy to live with you, have access to your finances and buy a motorcyle "together" with you, but once he walks out the front door, he's suddenly "Mr. Single." And GOD FORBID you mention his CREEPY behavior toward a girl his daughter's age - he threatens to 'leave' you. LOL. What a loser. The ONLY one who would end up with the short stick in THAT scenario is HIS loser ass when your finances are no longer available to him.

 

I ask this question in all seriousness again - are you THAT desperate for a man that you're willing to compromise your own values, pride and integrity - all for a creep like this?

[gdes65]

Hi Everyone,

I want to thank all of you for your replies. I've read every single one over and over. I think I have an answer.

To Woman in Blue, you hit the nail on the head several times in your response. Dead on actually. Looking at it written down like that makes me feel rather stupid for falling for this man. I do love him but I know that I'm being disrespected in this relationship and he has a lot of growing up to do. I guess I was doubting myself and my feelings. I thought perhaps my jealousy was over the top because he was calling these girls "friends" and the problem must have been with me. I now know from listening to everyone here that I'm not in the wrong for thinking that his female relationships are more than he says (at least to him). I guess deep down I knew the truth, I just needed to have it validated by others for my own peace of mind.

Thanks again, I'll keep everyone posted!

[milkmaterial]

i was in this same situation, my bf didnt tell his ex that he was seeing me, from emails. he didnt buy her stuff or anything. but she was clearly asking him whats up w/ his life and he wasnt budging. i went on his email to check on paypal we both share for a purchase i made on ebay, and i saw their emails. anyway he gave me his password so he said he had nothing to hide. i was really disappointed w/ his response to me saying that its none of her business so he didnt tell her. for me it seemed like he said it to lead her on, cause he still wants her. im not insecure about her, and if he really loves her then by all means go back to her, stop wasting my time so i can give my time to 10 other guys waiting on my front yard (just kidding) but yeah.

 

that incident made me insecure about our relationship even more, and it lead me to a series of bad things that of which i probly shouldnt discuss in this thread.

 

for the record, he couldve repaired the damage by telling his ex about me..but he insisted that he wouldnt. and until now i feel sort of a bit of bitterness about it, and uncertainty in our relationship.

 

anyway i like all of carhills responses so far and i wouldnt mind meeting a guy like carhill ..wish my bf was a lot liek carhill.

[OldOnTheInside]

anyway i like all of carhills responses so far and i wouldnt mind meeting a guy like carhill ..wish my bf was a lot liek carhill.

 

So you want a guy in his fifties, milk.

[Wandaland]

Hi Everyone,

I want to thank all of you for your replies. I've read every single one over and over. I think I have an answer.

To Woman in Blue, you hit the nail on the head several times in your response. Dead on actually. Looking at it written down like that makes me feel rather stupid for falling for this man. I do love him but I know that I'm being disrespected in this relationship and he has a lot of growing up to do. I guess I was doubting myself and my feelings. I thought perhaps my jealousy was over the top because he was calling these girls "friends" and the problem must have been with me. I now know from listening to everyone here that I'm not in the wrong for thinking that his female relationships are more than he says (at least to him). I guess deep down I knew the truth, I just needed to have it validated by others for my own peace of mind.

Thanks again, I'll keep everyone posted!

 

Honey, you should just dump him. He's obviously taking advantage of you. He probably loves your money more than he does for you. Break up with him, kick him out and keep your motorcycle since it came out of your bank account. He's using you and you don't deserve that.

[Only Gal]

WRONG!

 

He never said that he couldn't tell his female friend about his SO, he said it's didn't come up. I've been in this guy's situation many times. In Guy World, talking about our girlfriends and our relationships is not a priority. When I get together with my male or female friends, it is very, very common for us to never talk about who we're dating. It's just not important. Fantasy football is important; work is important; what our mutual friends are doing is important; what we watched on TV last night is important. Girlfriends are not.

 

The only time I ever talk about my girlfriend is if we run out of absolutely anything else to talk about.

 

hmmmm..

about what uve said, i wanna ask u one thing: if u know your gf went out with her male frens several times or catching up and all, and she never invited u or intoduced u to them, then found out that none of her frens know that she has a bf (in the case that u love her). how would u feel?

 

i had the same experience. ive been asking my bf to accept my fren request in fb (facebook) for around 3 months, he promised he would do it once he go ol. he did go to fb several times without having intention to accept it. 11 march i asked him to accept the invitation for the 3rd time of the month, at the same day he was posting pics in it. and yesterday he finally did with a mad face, and he said he didnt open it since weeks ago. but i saw his wall, he was actually been thre 3 days before commenting his female fren (tagging his pic on his wall).

 

it hurts. alot.

 

we've been together for almost 2 years since i was 21, im so proud of having him coz i love him n everybody knows, i told my frens n family, i put our pic as my fb wallpaper, but what he did? i just think that either he's ashamed of having me to his frens (coz im still doing my master abroad n no income yet while he's a doctor having big bucks) or it's bcoz i'm asian and he's european with different culture, or maybe it's bcoz out religion (different ones), or just bcoz he still wants to flirt around (he has more female frens of cute nurses n only has few male).

 

u are a guy. so can u tell me how u gonna feel if this is happening to u with your gf? =)