What_Next Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Phineas if you have been 100% honest with these women and they know it is just a matter of a piece of paper then honestly why are they hung up on it? The new person I met is aware of my situation entirely. She knows the entire story. She also knows that I am NOT looking for anything serious. Therefore the fact that I am actually still living with my ex for the next few weeks doesn't really bother her. Or at least that is what she says. Have you discussed this fact with your new lady friends? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Until it's filed & a matter of public record she can still decide she isn't happy with the agreed upon child support, or the custody, or which nights I have the kids ect. & delay it even longer. In a contested divorce, both petitioner and respondent have aspects of 'control', and perhaps that is pertinent to the frustration felt. Accepted. In our jurisdiction, should an interested lady friend be sitting at my side (instead of the cat currently sitting there) and wanting to know the 'status' of our D, I simply could pull up the docket online on the superior court web site and she could see all the filings, motions and responses. It's all right there, including the procedural and filing errors. I don't know whether that would help or hurt her interest but it is honest disclosure. Perhaps unlike some other separated men, I moved on emotionally long ago and am open to serious emotional intimacy with a compatible woman. This has been the quickest path to sitting alone typing on a computer with a cat It'll all work out. Ours should have been official this week about five months ago. Like I said prior, optimistic thoughts Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 I tend to agree that most women view a D still in process as a red flag. I have seen too many people flip-flop on their divorces. Women almost always emotionally invest when they are sexual, unlike many but not all men. The last thing a woman wants after being intimate with a man is to be told the next week (after him saying how he looks forward to building a life with her or seeing her everyday or whatever) sorry hun, me and the wife decided to give it another try. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 YGG, I certainly understand that. From the female perspective is there anything at all that the man can do to reassure the woman? In my case I know right now there is NO chance of reconciliation in the short term. In the longer term, I just don't know. Phineas I am so sorry about the hijack. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 I'm watching one case right now where the woman and man are separated (separate domiciles) and the woman is biding her time (man filed and process is nearing completion) to see if they can reconcile. She apparently believes they are a good match and he is just currently deluded. I presume she's dating (not me) but her emotional eye is still on her H. It's a great example of the two-way aspects of the divorce process and how everything isn't always as it seems, even if things get as far as 'official'. A seal on a piece of paper doesn't necessarily flip a switch in one's emotional brain. Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 YGG, I certainly understand that. From the female perspective is there anything at all that the man can do to reassure the woman? In my case I know right now there is NO chance of reconciliation in the short term. In the longer term, I just don't know. Phineas I am so sorry about the hijack. Whatsnext...I have avoided your thread and have begun to avoid your wife's also, because of the mob mentality surrounding her adultery. I immediately recognized anger in you regarding something that happened a couple nights ago which you didn't elaborate on, but quickly started posting about how there were these women hot on your tail. I can't support your attempts to frighten and hurt your wife through LS posts in which you are claiming to ride so high from all your future sexual encounters in the making. The heart of the matter is that you are deeply hurt. As a woman, I would stay as far away from you as possible, if I was smart enough to recognize this within you. Nobody wants to be your rebound before the walls of despair come crashing down. That said, I feel deep sympathy for your situation. I know you are in pain. I wish I could make it go away for you. What I really wish is that the two of you would sit down as adults and work this out, because your marriage is a train wreck not just for her, but for both of you. Watching this story unfold on LS makes me sick. There has been a great deal of immature responses on LS with both your threads, and very few people trying to help you, and those that have (including myself, Tojaz, and a few others) are quickly overcome and go unheard with all the screaming from the mob. BTW, please point out this post to your tbxw. Link to post Share on other sites
Author phineas Posted September 10, 2010 Author Share Posted September 10, 2010 Phineas if you have been 100% honest with these women and they know it is just a matter of a piece of paper then honestly why are they hung up on it? The new person I met is aware of my situation entirely. She knows the entire story. She also knows that I am NOT looking for anything serious. Therefore the fact that I am actually still living with my ex for the next few weeks doesn't really bother her. Or at least that is what she says. Have you discussed this fact with your new lady friends? Oh, I failed to mention they are looking for something that can lead to a serious relationship. No FWB, no relationship based on sex & exclusive if I want sex. I know which one i'm leaning towards so she may be blowing smoke up my ass & may be legit. She has until my divorce is final or I go after the other one. If she is stringing me along also then i guess my nights without the kids will open up for any other women I meet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author phineas Posted September 10, 2010 Author Share Posted September 10, 2010 I tend to agree that most women view a D still in process as a red flag. I have seen too many people flip-flop on their divorces. Women almost always emotionally invest when they are sexual, unlike many but not all men. The last thing a woman wants after being intimate with a man is to be told the next week (after him saying how he looks forward to building a life with her or seeing her everyday or whatever) sorry hun, me and the wife decided to give it another try. I really do think the one really likes me. I've told her my intentions when my divorce is final & she is still around. I'm not ruling out the possibility that she is stringing me along but I can't just assume all women are like that. My STBXW is a thorn in my side. Like I said when she calls to say goodnight to my kids she will ask him where he is & who is with him. The one woman has kids the same age as mine so we all spend a lot of time together hanging out. When she hears my kid telling his mother who is at my house with him she does ask me why she cares who i'm with since she's the one who walked out on me to be with OM. Whenever we exchange kids she drags it out. She is either sniffing around or pretending she is sniffing around whenever I am with other women so yeah even though they don't say it, their thinking in the back of their mind she wants me back & want to make sure i'm 100% done with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author phineas Posted September 10, 2010 Author Share Posted September 10, 2010 YGG, I certainly understand that. From the female perspective is there anything at all that the man can do to reassure the woman? In my case I know right now there is NO chance of reconciliation in the short term. In the longer term, I just don't know. Phineas I am so sorry about the hijack. Well in my case it's finalizing my divorce & giving myself tennis elbow in the interim. Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted September 11, 2010 Share Posted September 11, 2010 We all have to watch people when we might end up being their rebound. It's very frightening to think that we might invest a piece of our heart just to have somebody toss us away with a reconciliation. Goes for both genders. I've seen more men flip-flop though. The WAW usually means it. It's a known fact that more men step out only to step back in. Whatsnext, I haven't kept up with your thread, so I don't know all the details. I do want to publicly apologize though for attacking your interest in this other woman. (We have discussed it privately). Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted September 13, 2010 Share Posted September 13, 2010 MMI Out of the tunnel and off the roller coaster, it is good to hear that life is treating you better. Even better are the weekend games, I couldn't believe the BS / VT game, hows that for a season opener? Life is good. hahaha!! you're tellin me man. then for VT to turn around and lose again this week to freaking Madison, oh my god!!! insanity i tell you. i thought my lady friend was going to blow a gasket at the georgia loss this week. i just giggled quietly. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted September 14, 2010 Share Posted September 14, 2010 MMI Yeah VT loses a second time and in so doing drags down BS Did I read that you have found an incredible woman, who is understanding and does not pressure you, and likes football? You could be in trouble Mine was dissappointed last night when she had to got to bed before the end of the Cowboy / Redskins game. And was totally crushed when I updated her with the ending. She is a Cardinal fan and who ever is playing Dallas. Life is good when you find a woman who likes football. Who cares if they can cook? Link to post Share on other sites
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