Mother is excruciatingly annoying

[Dooda]

I sent my mother a link concerning my religion and what it says about abuse and how parents should treat their children. After all this 'taboo' of 'respecting your parents', I realised that parents do not have a God-Given Right to Smack Your Child Silly. That doesn't make sense.

 

I sent her the link, and all she could tell me was that I need to seek counselling. The fact is, I have, twice, but have been unable to fully relate all of my problems because of what I'm feeling inside.

 

I sent her back, saying that, the only thing she could do is to deflect the issue and tell me about my problems and my need to seek counselling. I was simply trying to point out that abuse is wrong, and that the way she had been dealing with me my whole life was completely ridiculous on all levels, not to mention completely, mind-bogglingly abusive.

She acts like she's not such a controlling, demeaning, belittling #####, but the fact is, she is.

 

She sends me and e-mail back with the following link: http://counsellingresource.com/ask-the-psychologist/2009/08/10/my-moms-misplaced-anger-has-destroyed-my-life/

 

The fact is, my situation doesn't relate to that person's in any way. I am not addicted to drugs, I am headed out to University in a country far far away in a few days, and I am on the start to a new beginning for me, which I am looking forward to, but to which I am also reluctant. The only thing holding me back is this 'fear' of not being able to accomplish. I am 'scared', of mostly everything, and I believe this is partly, if not mostly, due to the way I was treated during my childhood. It is also the way I'm treated now. All I'm expecting out of her is some sort of a sorry: "Hey, I'm sorry I was such a bitch throughout your childhood." "Yea, it's No problem...."

 

All she can do is send me that ridiculous e-mail back as if, once again, something is wrong with me, and I need to go see a therapist. She is so blind, to herself and everyone around her.

 

Basically, she's telling me: "I'm an abusive mother and there's nothing you can do about it, go seek help..."

It doesn't make sense.

 

I sent her an e-mail back, basically saying that my story doesn't relate at all to that person, and that all I was expecting was an apology, but that that wouldn't happen. That was it.

I'm just so tired of taking her crap.

Edited September 1, 2010 by Dooda

[NamNam]

Hi Dooda,

 

May I ask what was your hope or aim to achieve in sending that link to your mother? What is it that you are wanting from her?

 

Correct me if I am wrong but it sounds like you're wanting to vent to her and lash out to her and let her know what she's done to you is wrong. To me, it sounds like you're still holding onto the hurt that she has caused you.

[Dooda]

NamNam, I am 19 years old and still having to cope with what they have done to me. The abuse is still going on, and it's not like I have moved on with my life and have been able to overcome it. No.

 

I am unable to cope with this world on several levels, and I feel it is their senseless actions that have caused this on me. My mom still calls me "piece of ****" "Garbage person" "it was a bad day the day you were born," and you think I'm supposed to cope with this?

 

It was about 6 months ago where my brother took me on the ground and beat me several times on the head everytime I said a word, and my mother looked down on me as though I were wrong, and my family said I was crazy and needed to go to a mental facility.

 

My brother, mother and father still believe it's right to beat a child senseless because it makes them feel that much better about themselves. My brother has learnt from my parents, and I feel rather than being brave and dealing with his abuse as abuse, he has decided to take it all out on me and say, "I'm a good person for abusing you."

 

Of course I want to vent at her, hell yea I do. She has never, once, ever admitted she was wrong, apologised for what she has done, or felt that she has done wrong in any way. All she can derive from my 'distressed mood', is that I need counselling, when I need so much more. I cannot cope with no one or nothing, and I feel like I'm dead. And all my family can do is to continue being as nonsupporting, abusive and stressful to my mental well-being as ever.

 

So, please don't get my situation wrong before you're so quick to judge.

[Dooda]

You're acting like wanting to vent out is a wrong thing. As if parents do no wrong and are not accountable for their actions. The same way children are accountable for their actions, parents are too.

[Feelin Frisky]

I feel for ya Dooda. I had a lousy childhood and got lots of unjust beatings. My mom also medicated me with food before I developed any social consciousness and had to grow up being tormented as a fat boy. To this day my mother has never said the word "sorry" to me--she is in denial and to her, I wanted for nothing just because she put an above ground pool in the back yard. My advice is to try to accept that any reconcilement of the facts has to start with her--it has to be her idea or she'll get more contentious that she's blameless. It's a lost cause to try to wake her up and get what you want (at least in my experience). Be well.

[The Collector]

All I'm expecting out of her is some sort of a sorry: "Hey, I'm sorry I was such a bitch throughout your childhood." "Yea, it's No problem...."

 

I'm sorry for the abuse you clearly suffered. But what you want from her is probably never going to happen.

[NamNam]

NamNam, I am 19 years old and still having to cope with what they have done to me. The abuse is still going on, and it's not like I have moved on with my life and have been able to overcome it. No.

 

Okay, that's good that you're honest with your own feelings. Recognising something internally is wrong is the start.

 

I am unable to cope with this world on several levels, and I feel it is their senseless actions that have caused this on me. My mom still calls me "piece of ****" "Garbage person" "it was a bad day the day you were born," and you think I'm supposed to cope with this?

 

Yeah, that's definitely some ****ed up ****. No one deserves that.

 

It was about 6 months ago where my brother took me on the ground and beat me several times on the head everytime I said a word, and my mother looked down on me as though I were wrong, and my family said I was crazy and needed to go to a mental facility.

 

My brother, mother and father still believe it's right to beat a child senseless because it makes them feel that much better about themselves. My brother has learnt from my parents, and I feel rather than being brave and dealing with his abuse as abuse, he has decided to take it all out on me and say, "I'm a good person for abusing you."

 

She's definitely misguided in her thoughts and what your brother did to you is regrettably shameful.

 

Of course I want to vent at her, hell yea I do. She has never, once, ever admitted she was wrong, apologised for what she has done, or felt that she has done wrong in any way. All she can derive from my 'distressed mood', is that I need counselling, when I need so much more. I cannot cope with no one or nothing, and I feel like I'm dead. And all my family can do is to continue being as nonsupporting, abusive and stressful to my mental well-being as ever.

 

So, please don't get my situation wrong before you're so quick to judge.

 

Hello Dooda, I do apologise if I came across judgemental. I did not understand your situation entirely and could only make comments (not judgements) based on what you wrote in the original post. That is why I wanted to ask you those questions.

 

As the Collector just said, I think what you are wanting from your mother is probably not going to happen. Unfortunately changing people's minds and views is one of the most difficult things to do. And often it never happens in people who don't have open hearts and minds.

 

The most important thing now is to seek protection so you won't be physically harmed anymore (especially from the ******* of a brother). And then secondly is learning how to del with your situation and emotions. Because you can't continue to hold onto anger any longer. It will only hurt you.

 

"Holding onto anger is like holding onto a hot coal that you intend on throwing at someone else, but it is you who will get burnt."

 

In order for you to find happiness and peace within yourself, you need to learn to let go of the negative emotions that you have. It's a very difficult process to understand and achieve but it can be done with careful thought and action.

 

I truly wish you all the best Dooda.

 

You're acting like wanting to vent out is a wrong thing. As if parents do no wrong and are not accountable for their actions. The same way children are accountable for their actions, parents are too.

 

Hey Dooda, I guess I can appear to be advocating that because in many respects I believe it is true.

 

There are better ways to communicate to your parents effectively and venting out is probably not the best way to do it. Fire doesn't put out fire, it just feeds it, so try not to feed it even though you didn't start it. But I recognise in the heat of the moment, being wise and etc. is not very easy to do.

 

But something else you need to understand is, no matter how right or well eloquently you describe or express your feelings and emotions, some people (inc. our parents) will simply not get it and choose to not understand. And I can speak on that first hand lol. In these cases, you just simply give up and just focus on yourself. You've done all you can and that's all anybody can ask of themselves.

 

All the best Dooda