"Men irritate me"

[Justanotherdude]

So I had previously posted about a girl I had been pursuing for awhile.

 

She gives me all the classic signs she's into me, we have a great time.

 

She tells me I am a great guy, and loves hanging out with me.

 

The kicker: Her boyfriend of over a year broke up with her awhile back, and now - months later - she is still in this "I hate men" .. "men irritate me" mentality.

 

She is not giving me excuses, and it's not that she doesn't like me. She genuinely feels this way towards men now because of her ex boyfriend stomped all over her heart.

 

It's bad. "Not one thing appealing to me about dating" She's completely bitter.

 

 

How the hell do I prove to her I'm not like every other guy? Anyone reading this please note: She's completely worth it, I would do anything to prove her wrong.

 

She jokes about being asexual it isn't dating anyone nor it she interested in dating anyone. She is just doing her thing, school and work.

 

 

Back off? WAY off? or keep showing her the kind of guy i am?

[meerkat stew]

Back all the way off, entirely, and move onto other options, as sorry to say she is not attracted to you.

[bobdole]

I think I'd probably run the opposite direction. Sounds like she's got to much to work through to be dating right now. Doesn't really matter if she's worth it

[CLC2008]

So I had previously posted about a girl I had been pursuing for awhile.

 

She gives me all the classic signs she's into me, we have a great time.

 

She tells me I am a great guy, and loves hanging out with me.

 

The kicker: Her boyfriend of over a year broke up with her awhile back, and now - months later - she is still in this "I hate men" .. "men irritate me" mentality.

 

She is not giving me excuses, and it's not that she doesn't like me. She genuinely feels this way towards men now because of her ex boyfriend stomped all over her heart.

 

It's bad. "Not one thing appealing to me about dating" She's completely bitter.

 

 

How the hell do I prove to her I'm not like every other guy? Anyone reading this please note: She's completely worth it, I would do anything to prove her wrong.

 

She jokes about being asexual it isn't dating anyone nor it she interested in dating anyone. She is just doing her thing, school and work.

 

 

Back off? WAY off? or keep showing her the kind of guy i am?

 

Well, I think you need to be certain if it's that she actually does hate men, or if she is just cautious from recently being hurt?

 

If its the latter, than be the good guy that you are and your sweet, charming self.

[Justanotherdude]

Back all the way off, entirely, and move onto other options, as sorry to say she is not attracted to you.

 

Ok, tell me why you think this?

 

I asked her point blank, you can tell me if i dont do it for you, im a big boy.

 

I asked her do you just not see me that way?

 

 

I mean come on, why would she just make all that crap up? It's easier just to say, "sorry... we can be friends?"

 

Never said that.

[tigressA]

Back all the way off, entirely, and move onto other options, as sorry to say she is not attracted to you.

 

This. I think if she were attracted enough, she would ditch that attitude in a second. She's using that as an excuse, to try and have you get the hint that she's just not that into you.

[tigressA]

Ok, tell me why you think this?

 

I asked her point blank, you can tell me if i dont do it for you, im a big boy.

 

I asked her do you just not see me that way?

 

 

I mean come on, why would she just make all that crap up? It's easier just to say, "sorry... we can be friends?"

 

Never said that.

 

Even if they have an opportunity like the one you presented this girl with to be completely honest, some people will still lie their asses off because they're so afraid of "hurting" the other person if they tell the truth. It's just a fact of life that some people are cowards. Move on.

[Justanotherdude]

Well, I think you need to be certain if it's that she actually does hate men, or if she is just cautious from recently being hurt?

 

If its the latter, than be the good guy that you are and your sweet, charming self.

 

She actually hates men right now because of "recent" events.

 

I put recent in quotes because it's been about 5 months now? Maybe 6?

 

 

Now, with respect to her ... they were together for a year, maybe a year and half? Quote: "I gave him so much, I did so much for him..."

 

and he basically threw it away? So I could see her viewpoint. And she's not the type of girl to get into a friends with benefits deal either. No hook ups. So, she says she is just focusing on work and school.

 

I dont pry too much into that relationship, not trying to be her buddy here.

 

 

She seems to be genuinely irritated and disdainful towards men.

[CLC2008]

She actually hates men right now because of "recent" events.

 

I put recent in quotes because it's been about 5 months now? Maybe 6?

 

 

Now, with respect to her ... they were together for a year, maybe a year and half? Quote: "I gave him so much, I did so much for him..."

 

and he basically threw it away? So I could see her viewpoint. And she's not the type of girl to get into a friends with benefits deal either. No hook ups. So, she says she is just focusing on work and school.

 

I dont pry too much into that relationship, not trying to be her buddy here.

 

 

She seems to be genuinely irritated and disdainful towards men.

 

Well, that does seem off putting. I mean a joke here and there is fine, but I see what your saying. I feel the same way when I hear comments like "all women are nuts, my ex was a biotch, my ex was crazy, just b*ng her".

 

Things of that nature. If she's rarely optimistic but the complete opposite, then you may want to tread carefully.

[meerkat stew]

Ok, tell me why you think this?

 

I asked her point blank, you can tell me if i dont do it for you, im a big boy.

 

I used to ask this type of thing years ago when a girl was running hot and cold, and finally realized they just aren't going to "fess up" or give you a straight answer. The reason they may not be able to tell you that "you don't do it for me," is that they are puzzled themselves. You are right there, attractive enough for her, expressing interest, in other words you look good on paper. Yet she still doesn't feel it. It could be because she still has feelings for her ex that she sublimates by a "man hating" posture. It could be that she truly does care about you and doesn't want you gone, and thinks you would be gone if she laid her cards out. Regardless, she isn't attracted enough to overcome whatever is holding her back.

 

Women who -do- feel it never bring up baggage, it's human nature not to want to "screw up your chance" when you really dig someone. Strong feelings of attraction tend to do away with baggage rather quickly and handily... at least for awhile.

 

I mean come on, why would she just make all that crap up? It's easier just to say, "sorry... we can be friends?"

 

Never said that.

 

Hey, I could be wrong, I'm just some anonymous dude on the net and know neither of you, just every time I or one of my friends have heard this kind of thing it means she just isn't digging me enough.

 

Have you tried to kiss her?

 

EDIT: Whatever you do, do not put such pressure as you seem to be on a woman with questions like that, people like to think they came to a conclusion or feeling on their own, not that they were pressured into it. It is also too close to begging or whining, attraction killers both.

Edited September 1, 2010 by meerkat stew

[carhill]

"Men irritate me"

They irritate me too, but I digress

 

To the lady - Seriously, cool, accepted. Enjoy your alone time dear. You know my number when it's not so irritating for me to occupy your universe. Perhaps I might even remember who you were, though not your bitterness, because of course I care less about that

[sugarmomma]

With her saying things like that its gonna be difficult for anyone to get close until she works through that. I was the same way when I met my xh, too damaged to be in a relationship and hadn't done any work on myself or my patterns.

 

I would find someone more healthy and positive about love including the risks that go along with it.

[Alma Mobley]

I'm going to have to second meerkat stew and TigressA on this one. If she really felt it, she would forget about that ex-boyfriend quickly. Even if she were not ready to date, why screw up something that may have potential further down the road with all this negative talk about men? Please don't waste too much time on her, or at least put her on the back burner.

[MrNate]

So I had previously posted about a girl I had been pursuing for awhile.

 

She gives me all the classic signs she's into me, we have a great time.

 

She tells me I am a great guy, and loves hanging out with me.

 

The kicker: Her boyfriend of over a year broke up with her awhile back, and now - months later - she is still in this "I hate men" .. "men irritate me" mentality.

 

She is not giving me excuses, and it's not that she doesn't like me. She genuinely feels this way towards men now because of her ex boyfriend stomped all over her heart.

 

It's bad. "Not one thing appealing to me about dating" She's completely bitter.

 

 

How the hell do I prove to her I'm not like every other guy? Anyone reading this please note: She's completely worth it, I would do anything to prove her wrong.

 

She jokes about being asexual it isn't dating anyone nor it she interested in dating anyone. She is just doing her thing, school and work.

 

 

Back off? WAY off? or keep showing her the kind of guy i am?

 

 

Whenever a man/woman complains about the entire opposite gender, it really speaks volumes about that person's people picker. As well as the fact that they don't recognize they're the problem.

[meerkat stew]

Whenever a man/woman complains about the entire opposite gender, it really speaks volumes about that person's people picker. As well as the fact that they don't recognize they're the problem.

 

I refuse to type out "Of the 150 women I have had social/romantic dates/sex/relationships with in my life over the last 30 years, and another 1000 or so that I have come to know who dated friends and the 1000 of the 10,000 female acquaintances I have gotten to know on a personal level" over and over and simply type "women."

 

Any rational person with common sense that hears a descriptive statement about a whole gender here or elsewhere should naturally understand that the person is talking about their limited experience in their subculture and their close friends' experience, as opposed to generalizing an entire gender everywhere in the world.

 

Tired of seeing the stock accusation that "well you shouldn't generalize a whole gender because you don't know all them," blabla when what is really being stated is that the person leveling that accusation is just hypersensitive, has very little of what we call common sense, and is resorting to lazy, stale platitudes as opposed to hearing someone's opinion out on an issue.

 

When someone says "dogs have four legs, so they tend to run faster than people" the retort, "well my dog has three legs, you shouldn't make statements about all dogs because you do not know all dogs" is not particularly responsive to the point someone is trying to make, now is it?

 

It's fine to disagree with generalizations people make, but instantly attributing a fallacious quality to them merely because they are generalizations is a disingenuous discussion tactic. Most of what we learn about the world around us is through induction and generalization. "The sun will rise tomorrow," for example, is a shorthand for an inductive generalization that few will argue with.

[harmfulsweetz]

Ahh the dreaded man creature!

 

It's been 5/6 months. To be honest, she's probably enjoying her alone time a lot, and is focusing on other things.

 

In my eyes, from my own personal experience, if I really liked a guy, I wouldn't want to chance screwing it up or him finding someone else, while I hated on men. She don't dig you I'm afraid.

 

It's tough, but she'd date you if she were into you.

[Justanotherdude]

Awesome. Well then the advice I got from a friend is completely off. "She wants you to prove her theory wrong, so do that" Basically stick around like a sucker and show her you're worth it. HA.

 

Seems the consensus here is she isn't into me. Very frustrating and selfish on her part then to fill my head with BS. Not going to be her friend.

 

I don't understand. I'm confused because do you let a guy you're not interested in come over to your apartment at 3 in the morning?

 

There were a couple of occasions where I could have made a move, and didn't. Atleast if I tried and got rejected or she turned her head away, I wouldn't be on this forum asking for advice. I'd have my answer.

 

Really I did wuss out a few times - maybe she got tired of that. One night I was dropping her off and we were staring right at eachother, I did nothing. Pansy.

[Justanotherdude]

Just be an a**hole - that's how its done.

 

 

Going back to my old ways and not giving a s*it about women in 3....2...

[Woggle]

Why on earth would you be attracted to a misandrist? They look at nice guys like you as punching bags to vent their rage at. Turn around and run the other way.

[AverageJoe]

Awesome. Well then the advice I got from a friend is completely off. "She wants you to prove her theory wrong, so do that" Basically stick around like a sucker and show her you're worth it. HA.

 

Seems the consensus here is she isn't into me. Very frustrating and selfish on her part then to fill my head with BS. Not going to be her friend.

 

I don't understand. I'm confused because do you let a guy you're not interested in come over to your apartment at 3 in the morning?

 

There were a couple of occasions where I could have made a move, and didn't. Atleast if I tried and got rejected or she turned her head away, I wouldn't be on this forum asking for advice. I'd have my answer.

 

Really I did wuss out a few times - maybe she got tired of that. One night I was dropping her off and we were staring right at eachother, I did nothing. Pansy.

 

Dude knock this crap off. Jesus!

 

Stop trying to play captain save a ho.

[Justanotherdude]

Alright alright.... I hear what you guys are saying.

 

Really, I do.

 

This girl will not go off my radar though. I've been pretty aloof the past few days, and she will not stop texting me.

 

She wants to hang out. I got her a small gift (something she needed for school, only cost $20. No big deal.) and she keeps thanking me like 1000 times.

 

She wants to return the favor, and keeps reminding me of the fact!

 

 

Ideas?

[AverageJoe]

Alright alright.... I hear what you guys are saying.

 

Really, I do.

 

 

 

 

 

It seems you dont. You keep responding to her.

[Justanotherdude]

It seems you dont. You keep responding to her.

 

That's helpful. Why is she blowing me up? Just an attention whore or what?

[dispatch3d]

If it required no effort on my part I would remain friends with her.

 

I would not see her more than 3 times a week (for shizzle).

 

If I developed any feelings for her it would be very bad. Because she isn't relationship material and she isn't friends with benefit material either. Especially if she's investing so much in the relationship.

 

Basically I would tread very lightly if I chose not to altogether ignore her. Depends on how much you like socializing. If you are introverted I'd for sure suggest you cut off all contact. If you like to have stuff to do all the time I'd try my best to keep her around to give myself another group of friends to hang around with (ESPECIALLY if the friendship required NO WORK from me. This is rare. Normally people want some stuff reciprocated).

 

Don't buy her anymore gifts. She seems to really like that.

[Justanotherdude]

Can anyone tell me why they think this girl continues to talk to me and accept dates if she ISN'T interested?

 

 

It is driving me nuts. We just went out last week to a comedy club, and had a blast.

 

 

I know the readers of this forum can't possibly peg every situation 100% - but from everything I've written.. the consensus is "She's not into you"

 

Just seeking attention? Or knows I'm into her, and is using that to her advantage?