Sparky Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 There's this girl I've liked for 2 years, and ever since then, I've been dying to ask her out. She is a caring, sexy (), and kind. She may sometimes talk to me, laughs at jokes (and dumb actions) and smile to me. I have really deep feelings for her, and everytime I think about her, my stomach grows more and more butterflies. I know this is pretty pathetic. I kick myself every day wondering why I haven't made a move on her yet. I can talk to her about almost anything, but when I want to tell her how I feel, it just won't come out. On Valentines' Day, I sent her a carnation. She hasn't talked to me yet, and I'm scared to go around her. The thing that makes this difficult is that I know for a fact that she doesn't hate me. In fact, when she first laid eyes on me, she had a crush on me. I'm not sure if that faded away, or the feelings still there. She DOES like me, but I don't know how much. Just as I start thinking on the positive side of things, a month ago, she says that a while ago, she heard a personal and embarrassing story about me, which is true (to be unrevealed). All I will say about this is that all the guys found it hilarious and wild, and some will laugh at me because their idiots! Some say to me "Do yourself a favour. Don't tell anyone else what you just told me!". She hasn't said what she thought about it, but ever since then, she didn't seem to act any different towards me. She did smile, but I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. But the thing that's REALLY eating me alive is that I don't know if she was turned on, or scared off. When one girl who liked me heard it, she was turned on. I don't know whether I hate myself for telling the majority of people I thought I could trust, or the people who couldn't keep it a secret. I know NOT to do this again. What should I do?? This is killing me, and if I don't do anything soon, I will go insane!! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 Forget about the personal and embarassing thing there is no way of knowing how she feels about it unless you ask her. It's a distraction (although we would like to hear more ). Don't worry if you can't get up the nerve to tell her exactly how you feel about her. Just ask her out on a date and take things from there. Two years is a hell of a long time to wait - she'll give up eventually . Coping with the possibility of rejection is hard but if you never dare you never win. Play it cool and you will get a signal either way without risking the friendship too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted February 20, 2004 Author Share Posted February 20, 2004 Do you have any idea what I should say? Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 I guess that depends on the context in which you know her socially. The most straightforward thing would be to ask if she got the carnation and then ask her out on a date - something you will feel comfortable doing. Dinner is good but if you are too nervous you could say you'd like to take her to see a film, would she like that? Is there anything she'd like to see? Choose somewhere near a good pub for after? Often at your age (I've had fun remembering this, my sister is around your age too) relationships develop quite naturally from a large group of extremely close friends. Asking for a date in that kind of set up was just not the done thing. We signalled our interest through other means - proximity, flirting, behaving badly when drunk (!). Really the direct approach is best but if you can't manage it there are other ways of gauging her interest. After the carnation she may well be expecting an approach - go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted February 20, 2004 Author Share Posted February 20, 2004 Her sun sign is Leo. And after reading this, it describes her pretty well. Positive: Generous and warmhearted Creative and enthusiastic Broad-minded and expansive Faithful and loving Likes: Speculative ventures Lavish Living Pageantry and Grandeur Children Drama Negative: Pompous and patronizing Bossy and interfering Dogmatic and intolerant Dislikes: Doing things safely Ordinary,Day to day living Small minded people Penny pinching Mean spiritedness The Leo Woman: social, popular, clever, graceful, beautiful in some way. This woman will not worship at your feet, she wants it the other way around. She has sex appeal, but is not available for the man with an inferiority complex. She is regal. People come to attention when she enters a room. Most Leo people, especially women, have beautiful hair. As a wife, the house and herself always look good. She is a great hostess. As a mother, she gives great love and affection to her children. She may lavish too much, materially, on them. Her man must be sure of himself, outgoing and stylish and ardent in his affections. It wouldn’t help, if he enhanced her social position Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 Well Sparky. I don't know if you should think you know too much about a person based soley on their 'horoscope' type. It's a general science....at best. I'm with Meanon. You can just ask for a 'hang out' date. You dont' have to spill your guts and true feelings out right away. As a matter of fact....I would NEVER do that to begin with. You've got to spend some time alone with her before deciding she is the love of your life. Just casually ask her to a movie or for a drink......THEN see where it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted February 20, 2004 Author Share Posted February 20, 2004 How can I get over this nervous feeling and go ask her? Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 Everyone has a nervous feeling in this situation - just smile and do it anyway. Be confident whatecer the outcome - that's attractive. Tell yourself you have nothing to lose (maybe a little hurt pride) and everything to gain. Drop it in to the conversation when you are alone with her. I know this is a big deal but ..... try not to make it into an even bigger one. That won't help you find you to find your nerve. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted February 20, 2004 Author Share Posted February 20, 2004 I don't quite understand "drop it into the conversation when you are alone with her." Sorry, but can you possibly rephrase that? Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 Sorry. I meant if you are anxious it's best to wait until you are talking to her in the normal course of events about .... whatever and then maybe ask if she's got plans for the weekend, are there any good films she wants to see, has she been to X pub/restaurant, would she like to go with you this weekend? As opposed to going up to her and asking straight off. Does that help? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted February 21, 2004 Author Share Posted February 21, 2004 Yeah, thanks. That helps a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted February 22, 2004 Author Share Posted February 22, 2004 There is one other thing that I forgot to add: A month ago, when she said she heard that story about me, this is all I remember her saying: "I heard about that!", with a smile. and "Well, I guess he should have thought about that before he told the whole rugby team!", with a smile. This part I can't remember if SHE said it or another girl. Again, I told the rugby team thinking I could trust everyone. I hate them for this!!! On the way back to my locker, I heard a bunch of people talking about it, and I heard her laughing about it. She didn't make fun of me, but I still felt hurt. After that night, I was ready to cry. I hated myself and I just wanted to kill everyone that opened their mouths and make fun of me!! I would never hurt that girl I like in a million years. Ever since then, she hasn't talked to me, but she doesn't seem to act any different towards me. I know this must be a good sign. To this day, I STILL hate myself for telling anyone. This has been haunting me, eating me away and everytime I think about this, I feel ready to kill someone! (sorry for the strong words). I try to hide this feeling as much as possible because I don't want any more people to hear about this. Somebody PLEASE help me!! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 You hate yourself for trusting people? Don't be so hard on yourself all you are guilty of is an error in judgement that you will learn from. This story, whatever it is, will be of much more significance to you than to them. Rugby teams live an interesting life - it won't be long before the next amazing story hits the decks. Just ignore it - laugh if you are able. You did the incident (whatever the story is about) affect you? That's the important thing. To be as upset as you are now makes me think there are unresolved issues in terms of the way you feel about yourself. If correct, this is what you should be focussing on, not the reaction of others. I hope you feel OK soon, post again if you want to talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted February 22, 2004 Author Share Posted February 22, 2004 It didn't have any effect on me until I started hearing from other people the day after I told it. I felt humiliated. I do feel a little better now. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted February 24, 2004 Author Share Posted February 24, 2004 This might have been answered before, but how can I feel more confident of myself? I used to feel pretty confident until my crush found out about my secret. I'm trying to make myself act as if she's like any other girl, but I'm having a real hard time. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 Yes we have had other threads on this you may want to check out. Self affirmation is good - if you don't know your good points ask your nearest and dearest. People who lack confidence often have a negative thought about themselves (sometimes subconscious) which kills confidence - that needs to be got rid of. In your case its that secret. Your reaction is probably more than general embarassment to have this effect. Think for a while (sometimes it takes days) of the Bottom Line - that one phrase that sums up the negative thought you have about yourself. Then you can begin to tackle it. If this doesn't make sense I'd just stop the delaying and get on with it. 2 years is long enough already. The longer you leave it the more unattainable she seems the more nervous you are. Do you like to worship from afar? Is that safer? I'm not saying this is you - just some questions to ask yourself that may help. It's hard to be more specific without knowing you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted February 25, 2004 Author Share Posted February 25, 2004 I'm the type of guy with good looks (I get it quite a bit. Sometimes I can just read it off people), and is very laid-back. Most of the time I say something, and regret it later on, say something without thinking, and sometimes give a little too much information . I know that I'm a kind, generous and caring person. Some people find it funny and unique, others find it stupid, careless, and see me as an outcast . A lot of times I don't what to say at the right time, or say something at the wrong time. I'm trying to work on it. A lot of times, I feel like an outcast for things I say and do. Sometimes it's just people. It may sometimes seem like they have a drastic personality change. Could this be what's holding me back? I wish this was SO MUCH EASIER to get over!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted February 25, 2004 Author Share Posted February 25, 2004 Originally posted by meanon ...that one phrase that sums up the negative thought you have about yourself. What do you mean by this? Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 25, 2004 Share Posted February 25, 2004 It's a technique that sometimes helps people with low self esteem pinpoint the origins of the problem. I can't tell from what you've said if you suffer from low self esteem or are just a bit shy and self conscious. You do seem like a generous and caring person. If it is self esteem there is often a reinforcing negative self critical thought that the person uses consciously or subconsciously when they "prove" to themselves that they are lacking somehow. So, for example, when you are in the social situations you find difficult and in your words: "I don't know what to say at the right time, or say something at the wrong time" do you just feel awkward or do you think a negative thought about yourself? Do you think of it later, after the event and experience such a thought. Is it just discomfort or does it make you feel bad about yourself? The way to tackle the problem, in my view, depends on which it is. If it's low self esteem you need to work on it. If it's shyness then self preoccupation is probably not a good idea - you need to try and stop worrying how you are perceived and concentrate more on others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted February 26, 2004 Author Share Posted February 26, 2004 I kind of feel both: akward and bad sometimes. How do you work on increasing self-esteem? Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Hey Sparky, do you never sleep in Waterloo? I'll PM you a book title tomorrow. It's got lots of practical exercises you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 You've got mail Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted March 1, 2004 Author Share Posted March 1, 2004 Meanon, I'm making progress on my goal. I'm feeling a lot better of myself, and trying to ignore the story I told. The things that made me feeling like killing myself (not that I'd really do it) were: - when one guy blurted it out to a whole group of girls in front of me and tried to drag it out of me. - when the other girls were making fun of me for it (I knew they were kidding around, but it still tore me up inside!) - the girl I like started laughing with the cruel teasing. I could send you a PM of my story to have your opinion of it and help you understand my situation a little better IF YOU SWEAR TO GOD NOT TO TELL ANYONE!!!!!!! Thanks a million for helping me Meanon! I'm starting to feel more comfortable about who I am. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 I'm starting to feel more comfortable about who I am. Good to hear Sparky I could send you a PM of my story to have your opinion of it and help you understand my situation a little better IF YOU SWEAR TO GOD NOT TO TELL ANYONE!!!!!!! LOL Up to you - if you want to do it I SWEAR TO GOD NOT TO TELL ANYONE Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted March 1, 2004 Author Share Posted March 1, 2004 Ok. I always have a little hard time trying to get it out, but here it goes! Link to post Share on other sites
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