!! Why would she do this?!

[john daniel]

I was dating this girl (25 years old) for a couple months. I’m 29. We were both in school together. Everything seemed great, she was inviting me over 3-4 times a weeks, texting me all the time. Within three weeks, she began saying consistently, “I only want to be with you, I love being with you, you’re the best I’ve ever had..etc”.

 

Then she freaked and wanted to take it “slow”. But then things went back to the way they were quickly, so much for taking it slow. I was staying at her place again three/four times a week. She started telling me all the same things again “I only want to be with you, I love being with you, etc”. This went on for nearly another month. Then school got out, we went both went home for a short bit. She spent the night before leaving and said the same things as above. She said “I might visit you or you come visit me…I hate it that you’re leaving”. Then two days later outta the blue she tells me she ran into an ex in North Carolina and said she wanted to see him. I was like “WTF??!!” And she said she’s not ready to be exclusive (despite saying the things above for WEEKS), didn’t have the same feelings, and kinda hung up on me…

 

Then she called a couple days after that saying “Sorry, I miss you, didn’t see the ex, still want to see you, don’t want to cut you out of my life, etc”. So I figured we’re on the mend. She flirted with me on FB chat, etc…Then she came back to the city and didn’t contact me…I was curious…So I texted her asking if she decided to see other people…no response…I called her the next day, left a message, no response. I finally got so angry I deleted her from FB and asked her to drop off my things at a neutral place and told her I would never contact her again. This was about a month ago.

 

I should also note she had weird mood swings too, constant back and forth over making plans within an hour. I also noticed med bottles in her room, lots of them. Not sure what they were for. Then just last week, I ran into her on the street. She seemed really friendly. I told her I had to leave school and the city for awhile. She seemed really sad. I asked her what happened with everything between us. She thought me cutting contact was "extreme”. Then she said she did still want to see me but figured I didn't cuz I cut all contact, wtf?! She said she needed space to figure things out. Anyhow, I walked her home. She gave me a big hug and said we should do something before I left town. She insisted I call her and refriended me on facebook. I did, and each day she told me she couldn't see me, but told me to check each next day. She told me she might be able to see me before I left today. I asked her and all I got was "I don't think that's a good idea". Wha?!! It was her idea to begin with, I don't get it...and just now she deleted me from facebook after adding me a few days ago...I just wonder if she ever really liked me. Is she bipolar or just sheer evil and manipulative?

[Rorschach]

Emotional baggage, move on, could have feelings for somebody else, could just be confused if she really wants you or not, either way move on with life.

[Star Gazer]

Honestly, she sounds like someone who was (still is?) still hung-up on her ex, or some other dude. I've been that girl before and acted very similarly. Kinda makes me cringe now.

[john daniel]

Honestly, she sounds like someone who was (still is?) still hung-up on her ex, or some other dude. I've been that girl before and acted very similarly. Kinda makes me cringe now.

 

 

Star Gazer, did you ever apologize or explain your behavior afterwards to the other person, this is just really painful man, for someone to just disappear...and I treated her so effing good, it's just unbelievable.

[Star Gazer]

Star Gazer, did you ever apologize or explain your behavior afterwards to the other person, this is just really painful man, for someone to just disappear...and I treated her so effing good, it's just unbelievable.

 

Well, I did it more than once.

 

One guy I behaved like this with is now one of my best friends in the world. Like, he'd be a man of honor if I got married tomorrow. We had a tumultuous relationship, and a tumultuous friendship afterward too as a result (long story). So yeah, with him, ultimately I explained where my head had been. Timing is everything. For us, it was just...off. And you can't rewrite history, so...

 

But with the other, no. He wrote me off (for good reason) and I never had the opportunity to explain.

 

In my defense (and maybe of your gal's too), I wasn't really cognizant of what I was doing at the time. The heart wants what it wants (and doesn't), and sometimes you don't know what (er, who) that was until well after the fact. Hindsight is always 20/20.

[john daniel]

Well, I did it more than once.

 

One guy I behaved like this with is now one of my best friends in the world. Like, he'd be a man of honor if I got married tomorrow. We had a tumultuous relationship, and a tumultuous friendship afterward too as a result (long story). So yeah, with him, ultimately I explained where my head had been. Timing is everything. For us, it was just...off. And you can't rewrite history, so...

 

But with the other, no. He wrote me off (for good reason) and I never had the opportunity to explain.

 

In my defense (and maybe of your gal's too), I wasn't really cognizant of what I was doing at the time. The heart wants what it wants (and doesn't), and sometimes you don't know what (er, who) that was until well after the fact. Hindsight is always 20/20.

 

 

Thanks star gazer, this is truly the most painful and confusing break up ever. I just find mind boggling how someone could just disappear without word after a really intense relationship (that she really pushed for). And without any acknowledgement of how good I was to her or anything.nothing. just smoke.

Edited September 1, 2010 by john daniel

[Star Gazer]

Thanks star gazer, this is truly the most painful and confusing break up ever. I just find mind boggling how someone could just disappear without word after a really intense relationship (that she really pushed for). And without any acknowledgement of how good I was to her or anything.nothing. just smoke.

 

Of course this is all speculation on my part, it could be something else entirely. But the chronology just seems really familiar.

 

IME, relationships that start out really intense are usually created to replace something that was very recently lost.

 

My gut tells me that whatever she was trying to replace with you, has resurfaced. Don't be surprised if she reappears...

[callingyouuu]

just sheer evil and manipulative?

 

My vote is on this one. Sheer evil and manipulative...also known as girl who doesn't know what she wants yet, so she just barges in and out of relationships without consideration of how her actions are making the other person feel.

 

Not all girls are like this. Just learn to recognize those "hot and cold" signs and abandon ship if you see them.

[Cracker Jack]

Trust me, you'll be ALOT better off without her now.

 

I know the pain. Being so close to someone to the point where you're inseparable, then having this "special" person suddnely lose interest and act confused at the same time will give you an empty feeling. It's nothing you did--it's her in this situation. You'll be fine, tho.

[meerkat stew]

Within three weeks, she began saying consistently, “I only want to be with you, I love being with you, you’re the best I’ve ever had..etc”...

 

I just wonder if she ever really liked me. Is she bipolar or just sheer evil and manipulative?

 

Try not to waste precious time puzzling out what she is or isn't, and just accept the gift of fate that you dodged a bullet getting shed of this one and move on.

 

When they say things like the first sentence of your OP quoted above so soon after meeting, get away, or at least remove your emotional involvement entirely. At least, you have learned that relationship lesson.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I have been that girl too. It was because my heart was with another guy, the one I couldn't have. I kept telling myself to focus on the guy I am dating, to get over someone that doesn't return my feelings etc.

 

It was a constant struggle of mind vs heart - and I gave completely mixed messages as a result. I would even go as far as be really cheery and all over the guy I was dating for half of the date. I was trying to convince myself that I was into him. Then I would get a really strong bout of longing for that other guy and I would go to the toilets to look at his picture Then I would proceed to return to my date and get really quiet for the rest of the night. I acted like a complete nutcase.

 

I deeply regret my actions now.

[john daniel]

Thanks all for your observations, I just don't know how to move on. It's haunting me like crazy!!! I know if I call or text her, she will not respond. It's just unbelievable how thoughtless and cruel someone can be. It makes me feel like she was just using me and lowering her standards to be with me and that she never cared/liked me at all. Just weird. But thank you : )

[Ruby Slippers]

She sounds bat**** crazy to me.

[D-Lish]

I don't get it...and just now she deleted me from facebook after adding me a few days ago...I just wonder if she ever really liked me. Is she bipolar or just sheer evil and manipulative?

 

The real question isn't about her, it's about you. You ignored repeated and serious red flags and then questioned what "her" problem is.

 

For sure, this girl has major issues. What's broken in you that you have serious blinders happening regarding this girl.

 

Yes, she has an element of crazy! But you like it and won't admit reponsibility for inviting it.

[john daniel]

The real question isn't about her, it's about you. You ignored repeated and serious red flags and then questioned what "her" problem is.

 

For sure, this girl has major issues. What's broken in you that you have serious blinders happening regarding this girl.

 

Yes, she has an element of crazy! But you like it and won't admit reponsibility for inviting it.

 

 

Ah yes, thanks for being honest. Yes there were quite a few things I missed along the way. Truth be told...I had heard she had been engaged and dumped by her fiancee. This was before we went out. Later I found out the real reasons. But I didn't know them prior. I thought she had been hurt. Therefore, I thought I should exercise an extreme degree of patience and tolerance. Had I known the real reasons behind her broken engagement. I would have NEVER in a million years gone near her. Likewise, had I not known anything about the engagement...and I was seeing all of this, I would have been gone a lot sooner too. I just thought she was acting erratic and strange, because she was scared to try again. And I just wanted to show I could be patient and understanding....but in the future, any warning signs will not be missed!

[Angel1111]

People like this make me nuts. She's either certifiable or on drugs. Either way, she's trouble. Be thankful - you dodged a bullet. I wouldn't recommend letting her back into your life again. And if you do, always keep her at arms length. You'll never be able to trust her.

[Angel1111]

I just thought she was acting erratic and strange, because she was scared to try again. And I just wanted to show I could be patient and understanding....but in the future, any warning signs will not be missed!

 

It has been my experience that every time I've ever made excuses for someone, or excused bad behavior, it was a mistake. And every time I was patient and understanding about things that were really dealbreakers, I've regretted it.

[InceptorsRule]

She sounds bat**** crazy to me.

 

Borderline personality disorder, perhaps.

[dispatch3d]

man, by the time you saw her in the street and she tried to apologize yadayada I would have just played along, and if we hooked up then fine, otherwise I wouldn't have refriended her or asked her to anything (nevertheless multiple crap). **** that..........