we broke up...

[pandagirl]

Sad, but true.

 

We still love each other, but it just wasn't working out. He's unhappy outside of the relationship, as he's had a hard year with his move, being over-worked, no social circle or life really. He feels lost and unhappy, and it affected his behavior towards me: less attention, less present, less boyfriend. In turn, this made me unhappy, and it became a vicious cycle. In the back of my head, I thought about breaking up with him, not because I didn't want to be with him, but because neither of us were happy. However, he initiated the talk and while I was filled with anger and sadness, I know it was the best thing for both of us.

 

He said he just isn't in the right headspace for a relationship right now and he's giving what he can, but he knows it's not enough and it kills him that it upsets me.

 

I am heartbroken, but I know I will be fine. We weren't always long-distance. The first few months of our relationship were in the same town and it was wonderful. I feel robbed of something.

[Els]

{{{{{PG}}}}}

 

You gotta do what you gotta do, girl. No matter what people like to say about love always working out, sometimes circumstances just screw you over, and if you feel it's truly best to let go, then it's time. I've seen it happen to lots of people - yes, it's heartbreaking, yes, I really feel they were robbed of something.. but that's the sad, cold facts of life.

 

Keep in touch, and I hope you'll feel better soon!!

[pandagirl]

{{{{{PG}}}}}

 

You gotta do what you gotta do, girl. No matter what people like to say about love always working out, sometimes circumstances just screw you over, and if you feel it's truly best to let go, then it's time. I've seen it happen to lots of people - yes, it's heartbreaking, yes, I really feel they were robbed of something.. but that's the sad, cold facts of life.

 

Keep in touch, and I hope you'll feel better soon!!

 

Thanks, E.

 

Under the circumstances, it was wasn't working. Two unhappy people = not good relationship. It's not that I don't think we couldn't make it work, but I don't think we even knew the solution at this point. Part of me is angry at him for not being handle all the stress in his life better, for letting it affect us. But I also know him well enough to know this is just the way he is, and it's not that he's not trying, he just can't give me what I need and it was killing him. I know his exact schedule every day: work, gym, eat, sleep, from 8am - 11pm. We do talk everyday, but I started to resent that fact that he couldn't give me more as time went on.

 

We still love each other, but I know not to keep hope alive for the future (he moves back to my town in 6 months). I just am so used to missing him, because he's always gone... how am I going stop now?

[Els]

That's always the question, isn't it? Probably ranks alongside other questions such as whether the universe is finite or the meaning of life... we will never really have one best answer. I guess the only advice I could give you would be to think of previous breakups... you felt the same way then, didn't you? How did you deal with it? Don't you think of them as insignificant now? Project this into the future.

 

As for your ex... If one partner is very unhappy with their life, it WILL mess with the relationship; and often it really isn't worth it for the other person to stay. Because there's nothing you can do about it; HE has to make himself happy, and if he doesn't, well. I underwent a similar time during my training; I woke up at 6am everyday for work, reached home at 7pm. I was miserable, it affected my relationship very badly, but there was nothing I could do about it at that point. I did make a resolution that when it was over, I would build my future in such a way that such a circumstance would (hopefully) never need to come to be again, because I knew how badly it would affect me and the people around me.

 

Did he have a choice?

[pandagirl]

That's always the question, isn't it? Probably ranks alongside other questions such as whether the universe is finite or the meaning of life... we will never really have one best answer. I guess the only advice I could give you would be to think of previous breakups... you felt the same way then, didn't you? How did you deal with it? Don't you think of them as insignificant now? Project this into the future.

 

As for your ex... If one partner is very unhappy with their life, it WILL mess with the relationship; and often it really isn't worth it for the other person to stay. Because there's nothing you can do about it; HE has to make himself happy, and if he doesn't, well. I underwent a similar time during my training; I woke up at 6am everyday for work, reached home at 7pm. I was miserable, it affected my relationship very badly, but there was nothing I could do about it at that point. I did make a resolution that when it was over, I would build my future in such a way that such a circumstance would (hopefully) never need to come to be again, because I knew how badly it would affect me and the people around me.

 

Did he have a choice?

 

I know I will be fine. I'm 32 and have been through heartache before...though this one is different, because I loved him. I saw a future with him. We talked about it. And part of what's killing me is now that's never going to happen.

 

I don't know...we used to be so happy, and cliche as it seems, life got in the way. I don't think it's just his job that is making him unhappy. It's being in a place that he doesn't want to be in. Confused if he made the right career decision. Not having friends. Basically, I think he just feels lost and that he lost sight of who he is and what he really wants.

 

It's been a rare occasion that our moods and headspaces have matched up lately. The distance made that hard, but I do know when we're together and on, it's so great -- we're like two little kids, always laughing and having fun. Plus there's the fact that he's been so supportive of my depression, and accepted me having herpes. I feel like there's more good than bad, but the bad isn't letting us get to the good right now.

 

He was my best friend and lover. I know I'll get through this, but I've never had to get over someone where there wasn't some important incompatibility issue. Our break-up, I feel, was caused mainly by circumstances. How do I let it go?

[aerogurl87]

PG sorry to hear you and your SO broke up. You asked how do you let go of someone you love? Well it's hard, I can tell you from previous experience as when I had to let go of an ex I loved with all my heart it was the hardest thing in the world. But all I can really tell you is to try and do things that take your mind off the loss of your relationship. Hang out with your friends, work out, find a new hobby and then most importantly give yourself time to heal. Don't throw yourself back into the dating world ASAP (rebounds in the end usually aren't fun) but give yourself time to heal from this emotionally and mentally. Good luck to you. *hugs*

[pandagirl]

Ahhh. Who knew LDR break ups were so HARD. You don't even have to stop seeing the other person, so you think it'd be easier, but it's so much harder in other ways.

 

Besides being sad for all the normal reasons, the thing that makes me saddest is we never got a fair shot at a real relationship. The circumstances involving our relationship were tough, but I guess we didn't make it. So kudos to all of you in happy, thriving ones.

[CupidsPosionedArrow]

Ahhh. Who knew LDR break ups were so HARD. You don't even have to stop seeing the other person, so you think it'd be easier, but it's so much harder in other ways.

 

Besides being sad for all the normal reasons, the thing that makes me saddest is we never got a fair shot at a real relationship. The circumstances involving our relationship were tough, but I guess we didn't make it. So kudos to all of you in happy, thriving ones.

 

Well, I'm not going to be corny and say everything happens for a reason because thats fool hearty but you are beating yourself up quite a lot here and I'm sorry for your loss. I guess his choice of his career over everything else which perhaps paid off financially but not in any other way was at a cost to you as well. It's just a job, he's chosen to stick with it at all costs, you should almost be more angry than sad. Not sure why he can't return home or vice versa.

 

Also, I think you might be idealizing the relationship, like he was "the one that got away". We all have one, mine was Amparo, I know she would have been "perfect", big beautiful brown eyes, funny, and a smile that cud have stopped traffic. I used to think of her daily. Perhaps the realness never fully happened and if it did, you wouldn't have had such a hard time with letting this perfectly idealized relationship go?

 

I think with time you will feel better, esp. after you gain a sense of perspective, I would think about things, then see whats out there in vast sea. Good Luck

[spookie]

Panda... I am so sorry to hear this. I know you love this man, that's apparent from your posts.

 

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but is it possible that it's premature to be angry at the universe for not giving you a real shot? I mean, if he's moving back in 6 months, it might still work out. For the time being tho, it does sound like it's for the best that you're broken up.

[pandagirl]

Panda... I am so sorry to hear this. I know you love this man, that's apparent from your posts.

 

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but is it possible that it's premature to be angry at the universe for not giving you a real shot? I mean, if he's moving back in 6 months, it might still work out. For the time being tho, it does sound like it's for the best that you're broken up.

 

Thanks, Spookie, for the kind words.

 

Yeah, I don't know what the future holds for us. I get the sense he wants to go into a hole, meaning he doesn't have the energy right now to be in a serious relationship, and one that is long-distance at that. But if it's meant to be, it will happen.

 

I know the love we have for each other is real. I think it's so rare to find love, that I don't want us to give it up. I would be more willing to walk away if he lived here and the problems we had were due to other things besides the strain the distance put on us.

[alphamale]

thats a shame pandagurl *hugz & pats on back*

[LisaLee]

Awwww, that is so sad. I knew you guys were going through some tough times, I was hoping it would get better for you.

 

((((((Pandagirl))))))

[spookie]

Thanks, Spookie, for the kind words.

 

Yeah, I don't know what the future holds for us. I get the sense he wants to go into a hole, meaning he doesn't have the energy right now to be in a serious relationship, and one that is long-distance at that. But if it's meant to be, it will happen.

 

I know the love we have for each other is real. I think it's so rare to find love, that I don't want us to give it up. I would be more willing to walk away if he lived here and the problems we had were due to other things besides the strain the distance put on us.

 

Sometimes, the best thing you can give to somebody, is time and space.

 

If your bf is feeling lost right now, he might need to be alone, at risk of losing himself completely. You don't want that, for both your sakes.

 

Just take it one day at a time. Don't expect to get back together, but for me personally, it's easier not to wonder what if when I don't close doors completely. If it's meant to happen, it will. Either way, at least you know being apart right now is the right thing.

[pandagirl]

thats a shame pandagurl *hugz & pats on back*

 

Aw, thanks.

 

Awwww, that is so sad. I knew you guys were going through some tough times, I was hoping it would get better for you.

 

((((((Pandagirl))))))

 

Yes, we were going through some tough times, but I honestly didn't think it was going to come to us breaking up. This is a weird breakup for me. It's only been 24 hours and I'm thinking more clearly already. I think it's because I know he loves me and treated me with respect.

 

Sometimes, the best thing you can give to somebody, is time and space.

 

If your bf is feeling lost right now, he might need to be alone, at risk of losing himself completely. You don't want that, for both your sakes.

 

Just take it one day at a time. Don't expect to get back together, but for me personally, it's easier not to wonder what if when I don't close doors completely. If it's meant to happen, it will. Either way, at least you know being apart right now is the right thing.

 

Yes, I think he needs to be alone. I think as the months went by, that became more apparent to me. He told me he needed to find himself again and I understand what he means. I feel for him; his life isn't great right now. I just wish he would've communicated with me better. Instead he just kind of shut me out.

 

I just wish I hated or something.