Missinhim Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 I met a guy some 30 years ago. We dated for a few months and then lost track of each other for 15 years. When we first met, he was separated from his wife, I was single. When we met again 15 years later, he was divorced and I had been married for 14 years. The 'emotional affair' began with absolutely NO PLANS for it to go any farther. I really believed I could keep it under control. After all, I had for so many years been truly faithful. Who was I kidding? I had feelings for him from before and they only grew stronger. He was also playing the field and seeing another married woman. She thought she could divorce her husband and he would invite her to move in with him and they would live happily every after - NOT. She got a divorce and still continued to have controlled visits with "our" guy - usually 1 night a week. She never knew he was seeing me too. Yes, I was crazy to even be involved but I cared deeply for him. I have moved some 2000 miles away. We keep in touch. I am still missing him and he is missing me. When I left it was "the bridges of Madison County" scenario. I cannot even watch that movie without bawling my eyes out. I know how the actress felt. Nothing will ever come of us getting together unless something would happen to my spouse. I am where I chose to be a long time ago and I can't/won't change that. Sometimes I miss him sooooo bad. We could have a good relationship if circumstances were different - they are not. Supposedly the other woman got tired of being limited on seeing him and no commitment so she is out of the picture? That is what I am told. I love my husband but sometimes he is so selfish and I give so much. I have always been there for my family and have come up empty in the end. I guess I was getting some emotional attention from the other guy that I was not getting in my own house. They say that is why stuff like this happens. Sometimes I wonder "why can't we go around twice?" The feelings have not gone away after all these years, I don't figure they ever will. It hurts. So, what to do, how to cope? Link to post Share on other sites
dkopp Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 Hi missinhim, Your question is a good one - Why can't we all go around twice? And there are SOOOO many different ways to answer it. You can. You are staying in your marriage for a reason of your choosing. It must be a good one. Maybe it's children or history or security or a combination of these or something totally different. I know what it is like to love two different men in two totally different ways. It's funny that you brought up the Bridges of Madison County. As I was saying goodbye forever to my MM, I dropped off a copy of that DVD to his office last week for a Valentines Day present. Never received word that he received it - aint that sweet - but that's another story. I unfortunately do not have the answer to why a person is not with the person that it is so obvious that they are meant to be together. I am a strong believer in fate and everything happening for a higher, divine purpose. We might not always understand why - we may never understand the reasons why - but they do exist. I know it seems unfair and cruel. Do you have the power to be with this person if you so choose? I unfortunatly do not - the other person possesses that control and chooses not to be with me. If you do, all I can say is you have one shot at this life - it's not a trial run. Go with your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
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