Funerals while dating..Interesting subject

[MissVegas]

My co-workers and I were discussing this and we all had different opinions and I said I'd ask on her. A girl at work's boyfriend has had two aunts pass away within 48 hours of eachother. Lately she has been having problems with her boyfriend *which he is aware of and she has told him she is not sure if she wants to be with him* she has been with him for 5 years and had Christmas dinner at the one aunts house *only met her once*, and never met the other aunt. But she is close with the boyfriends immediate family *mom, dad, sister some other aunt and uncles, grandpa etc* .

 

The boyfriend mentioned her coming to the funerals. She wants to show the family she cares and be supportive if her and her boyfriend do wind up working things out, but at the same time she does not want him to think that if she goes their relationship is fine and everything is back to normal. Some people at work suggest not going and sending flowers or making a donation instead. What do you guys think?

 

Also while we're on the subject. Do you go to a funeral with your boyfriend/girlfriend if you did not know the person to support that person? Or do you not go? What's proper etiquette

[zxvf]

My co-workers and I were discussing this and we all had different opinions and I said I'd ask on her. A girl at work's boyfriend has had two aunts pass away within 48 hours of eachother. Lately she has been having problems with her boyfriend *which he is aware of and she has told him she is not sure if she wants to be with him* she has been with him for 5 years and had Christmas dinner at the one aunts house *only met her once*, and never met the other aunt. But she is close with the boyfriends immediate family *mom, dad, sister some other aunt and uncles, grandpa etc* .

 

The boyfriend mentioned her coming to the funerals. She wants to show the family she cares and be supportive if her and her boyfriend do wind up working things out, but at the same time she does not want him to think that if she goes their relationship is fine and everything is back to normal. Some people at work suggest not going and sending flowers or making a donation instead. What do you guys think?

 

Also while we're on the subject. Do you go to a funeral with your boyfriend/girlfriend if you did not know the person to support that person? Or do you not go? What's proper etiquette

 

What I see it is this:

 

If the person that passed away was close to my SO or SO's family, and I'm invited by the SO or SO's family (respectively) I would go, no questions asked. If I'm not invited, I would send flowers, or make a donation.

 

If the person that passed away was not close to my SO or SO's family, and it would be up to my SO and I's decision whether or not I should go (If I was invited). But I decide to not go I would send flowers, or make a donation.

 

My SO's grandpa recently passed away, the funeral was in another city, and I was away in another city for work, so I couldn't attend, but sent flowers instead.

[quankanne]

you go because your presence is important to those who are grieving, even though they are bombarded by so many other things they've got to take care of (funeral planning is a real bxtch, had to do two cross-state, and I've got a real appreciation for the people who made it easier for us just by offering to take care of certain things) and might not be able to spend much time with you because of it.

 

my best friends from college were both there for my parents' and my nephew's services, and it meant the world to me because they provided an oasis of sanity that otherwise wouldn't have been there. And my best friend from high school, who wasn't able to make those funerals, was there for the rosary/visitation of my mom when I was still stuck up here and had a 6-hour drive that meant my husband and I arrived an hour after said rosary ended ...

 

regardless of what the relationship is with the SO, the most generous thing you can do if you are able to attend, is to go to the funeral or the visitation as a show of support to the grieving family.

[Star Gazer]

They've been together 5 years! She absolutely MUST go if there's any hope whatsoever of their relationship lasting. I'd even strongly suggest she go even if they just broke up!

[Stung]

IMO if the girl's relationship is not yet over and she is close with all his immediate family, she should probably go to the funeral out of respect to the family, even if she did not know the aunt well--particularly if she is interested in trying to salvage her relationship with her boyfriend. It doesn't mean that everything is normal, and she can tell him that--but multiple deaths in the family means nothing is normal, the circumstances aren't normal.

 

If I were dating someone and I cared about them, if they had a family member pass away and asked me to go to the funeral I would absolutely go as a show of emotional support, whether I had ever met the deceased or not.

 

Sometimes it's about saying goodbye to someone you knew personally, sometimes it's about supporting and respecting the people left behind.

[Star Gazer]

Sometimes it's about saying goodbye to someone you knew personally, sometimes it's about supporting and respecting the people left behind.

 

Absolutely.

 

It meant THE WORLD to me when my 3 best girlfriends in the WORLD and another close male friend came to my grammy's funeral - two from far away. They dropped everything to be there for me. They knew her, although not well. But they were there primarily in support of ME and my mother.

 

Man, I just teared up about that! Ha!!

[Eeyore79]

If I knew the person who died, I'd fully expect to attend the funeral with my partner. If I did not know the person who died, I'd do whatever my partner wanted - if he wanted me to accompany him for moral support, I'd go.

 

Your friend has met one aunt, so should definitely go to her funeral unless her partner doesn't want her to. Given that she's attending the funeral of one aunt, it would be rude not to attend the other aunt's funeral too.

 

Even if she'd never met any of the aunts, the decent thing to do is to accompany someone if they need moral support - it makes no difference whether the person needing support is a partner, a friend, an acquaintance, or even a stranger in the street. If someone needs support, you are there for them: this is what is called Being A Good Person.

[Cee]

I'm with most everybody else on this. She should go to the funeral to support the family. She can be clear that she is going because it's the decent thing to do and not because this cements a future with her boyfriend.

 

My ex husband's mother died a few months after the split. I attended the funeral because I knew her and the entire family. It got awkward at Shiva when relatives were telling me that I should get back together with my ex. In retrospect, I should have attended the service and graveside, but not stopped in for shiva.