A Dignified Exit

[2sunny]

if you tell yourself that all his actions and words are designed to stroke his own ego - things might start to make sense to you.

[lilbunny]

Hi bunny I was going to ask how things went today.

 

It sounds actually like not bad, considering the circumstances. I think holding it together at work and crying at home, well that's pretty strong and healthy if you ask me.

 

And on the NC thing, everyone who is telling you to leave it alone and not approach him I believe are right. From what you explain, you were extremely smart to see he was not really ready to leave. And we've learned here over and over where that road goes, no matter how many different ways there are to get there.

 

So you could explain to him why you went NC, but I will tell you (based on personal experience) that it sounds like you want to open a dialogue so that he will explain to you what happened, and what's going on because you're frustrated that he could behave in this way - offering no explaination or not allowing you to offer one. It is really irritating and sad and honestly, it can keep you hanging on and not moving on.

 

But from personal experience, if he wanted to/could offer you that explaination, he would. If he wanted to/could act like a grown up, he would. He probalby had a few opportunities to have a legitimate talk with you, and he didn't take it. Even if you went to him and said "here's why I acted the way I acted, here's why I went NC" it would probably make him really uncomfortable, and you would get the opposite of what you were looking for. When he's ready he will do it. If he's never ready, you'll never speak of it again, and have a very superficial work relationship, and it's best to be prepared to be OK with that.

 

The more and more I hear these stories from all of you, the more I realize that these guys are just not built for confrontation. Explains alot....

 

 

Thanks bb, that makes a lot of sense to me. If he has something to say then I am sure he will say it in his own time. I have thankfully had a day out of the office today and just had Friday to get through now.

 

It is funny how the one who really pushed the whole 'going back to the way it was' if it didn't work out and 'always being friends' (I pointed out at the time it wasn't going to be as easy as he seemed to think) is now the one incapable of following that up. I always thought it would be me who struggled.

[desertIslandCactus]

the best way to allow him to understand that it's over - is to not be bothered with him or by him anymore.

 

.

 

This is a true statement.

 

Anything you would say to him, would be from emotion. He wishes to act as if it's over with the silent treatment - then let it be.

 

There can be no friendship between former lovers until each is whole again.

[Hazyhead]

Regardless of how he feels, I think the best thing is to maintain grace through your silence. I think it's likely he knows how you feel, and why you did what you did, and, if he's honest with himself, I'm sure he understands, so explain nothing. You're in a tough spot lilbunny, but you come across to me as pretty strong, and I know you can do this. Whilst he's in the mess he's in, talks will not go anywhere - the best thing for you, even though it will hurt, is to walk away (as much as that is possible).

[Confused4Now]

Regardless of how he feels, I think the best thing is to maintain grace through your silence. I think it's likely he knows how you feel, and why you did what you did, and, if he's honest with himself, I'm sure he understands, so explain nothing. You're in a tough spot lilbunny, but you come across to me as pretty strong, and I know you can do this. Whilst he's in the mess he's in, talks will not go anywhere - the best thing for you, even though it will hurt, is to walk away (as much as that is possible).

I agree with this...many times when people are frustrated with their MM/MW they end up sounding like a broken record. I can say I did...so I learned the hard way. She started respecting me when I just walked away gracefully and said less....less is good...like it was said they know...they really do.

[lilbunny]

So Friday was a blot on my copy book. I allowed him to enter into conversation, we did the whole lets be friends, he said he was jealous I had accepted a date (I had to tell him that because my mouthy but lovely friend was sharing this with every gossip in the building at will, someone was going to share eventually). I slipped up, big style, but I actually went home reasonably pleased that we had some sort of mature conversation.

 

Today I have been blanked again, bodyguard was back in today and he hid behind her again. I decided on Friday anymore of this unpredictable behaviour and I wasn't going to listen to anymore of his nonsense. I saw him coming out of the building and quickly dispensed with my cigarette and made my way back in to avoid them, it was probably quite evident that was what I had done. I have managed to avoid involuntary contact all day and I hope the message was loud and clear.

 

I have just deleted him from facebook, erased his phone number and personal email (stuck with the work one, but I can live with that, I only send work related stuff on that anyway). I am done, totally done. I don't even want this man as a friend, not now, not ever. I suspect his next appearance will be Friday when he is in alone. He can do one, I'm not playing that game anymore.

 

I'm not upset, I'm not even angry. I am just disappointed. I'm not even trying to convince myself anymore. That was the last straw. Just remind me of this when I start feeling weak!

[desertIslandCactus]

Sounds good to me .. If he can't walk in the Light and acknowledge you when you pass - then continue to blot him out. Keep it business.

[Hazyhead]

Wow, lilbunny! You impress me with your ruthless attitude to moving on! Good for you. At the moment all he brings you is pain... remember this when he tries to talk to you. He seems to be taking no responsibility for himself - hiding behind people and excuses. I think you're incredibly brave to continue with your head held high at work as you are doing, despite hurting inside.

 

Hugs to you, hon.

 

So Friday was a blot on my copy book. I allowed him to enter into conversation, we did the whole lets be friends, he said he was jealous I had accepted a date (I had to tell him that because my mouthy but lovely friend was sharing this with every gossip in the building at will, someone was going to share eventually). I slipped up, big style, but I actually went home reasonably pleased that we had some sort of mature conversation.

 

Today I have been blanked again, bodyguard was back in today and he hid behind her again. I decided on Friday anymore of this unpredictable behaviour and I wasn't going to listen to anymore of his nonsense. I saw him coming out of the building and quickly dispensed with my cigarette and made my way back in to avoid them, it was probably quite evident that was what I had done. I have managed to avoid involuntary contact all day and I hope the message was loud and clear.

 

I have just deleted him from facebook, erased his phone number and personal email (stuck with the work one, but I can live with that, I only send work related stuff on that anyway). I am done, totally done. I don't even want this man as a friend, not now, not ever. I suspect his next appearance will be Friday when he is in alone. He can do one, I'm not playing that game anymore.

 

I'm not upset, I'm not even angry. I am just disappointed. I'm not even trying to convince myself anymore. That was the last straw. Just remind me of this when I start feeling weak!

[Pink_orchid]

Hey lilbunny excellent stuff. I think you're doing great.

[lilbunny]

Wow, lilbunny! You impress me with your ruthless attitude to moving on! Good for you. At the moment all he brings you is pain... remember this when he tries to talk to you. He seems to be taking no responsibility for himself - hiding behind people and excuses. I think you're incredibly brave to continue with your head held high at work as you are doing, despite hurting inside.

 

Hugs to you, hon.

 

I told him honestly that he hurt me last week. We talked and he was how he always was, popped into my office later on and was joking and laughing. I am so annoyed, I hugged him and said I thought things were going to be ok and he agreed.

I go in today and he has done the same thing all over again. I did nothing to deserve it, we hadn't had any contact since that conversation. It is a waste of time asking him, he won't give me a straight answer. I just can't put myself through this mill every day at work, my job is stressful enough as it is. The not knowing how he is going to be is the worst part.

I talk tougher than I am, but I reckon if I keep saying it I'll be able to follow it up.

 

Thanks for the hugs though.

 

desertIslandCactus- business sounds like the way forward, thanks. I am thankfully out and about tomorrow so he can play this game on his own.

[2sunny]

I told him honestly that he hurt me last week. We talked and he was how he always was, popped into my office later on and was joking and laughing. I am so annoyed, I hugged him and said I thought things were going to be ok and he agreed.

I go in today and he has done the same thing all over again. I did nothing to deserve it, we hadn't had any contact since that conversation. It is a waste of time asking him, he won't give me a straight answer. I just can't put myself through this mill every day at work, my job is stressful enough as it is. The not knowing how he is going to be is the worst part.

I talk tougher than I am, but I reckon if I keep saying it I'll be able to follow it up.

 

Thanks for the hugs though.

 

desertIslandCactus- business sounds like the way forward, thanks. I am thankfully out and about tomorrow so he can play this game on his own.

 

 

stop interacting with him. it allows YOU to move forward. any time he tries to engage in any conversation is HIS opportunity to manipulate you into feeling for him AGAIN. he knows this - that's why he's doing it. so don't let him! the first rule of engagement is: DON'T ENGAGE!!!!!

 

I have decided that after today, no matter what MM comes out with I am walking away.

 

this is your best plan in order to move forward! stick to it! do not engage!