More males in relationship despair than females on LS?

[NotaBadGuy]

After thinking about it the past few days, I began to ask myself why it seemed as if there were more males on LS expressing their female breakup and such situations than there were females. First question is - am I just off base on this one? Second, if not, why are there more males than females in such a predicament? Please note - these questions are by no means meant to be stereotypical or to offend. Just a curious question.

[purpleknif67]

Maybe you are right--but when I talk with my friends it always seems that it is the women spinning her wheels about her relationship or psuedo-relationship, and men seem out to lunch, and they don't really care...I still think men have a harder time committing and an even harder time just thinking about the idea of committing...just a thought

[ladyangel]

Maybe it's because men do not feel as free to express themselves emotionally with their family, friends, etc. about such things; whereas it's more accepted for women to do this. So coming here gives the men a chance to express themselves while remaining anonymous, and to get advice from others who have had similar experiences as well as getting a woman's perspective.

[Reckless]

I don't know, it seems to me pretty evenly balanced when it comes to break-up problems. Like you, I wouldn't have expected to hear from as many men seeking help in this area as women but thinking about it, as angel said, the reason is probably that where as women usually have a whole network of support already in place to help them deal with relationship crisis, men rarely do.

 

When it comes to emotional support, men mainly talk to their partners, when their relationships run aground the choice of where to turn for them is limited. Internet sites like LS fill in the gap (in fact in the 'early day' experts once believed that internet support sites would be frequented mainly by men not women, for that very reason..).

 

Also the internet maybe allows a man to escape stereotypical constraints that might hinder him from expressing his feelings. The 'real world' is mainly run by men, and a complaining man is sadly more likely to be labled as a 'whinger' or 'softly' than a woman; possibly the anonymity of the internet allows men to express themselves in a way that they feel they can't to the world at large.

 

Women are often the 'pulse takers' of a relationship being more sensitive to the changes that happen in it, (I've noticed that the 'I didn't see it coming' posts, where a dumpee was totally unprepared for a break weigh slightly in 'favour' of men) the shock and confusion of this often pushes them to seek advise here at LS. Maybe that's because women are less direct in expressing what they need or voicing discontent or maybe that's because men are just not accustomed to paying as much attention to relationships, they are usually the chief earner in a family and their energy is more often than not directed outside the home. Whatever the case, a lot come to sites like these after the horse has bolted to ask if they should have perhaps noticed the stable door had been stolen and burnt by thieves, six to eight months earlier.

[NotaBadGuy]

I guess I have always thought too that women would be the ones to be in the despair stages of a relatioship. It has always been my expereince that the women are the ones who do the most expressing of thier suffering whereas the men are somewhat aloof and careless in thier responses to the wounds and dissolusion of a relatioship. Then I begin looking into LS back in October of last year for some guidance, answers, support, and realize that maybe I had fallen into a stereotypical pattern. And then to expereince the relaity myself, I found myself outside what I would consider the general rule I for so long believed and my XW acting in the male pattern I had previously stereotyped. So then I began to think about it more and it ate me up. Thus, my initial question.

 

I totally agree that on the outside that it appears most men could care less about thier breakups, but now I ask myself - do they really or is it all a front? And my expereince with women has jaded my once infalible perception of their taking these relationship scenerios the hardest. I understand the slowly pulling away from the relatioship theory and it makes sense. By the time the man realizes what has happened, the female has already moved on. Then the male goes into his period of morning. Heck, I guess I am just as lost as I was to begin with and have no clue of what I am talking about.

[Arabess]

I don't think there is a gender difference as far as how a person feels once a relationship is over. The meanie-love-cupid who takes back the love arrows....doesn't seem to give a damn either way. HAHAHAHA!

[Dug]

I'd only like to say that perhaps if there is a shift in this trend, it may be because women are now more aligned with typical male values and roles than they have ever been. I constantly hear women under 40 proclaim that they are only now doing what men have done for decades......not all men....not all women, just food for thought.