Is it normal for some men to take pictures of girls in public?

[bill858]

I just got dumped after a 3 year relationship. she says its because she found pictures on my phone of girls. not porn, just regular women. I would on occasion take a picture secretly so i could look at the pretty girl I just saw without being obvious and staring. Honestly, I would get a good look at the picture, and never look at it again. but I failed to erase them and she found them. She said I'm a creepy perv and that she thinks I would use them to "pleasure myself" or dream of being with them over her. That honestly was never the case... I thought I was just "being a guy" and checkin out chics. She thought enough of it to end what was going to be a marriage. Is there something wrong with me or does she have her own issues...or both?

[ladydesigner]

I honestly would think that is strange unless you are a photographer. I'm sure there are some women that might tolerate that. But I found this post a little creepy myself.

[Hazyhead]

It's creepy. Is it even legal? There is absolutely no good reason for you to do that. Also, when you say 'girls' it makes me think of teenagers, which makes me mad.

 

Are you for real here?

[YellowShark]

It is one thing to admire a beautiful stranger - woman/man - in public. Yet it is taking it to another level when you snap pictures of strangers surreptitiously on your phone - for future reference.

 

For me, that is a little bit creepy.

[TaraMaiden]

....I would on occasion take a picture secretly so i could look at the pretty girl I just saw without being obvious and staring. .....Is there something wrong with me or does she have her own issues...or both?

 

I think the problem, candidly, lies with you.

First of all, the fact that you're doing things 'secretly' implies that you already know this is both unconventional and questionable behaviour.

 

What would be wrong with approaching a young lady, and saying "Excuse me, I think you're very pretty, would it be ok if I took a photo of you?"

 

What do you think their response would be?

A few might comply, but I would hazard a guess that the majority would be a little freaked out, and come back with something uncomplimentary.

Or the people with them, might...

 

So I think you know, already that this behaviour is not only frowned upon by her, but would be, by others too.

 

Your motives, reasons and justifications are entirely irrelevant.

It's not a behaviour that many would consider in any way acceptable.

[TigerCub]

Yup - pretty weird and creepy.

[Star Gazer]

Creepy McCreeperton for sure.

[bill858]

I guess I got what I deserved. Im so sorry for doing...not being caught but for doing it. I never really saw the harm it caused. and now my life has been destroyed for it. I want to change myself. I wish I could go back and undo it... my only motivation in life was to make her happy and now she is gone. I only hope she ends up happy in life

[bill858]

any men that can comment? am I alone in this behavior?

[ladydesigner]

Why don't you get yourself into some therapy to figure out why you did this? Become a new person and leave the past behavior in the past.

[2sure]

Its creepy, violating , and has a desperate element to it - and if anyone else does that they are not going to admit it.

[bill858]

its hard for me to admit to as well...but thats the first step right. I have admitted this to some of my close friends in explaining our breakup. 2 of my friends have said they have taken a girls picture as well...even forward it to another friend

Edited September 2, 2010 by bill858

[Feelin Frisky]

What's "wrong" with you is that you allowed yourself to be caught. I'm an older guy who grew up without a camera phone and I only had my secret mind's eye to recall images. Can't pry into my noggin. I doubt it would have occurred to me to capture images like that of unsuspecting women but I do sometimes "save picture as" when I see a flattering publicity photos of one of my female icons to my picture collection. It's not at all like stalking or intruding on their freedoms or boundaries, they are just images made available to the public. But of course I'm single and were I to connect, I would prefer not to have my SO spying into the my single guy amusements. I'd be the one intruded upon if she did.

[WalkInThePark]

Is there something wrong with me or does she have her own issues...or both?

 

OMG, you are so self-indulgent in thinking that she might have issues. I think she is a smart and healthy lady.

Yes there is something wrong with you, you are a creep.

 

If I would know that some stranger is making pictures of me to check me out later, I would kick him in the balls and throw his camera so hard that it was broken beyond repair.

[lilbunny]

Imagine you were out with a girlfriend or one day a wife you really loved and cared about, even a grown up daughter much later in life and a strange guy started snapping pictures of them without permission or an explanation of why they were doing it. How would it make you feel? Would you be happy for them to continue or would you ask them to stop?

Imagine if you went through a friend's phone and found similar snaps of a girlfriend or a female relative like a sister, would it seem ok or harmless to you?

I think you know the answer!

[bill858]

for the record...she does have issues. she has cut off anyone in her life that she has felt betrayed her. she has gone years without talking to either of her parents (who are divorced) she has broken up with friends. she has cut off her sister for things her brother in law has said. she also doesnt communicate well. she found these pictures and said nothing for 2 weeks.

 

for the longer version of the whole story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t244249/

Edited September 2, 2010 by bill858

[Cee]

This was serious relationship that was supposed to lead to marriage. There are clearly other issues involved. If that was the only reason, she would have insisted that you get counseling and promise never to do it again. I think that was probably the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

I was once involved with a guy who had a problem with voyeurism. My ex covered up and denied his problem, played it off like he's being a guy. I know more about voyeurism than I'd ever want to know & the behaviors can be subtle. But the key thing was he kept doing what he did despite consequences. If you are still taking pictures even after your ex left, that would a huge sign of a problem.

 

I think you need some more insight into why your relationship dissolved. Perhaps counseling would help.

Edited September 2, 2010 by Cee

[YellowShark]

any men that can comment? am I alone in this behavior?

 

I'm a man!

 

I have a rule, and it goes like this, "it's ok to look at the menu but you have to eat at home."

 

I don't mind if my girl admires a nice-looking guy, and she has to be confident enough for me to admire a beautiful woman as well. But I have never felt the need to snap photos of strangers-on-the-street. It's just something I never felt the need to do.

 

But on the other hand I do have male friends who will occasionally email me a sexy photo they've seen on the net that they wanted to share. Men are image-centric and women are emotion-centric, that is why there are so many porn mags/sites for men versus ones for women.

[InceptorsRule]

OP,

 

were you that kid who used to sit next to me in fourth grade who would deliberately drop his pencil on the floor while the teacher was walking by, so he would have an excuse to bend down so as to be able to look up her dress?

[Trimmer]

any men that can comment? am I alone in this behavior?

I'm a man, and a long time admirer of women, but it's also important to me to respect common social boundaries, even of people I don't know, and I'd feel creepy myself, surreptitiously snapping a picture of a woman for later viewing.

 

Further, I'm a brother with sisters, and a father with a daughter, and you'd better not let me catch you secretly snapping shots of anyone I care about.

 

If it's "normal," then do your subject the traditional courtesy and ask if you can snap his or her picture, then respect the boundary that you get in reply.

 

If you need to keep it secret, you really need to ask why.

 

Now, you may well have other and deeper issues in your relationship, and this incident may well feed into those, but my comments and most of those in this thread stand alone, in reference to this behavior by itself, irrespective of your partner's reaction to it.

 

And yes, it's good that you are admitting to the behavior, and also good that you recognize that the fundamental issue is not the fact that you got caught, or weren't secretive enough, but rather the issue is the behavior itself.

[bill858]

I'm a man, and a long time admirer of women, but it's also important to me to respect common social boundaries, even of people I don't know, and I'd feel creepy myself, surreptitiously snapping a picture of a woman for later viewing.

 

Further, I'm a brother with sisters, and a father with a daughter, and you'd better not let me catch you secretly snapping shots of anyone I care about.

 

If it's "normal," then do your subject the traditional courtesy and ask if you can snap his or her picture, then respect the boundary that you get in reply.

 

If you need to keep it secret, you really need to ask why.

 

Now, you may well have other and deeper issues in your relationship, and this incident may well feed into those, but my comments and most of those in this thread stand alone, in reference to this behavior by itself, irrespective of your partner's reaction to it.

 

And yes, it's good that you are admitting to the behavior, and also good that you recognize that the fundamental issue is not the fact that you got caught, or weren't secretive enough, but rather the issue is the behavior itself.

 

Trimmer... I undwerstand what your saying, and I do agree. I'm not saying my behavior was "normal", but was it worth destroying our relationship?

[bill858]

This was serious relationship that was supposed to lead to marriage. There are clearly other issues involved. If that was the only reason, she would have insisted that you get counseling and promise never to do it again. I think that was probably the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

I was once involved with a guy who had a problem with voyeurism. My ex covered up and denied his problem, played it off like he's being a guy. I know more about voyeurism than I'd ever want to know & the behaviors can be subtle. But the key thing was he kept doing what he did despite consequences. If you are still taking pictures even after your ex left, that would a huge sign of a problem.

 

I think you need some more insight into why your relationship dissolved. Perhaps counseling would help.

 

CEE...thanks for the input. do I really have a voyeurism problem? Im not saying I don't...I just dont know enough about it. I took pictures, maybe 10 times...ever. none were of girls naked or doing anything sexual. I saw a nice butt...click. pretty face...click. not all the time, often months go by and nothing like this. but sometimes, usually when I was bored out of my mind, like when sitting on a train for 2 hours, I would snap a picture so I'd have something to look at (phone had a camera, but no internet) I never looked at these pictures to masturbate.

[Trimmer]

Trimmer... I undwerstand what your saying, and I do agree. I'm not saying my behavior was "normal", but was it worth destroying our relationship?

Well, that comes down to some honest answers to questions that you should examine, because these are the types of questions a woman would probably ask herself in deciding whether to stay with you or cut you loose:

 

What benefit did you derive from this behavior?

Why were you keeping it a secret?

Do you/did you believe it was wrong at the time? Do you now?

Why did you choose not to ask permission from someone to take their picture?

What does this behavior indicate about your understanding of social boundaries, and your willingness and ability to respect them?

 

I'm not saying I have all the answers, nor that there is exactly one set of "right and normal" answers that fits everyone.

 

So I don't know if your own partner gave it this kind of thoughtful analysis, or just flew off the handle emotionally, or maybe even saw this as a "final straw" and an excuse to end a relationship that wasn't working for other reasons. You ask a basic question: "was it worth destroying our relationship?" There is no objective answer, each person will evaluate it based on her own opinions, boundaries, life experience, etc.

 

"Was it worth destroying our relationship?" The only answer that matters is simple and self-evident: it was, to her.

[bill858]

But on the other hand I do have male friends who will occasionally email me a sexy photo they've seen on the net that they wanted to share. Men are image-centric and women are emotion-centric, that is why there are so many porn mags/sites for men versus ones for women.

 

Believe it or not, my girlfriend would even get porn pics forwarded to her from friends, and forward them to me.

 

She had no problem with porn, it was me taking pictures of other girls.

[Distant78]

Believe it or not, my girlfriend would even get porn pics forwarded to her from friends, and forward them to me.

 

She had no problem with porn, it was me taking pictures of other girls.

 

Ok, but that's porn: its made for people to obsess over, and I don't belive that statement. I think you are trying damage control.

 

Lets just not discuss the xGF for a second here.

 

The fact alone that you were taking pictures of various women in public is alarming.