She rejected me last semester, now we're in the same class again Ugh!

[somedude81]

I really have no what to think about this one.

 

During the spring semester there was a girl in my Japanese class that I really liked. We talked before class everyday. We went out to lunch a couple of times. We almost had a real date, if she didn't bring a guy friend along

 

Fast forward a few months and the fall semester starts. I check the class roster online to see if I recognize anybody, and she's not on it, thank God.

 

Fourth day of class, I show up early, open the door and she's sitting at a desk Now I'm in a class with her again, 4 days a week....

 

After class I briefly talked to her, to show her that I'm cool with her since we didn't talk at all the last month of the spring semester. Back then she offered me her friendship, I turned it down because I wanted more so there's been no communication for several months.

 

A few hours later I'm at the student health center getting some stuff and she walks in with her mom BTW I met her mom when I went to hang out at the girls house a few months ago. I said something like you're fallowing me aren't you? When I got my stuff she waved and said bye in a tone that almost seemed shy.

 

I would have preferred to never see this girl again. When I saw her yesterday all the old feelings and memories I've had of her poured right back in.

 

Stupidly, I still want her. I really believe that she's a great match but if I can't get her to see the same thing, then my thoughts don't matter. So I have two choices, treat her just as another person in the class and just don't give her any attention. Or I can pursue her romantically. The latter has a lot more risk/reward associated with it. I wonder if 4 months is enough time to try again. I'll still never forget that the reason was "I don't want to date anybody right now." Which probably meant, I don't want to date you. She never did give me a reason, which I know she doesn't have to.

 

Of course I'm also going after other girls as well but staring from scratch with them.

[Star Gazer]

I'm not sure I'm understanding how she rejected you...?

[Allisha]

Hmmm.

I'm in a romantic mood today so while I'd usually advise against this seeing as she rejected you... but I say pursue her! Obviously not obsessively...but for all you know, she could have had something going on in her life months ago and could be ready now. It could be why she didn't tell you the reason as it's none of ya business. Most girls I know with a boyfriend reject guys and TELL them they're taken.

 

You'll never know if you don't ask again..and you could be missing out on something.

However: one more rejection = end.

 

Good luck!

[somedude81]

When we were going to go on our date, at the last minute she invited a guy friend to come along. The next time I saw her I asked her what happened and if she knew what I wanted that day to be. She knew I wanted a date. Before I could ask why she invited her friend, she said something like, "I'm sorry if you want a girlfriend or something, but I'm not looking to date right now. We can still be friends." I texted her a few hours later trying to figure out what she didn't want to date anybody and she wouldn't tell me.

 

So that's the rejection. I know that she was single. She may not be single now, but I highly doubt that she's involved with anybody. She's more of the award nerdy/gamer girl type.

 

The sad thing is, that I would gladly be her friend if I was already dating somebody. We have tons of common interests and got along great. But as long as I'm single, I can't have female friends

[Star Gazer]

But as long as I'm single, I can't have female friends

 

Why not???

[that girl]

Odds are this girl feels just as awkward as you. While getting rejected is worse, it sucks to turn down someone who you think is nice but you don't feel chemistry with.

 

You don't need to talk to this girl. As long as you're not freakishly avoiding her (like ignoring her if she speaks to you), she isn't going to think much of it. But acting like a friend and going out of your way to talk to her will make you a friend. And you don't want to be her friend so you'll just end up hurt.

[somedude81]

Hmmm.

I'm in a romantic mood today so while I'd usually advise against this seeing as she rejected you... but I say pursue her! Obviously not obsessively...but for all you know, she could have had something going on in her life months ago and could be ready now. It could be why she didn't tell you the reason as it's none of ya business. Most girls I know with a boyfriend reject guys and TELL them they're taken.

 

You'll never know if you don't ask again..and you could be missing out on something.

However: one more rejection = end.

 

Good luck!

Yeah, I'll like to try one more time, but how to go about it is the problem.

 

I know that her reasons are her own and none of my business. I'm just worried that if her reason was something about me, other girls might feel the same.

Why not???

I tend to easily get attached to girls when I have some interest in them. I could play this girls friend but be thinking about how much I want to have her for a girlfriend and sleep with her. It also really starts to get to my head when I'm around a girl that I can't have. I don't want to go through that pain again.

Odds are this girl feels just as awkward as you. While getting rejected is worse, it sucks to turn down someone who you think is nice but you don't feel chemistry with.

 

You don't need to talk to this girl. As long as you're not freakishly avoiding her (like ignoring her if she speaks to you), she isn't going to think much of it. But acting like a friend and going out of your way to talk to her will make you a friend. And you don't want to be her friend so you'll just end up hurt.

Yeah, she may be feeling awkward. I really hate the term "chemistry." It makes me feel that I have to trick girls into liking me because for whatever reason, they're not attracted to who I am. I have no idea why she wasn't attracted to me or if I can even do anything about it.

 

I know I don't need to talk to her. I basically made peace with her to at least show her that I'm not mad at her.

 

It's just so frustrating having her in that class. I'm going to have to see her for an hour a day, four days a week for the next 4 months. I wish I was over her.

[kalikula]

My guess is she might feel awkward or uncomfortable around you... She ruined your date because she didn't want it to be a "date". So clearly she didn't see you like that.

 

I know it sucks but I think the best way to go about this would be to give up and semi-ignore her. There's nothing worse- from a girl's perspective- than to have to constantly be around a guy that you are uninterested in, if he is interested. You don't want her to think that you are "creepy" (Hopefully she doesn't at this point) That is pretty much the kiss of death and you wouldn't want her to describe you to any of her friends like that.

[jamesum]

If you are so desperate, I say go for it man.

[gypsy_nicky]

 

Stupidly, I still want her. I really believe that she's a great match but if I can't get her to see the same thing, then my thoughts don't matter. So I have two choices, treat her just as another person in the class and just don't give her any attention. Or I can pursue her romantically. The latter has a lot more risk/reward associated with it.

 

you do both so you won't risk rejection. Treat her normally like any person in your class- try to talk to her, don't become her girl friend but.

 

When pursuing don't treat it like a romeo juliet script (whatever you do, do not formally ask her out)

[Green]

Ask her out again. Shes the girl so she gets to feel awkward and you get to feel confident. You do realize that if you ask her out and she turns you down you look cool for being a confident guy who asks girls out and she looks cold for being a girl who doesn't give guys a chance.

 

Look man if you want her then ask her out again. No rule that says you can't ask a girl out again! DO IT DO IT

 

Her being shy is a GOOD SIGN if she had blushed it would have been an even better sign

[somedude81]

My guess is she might feel awkward or uncomfortable around you... She ruined your date because she didn't want it to be a "date". So clearly she didn't see you like that.

I definitely know that she didn't want anything back then. Unfortunately I have no idea what her reasons were, so I don't know if they changed between now and then.

I know it sucks but I think the best way to go about this would be to give up and semi-ignore her. There's nothing worse- from a girl's perspective- than to have to constantly be around a guy that you are uninterested in, if he is interested. You don't want her to think that you are "creepy" (Hopefully she doesn't at this point) That is pretty much the kiss of death and you wouldn't want her to describe you to any of her friends like that.

I doubt that she thinks I'm creepy. We were classroom buddies and we hung out a couple of times. She seems to be reciprocating the interest till she suddenly decides that she wants the date to become a non-date.

 

Whether she does think I'm creepy is actually irrelevant. Either she's potentially interested or she's not. Any other way she thinks of me isn't important.

you do both so you won't risk rejection. Treat her normally like any person in your class- try to talk to her, don't become her girl friend but.

 

When pursuing don't treat it like a romeo juliet script (whatever you do, do not formally ask her out)

That's kind of what I was planning. Last semester I was very talkative with her and she probably thought that all I wanted was friendship, until she figured it out. This time I'm not going to be all chummy with her.

 

I'm actually confused on how much I should talk to her. I want just enough rapport to get a date.

 

What's the best way to ask her out, that's not formal and also doesn't suggest that I just want to be her friend. Though hopefully she will remember that was interested and should figure out my intentions.

 

Look man if you want her then ask her out again. No rule that says you can't ask a girl out again! DO IT DO IT

I want to do it. Heck, I could ask her out on Tuesday, but I have a strong suspicion that she'd just quickly reject me. I don't know if I should try right away, or try to build up more of a connection with her.

Edited September 4, 2010 by somedude81

[guy.lepage]

I disagree with those who encourage the OP to ask her out again.

 

She clearly shot you down the first time, no doubt about it. She seems to be the shy type, so shy that she'd rather bring a buddy along rather than turning down the invitation.

 

Learn to read her signals and gauge her interest level before you even consider asking her out again.

[somedude81]

Learn to read her signals and gauge her interest level before you even consider asking her out again.

If I could learn to read a woman's signals and effectively gauge her interest level, I would have far less trouble with them. Unfortunately it's not something I can just learn right away.

 

Hell, I'm 29 and still having problems with this stuff. I'm having an easier time learning Japanese then learning how to deal with/attract/understand women.

Edited September 4, 2010 by somedude81

[lso802]

If I were in your position, I'd probably want to go after the girl, too. Since my feelings aren't involved and I can see the situation as an observer, you shouldn't go for this girl.

 

She knows you're interested. Just stay friendly and let her make the move, if she's interested. Other than that, I really think she's just in it for the ego boost. Pursue her one more time. But if she rejects you, that's it. Move on.

[Green]

I think you should try right away. Its really not a big deal to ask a girl out. Who cares if she says no. Some guys ask girls out over and over again until they say yes and then they end up getting married.

[guy.lepage]

I think you should try right away. Its really not a big deal to ask a girl out. Who cares if she says no. Some guys ask girls out over and over again until they say yes and then they end up getting married.

 

In some cultures, that's fine. In other cultures, that's sexual harrassment.

[Green]

In some cultures, that's fine. In other cultures, that's sexual harrassment.

 

He's just going to ask her out again no harm. It will be clear if she feels harased and this isn't work its school so he's really in no trouble if he asks her to do something nicely. He's also in the united states and I think its rather acceptable to invite a girl out to do something more then once.

[Cracker Jack]

Nothing wrong with giving it another try. You can't lose either way, in my opinion.

[bac]

Yeah, I'll like to try one more time, but how to go about it is the problem.

 

I know that her reasons are her own and none of my business. I'm just worried that if her reason was something about me, other girls might feel the same.

 

I tend to easily get attached to girls when I have some interest in them. I could play this girls friend but be thinking about how much I want to have her for a girlfriend and sleep with her. It also really starts to get to my head when I'm around a girl that I can't have. I don't want to go through that pain again.

 

Yeah, she may be feeling awkward. I really hate the term "chemistry." It makes me feel that I have to trick girls into liking me because for whatever reason, they're not attracted to who I am. I have no idea why she wasn't attracted to me or if I can even do anything about it.

 

I know I don't need to talk to her. I basically made peace with her to at least show her that I'm not mad at her.

 

It's just so frustrating having her in that class. I'm going to have to see her for an hour a day, four days a week for the next 4 months. I wish I was over her.

 

IMO, You have a lot of questions and you are confused about many things. If you were her friend, you would get access to all the answers and had better understanding of what is on her mind. You would gain experience dealing and understanding girls. Because you are rejecting the opportunities to be friends with girls, you do not know how to move forward to your goals.

 

If you pick up girls in social environment such as school, you might prefer to be friends with them first because it is a good, socially acceptable thing which builds your reputation as a popular, respectful guy. I do not think that a girl would want to date a guy with a reputation of a guy looking for sex. She cares of her own reputation in school. A girl at school would date a guy with reputation of being popular (not sexually!), interesting person, looking for friendships, who has many friends-girls, who does not give a f....k for sex with any of the girls. Sure, in reality, you want to date and have sex, but, you should have a different and respectful reputation as a guy who is a great friend and who can not care less for getting laid.

[Mad Max]

Personally, if I ask a girl out and she rejects me, no big deal. But, I'm not going to keep pursuing her. I give a girl one chance. She says no, that's it I move on. There's 300 million people in the United States with approximately 150 million being women. Out of those 150 million, even if I connect with only 2% of them, that's still 3 million.

[gypsy_nicky]

 

 

What's the best way to ask her out, that's not formal and also doesn't suggest that I just want to be her friend. Though hopefully she will remember that was interested and should figure out my intentions.

 

 

Do not ask her out unless you want your dignity and esteem to plummet. Do not follow kermit the frog (LS poster).

 

I can only give you general answers cause I do not see your interactions with her (unless you state it here). You need to read her properly if she 's interested or not. If the signs are ambiguous, always err on the not interested. Look up IOI's, 'indicators of interest' (PUA stuff that's actually useful).

 

The main one I see when women (and men) are not interested is the actions do not match what they say; She'll say yes, flake out consistently on dates, say's your attractive but treats you like a friend etc etc.

Edited September 5, 2010 by gypsy_nicky

[Green]

Do not ask her out unless you want your dignity and esteem to plummet. Do not follow kermit the frog (LS poster).

 

I can only give you general answers cause I do not see your interactions with her (unless you state it here). You need to read her properly if she 's interested or not. If the signs are ambiguous, always err on the not interested. Look up IOI's, 'indicators of interest' (PUA stuff that's actually useful).

 

The main one I see when women (and men) are not interested is the actions do not match what they say; She'll say yes, flake out consistently on dates, say's your attractive but treats you like a friend etc etc.

 

I have the oposite philosiphy, I say throw caution to the wind especialy if its just a girl in your college class. I always just assume that I can get a girl to go out with me and let the girl prove that assumption wrong by rejecting me.

 

When you get to a point where you no longer care and arn't actualy looking for a gf but just having fun asking girls out and trying to kiss/touch flirt and be romantic... THATS WHEN YOU WILL GET A GF... the trick is not caring and just asking girls out for the fun of it.

[somedude81]

I think you should try right away. Its really not a big deal to ask a girl out. Who cares if she says no. Some guys ask girls out over and over again until they say yes and then they end up getting married.

I think I'll try to flirt with her a little bit first. But I'll probably ask her next week.

IMO, You have a lot of questions and you are confused about many things. If you were her friend, you would get access to all the answers and had better understanding of what is on her mind. You would gain experience dealing and understanding girls. Because you are rejecting the opportunities to be friends with girls, you do not know how to move forward to your goals.

I have been close friends with several girls and I've learned very little about them through those experiences. What I need is to actually date girls and find out who they really are. When I'm just a friend, I don't see the whole picture.

 

Also, I'm only rejecting a girls consolation prize of being her friend.

 

If you pick up girls in social environment such as school, you might prefer to be friends with them first because it is a good, socially acceptable thing which builds your reputation as a popular, respectful guy.

I'd actually prefer to do the friends first thing, but it just doesn't work. Time and time again girls have seen me as their brother. When I eventually try to make a move or tell them that I like them, they get freaked out. It's a delicate balance on how friendly I should be.

I do not think that a girl would want to date a guy with a reputation of a guy looking for sex. She cares of her own reputation in school. A girl at school would date a guy with reputation of being popular (not sexually!), interesting person, looking for friendships, who has many friends-girls, who does not give a f....k for sex with any of the girls.

A guy looking for sex, is the furthest thing I have for my reputation.

 

I realize that popularity is important even in college, and it's still hard to get, which is another matter.

Do not ask her out unless you want your dignity and esteem to plummet.

Okay, so how do I pursue her, without asking her out?

You need to read her properly if she 's interested or not. If the signs are ambiguous, always err on the not interested.

Eh...I automatically think that no girls are interested in me. I'm also very bad a reading a girls signals unless she was very obvious. So what I do now is If a girl seems to enjoy talking to me, then I ask her out. I don't bother trying to gauge her interest, because I'll usually never ask her out.

 

the trick is not caring and just asking girls out for the fun of it.

I really wish I could stop caring. But it's something I just can't do right now. A starving man will only stop thinking about food, after he's eaten.

[Green]

gypsy follows PUA crap it seems. That stuff is all over the place. basicly its guys over anylyzing and over complicating every day romantic things with complicated code words and detailed examples and motivational teqniques in order to make MONEY.

 

I'm giving you this advicise for free and the satisfaction and entertainment of having it work out for you. Look you know as well as I do that if you could just follow my advice you'd be set. My advice is basicly be YOURSELF the version of yourself that goes after the things in life you want (including girls) and doesn't care about what happens just lives life as an enjoyable journey. YOU FILL THE BLANKS but basicly 1) Aproach and flirt girls you find attractive (my guess you see atleast 20 girls a week who are attractive) 2) ASK THEM OUT (don't just walk away after flirting ask them out) 3) KISS THEM ON THE DATE (don't let the date end with just a friendly conversation be romantic KISS don't ask just kiss)

 

Good luck, ASK THAT GIRL OUT... you have nothing to lose and it shouldn't effect your self esteem if she says no. Seriously its shouldn't effect your self esteem if this girl yells "NO YOUR A SMELLY UGLY LOSER" ... that should just be funny in a ridiculous sort of way. Most likely she'll say yes... thats what you should believe anyways. USE YOUR HORNYESS AS A TOOL to create confidence and motivate you to be BOLD ... don't jack off or look at porn... build ur hornyness and use it. DUmp that sperm in a woman