Pantyhose fetish and jealousy

[SilverLining]

I have been seeing this guy for about seven months, and somewhat recently he let me know that he has a pretty extreme pantyhose fetish. I have done my best to assure him that I don't think he's weird, that I support him and want to do my part to fulfill his fantasies. I do this by purchasing different types of pantyhose (or leggings, he loves those too) and surprising him at least once a week with a sexy outfit when he comes home from work. He does not ask me for any more than this, because aside from feeling a little bad about it, he also worries that if he indulges too often, he will not be satisfied without it. He finds me attractive enough without them and our sex life has not suffered too much, in fact it's a bit spicier because I love to dress up.

 

So what's the problem? I'm a jealous person, and also have self-esteem issues. I often don't feel very attractive, and he is not the kind of person who tells me so all the time; compliments are difficult for him. To give a little background, I usually date guys who love T and A, because I'm pretty busty and curvy. The guys I usually date find me to be their fantasy girl and therefore when I catch them looking at other girls or porn, it's usually someone who looks like me and I feel satisfied that at least they are not looking at something they don't already have. I mean, if your favorite food is pizza and you're getting it every night, then you aren't going to look longingly at every other person walking down the street with a slice of pizza.

 

But this fetish is another story. I feel like I have to wear something special to get the level of attraction from him that I'm used to getting normally. He looks at fetish porn up to 3x a week, and every morning I wake up knowing he's at the computer and wondering if he's looking at pictures of girls in pantyhose and getting off. And whenever we go out, if a girl walks by in pantyhose or leggings, I hold my breath and just want to cry when he stares at her. And if I'm wearing leggings at the time, he still looks at other girls and it hurts me that I can't keep his attention even when I'm trying on purpose to please him.

 

I really don't know what to do. He assures me that he cares deeply for me and that he admittedly has a kneejerk reaction to girls who are wearing his fetish, but would not jeopardize things with me. I do believe him, and I feel in some ways that I should just get over this, but I am not sure I can. I feel inadequate. And it's difficult because I have other guys who would love to date me, guys who think I'm perfect by myself alone, and it seems like a waste for me to be hanging out with someone who doesn't make me feel that way. On the other hand...many of those guys are just interested in sex, and the guy that I am dating is clear that he is interested in much more.

 

Has anyone else ever experienced this? Can anyone give me some advice? It wasn't quite as bad in the summer, but now that fall is upon us, girls are going to be everywhere wearing leggings and hose. It isn't even so much his looking at it...it's more that as soon as I see a girl in leggings or hose, I feel worried, I feel jealous, I compare myself to her, I worry that he's noticed, if he's noticed I worry that he's getting turned on, I know that he's then going to worry about my reaction to what he is doing...it all just seems like such a lot of bother for something that never really was a big deal until now. I don't want this to run my life, but it's all I can think about when I'm with him.

Edited September 4, 2010 by SilverLining

[aerogurl87]

I have been seeing this guy for about seven months, and somewhat recently he let me know that he has a pretty extreme pantyhose fetish. I have done my best to assure him that I don't think he's weird, that I support him and want to do my part to fulfill his fantasies. I do this by purchasing different types of pantyhose (or leggings, he loves those too) and surprising him at least once a week with a sexy outfit when he comes home from work. He does not ask me for any more than this, because aside from feeling a little bad about it, he also worries that if he indulges too often, he will not be satisfied without it. He finds me attractive enough without them and our sex life has not suffered too much, in fact it's a bit spicier because I love to dress up.

 

So what's the problem? I'm a jealous person, and also have self-esteem issues. I often don't feel very attractive, and he is not the kind of person who tells me so all the time; compliments are difficult for him. To give a little background, I usually date guys who love T and A, because I'm pretty busty and curvy. The guys I usually date find me to be their fantasy girl and therefore when I catch them looking at other girls or porn, it's usually someone who looks like me and I feel satisfied that at least they are not looking at something they don't already have. I mean, if your favorite food is pizza and you're getting it every night, then you aren't going to look longingly at every other person walking down the street with a slice of pizza.

 

But this fetish is another story. I feel like I have to wear something special to get the level of attraction from him that I'm used to getting normally. He looks at fetish porn up to 3x a week, and every morning I wake up knowing he's at the computer and wondering if he's looking at pictures of girls in pantyhose and getting off. And whenever we go out, if a girl walks by in pantyhose or leggings, I hold my breath and just want to cry when he stares at her. And if I'm wearing leggings at the time, he still looks at other girls and it hurts me that I can't keep his attention even when I'm trying on purpose to please him.

 

I really don't know what to do. He assures me that he cares deeply for me and that he admittedly has a kneejerk reaction to girls who are wearing his fetish, but would not jeopardize things with me. I do believe him, and I feel in some ways that I should just get over this, but I am not sure I can. I feel inadequate. And it's difficult because I have other guys who would love to date me, guys who think I'm perfect by myself alone, and it seems like a waste for me to be hanging out with someone who doesn't make me feel that way. On the other hand...many of those guys are just interested in sex, and the guy that I am dating is clear that he is interested in much more.

 

Has anyone else ever experienced this? Can anyone give me some advice? It wasn't quite as bad in the summer, but now that fall is upon us, girls are going to be everywhere wearing leggings and hose. It isn't even so much his looking at it...it's more that as soon as I see a girl in leggings or hose, I feel worried, I feel jealous, I compare myself to her, I worry that he's noticed, if he's noticed I worry that he's getting turned on, I know that he's then going to worry about my reaction to what he is doing...it all just seems like such a lot of bother for something that never really was a big deal until now. I don't want this to run my life, but it's all I can think about when I'm with him.

 

I'm sorry that you feel like this. You need to decide if this is something you could live with long term. If you decide you can't you need to tell him and tell him exactly why it's a problem that you feel you can't get over. He can't change himself, but just because that's true doesn't mean you have to stay with him feeling like you have to do something to be sexy to him that you otherwise wouldn't do.

[You Go Girl]

Get used to it, he's not going to change for you. You want a man that keeps his eyes on the prize, and he's never going to be one of those.

Look at the men you choose.

This one has a fetish that makes him sexually charged whenever the trigger appears.

The other men--in your own words--are just interested in sex.

Perhaps you are making the wrong choices in men? It seems you want a man that keeps his eyes on the prize, yet you market yourself as curvy T & A.

Time to rethink what you want in a LTR and how you market yourself. What else do you have to offer? Focus on that. What else do they have to offer? Raise your standards.

[SilverLining]

I don't expect anyone to change for me...but I do agree with you on one point. Ever since I was in middle school - I'm almost 30 now - I've been looked at and treated as a sexual object. I come from an emotionally and physically abusive household, so I didn't actually realize I was a good person with worth until my early 20s. These negative thoughts and feelings are difficult to shake off when you've been brought up with them, and it's a constant struggle. Most of the compliments I have received were sexually oriented, and it's made me feel as though I have nothing else to offer. This is why I am so jealous - I feel like sex is the one thing that I DO have.

 

The man that I am with, as sexually charged as he gets when he comes upon someone that is wearing his fetish, treats me as though I am much, much more than sex. He truly does value me for my other assets. I don't think that he is doing anything wrong. It is not his fault if he has a knee-jerk reaction to something. It is my fault that I am so fixated on what should be a 2 second interaction that has come and gone in his mind, but stays in mine for hours. I want to find a way to see this for what it really is...a momentary lust for something that is forgotten in a minute...but I fail all the time.

 

I am trying to work on myself, to undo the damage that was done to me. I wonder if there are any women or men out there who are currently dealing with or know someone who is dealing with a pantyhose or leggings fetish and if this has come up at all.

Edited September 4, 2010 by SilverLining

[aerogurl87]

I don't expect anyone to change for me...but I do agree with you on one point. Ever since I was in middle school - I'm almost 30 now - I've been looked at and treated as a sexual object. I come from an emotionally and physically abusive household, so I didn't actually realize I was a good person with worth until my early 20s. These negative thoughts and feelings are difficult to shake off when you've been brought up with them, and it's a constant struggle. Most of the compliments I have received were sexually oriented, and it's made me feel as though I have nothing else to offer. This is why I am so jealous - I feel like sex is the one thing that I DO have.

 

The man that I am with, as sexually charged as he gets when he comes upon someone that is wearing his fetish, treats me as though I am much, much more than sex. He truly does value me for my other assets. I don't think that he is doing anything wrong. It is not his fault if he has a knee-jerk reaction to something. It is my fault that I am so fixated on what should be a 2 second interaction that has come and gone in his mind, but stays in mine for hours. I want to find a way to see this for what it really is...a momentary lust for something that is forgotten in a minute...but I fail all the time.

 

I am trying to work on myself, to undo the damage that was done to me. I wonder if there are any women or men out there who are currently dealing with or know someone who is dealing with a pantyhose or leggings fetish and if this has come up at all.

 

Yeah sounds like you do need to work on your self esteem issues a bit. My boyfriend self admittedly has a black girl fetish. Luckily for me, I'm black, lol. But he doesn't lust after every black girl that walks past him and this is due to the fact that not only does he want a black girl, he wants one with substance who is as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside. So I guess he's different than your boyfriend in that respect.

 

I still think you should talk to your boyfriend about why his actions bother you so much. Does he know about your past? Does he know how much his looking at other women bother you? And if he does, then have you two talked about what may help you feel better about the situation and yourself? Also maybe you should go see a therapist about your self image issues if you haven't already. That may help.