i'm stoned blah

[shadowplay]

since I rarely get stoned, thought it'd be fun to record stream of consciousness.

 

rant: I'm so tired of guys. All that matters is you look pretty. Sure, they want you to not be a total moron, but past a certain threshold who cares. What's really more of concern is the shape of your facial features, the diameter of your waist, at what angle your buttocks happen to point.

 

I hate the patronizing looks the really superficial give to their pretty girlfriends, the same way they admire the sheen on a new gadget or car, rubbing their chin and scrunching their brows as they follow every curve and corner with distinct satisfaction.

 

I wish just one guy would look at me, and say to himself, "she's something." That just one guy would overlook the obvious hot girl and notice this quiet, elegant, intelligent woman sitting in the corner. Just one dude. But they all like share the same brain.

 

Just one guy would look in my eyes and tell me I was amazing as he held me so tight that I never doubted it again.

 

I'm convinced that manyt men just lack the emotional depth of women, hence their ability to compartmentalize everything, even people. These men aren't people. I don't know what they are. Bundles of selfishness, extreme want with no love. They creep me the fck out, because they're like robots. And they're everywhere. And nobody the fck notices them except me.

 

People lap up the wanton stories they tell, tales soaked with color yet dry of feeling. The more animated these men are, the bigger they gesture, the less they feel. They have voices that are simultaneously rangy yet flat. Bizarre inflections spike out of nowhere and then drop to long basins. These are other people's emotions, presumably at one time genuine, that they have co-opted and now can turn on and off at will, peppering a phrase here, sweetening a tidbit there.

[Star Gazer]

I'm so tired of guys. All that matters is you look pretty. Sure, they want you to not be a total moron, but past a certain threshold who cares. What's really more of concern is the shape of your facial features, the diameter of your waist, at what angle your buttocks happen to point.

 

Shadow, I'm not gorgeous, and I've never thought this way, nor have I ever had a shortage of suitors.

 

That just one guy would overlook the obvious hot girl and notice this quiet, elegant, intelligent woman sitting in the corner.

 

Most outgoing, confident guys (the guys you seem to be attracted to) want a partner in crime... and she's usually not the girl sitting quietly in the corner. She's up next to him. Enjoying herself. Enjoying life.

 

You have so much to offer, but you've got to let go of this "all that matters is looks" attitude. You're going to turn into Woggle.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Shadow, why so negative? You are meeting a hot guy next week that was so impressed by your profile and pictures that he is totally chasing you already.

 

Are you feeling worried that he won't like you in person?

[Rashad]

That was well written, maybe you should get stoned more often

My ex used to write stuff like that, I sort of had a thing for girls who are sick of men, until I learned a thing or two about Self-Fulfilling Prophecies the very hard way!!

[MrNate]

Nice.

 

It always amazes me out deep one can get when they get high. (I've been there, don't judge me lol.)

 

You'll find a stud, Shadow.

[xpaperxcutx]

Mmm... okay, so tell me something that I don't already know.

[xpaperxcutx]

Nice.

 

It always amazes me out deep one can get when they get high. (I've been there, don't judge me lol.)

 

You'll find a stud, Shadow.

 

Nah, I thought only LSD did that. Remember the Beatles? They were really tripping when they wrote their greatest hits ( Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds).

[atlnay]

I didn't read all the way through but biology 101 - men are visual creatures. Women are like flowers to them. They (the avg emotionally normal ones) dont fall in love with every female strutting by. Being visual by nature & women loving to show off their own bodies in difft ways and wearing perfume and jazzing up there hair oh & the heels...cut the poor oafs some slack...lol...you are fighting a losing battle & when you find that one unicorn...i mean guy that ONLY has eyes for you bla blab bla...you kno what all the women in his universe is gonna want right? Him! Stop fretting over stuff out of your control. Be the best you in the world and treat every guy who has interest in you as if he is lucky you are hanging out with him. I dont mean in an obnoxious way but confidence is very attractive and THAT is something you can work on improving before you can stop the male species or @ least the ones you desire to stop oogling other women. Good luck to ya!

[gypsy_nicky]

since I rarely get stoned, thought it'd be fun to record stream of consciousness.

 

rant: I'm so tired of guys. All that matters is you look pretty. Sure, they want you to not be a total moron, but past a certain threshold who cares. What's really more of concern is the shape of your facial features, the diameter of your waist, at what angle your buttocks happen to point.

 

I hate the patronizing looks the really superficial give to their pretty girlfriends, the same way they admire the sheen on a new gadget or car, rubbing their chin and scrunching their brows as they follow every curve and corner with distinct satisfaction.

 

I wish just one guy would look at me, and say to himself, "she's something." That just one guy would overlook the obvious hot girl and notice this quiet, elegant, intelligent woman sitting in the corner. Just one dude. But they all like share the same brain.

 

Just one guy would look in my eyes and tell me I was amazing as he held me so tight that I never doubted it again.

 

I'm convinced that manyt men just lack the emotional depth of women, hence their ability to compartmentalize everything, even people. These men aren't people. I don't know what they are. Bundles of selfishness, extreme want with no love. They creep me the fck out, because they're like robots. And they're everywhere. And nobody the fck notices them except me.

 

People lap up the wanton stories they tell, tales soaked with color yet dry of feeling. The more animated these men are, the bigger they gesture, the less they feel. They have voices that are simultaneously rangy yet flat. Bizarre inflections spike out of nowhere and then drop to long basins. These are other people's emotions, presumably at one time genuine, that they have co-opted and now can turn on and off at will, peppering a phrase here, sweetening a tidbit there.

 

OK. You could always get and stay stoned to ruminate about us men, that way you could avoid us altogether.

[robdrm32]

From a guys perspective, i think you are generally right about men. I hate guys, I don't consider any of my "friends" actual friends because they are so shallow. Any time i try to have a halfway intellectual conversation i get met with blank stares and the famous "I dunno". I'm left thinking "Holy sh*t man just think about it for a second."

 

Most men would rather talk about cars, beer or any other superficial thing.

 

That being said I think I have more emotional depth that 90% of the women I have met in my life, I think its the way our society is evolving. (not humans in general, but americans)

 

IMO shadowplay, I am more likely to approach the shy girl in the corner who isn't knock out hot, as long as there is an attraction I much prefer a girl who doesn't slap a pound of make-up on her face and where tight revealing clothes. Fun to look at but thats about as far as they usually go in terms of depth.

 

I've sadly begun to realize you just have to not care about things, lower your expectations of people. My expectations were never high to begin with but in order for me to not be bitter towards people I've lowered my expectations to the point I assume everyone i meet is a selfish child, and so far that has led to me not being so disappointed when they finally show that side.

[tman666]

People lap up the wanton stories they tell, tales soaked with color yet dry of feeling. The more animated these men are, the bigger they gesture, the less they feel. They have voices that are simultaneously rangy yet flat. Bizarre inflections spike out of nowhere and then drop to long basins. These are other people's emotions, presumably at one time genuine, that they have co-opted and now can turn on and off at will, peppering a phrase here, sweetening a tidbit there.

 

Hahahaha dude, you ARE blazed!

 

It sucks that it's such a superficial world out there, but you just gotta remember that once we turn 45-50 years old, the vast majority of us will look like 45-50 year olds. The people who cling exclusively to superficiality will have little left for themselves.

[Stockalone]

rant: I'm so tired of guys. All that matters is you look pretty. Sure, they want you to not be a total moron, but past a certain threshold who cares. What's really more of concern is the shape of your facial features, the diameter of your waist, at what angle your buttocks happen to point.

 

It's a rant, but you put it in the dating section, so I won't let it pass without pointing out some things.

 

Are men shallow when it comes to looks? Absolutely, we all like what we like. Some are more rigid about their type(s) than others, though.

 

But women do basically the same thing, and you are no exception. You had at least one guy on OKC contact you with a thoughtful message that made it clear that he read your profile carefully and was interested in you as a person (I believe that even happened before you had pictures in your profile) and you didn't even reply because he wasn't your type.

 

 

I hate the patronizing looks the really superficial give to their pretty girlfriends, the same way they admire the sheen on a new gadget or car, rubbing their chin and scrunching their brows as they follow every curve and corner with distinct satisfaction.

 

I am not sure about the look being the same as looking at a new toy although I think that's possible.

 

That said, I hope that my look used to be one of admiration and happiness. Because for me, being able to look at a gf that way is one of the perks of being in a relationship.

 

 

I wish just one guy would look at me, and say to himself, "she's something." That just one guy would overlook the obvious hot girl and notice this quiet, elegant, intelligent woman sitting in the corner. Just one dude. But they all like share the same brain.

 

Well, I already mentioned the not-your-type-dude. Additionally, you have a date with a hot guy you are obviously interested in.

 

Not to mention the dozens of other men who contacted you. I honestly don't see how that qualifies as being overlooked and I am not quite sure what you are complaining about.

 

Granted, outside of online dating, your experience has been one of being overlooked based on what I have read on LS, but still, I think you are a bit too harsh on men here.

 

I went to school with a woman who was friends with a friend of mine so I saw her every now and then over a couple of years and she often complained that men never approached her.

 

This wasn't true at all, what she should have said, was that the men she wanted to approach her, never did. There used to be plenty of men who asked her out, but they always were the "wrong men" (her words). Those men apparently didn't even count in her opinion. I didn't mind that she complained, we all do that from time to time, but the way she did it was rather irritating.

 

And right now, you are sounding a lot like her, which IMO, is not a step in the right direction.

 

 

Just one guy would look in my eyes and tell me I was amazing as he held me so tight that I never doubted it again.

 

Sadly, even if this happened, there are no guarantees. You know that better than most given how you ex turned out.

 

 

I'm convinced that manyt men just lack the emotional depth of women, hence their ability to compartmentalize everything, even people. These men aren't people. I don't know what they are. Bundles of selfishness, extreme want with no love. They creep me the fck out, because they're like robots. And they're everywhere. And nobody the fck notices them except me.

 

Men are taught to compartmentalize and that includes dealing with their emotions internally. And to be quite honest, every time I deviated from that M.O., it was never beneficial for me.

 

Showing some emotional depth obviously can work in a man's favour if a woman perceives it as him being strong and willing to open up to her. But most of the time, men are better off to never show their raw and unprocessed emotions.

Edited September 4, 2010 by Stockalone

[sagetalk]

since I rarely get stoned, thought it'd be fun to record stream of consciousness.

 

rant: I'm so tired of guys. All that matters is you look pretty. Sure, they want you to not be a total moron, but past a certain threshold who cares. What's really more of concern is the shape of your facial features, the diameter of your waist, at what angle your buttocks happen to point.

 

From reading this thread, I would say the problem is you not men.

 

1. Getting stoned (bad idea)
   
2. You are attracted to guys who act like you mentioned above (that's a problem with you not men)
   

I know lots of guys who just want a decent girl who is nice, won't cheat, and isn't massively overweight. Heck, that's probably the vast majority of men.

 

It sounds to me that you like to date alpha males. Most alpha males act exactly like you mention above, but they are only a tiny percentage of men. Why not give real men a chance? Why not date men that love being with the real you, talking to you, hanging out with your friends and family? Those are the kinds of guys that will bring you happiness.

 

Guys that entertain you, do whatever it takes to have sex with you, or make fun of your physical features will only lead to a lifetime of misery.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I will speak up for the fellows:

 

I have a wonderful boyfriend who does not exhibit any of those heinous qualities (well, we are old and a half, so maybe his superficial days are in his past).

 

My ex husband was a gorgeous hunk beloved by most women who set eyes on him, and I am not so gorgeous, and he loved me and treated me like I was precious.

 

I have two wonderful close male friends of over 20 years. Each of them is in a great marriage. I've known these guys since we were very young. Yes, one of them had periods of callow behavior, but that was not who he was at his core.

 

My advice is, stoned or not, be on guard about indulging in such negativity regarding about 50% of our fellow humans. It's not good for you, and I believe it is almost certainly going to set you up for failure in your dating endeavors.

[shadowplay]

Reading this again in a sober state, I'm a little embarrassed by my bitterness.

 

I find it interesting that you guys assumed I'm into alpha males. Where did you get that? I'm not for the most part. I like guys who are combination of introverted and extroverted, but probably more on the introverted side. Geeky, smart and a tad shy. The kind of guys who are a bit quiet at first but really open up once you get to know them. I think the problem is because the alpha males are the most vocal, I tend to believe they are voicing the inner thoughts of less assuming guys. I try to annoy them, but they grate on my nerves.

 

I had a frustrating night. I hung out with my roommates, one of their boyfriend's and his friend. The boyfriend and his friend are both fairly smart and interesting, but also come off as somewhat shallow and emotionally detached. I have a love-hate attitude about his friend, who I've hung out with in a group before. Let's call him Jared. Jared is smart, good-looking and has a lot in common with me (both film people, similar tastes, likes, dislikes), but he seems completely indifferent to me.

 

Not just as a romantic prospect, but even as a friend. I guess it tweaks me a little, because even though there's a lot about his personality that bugs me, I'm also attracted to him because he's smart and interesting. He comes off as very narcissistic, and talks endlessly about himself. I don't know why I let him get to me. I actually had a dream about him last night in which I was trying to win him over but he was ignoring me. I'm irritated that he's slithered his way into my brain.

 

I guess it doesn't help that he has an OKCupid profile, so I know he's actively looking for girls, and his profile comes up every time I do a match search since we're high matches. In his profile he's up front that he has trouble expressing affection in a long term relationship, and he's only looking for something casual because his career comes first.

 

I guess I'm starting to worry that guys who are like me or have a lot in common with me aren't interested in me. Wouldn't that suck? I'm noticing that many of the intellectual guys are emotionally cold and superficial when it comes to people.

Edited September 4, 2010 by shadowplay

[Feelin Frisky]

since I rarely get stoned, thought it'd be fun to record stream of consciousness.

 

rant: I'm so tired of guys. All that matters is you look pretty. Sure, they want you to not be a total moron, but past a certain threshold who cares. What's really more of concern is the shape of your facial features, the diameter of your waist, at what angle your buttocks happen to point.

 

I hate the patronizing looks the really superficial give to their pretty girlfriends, the same way they admire the sheen on a new gadget or car, rubbing their chin and scrunching their brows as they follow every curve and corner with distinct satisfaction.

 

I wish just one guy would look at me, and say to himself, "she's something." That just one guy would overlook the obvious hot girl and notice this quiet, elegant, intelligent woman sitting in the corner. Just one dude. But they all like share the same brain.

 

Just one guy would look in my eyes and tell me I was amazing as he held me so tight that I never doubted it again.

 

I'm convinced that manyt men just lack the emotional depth of women, hence their ability to compartmentalize everything, even people. These men aren't people. I don't know what they are. Bundles of selfishness, extreme want with no love. They creep me the fck out, because they're like robots. And they're everywhere. And nobody the fck notices them except me.

 

People lap up the wanton stories they tell, tales soaked with color yet dry of feeling. The more animated these men are, the bigger they gesture, the less they feel. They have voices that are simultaneously rangy yet flat. Bizarre inflections spike out of nowhere and then drop to long basins. These are other people's emotions, presumably at one time genuine, that they have co-opted and now can turn on and off at will, peppering a phrase here, sweetening a tidbit there.

 

Sorry for your troubles there Shadowplay. But projecting your experience on to men in general is, I'm sorry to have to say, an incusion into sexism. I would advise being careful what you keep telling yourself, you might just believe it. This will cut you out from sensitivity to the hidden potentials in men to fulfill your ideals. I don't know where a man or a woman goes after allowing themselves to tar brush everyone of the opposite sex as negative except into loneliness and misery (perhaps even substance abuse) or same sex pursuit justifications. Maybe you need to be slapped out of hysteria or as Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) says in "Gone With the Wind" "...Scarlet, you need to be kissed and kissed often and by someone who knows how".

[shadowplay]

It's a rant, but you put it in the dating section, so I won't let it pass without pointing out some things.

 

Are men shallow when it comes to looks? Absolutely, we all like what we like. Some are more rigid about their type(s) than others, though.

 

But women do basically the same thing, and you are no exception. You had at least one guy on OKC contact you with a thoughtful message that made it clear that he read your profile carefully and was interested in you as a person (I believe that even happened before you had pictures in your profile) and you didn't even reply because he wasn't your type.

 

 

I'm very lenient when it comes to looks. I'll happily date an average looking man whose personality I like. The guy who messaged me just happened to be way below average. His personality also wasn't similar to mine. Most guys would NOT happily date an average looking woman. Sometimes they say they will, and you do a bit of prying and discover their version of average is actually cute or attractive.

 

Men seem to feel entitled to someone who is attractive, unless they themselves are obese/very unattractive, and often even when they are. I don't have that complex. The only thing I feel entitled to is someone who is similar to me in personality, intelligence and values.

 

 

That said, I hope that my look used to be one of admiration and happiness. Because for me, being able to look at a gf that way is one of the perks of being in a relationship.

 

I find that a bit creepy. I'd hope you'd be admiring what a lovely person she is rather than how nice her breasts and face look.

 

 

Well, I already mentioned the not-your-type-dude. Additionally, you have a date with a hot guy you are obviously interested in.

 

Not to mention the dozens of other men who contacted you. I honestly don't see how that qualifies as being overlooked and I am not quite sure what you are complaining about.

 

Granted, outside of online dating, your experience has been one of being overlooked based on what I have read on LS, but still, I think you are a bit too harsh on men here.

 

I went to school with a woman who was friends with a friend of mine so I saw her every now and then over a couple of years and she often complained that men never approached her.

 

This wasn't true at all, what she should have said, was that the men she wanted to approach her, never did. There used to be plenty of men who asked her out, but they always were the "wrong men" (her words). Those men apparently didn't even count in her opinion. I didn't mind that she complained, we all do that from time to time, but the way she did it was rather irritating.

 

And right now, you are sounding a lot like her, which IMO, is not a step in the right direction.

 

I have nothing to hide. I simply don't get asked out or flirted with in real life. The only recent exception was a middle aged married dude who barely spoke English and had nothing in common with me, and that was the first time I've been shown interest in two years. I'm really being totally honest here. I can remember every flirtation because it's so infrequent.

 

The online interest doesn't mean much to me unless I actually meet one of these guys in person. I feel pretty confident that their interest will evaporate in real life once they get a gander at me. I tried to choose honest photos, but I think they must be somehow misleading because the interest I'm getting doesn't line up with my real world experience.

 

Showing some emotional depth obviously can work in a man's favour if a woman perceives it as him being strong and willing to open up to her. But most of the time, men are better off to never show their raw and unprocessed emotions.

I think I'd rather not know what that "raw and unprocessed" emotion consists of. Edited September 4, 2010 by shadowplay

[melodymatters]

or as Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) says in "Gone With the Wind" "...Scarlet, you need to be kissed and kissed often and by someone who knows how".

 

Swoon. The sexiest line in American cinema !

 

Shadow, I was obviously technically " hotter" at 22, than I was at 32 or 42, but yet.....I have done SO much better with men at the latter two ages....

 

Methinks it was my sparkly sense of fun and confidence replacing my self conscious insecurity !

 

Easier said than done, sure, but it's STILL the key. Going through med school might not be easy but it's still the surest route to becoming a physician !

[LisaLee]

Swoon. The sexiest line in American cinema !

 

Shadow, I was obviously technically " hotter" at 22, than I was at 32 or 42, but yet.....I have done SO much better with men at the latter two ages....

 

Melody, I don't see how you were obviously "technically" hotter during your younger years, unless you are going by the culture's "standard" of what is hot. An acquaintance of mine who has known me since I was in my teens once told me that I was a cute teen/young adult who grew up to be a beautiful woman.

 

Shadow: as to the men you like, tbh, I also took you to go after alpha males. This is just from reading various posts by you where you talk in depth what kind of guys you like. It seems like you are searching for an intelligent soul who will judge you for your brains over your bod within the Abercrombie & Fitch type male.

[sagetalk]

1. I find it interesting that you guys assumed I'm into alpha males. Where did you get that?

 

2. I'm not for the most part. I like guys who are combination of introverted and extroverted, but probably more on the introverted side. Geeky, smart and a tad shy. The kind of guys who are a bit quiet at first but really open up once you get to know them. I think the problem is because the alpha males are the most vocal, I tend to believe they are voicing the inner thoughts of less assuming guys. I try to annoy them, but they grate on my nerves.

 

3. The boyfriend and his friend are both fairly smart and interesting, but also come off as somewhat shallow (alpha male) and emotionally detached (alpha male) .

 

Not just as a romantic prospect, but even as a friend. I guess it tweaks me a little, because even though there's a lot about his personality that bugs me, I'm also attracted to him because he's smart and interesting. He comes off as very narcissistic (alpha male) , and talks endlessly about himself (alpha male) .

 

4. I don't know why I let him get to me. I actually had a dream about him last night in which I was trying to win him over but he was ignoring me. I'm irritated that he's slithered his way into my brain.

 

I guess it doesn't help that he has an OKCupid profile, so I know he's actively looking for girls, and his profile comes up every time I do a match search since we're high matches. In his profile he's up front that he has trouble expressing affection in a long term relationship (alpha male) , and he's only looking for something casual (alpha male) because his career comes first (alpha male).

 

5. I guess I'm starting to worry that guys who are like me or have a lot in common with me aren't interested in me. Wouldn't that suck? I'm noticing that many of the intellectual guys are "unattractive to me" emotionally cold and superficial when it comes to people.

 

1. Because you gave an exact definition of what they say and it bothers you. That means you're attracted to them.

 

2. It sounds like you enjoy thinking that you like geeky, shy guys, but in reality you go for alpha types (or guys copying them).

 

3. This guy is a typical alpha prototype. See my comments in the quote.

 

4. He gets in your head because you want him sexually. The other guys don't because you don't want them sexually. You want him sexually because *drum roll* You Like Alpha Males. The sooner you realize this, the more healthy you will be mentally. It isn't hard or confusing, it's plan as day.

 

5. Look at my note. It's not that they aren't attracted to you, it's that you aren't attracted to them.

[Stockalone]

I'm very lenient when it comes to looks. I'll happily date an average looking man whose personality I like. The guy who messaged me just happened to be way below average. His personality also wasn't similar to mine. Most guys would NOT happily date an average looking woman. Sometimes they say they will, and you do a bit of prying and discover their version of average is actually cute or attractive.

 

You don't have to explain or defend your decision not to date that guy. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone you don't find attractive and/or interesting. My point was merely to show that we all value looks (albeit in varying degrees) and that you had gotten attention from men, even if it was only online.

 

The "average looking woman" is a problematic term for me because I never know what that means. There are women I am attracted to and then there are women I am not attracted to.

 

Average, below average, or above average aren't really part of my thinking. I think in terms of yes or no.

 

 

Men seem to feel entitled to someone who is attractive, unless they themselves are obese/very unattractive, and often even when they are. I don't have that complex. The only thing I feel entitled to is someone who is similar to me in personality, intelligence and values.

 

If you expand on that, you are basically saying that people should also date their "equal" based on looks.

 

One problem I have with this, how do people even know who is their equal? I have no idea how attractive women think I am, and what kind of woman I should go for based on this.

 

Besides, as a man, you'll never know which woman will go out with you unless you ask her. Men (no matter if they are ugly, obese, stupid, etc.) need to go after what they want, and if that offends some women because an (in their opinion) undesirable guy dared to ask them out, that is not the man's problem.

 

Another thing is, being "objectively" considered attractive doesn't mean that the entire opposite gender will share that opinion. Attraction is too individual.

 

For example, there are plenty of models and celebrities I wouldn't go out with even if I had the opportunity, because I am not attracted to them. I'd rather be with a woman I am attracted to, compared to being with one that many other men (but not me) are attracted to.

 

 

I find that a bit creepy. I'd hope you'd be admiring what a lovely person she is rather than how nice her breasts and face look.

 

Actually, I did both. If I had never lusted after my gf's body, then I would have thought that something was very wrong with me. If that makes me creepy, so be it.

 

I really see nothing wrong with it, though. Under normal circumstances, a woman's looks are what draws me in, and her personality is what makes me want to stay or leave. I have no idea what personality a woman has, so all I have to go on before talking to a woman, are her looks.

 

 

I have nothing to hide. I simply don't get asked out or flirted with in real life. The only recent exception was a middle aged married dude who barely spoke English and had nothing in common with me, and that was the first time I've been shown interest in two years. I'm really being totally honest here. I can remember every flirtation because it's so infrequent.

 

That was the cook, right?

 

I don't know why guys don't ask you out, or not even flirt with you in real life. You come across as a lively, smart (I constantly have to learn new words when reading your posts), and interesting person online. And there is nothing wrong with your body either. I have often wondered why some women have that kind of problem you are talking about. The only attention they get is from previously commited man or those who only seek a FWB. I don't understand it but you are not alone in this.

 

Maybe most men don't feel that there are enough good opportunities to talk and flirt with you. Which is where online dating can be helpful. It gives men a green light and plenty of opportunity to flirt with you.

 

 

The online interest doesn't mean much to me unless I actually meet one of these guys in person. I feel pretty confident that their interest will evaporate in real life once they get a gander at me. I tried to choose honest photos, but I think they must be somehow misleading because the interest I'm getting doesn't line up with my real world experience.

 

I think the online interest should be encouraging. Nobody is exactly like their profile, and that is because that is impossible. Profiles leave too many blanks, no matter how thorough one is and the person reading it fills in those blanks with their own ideas/imaginations.

 

Also, if you have recent pictures, they give people a good idea of what you look like. If men want to meet you, I don't think it's reasonable to assume that all of them won't find you attractive in the real world.

 

I don't think the increased attention is caused by misleading or extremely flattering pictures but rather a matter of increased exposure. Unless a guy is a total douche, the reason he wants to meet a woman is because he likes her (pictures and profile). Meeting in real life will tell you if there is real chemistry or not, but IMO liking the pictures and profiles of each other is a good starting point. It certainly is an upgrade to the married guy from work or getting no attention at all.

 

 

I'd be a bit scared to know what that "raw and unprocessed" emotion consisted of.

 

Fair enough. But your response is also the main reason why it's usually a bad idea to not filter those emotions. If you show fear or doubt, most women will think of a man as weak. It's better to show confidence outwardly and keep the fears and doubts to yourself.

Edited September 4, 2010 by Stockalone

[shadowplay]

I never thought of myself being attracted to alpha males, but maybe you guys are right. I don't know. I really have no clue what I want.

 

Anyway, if I am attracted to alpha males that kind of sucks for me since I'm probably the opposite of what they go for being shy and awkward.

[The Collector]

I think from previous posts, and from your dream about 'Jared,' you are still a sucker for unavailable or (seemingly) uninterested men.

 

It may also be the case that you think you like the sensitive musician type, but in reality you would lose interest if he wasn't confident and strong underneath/also. I've known a few girls like this... to use a Blur analogy that not everyone will understand, they have a crush on poor insecure Graham Coxon, but in the long run would probably find themselves with Damon or Alex. Do you know what I mean?

[The Collector]

As for being shy and awkward, avoid weed and go for booze instead.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I think from previous posts, and from your dream about 'Jared,' you are still a sucker for unavailable or (seemingly) uninterested men.

 

It may also be the case that you think you like the sensitive musician type, but in reality you would lose interest if he wasn't confident and strong underneath/also. I've known a few girls like this... to use a Blur analogy that not everyone will understand, they have a crush on poor insecure Graham Coxon, but in the long run would probably find themselves with Damon or Alex. Do you know what I mean?

 

I get that impression too shadow.